posted
In a bad way the past few days. My head feels like my brain is dying, my jaw is killing me and my neck feels like I have a tumor in it under my jaw. The back of my neck is aching and so is my back. The fatigue is back again, worse than it's ever been.
And this is after a year of IV, orals, herbs and positive thinking.
I feel like I just can't take it anymore. 15 years, 15 doctors, no relief in sight.
I thought it might be the new abx I started a week ago, so I didn't take it today.
I laid in bed, trying to sleep but the pain and racing mind wouldn't let me.
I'm so tired of all of this.....I would never do harm to myself as I don't want those that love me to have to suffer, but I almost wish I could go to sleep and not wake up.
I'm burnt out, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Can't say this to anyone but you guys who understand. My husband tells me if this is the best I'll be, I have to accept it and keep going. My friends tell me to buck up and forget it. My soul is saying, how much more can I take?
Sorry for the downer, but I just needed to have someone who understands what this is like hear me.
I hope I wake up tomorrow ..feeling better. But I think I may never be well again.
That's all for now. Just a sorrowful rant.
Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
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Vermont_Lymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9780
posted
Hi poorhouse:
So sorry to hear about your pain; I am hoping tomorrow will be a better day. We have all been there and understand what you are going through
Meantime, I hope you can find some relief and just relax tonight. Marnie had suggested to me a while back to try warm baths with epsom salts and baking soda, and they have been like magic to me in feeling better. (Thanks Marnie!)
Take good care and I will keep you in my thoughts, VL
Posts: 2557 | From home | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Your story brings back memories of my early yrs with lyme.
There seemed to be no where insight - during my 7/8 yr battle with lyme every day feeling like your feeling now.
Did you get that - 7/8 yr battle? Yes it took that long for me to find relief, something I never thought I see or feel.
It's very hard to fight this when you have others around you that don't understand (I didn't have people around me who understood either).
I don't know how I did it, but I fought thru it and did come out but it took a very long time and many trials to get there. Until then you must live, you must fight - you must not give up.
And know that there are people who understand how you feel because at one time or another we were/are just like you!
Chin up!
Posts: 374 | From NJ | Registered: Aug 2006
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Aniek
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5374
posted
Poorhouse,
So sorry to hear the bad days you are having. Are you on any pain treatment? If not, I recommend finding somebody to help you control your pain. It's incredible what the right pain meds did to give me my life back.
Think about it this way, the year can only get better. Right?
-Aniek
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Will keep you in thoughts and prayers, Do you have anything for pain control? I, too have severe days, pain control is vital to get through the rough days. Stay focused!
Posts: 719 | From Delaware | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Hi tothepoorhouse, I am with you and am dealing with the exact situation.
Since Thanksgiving, I have been dealing with relapse?
Things going in the wrong direction. Sometimes I wonder if I am fighting the right fight.
Very scary to say the least. I just wanted you to know, your not alone.
Sometimes it makes me feel a little better to know that. Take care and may God help us all.
-------------------- quote form Mother Theresa"God won't give me more then I can handle, sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much." Posts: 20 | From Wisconsin | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
I was bed ridden for the first 18 months of treatment. Before I started treated I was in hospital for months at a time for years (I was in my 20s). I've been in Lyme treatment for 3 1/2 years and had a major relapse before Thanksgiving and am recovering now.
It takes so much time. Maybe talk to your doc about detoxing. I just did the Epsom Salt bath (by the way, I don't know how much to put in - is there a guideline) and I'm wiped out.
I'm taking some Lorezapam and going to bed. It is really hard to hang in there when you are feeling so lousy.
God bless!
Posts: 298 | From Maine | Registered: Jan 2004
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5dana8
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7935
posted
poorhouse
I am so sorry to hear of your pain & sadness -sorry can't find the right word.
Just wanted to say I do empathize & hope you can have better days soon.
I agree with the others that pain management is important. The first year of treatment with my herxing was hell. Very hard. The second got easier. The third even better.
It is a long road & we can travel togeather. Hoping you can find your light at the end of your tunnel.
Sending you healing hugs thoughts & prayers.
To better days ahead soon,
Please hang in there. Dana
ps. Please try not to listen to anyone who says this is the best you will ever be. Not true. And specially hard to tell while in treatment & specially while herxing.
-------------------- 5dana8 Posts: 4432 | From some where over the rainbow | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
Sounds like Lyme, alright! "Doesn't kill you but makes you feel like you'd be better off dead"- the classic symptom.. Never accept anyone telling you that "this is the best you'll be". REALITY is the EXACT OPPOSITE-- in fact, no matter how bad you are you can get a little better! Life is a sequence of such battles. Things won't ever be perfect,but after a long, long sequence of "just a little better", all of a sudden you notice you're walking over the "not too bad" line.... So you've had Lyme 15 years? How long have you had proper treatment? You probably have a very nasty infection! Things will get better. If a treatment isn't producing results,and you give it a little more time and it STILL isn't producibg results, try a different treatment. Keep in mind that the first apparent result of a treatment that IS reducing the lyme may be to worsen symptoms-- the dreaded "herxheimer reaction"--but usually this has a pattern and you WILL shortly see results. Also, you may have co-infections, which can vastly "nastify" lyme. (I call it "Lyme, ETC.")
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