stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
today woke up unable to move any joint.
4 weks ago is was playing tennis and stress put me back into full blown lyme.
these up and down cycles are too much for me to handle any more. heavy depression is setting in even with all the psych drugs.
this cycle is getting shorter and shorter. 4 years ago i had 2 years of remmission, now it is down to a month. nay stress triggers it,. i am totally crippled today.
i have been in physical therapy for 4 weeeks, but can't take it anymore. THE LYME HAS WON, I BOW MY HEAD IN DEFEAT.
i can do nothing to control it, i have had every med and combo in the box and some of my own.
i just don't have the will to fight it again. its such a hard uphill battle to improve, then one major stress and its back.
its like trying to diet, 2 years to lose 40 pounds the correct way with good diet,. feel sick, go off the diet ,in bed and 20 pounds come back in 1 month.
LIFE SUCKS,LYME SUCKS,WIVES SUCK. RIGHT NOW EVERYBODY SUCKS.
the calm and gentle docdave Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Awwwwwwwww...hang in there Is the sun shining? It could always be worse! You could be in NY-where the weather would suit your mood! Cold, gray, freezing drizzle... Hope life looks up soon-maybe a funny movie would help!
Posts: 249 | From finger lakes, ny | Registered: Jul 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Poor DocDave......I'm right with you on these feelings. And I'm no cheerleader...
Ok, but still, you DID have some good days, right? Many of us don't even get them. And if you did have them, you can be sure they will return if you keep your mind right.
Right now, it's not you giving up, it's the lyme talking. It knows you are finding ways to beat it and it's fighting you back by taking it away.
The best way for it to win is for you to give up.
You will NOT do this and neither will I.
Think of one good thing you have going for you right now...just one. And concentrate on that. Play some uplifting music for 1/2 hour or more.
Take a hot shower and get in new clothes in bright colors.
Have something for lunch today that is comfort food for you.
And stay here with us so we can help you as much as you have helped us in this journey.
You are loved and cared about!!! Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged |
luvs2ride
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8090
posted
Stymie,
I know exactly how you feel. Everytime I have a flare of joint pain, I feel exactly the same way.
I have made great strides, and as you know, I have so far done it all holistically. You have done it with abx. At one point, I thought I was nearly done with my healing. Now, though, I can tell it is slowly creeping back and I too am feeling defeat coming on.
Bloodtests now show my immune system to be running strong and I believe this is why I was doing so well. But it is like the disease either rises even higher than my immune system or just finds a way around it and I am afraid I am backsliding. A round of abx may be in my future.
So far, I have managed to avoid stress which was a huge factor in my professional life prior to illness and I believe it is the sole factor that re-ignited my lyme.
If you are still struggling with stress, maybe you could find a biofeedback practioner. That is supposed to teach you how to lower your stress levels whenever you feel stress coming on.
I used to be Ms Fixit. The whole family turned to me for solutions whenever something was wrong.
Today, I shrug my shoulders and say "Ka Sara, Sara" (I don't know how that is really spelled) "I can't do a thing about it." So far, this is keeping me out of stress.
I am still seeking my "cure". No matter how helpless I feel, giving up is not an option. I will fight this until the day I die if I have to.
I love life and have much to live for. I'm not going to quit!!! Don't you quit either!!!
Lost your wife? Sure it hurts, but she is only one babe in the sea. You'll find another. Another mate is the best cure for heartbreak.
If you are from NAW Yourk, (southern slang there), you may not hear country music, but there is a popular song out now called "I got a brand new girlfriend". It is peppy and a great motivational song that may pep you up too.
Good Luck Stymie and hang in there. If you are at the bottom, then the great news is YOU CAN ONLY GO UP FROM HERE!!!
Luvs
-------------------- When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, there will be Peace. Posts: 3038 | From america | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
I won't offer any advice here for you. Sounds as if you are too ill to do much of anything anyway. However, I will tell you that what you
are experiencing is total meltdown, brought on by the chronic stress you have been dealing with. It is a HORRIBLE place. You need immediate support.
You were able to reach out here. So the part of you that wants to live is still there. You WILL survive today and tomorrow and into the future.
Since you can't function today, just BE. REST. Take sleep meds if you have them. Sleep through your agony.
God bless you and surround you with His healing love.
Janet
-------------------- DISCLAIMER: No information presented above should be considered medical advice or take the place of advice given by a medical professional. Links to other sites are provided merely for ease of research. Posts: 287 | From Tennessee | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
SOunds like you have Lyme disease!!
You are in the right place*)!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I don't know if I could do it again but I hope if I ever get bad again YOU are in remission then and tell me, "One day you will be better again- don't give up!"
Just don't off yourself*)!!!
Yes. It does suck!!
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
Maybe surrender is the first step, to a power greater than yourself (not Bb)/
Then you can relax and go with the healing process which involes tolerating great pain and suffering before wellness.
When I get like you are I just take life ten minutes at a time... one cup of tea, one piece of music, one small nap, one antibiotic, one session of staring at the wall, crying, one entry on lymenet...
Eventually, time passes and a new feeling come and you thank Gd you lived through another spell of lyme horror.
As a doc you probably like to control alot of stuff but right now you can really only control the controllables...this means limiting all the negatives pushing in on your life of healing.
I have a feeling you will be feeling better very soon.
-------------------- We are spiritual beings on a human journey...
Ann-OH
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2020
posted
Hang in there, Doc. You have got a lot of wonderful support from so many good people here.
Make a list of what you want to get accomplished today. The first item is "make a list" then things like "long nap", "read the newspaper", "call a friend", "shower", "do some stretching", " listen to some Bach" "Start a new journal"etc. etc. etc.
Just practical achievable stuff that will take some time, give you goals, keep you focused. Check them off as you do them. You will feel like you have accomplished something. What you don't manage to do can be put on tommorrow's list.
That worked for me, and kept me having a life. Keep telling yourself that the depression is the disease, it is not you.
Just knowing lots of good people were thinking of me was a wonderful help. And knowing that I was one tough cookie.... I think you are too.
If you can identify the stress trigger and try to lessen it...hope it's not that tennis game 4 weeks ago...
Have you read Stephen Buhner's book Healing Lyme? People are trying herbs recommended in his book. There's a very active email discussion group on it at [email protected].
I've just read it and am now rereading it for only the first time. You know how it goes with our minds our minds our minds.
You are too gosh durn creative to give up. Why don't you rewrite another song for us and help keep the CD hits site alive?
I also think it would be cool to rewrite famous lit for Lyme. Vermont started it with her rewrite of Poe's Nevermore as an IDSA dirge. Ok -- would you mind taking on Moby Tick for us? That's my Rx for you today... -- Robin
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
| IP: Logged |
trueblue
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7348
posted
I can't really say anything better than the others but please check your PMs, ok?
-------------------- more light, more love more truth and more innovation Posts: 3783 | From somewhere other than here | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
5dana8
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7935
posted
Dave
-------------------- 5dana8 Posts: 4432 | From some where over the rainbow | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
you have written me patient and sage words in the past, so it's easy for me to try to pay it forward...
When it gets this bad, there is nothing better than repeating EVERYTHING SUCKS in loud screams...over and over in fury with a dash of self-pity. Eventually tears enter, exhaustion comes, life hands you a chance to slow down with a bone-wearying, after-emotions break that you have no choice in accepting.
You've earned this most recent EVERYTHING SUCKS festival due to horrible circumstances, so use it well before the window of opportunity slams shut and the anger gives into complete despair.
When the despair comes in, invite it for tea and be kind to yourself with the knowledge that you'll not permit it to derail your self-care efforts.
[I read somewhere to never invite depression to stay in the livingroom as a guest -- instead tell it that if it is visiting it must stay in the garage.]
SO.. what I've learned from YOU by reading your posts, is that you surf on chaos. You get through the tubes, wipe out, catch your life by the tail, inspire others and surf again until the next wipe out. You are a wild-man like that: an admirable raucous wild-guy who shoots the curl even knowing that the coral may scrape him up.
I know you probably know everything I'm saying backwards and forwards.
The only control we have is to surf on chaos. It's exhausting, depressing, enlightening, constantly changing and leaves us no choice but to climb back up on the board or be tumbled in the surf.
Good rides can be exhilarating but brief. You're hurting and beaten up and bleeding on the coral right now. Yet, at some point you are gonna hear "SURF'S UP!" and, Spirochetes be damned, that optimistic attraction to the perfection of a wave will have you shooting the curl once again.
That spirit is what we all strive for... and you are already hard-wired for it; give over to the default. Let us be kind to you to remind you to be kind enough to your very worn self for refueling physically and spiritually.
Blessings and here's to watching and preparing for the next great ride,
tori (wiserforit)
Posts: 508 | From Banks of the Hudson | Registered: Jul 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Tori -- that's some beautiful writing...have you been a surfer? surf's up for you today...
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
| IP: Logged |
stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
thanks for all your advice.
i spent the day pondering art the beach in the cold air.
this is a problem that is far greater than lyme and not sure what the answer is.
it is a feeling of worthlessness or not being able to do things and helping others.
i have been on this site for many years because i felt better to try to educate the needy.
today ,i feel like the neady. i have been doing research for 7 years on lyme disease .and when i think i have found the answer, and i get better. the firewall goes up and i regress twiice as far as i was previously.
i just can't get rid of this feeling of being 53 and usless. yes my wife left, but that is not the problem.
it is more like my life was cut short at 46 went from a health provider and healer, to a needer. i have never wanted to , or expected to be a vegetable at 53 , 54 maybe but not 53.
i just can't get this helpless feeling out of my mind and accept help from others.
it is just not in my character to be in need rather than giving.
i guess that is why i tried very hard to help with the green santa program. it was a need for me to help, selfish but true.
i did not do it for the kids, per se, but for my well being.
i'm just in a crack in the road of my life and i don't think i can make it out this time.
my mind wanders about whats going to happen next, rather than , how go i am going to feel tomorrow.
lyme is a cruel and unjust disease for the young. it takes the young and makes them old without their knowledge. people go out and play with their kids in the yard , and weeks later sick for the rest of their lives.
i know many of you here are religious,and i think that it is quite honorable. i stopped believing in god the day i found out i had bad lyme,unknown and ignored for 7 years. and then stopping my life, and the world around me.
i don't know who to pray to anymore, or who is listening. my prayers just fall on deaf ears, including my family.
it feels like the guy who waited 60 years to retire ,then has a heart attack then next day.
i am going to meditate with my TENS unit and try to become one with the world and lyme.
docdave Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
geniveve
Unregistered
posted
hey doc, big ole texas hugs coming your way.
do you have a pet? when my beloved lab died, i almost died with her. i am still grieving over her. she was my constant companion and gave unconditional love, no matter what mood i was in.
it really helped me.
i'm in the same boat, no one believes i have lyme, including hubbie, mother, sisters, and worst my primary doc!! i'm starting the buhner protocol without any guidance and leaving it all in another's hands.
many times i've gone into the bathroom, looked up, and screamed, "why me? i'm not getting it here. i need help." maybe He answered in his own way but i'm still not hearing.
you'll feel better hon, believe me. i've been there too. just one step away from divorce court, no friends, no family, etc. and no money.
hang in there, you are not alone, you really aren't. besides, you're young!! i'm 56 going on 156.
so please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
IP: Logged |
posted
Dear Docdave, You have to know that there are others that know EXACTLY what you are going through. I have had days and feelings just like you. You have to do whatever it takes to comfort yourself today. Tomorrow will be better, or the day after. There have been days that I didn't think about making it another day, I just thought about making it through the next 5 minutes. You just can't see that right now through all the pain. It isn't fair. You didn't ask for this fight. Non of us did. No one asks for war, but it still must be fought. DON'T give up. You know that your stronger than that. You just need support and we are here for you. Our thoughts and well wishes are with you today...can you feel them? Hope you feel better soon Docdave, and if there is a God, may he bless you and carry you through this dark time.
-------------------- quote form Mother Theresa"God won't give me more then I can handle, sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much." Posts: 20 | From Wisconsin | Registered: Jul 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dave, this site is amazing. Not just for the people on it, but the ability to search prior posts.
Go back and do a search on your posts over the years. There were times you were up, times you were down, times you were supportive and times you were needing help from others.
I've done this when I'm really down and see that I have really strong days and really down days. It helps me to know that every day starts and ends differently.
Don't go to the darkside. Too many people need you in our lives. You have a wealth of wisdom and strength, but you just aren't remembering it now.
It's almost time for bed, so sleep well tonight. Tomorrow could be shining and waiting for you to thrive. Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged |
MagicAcorn
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8786
posted
Dear Doc,
Doc you said it is a feeling of worthlessness or not being able to do things and helping others.
Doc you do help people here all the time and that is the wonderful gift you bring to us. You said being a green santa was to make you feel good and you thought you were being selfish. Well, if that is being selfish then everyone I know who volunteers or gives time is being selfish also because their is always a payoff; be it recognition, self esteem, and in some cases even resume padding.
So please do not feel guilt over making some kids or families lives brighter this holiday by giving one of the gifts you have. Money is a gift. The Lord gave you a brain, and you used it to get a dental practice and that has allowed you to do what you did this year to make some folks very happy. That is a beautiful thing.
I needed to see this tonight, so your posting this was a good thing you did for me 'unintentially'. My life is in transition and I'm not dealing with it as well as I'd like either. Knowing other people suffer the same feelings as I do helps me not feel so all alone.
You have something to rely on which I need more of and that is fortitude. You must have an abundance to have made it through school and then have a thriving practice. I realized tonight what I lack in my own situation is a little personal fortitude.
My belief in myself has always been my strong point until lyme. Now I need to tell myself I can do it whereas before lyme I just did it.
You're not worthless - far from it - you're priceless. We all are! We are diamonds in the rough. Lyme makes us rediscover and redefine ourselves. During this process though (which can be painful) we sometimes despair and grieve for what we were. This must be normal because so many of us have mentioned this. As we discover who we are becoming post lyme I think things settle down and we are more at peace.
Acorn
-------------------- Posts: 1279 | From In hiding | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
MariaA
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9128
posted
Dave,
what town are you in? Maybe it would be helpful to get together with others who are suffering the same thing?
maria
-------------------- Symptom Free!!! Thank you all!!!!
You know how it goes when you're with a group of people, you have to take turns and your the last one picked to say something nice about someone.
Well, what every one said, that's my answer.
But let me add, that since I found out that what is wrong with me is Lyme, I've been coming to Lymenet and I've gotten to know the people here that give you the best advice that's out there. There are many as you know .and you're one of them.
Hold on, and know many people here want for you the same as you do for us.
I wish for you to feel better soon.
Remember, Hold On.
Posts: 158 | From PA. | Registered: Jul 2006
| IP: Logged |
Boomerang
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7979
posted
Dave, hang in there! You've always been so kind and supportive to others.......it's okay for you to take some time for yourself.
Just don't give up, okay? Keep fighting the good fight.
I will pray for you. God Bless.
Posts: 1366 | From Southeast | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dave. No one will ever have all the answers. I've fought this battle directly for 9 months now and probably have been dealing with this for too many years prior to remember.
I always chalked up the fatigue to working like a dog and the past 6 years I've been in sales travelling all of New England and NY.
Before that was Maine west including Michigan and Maine south including the Virginia's. Who wouldn't be tired driving 4K miles a month and flying more than most birds??
Well it finally hit me full force last April and I was completely bed ridden and my wife and I felt I was going to just simply die.
My wife got me on the treatment and the herxing made me feel like -where I think you are. I wanted to end it or do serious damage to things or myself.....I am fortunate we had our daughter last February and I had her to strive for.
The few things that I added to my daughter's smiles were these:
John Irving's book "Hotel New Hampshire" The quote is ...."Keep passing the open windows" Throughout this treatment/disease there are many windows that open and stay open for a long time. You have to close your eyes and walk past and they will eventually close behind you...
Plainly, I believe there is some higher power....what that is...no one really knows....but I find my power within myself and connect with it as I am out in nature. That is my church...walking through the woods, sitting on the beach, etc..
The one point I hang on to is when life is attacked and I'm stressed...I look up into the trees swaying in the breezes on a warm summers day and know I can sway with the trees and life will come to balance as the trees also will.
Music therapy: I bought an Ipod and downloaded 300+ CDs and listen to my favs when I'm shadow boxing a herxheimer. You just know herxing is getting worse to get better and you are kicking Lyme butt!
I don't know the type of music any of you listen to, but I'm 36 and do enjoy John Denver. WHAT?? His song..."Windsong" is the one that helps bring me around and back into balance with the trees. Maybe a simple view but music does have amazing power in the mind.
Dave and all, stay strong, stay on top. You are in charge and as I've seen above, there are so many dealing with the same and everyone wishes to help on any level possible.
If you'd like to share any treatment details with me...PM me and I'd be very interested to see and share more 2 cents with you....if you'd like. Even if you don't like John Denver.
Best Regards, Karl
-------------------- Uncommon inner strength must defy gravity! 5/4/06 MS. Lyme, Babesiosis, Chlamydia Pneumoniae -respiratory infection. 9 mos./9 antis. 85-90% better. Now on Factive, Doxy, Rifampin. Used, Mino, Azithro, Mepron, Rocephin, Tini, Diflucan. Posts: 51 | From CT | Registered: Jan 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hi -- just read your most recent post. I think Lyme is akin to an ocean wave that picks us up, overturns us and puts us out to sea, somewhere else. Water images today...Tori's, and strangely enough, my earlier suggestion about grappling with the Moby Dick novel.
We're dealing with something bigger than us and I think we all need to learn the lesson of surrendering. That is actually true for everyone, anyway, but most people don't have to think about it because they don't suffer their way into surrender everyday like we do, especially with an as-yet uncontrollable health condition.
Especially this one, which is unknown, even in where it is going in us. We don't have the privilege of knowing what tomorrow brings. We suffer this knowledge. Others are in the same boat but don't have to think about it as much.
We have to take each day as it comes. It puts us in the present more than the future. That's very different than how most people expect to live their lives. We're different.
And surrendering means being forced to give up our notions of exactly what we are like and what our lives are to be like. Oddly, I had to do this without even knowing why I had to -- ie, no idea what was wrong. Some of us don't know, some of us do. But it hurts all the same.
However, we can still examine our values and see how we can still be some of whom we think we are. For example, you are extremely helpful here to people, and also, you were in your green santa role, and have the potential to assume other helping roles in the future that you can manage.
But also, when I say the bouleverse(that's French for what we're going thru) happens due to this health problem and for that matter, possibly any unknown disabling health problem, there is another truth here.
And that truth is that we are more than our judgements about ourselves. We are. That's it. That is different than being a constant doer. Just to be is what all kinds of meditation disciplines teach. Yoga, etc.
My fibromyalgia support group came to that conclusion and I wasn't ready to hear it at the time. I wanted to be who I wanted to be and do what I wanted to do. But they recognized that they could just show up each day and be and do the best they could and that's all they could ask of themselves.
And out of that awareness came an easing of their way in the world, a way to relax into it instead of being so demanding about the nature of their interaction with it.
The judgements about our worth go a long way back. They work as long as we can fulfill them. But eventually, no. Things stop people in life.
And who's to say that we still don't have worth? Who's to say we can't discover new worth? And who's to know the extent of their own worth, when maybe others find worth in you that you don't realize?
And the fact that you trained to be a dentist and did so actually does make you valuable to people today, with your medical knowledge when you answer people's questions with a medical evaluative statement. So your previous life is not useless today. Think abut it. It's using your training in a different way than you intended.
And you talk about not wanting to be needy. What about looking at the flipside: when you feel needy, others might feel needed. Hm. Then you make others feel useful. That's a gift you give others. Think about it.
Hey -- I know it's hard to change. I'm just trying to give you some feedback on what I and so many others of us with this condition have had to thrash through.
Just some questions for you to ponder out there on the beach...And yes, I like anyone's suggestion that you stay in contact with other people now and don't isolate yourself.
[ 15. January 2007, 03:11 PM: Message edited by: Robin123 ]
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
| IP: Logged |
CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
Dave, if you lived here I wish you could come over for tea and a walk by the ocean!!!!!!!! Mu husband left me when I got Lymed, although he made me leave him. He simply never touched me again once I got sick and even after I got better but not 100% well. Maybe that is why I don't believe it is sexually transmissible- because he went with that fear to never touch me in any way again, including hugs and handholding and snuggling. And that was WORSE than the Lyme. There are owrse things- and it was WITH it- and around it- and part of it too- it was everything all together and I just wanted to die even though I had survived so much- you sound so alone- and you are- we all are- really- and I just hope you survive this, too.
Take care, Sarah
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
If you can, go schedule a professional massage therapy session with a therapist that is recommended by others.
I went through massage therapy school and I will tell you receiving therapeutic work is incredibly transforming both to your parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems, as well as the power of touch itself.
I know it is expensive but just one session right now I think could really help.
I have been taking a lot of parasite detox products lately after a year and a half of abx and mepron and I have been feeling a lot better.
It is one hard road and it is riddled with loss along the way. I am sorry DocDave. Hey, for today feel the pain...don't push it away. Feel it to your core and let it pass through you...just don't give up Hope that tomorrow might be good.
Take an inventory of the strength it has taken to get you where you are. It is a ton of strength...do not judge yourself by those around you and their impressions...only you know your own Truth and what it has required just to stay alive.
Take care -
-------------------- �Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right.� - Ezre Taft Benson Posts: 655 | From NC, Exit 88 on the Deer SuperHighway | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged |
AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
Sorry you're feeling so stinky, Stymie!
My LLMD wouldn't let me start PT until after my Lyme is under control & I regain some strength. He had told me when I start feeling better, to start out walking a little & gradually build up.
After a month, without major setbacks, he'll give me a script for PT.
Maybe it's your body's way of saying "Give me a break!". Maybe you should back off the PT & just stick to walking & moving your joints around, as much as you are able to. Also be sure to drink plenty of water.
Don't give up, Don't give in!! Just give yourself a break & get a little rest.
I hope you feel better soon!
Ali
I'm just thinking, maybe you should try whatever lead to your 2 yrs of wellness and just do it a little longer this time?
PS - Sorry 'bout the wife. If it makes you feel better, I'm married to a jacka$$!
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
| IP: Logged |
bettyg
Unregistered
posted
robin, your post above mine was just overwhelmingly, heart-felt written; so many wonderful things said, and all the feelings that go into them! thanks for having written them to dave and to the rest of us.
dave, i feel your pain, and i'm so sorry!
green santa -- i know you really came to life helping julie on this special program held yearly.
sad ... do you have seasonal a____ disease? missing of the sun, etc. where i thrive on overcast days not dealing with LIGHT!
suicide hotline no. 1.800.784.2433 now please! If you are feeling suicidal, please call the SUICIDE HOTLINE. We care about you dave!
you mentioned feeling worthwhile like the green santa provided, if you feel up to it, how about your providing us lymies with some guidelines and/or links on DENTAL care coming from your medical expertise?
this way on one of your bad days as we all get and not able to come on the board, others needing dental care could bring up your posts of Q/A of links, etc.
it's just a passing thought as you have SO MUCH TO CONTRIBUTE! i was referring 2 people to you over the weekend to look for your nickname to ask questions of you.
hang in there; we're walking beside you .... not in front; not in back; just WITH YOU as we all go thru this lyme journey together.
IP: Logged |
stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
yes geniveve: i do have dogs and they are lap dogs i could not have survived without there never ending love. they always make me smile when i see them, because they know when you don't feel good.
pictures of my dogs are on off topics, doggie pictures. mine is not the one in the harley but is kam's
still having a rough day today. had to empty the garage to sell the house. even with movers it took all the energy i had them some.
i have to sel the house to get the money to give my wife. she gets half of everything. she has come over and helped get the house in order. she has also offered me divorce sex. is that good??? is the as good as makeup sex???? i'm very confused and befuddled about the whole situation, and too long a story that no one wants to here.
so emma, scottie, axelrose and sasharosa are in off topic my trouble maker is sasha my shadow and pest. she's the one with the head in the eddy's can.
thanks all,and now a chearful song SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW
When all the world is a hopeless jumble, and the raindrops tumble all around, heaven opens a magic lane. When all the clouds darken up the skyway, there's a rainbow highway to be found, leading from your window pane, to a place behind the sun, just a step beyond the rain.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high, there's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true.
Someday, I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow, why then, oh, why can't I? If all those little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why, oh why, can't I?
cause i don't have wings!!!!!!!!!
docdave Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
Your posts from the past are still helping people! So even if you've hit a wall for the moment, you have already done so much good it will carry through this rough time til you're feeling up to doing what you expect of yourself.
Don't give up. Lots of us have been in a place similar to where you are now. You will get better. I know it is SO frustrating--just keep searching for what will work for you this time.
Best wishes.
Ann
Posts: 287 | From Northern California, USA | Registered: Oct 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Doc dave- I know how you are feeling...I've been back in this rut since before Thanksgiving. This has been my longest period of feeling awful in years. Tremors everywhere. I have to stop myself from thinking it isn't going to get better again - because it has in the past. It is hard not think - this time it isn't going away.
Hang in there. You have helped so many people - including me...
Posts: 298 | From Maine | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
OH MY GOD DIVORCE SEX!!! YOU ARE SO LUCKY!!!
See, I *never* got that!!!!!!!
I don't think it is as good as make up sex but hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't KNOW!!! Maybe it is.
The #1 most depressing thing by statistics Dave, is __moving__. It rates higher levels of stress and depression than severe illness or death of a loved one!!!!
I think it is because it is so sympbolic, it makes you look at your life in boxes and scraps of paper and go, "Ohmygosh, THIS is my life???" These 15 moving boxes- or 3!!!! Is my life????
I don't know why it is so bad, but I read that once and I believe it because of my own experience. Once when I was young (long long ago...*) I had a nasty break up with heartbreak galore and instead of moving, I just took all my stuff out of our little house and put it on the street with a FREE sign. Really good furniture, CDs, and personal items, too, everything. People took it SO quickly. This one guy came back with a truck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I guess it was what I needed to do because I couldn't BEAR moving anywhere, so I moved back home (this was post-college, when one likes to htink one is so self-sufficient).
Anyway, I hope you do whatever it is YOU need to do right now. I don't know what that is though. For me it would be to pamper myself, go to lots of supportive friends, and to take lots of hot bubble baths.
ANd, it sounds weird, but it is also comforting in times of stress to go to a place the opposite of Cheers, the opposite of supportive friends, somewhere you have never been, where no one knows your name, a coffee shop, a library out of town, where you are anonymous and out of routine, where no one knows you except you and you can be alone. I don't know. I just hope YOU know and do it and are okay!!!!
Best wishes, Sarah
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
Hi DocDave,
Sorry things are so awful. Stress is just awful for lyme.
I completely understand about the sense of uselessness... I have to fight that every day.
I have lost so much of the things I can do... of the things that I am... personality, identity ... you name it lyme has infringed on it.
I was 10 when I got sick but I managed till I was 23...but by the time I was diagnosed at 23 I was disabled ... now I am 30 still waiting to start my life...
You are right lyme sucks and isnt fair and believe me I have had my share of falling in the cracks (only I would have called them chasms )
But we cant give up. Sometimes it seems like Its an unfair fight and sometimes it seems like the cards are stacked against us...
But giving up isnt really an option...Lyme takes too much as it is and I am not about to give up another milimeter to it without a fight...
and I know you have been in this battle far to long to throw up the white flag either.
If you have had periods of remission then you KNOW that a better life is possible.
stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
not giving up till i get that divorce sex!!!!
walls are made to be broken, however if you put up enough walls over many years, they get higher and higher.\
the goal of starting from the bottom and going to the top again, gets more and more resentful and demeaning.
you humpty can only fall so many times at some point, which i am not even close yet, you do ponder the opstacle at hand and say f--- it. this wall can wait for a while.
this while, turns to complacently, which turns to hate, which in turn , turns to nothing.
i will get up on the horse and ride again, but right now my butt is sore and needs a break from the saddle and the whips. lol
depression is a ferious obstacle to overcome, and even pumped with meds ,stress can still bet the meds.
it is important that i have found in the past, not to dwell too much in the past, not too much on the future, but keep yourself healthly in the present.
the past is gone, the future ,you have no control over,so make the best of the present day by day.
whats im doing here givin help advize to mineself.
this divorce sex is making my head spin. and other things, i fact, that is the only thing that doesn't hurt now, except during peeing.
wacko dave Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dearest Dave, I think this thread really belongs in Gen. Support because that is what you need tons of.
You are going through some of the biggest stressors in life that HEALTHY people do, i.e. divorce, moving, etc. It isn't surprising that
these things have put you over the top so to speak. I do have some personal advise for you. I would not have "divorce sex" no matter how much
you want that feeling of connection or just good physical feelings. My ex tried to do that with me and it just kept me from moving forward. It
also astounded him that I would not "want" what he was offering. It didn't take long for him to advance his need for "connection" to the woman he
eventually married. He wanted us both at once. I was glad that I declined, even though it seemed that it paved the way for him to run to my replacement.
I think your ex probably feels guilty leaving you in the lurch. Let her FEEL GUILTY! Start believing that you DO NOT need her, in any capacity.
You can make it without her and can begin seeking out new means of support. And it seems there is no lack of YOUNG women ready to get involved with
men, no matter what the situation. Even having the Doc before your name is enough for many. (It doesn't impress me! ;-) )
Our daily lives can be so lonely and we have lost so much. But you have reason to believe that you will get better and you will find true love again.
"Become the person you would fall in love with." Then see how many you find knocking at your door! I work on this constantly and still get in those valleys a lot of the time.
I have had to realize that I need to focus on myself and my health, my searching for wellness, and I can't put any energy into a relationship right now.
But I do have hope that someday a person will find me and see the goodness and fortitude inside me. I have that hope for you!
Your compadre in living with Lyme, Janet
-------------------- DISCLAIMER: No information presented above should be considered medical advice or take the place of advice given by a medical professional. Links to other sites are provided merely for ease of research. Posts: 287 | From Tennessee | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[cussing]](graemlins/cussing.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Is the sun shining? ![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[kiss]](graemlins/kissing.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[hi]](graemlins/hi.gif)
![[confused]](graemlins/confused.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
)![[dizzy]](graemlins/dizzy.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic