posted
Okay I know that sounds odd or maybe it just does to me right now.
I am 37, female, single and have lyme - barts - babs and who knows what else.
I have been very aggressive with my treatment and it has been 4 years. Probably had it 2 years before diagnosed.
My C4 level came back out of this world high and Dr. S said we have a long way to go. bummer.
So would you or have you considered stopping your treatment to try to get pregnant?
If I have years to go or forever have this disease then is it fair to even have a child?
So without going into statistics about what happens to the child - what would happen to me?
Do we give up our dreams of having the experience of giving birth? I am happy to adopt but am I good candidate on paper with my illness and all the medications.
Opinions, articles, thoughts, rants all appreciated.
-------------------- I'm not crazy just a little unwell Posts: 152 | From On Horseback | Registered: Mar 2005
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
Well I am a MOM of 2. I have a daughter who is 6 and a son who is 22 months. I am n0t sure when I was bitten, but I have been disabled sick for 4 months.
I have a hard time keeping up with my kids and I feel bad about it. I really dont go out and play etc. I eel really bad about it.
When I learned more about Lyme and realized how sick I am and what a road I have in front of me, I decided that I will not have any more kids. I wanted at least one more.
There seems to be no garuntee that Lyme ever really leaves from what I understand. I could never ever in a million years possibly expose a child to this illness.
I would never want my kids to feel the pain and sickness I feel. When I found out I was sick my first reaction was to test the kids.
My pedi said no. I worry about them daily. My opinion is that no person, child or animal should feel the way we do.
Not to mention that if you get sick again (god forbid) It will be very hard to care for baby. I promise you that.
If I ever become well enough I may consider adoption in the future.
I personally couldnt imagine getting pregnant on purpose. I would be devastated. Being pregnant is hard and risky enough, add on possible coinfections and Lyme- I say no way.
I had preterm labor at 30 weeks and I tell you what, It was a terrible experience to know that your baby is at risk and the suffering a woman goes through when you wonder every day how many more days will the baby stay inside,
What will happen if he is born now etc. It was very hard.
I wish the best of luck to you, but in short I would not get pregnant on purpose.
Just my opinion- melissa Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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posted
Wow Melissa you brought up some very valid points. I would, as well, of course never want to willingly have a child knowing it would be as ill as I am.
These are just my very first thoughts on the subject but I heard or at least I think I remember in lyme fog hearing that the baby could be treated...well now that I just said that it sounds stupid. Hmmmm.
I am all for adoption and have started (as in today I started) looking into that as well.
How could I adopt knowing the same things may happen to me while raising the child. I would be a single mom with a horrid disease that costs (even with insurance) a lot to treat.
So, a medical question would be Is a baby going to have lyme or co-infections when born from a mom with lyme?
I really appreciate your honesty and it did make me think a little further so I thank you.
Feel better.
-------------------- I'm not crazy just a little unwell Posts: 152 | From On Horseback | Registered: Mar 2005
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savebabe
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9847
posted
You can be infected with lyme and have a very healthy baby!!
Dr. B once told me that under his protocal he never had a sick child born under his care.
I probably will struggle with lyme for the rest of my life, but I refuse to give up the dream of having children.
Posts: 1603 | From ny | Registered: Aug 2006
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dontlikeliver
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4749
posted
You should not stop tx if you get pregnant anyway; it might need adjustment though. If you stop, there's a much higher chance you'll have an infected baby and that would not be fair.
I don't think it is a good idea to enter into this though without seriously thinking about that having a child is more than experiencing giving birth. The giving birth bit, IMO, is seriously over-rated and mine was not a very pleasant experience.
The important bit to consider I think is the next 20 years. Especially the first 5-6 years until the child starts school, which are pretty stressful if you don't have much energy. You've got to be able to get up when the BABY wants to get up, when the toddler has frequent tantrums you've got to deal with that..there is the constant running around picking things up, endless laundry, frequent feeding, etc etc.
All babies are different, but I think it's fair to say that for the first year or two you would not usually get a full night's sleep. My daughter did not sleep through the night until she was about 7 and for the first two years or so, she would wake at least twice where I had to get up. She always got up between 5 and 7 am also for the first 6 years at least. So, I never usually got more than a couple of hours of sleep at a time. Could you handle a scenario like that? Some babies are better sleepers, but you never know in advance what you're going to get so you'd have to be willing and able to put up with something like that and perhaps a child that is crying a lot in the night, etc.
Not trying to put you off, but before I had a child myself, I had a very rosy idea of what it would be like....smiling cute babies cooing. didn't realize how HARD work it was. It was a shock and felt like having three full time jobs working shifts back to back 24/7. I was sick too at that time (been sick 20 years or so), but didn't know what I had.
So, I would discuss this with your LLMD and really think about what you'd be entering into for the long haul.....giving birth only takes a few hours, that's the easy part actually.
Lyme pregnancies can be complicated, as can any pregnancy. I was in a state of 'threatened miscarriage' from the beginning to the end, at 38 weeks. I had to have 16 weeks of total bedrest and take drugs to stop contractions (as my baby wanted to escape early/continuously). Having said that, my Lyme symptoms were much better during that time, and for abotu 18 months after giving birth.
It's all worth it. Having a baby is hard work for a healthy person, so just be prepared. I am honestly not trying to put you off. I haven't given up hope yet of having another baby either, but I know if I ever do it will take 110% of my energy that I don't have a lot of as it is.
Posts: 2824 | From The Back of Beyond | Registered: Oct 2003
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
posted
Like I said this is only my opinion. I don't really know the treatment of a preg mom with Lyme so I have no info on that.
I personally would not risk it.
I also had 16 weeks bedrest, hopitalized for 10 days and had to give myself Insulin as I had gestational Diabetes. I also had severe postpartum depression. This is when I was "healthy"!
The kind where I was picking out trees to crash myself into.
that was almost 2 years ago. Then for me throw Lyme on top of all that- NO WAY!!
I couldn't handle it. I also have a great hubby and live Next to my parents. Other than a Live in nanny, I have as much help as a person can get and everyday is hard for me. Granted I have only been really sick for 4 months, but it has been the worst 4 months I swear.
Everyday as I wake up I just want to go back to sleep, but I cant because my kids need to fed and taken care of.
It is hard. I don't know whatelse to say. Being a mother is wonderful and I am grateful for my experience. I know the drive for motherhood is strong. It would make me upset if I couldn't have any kids.
So I understand that aspect of it. My opinion is that to have happy healthy kids, you need a happy healthy mom.
Not someone who is too sore to play most of the time (like me) who doesn't go outside because the heat and sun make me sick, who lives on the couch or bed and can be very grumpy and irritated. I often miss dinner because I feel so bad. It sucks.
I dont want my kids to remember me as always being sick.
I try mind of matter, but you know Lyme, it does what it wants.
I respect the fact that you are exploring your options before getting pregnant. That is really good no matter what you decide.
I wish you luck no matter what you decide.
Melissa
Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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posted
Having your own children is great but I think today's parents put too much emphasis on the importance of doing so, making infertility clinics and doctors rich beyond their wildest dreams.
Have you thought about adoption? If you've rejected that idea, you should consider one reason you might be rejected by an adoption agency anyway: You have Lyme disease. If an adoption agency would reject you, shouldn't you reject yourself as a candidate for another child?
No one knows if Lyme ever really leaves the body completely. We all have to face the fact that the potential to relapse is present every day of our lives. We also may be rebitten with devastating consequences--more symptoms than from the present infection and more coinfections too.
Some of us believe it is the compounded effects of multiple exposures to Bb that do the most damage. This is not to say that one person with one exposure cannot be as sick as people with multiple exposures. The risks and reactions are different for each person.
I'm glad to hear Dr. B never had a baby born with Lyme when the mother was under his care. But the truth of that statement is that there is no way in the world he could know with 100% certainty that the child was not infected.
Posts: 422 | From Luck home | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
I suspected my sister had lyme and nagged her forever so when she found out she was pregnant i finally convinced her to get tested. And of course i was right. So, she began treatment on ceftin. She was lucky because her OBGYN was totally on board with the lyme docs suggestion of taking ceftin during her pregnancy. My sister suffered from high blood pressure and a few other minor complications in her final months but the baby was born "healthy", at least as far as we know. the baby seems to have some gastro issues, as my son did who we believe was born with lyme. I personally would never totally stop treatment to become pregnant. Perhaps the treatment could change to become more baby friendly. And then pray for the best.
Posts: 547 | From Maryland | Registered: Mar 2005
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CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
All local Lymies including myslef who have used Doc Bs pregnancy protocols have had healthy babies)!*)!!!!!!!!
Definitely do preg protocol- there are 3 safe abx- during pregnancy-
IV Rocephin oral ceftin
oral amoxicillin (me*)!
and should stay on if choose to berastfeed, too!
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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Jellybelly
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
I know the desire to have children can be tremendous, so I will only tell you my experience.
I have 2 children. I had been infected for nearly 10 years, still pretty much with no symptoms that would really warrant being called sick when I got prenant with my first. Lyme wasn't even heard of then. I had my first child, did fine, but was starting to show signs of being sick, but still no idea, just lots of headaches. Had my second.
Fast forward to today. My first born, a girl is nearly 29, and she is extremely sick. She is CDC positive for Lyme and it is believed she got it from me, while in utero and nursing.
She suffers terribly physically, and has horrible depression and anxiety. She started showing signs of being sick when she was about 15, and it has been a slow slide down into the depths for her.
She had 2 children before we got a diagnosis of Lyme 2 1/2 years ago. She is also pregnant now, unplanned as there was really a question as to whether or not she ever wanted to bring anymore children into the world, knowing what she knows now.
Not only is there my worry about her, and the pain it causes me to watch her suffer, but she now has to worry about whether her 3 children are going to have to suffer like we do. Being so sick she often feels it is so unfair to her kids, as she is often forced to be in bed from a multitude of symptoms. When she gets the slightest bit of energy she is up and busy with them, but it is defintly more of a struglle then it already is raising a family.
My second is also infected, but so far goes up and down more. He was in very bad shape through his teens, sleeping non stop, like 15 hours a day. He worked construction, got home at about 3:30, went to bed, didn't get up until the next morning. Not a life for a teenager. Right now he is doing good, but is still very energy limited.
Right after my son was born, all heck broke loose for me. I went down faster and faster. I enjoyed raising my kids to be really honest, but it was TOUGH. There were times, and I kid you not that I crawled to take care of my babies.
My family is on it's fourth generation living, fourth generation has not yet been confirmed for Lyme. Right now we just watch and wait, waiting for the next shoe to drop. THAT is so very hard to imagine my little grandchildren with this horrible illness. All because I " unknowingly " brought children into the world.
[ 18. August 2007, 12:11 PM: Message edited by: Jellybelly ]
Posts: 1251 | From california | Registered: Apr 2005
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
my opinion will not count for squat because i've never had children.
but knowing that i have lyme, i would not risk this one anyone, especially a little child.
so for me, no way....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
Food for thought:
Not all babies sleep through the night and take regular naps. Mine hardly slept at all & when she did, I was too wired/overtired to sleep. That can do a number on your recovery.
They know that someone who's had Syphilis can pass on a genetic imprint to their child. What research have they done with this in Lyme? Not to mention the Bart, Babs & who knows what else? Do we know if any other diseases might be passed?
Babies demand a lot of time & energy and require a lot of thought. Babies get sick. They teeth. They can get colicky. They can get food allergies. They go through phases where they get "BooBoo"s a lot. They require lots of diaper changes and potty training. They need to be fed, NO MATTER HOW AWFUL YOU FEEL! They need to be read to and taught how to do all kinds of things. They need to play A LOT!!!!
Babies grow older and challenge you constantly. Is it really fair to a child that you can't take them to the beach, pool or an amusement park in the summer because you're on Doxy & can't be in the sun?
When you're not well, it can be extremely difficult to raise a child, even if you're not trying to do it alone. Also, it's hard enough to take care of a "well" baby, what if one of the "who knows what else" gets passed on? If you become overwhelmed, I can't even imagine the guilt you might feel for having pro-actively decided to bring a child into the world by yourself.
There are tons of healthy, unwanted babies out there with noone to adopt them because people who want babies but couldn't have them the old-fashioned way now often have them prepared in a petri dish. Those are the people who would have adopted and loved and cared for those poor unfortunate orphaned children.
I think it would be very noble if you were to wait until you are well & then adopt. IMO, the giving birth itself, while truly a miracle, is highly overrated .
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give my baby back for anything in this world, but at times the mental & physical stress of being a responsible parent (while sick myself)does seem overwhelming.
If I knew then what I know now, I still wouldn't have "terminated" my pregnancy, but after two miscarriages I'm not so sure I would have prayed as hard for the third pregnancy to stick. I think sometimes God does know better than we do what we can handle and sometimes we need to be careful what we pray for.
I think if it were me, at this point, I'd leave it to God and leave it alone. I think that might help some with the guilt factor.
I wish you the best, no matter what decision you make.
Ali
PS - There's also the factor of sexual transmission of the diseases.
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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Jellybelly
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7142
posted
You know Sarah and Savebabe, my babies were born perfectly health too. I didn't even take antibiotics. The only sign that there may have been a problem was thrush/yeast.
Then by kindergarten, my first started getting sick with everything, landed in the hospital with a massive sinus infection that caused a kind of palsy in one of her eyes. It caused the eye lid to drop and the pupil to dialate (sp?)
By 15, I was suspecting she had whatever it was that I had, by 17 I was sure and by the time she 26, we knew whe was sick due to Lyme.
My second was also born healthy, and started getting headaches several times a week by the 1st grade. By 16 he was showing signs of being really sick, huge swollen glands throughout his body. By the age of 20 he had 3 surgeries on the tendons in both shoulders shoulders and one in his knee.
They started out healthy, but they are definetly NOT healthy now. I say this out of respect and experience. Your little ones are healthy now, and I truly hope they stay that way.......but only time will tell whether or not the large doses of antibiotics you took actually worked.
I really hope it works though, believe me, as I watch my daughter with her 3rd, this time she is on ABX. Posts: 1251 | From california | Registered: Apr 2005
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tailz
Unregistered
posted
I think if you really really want to have a child, you should do it now while age is not a factor.
Trust in God that He will watch over that little one and give you the strength to love it. That's all a child really needs.
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groovy2
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posted
Hi No2lyme--
This is from a guys point of view-
Both of my kids were small when I got infected - Then I think there mom got infected from me-
Not sure tho - but she did flip out- and became almost useless to them --
So both of my kids got a rocky start-
I ended up getting divorced and having to provide for 2 house holds- it was hard --
my wife ended up in a mental hospital and I now have no clue what has happened to her- nothing good tho --
I think if I was to be in your situation I would wait-
In a year or 2 the odds are you will have recovered Alot if not fully -- and not have to worry about it as much--
There is a lot of kids out there that you could adopt now till you are free of any worry of transfering illness to your kids --
Take care -- Jay --
Posts: 2999 | From Austin tx USA | Registered: Oct 2004
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AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
quote:Originally posted by tailz: I think if you really really want to have a child, you should do it now while age is not a factor.
Trust in God that He will watch over that little one and give you the strength to love it. That's all a child really needs.
Just curious Tailz, how many children do you have? Did you have them before you became ill?
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Wow.. I'm so glad I opened this thread! I really appreciate everyone's honesty and openness in sharing on such a personal issue.
I have had Lyme for 6 years now. I have been in treatment since I was diagnosed about 5 years ago. All of this happened in my early thirties.
I am still disabled - not able to work over 10 hours a week. Keeping house is even difficult sometimes.
My husband and I have struggled intensely with the issue of pursuing pregnancy or adopting. Along the way, when we sought out a maternal-fetal specialist's advice, and a fertility dr., we discovered that my husband has some sperm issues. We were told that to get pregnant, it would take quite a lot of hormones injested on my part, and IVF.
I have heard of several women who became very, very ill after the massive doses of hormones required for IVF, and the toll that the pregnancy can take on the body.
So, we finally decided to NOT to pursue pregnancy. Any woman can appreciate how very, very difficult this was for us.
As the illness lingered on, and the focus became treating the coinfections aggressively, we began to wonder whether or not it was even feasible for us to adopt an infant!
After many months of debating that one, we looked into as many different options as possible. We are now pursuing a program in our county called "fost-to-adopt". Essentially, you work in partnership with the social worker to find a child that is the best fit for your family. You decide and narrow down what your age range is going to be.
We are still debating that one... We are thinking it might be wiser to get a child at 2 or 3, after they are potty-trained, and have a more regular sleep schedule. Sleep is sooo critical to me. I just cannot function if I do not get 10 hours a night.
We are organizing all of the support we will need to make this feasible for us - day-care for all mornings, friends, family, other support.
So! We are on an adventure, and it is exciting. We just came to the point where we knew we wanted to love a child, and enjoy a child. This meant we needed to take the plunge, in faith that we have the skills and support we need to make this a good and happy option for us.
We are adament in our application re: NO MEDICAL issues in the child. My Lyme dr. is going to write a very supportive letter for our application.
Well, I just wanted to share this, and thank everyone else for their honesty. It really helps me get more clear on the decisions I am making myself.
Anneke
Posts: 364 | From California | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
I have 6 wonderful kids...and would love to have more.
Some of my kids may have Lyme Disease, though I certainly hope not. I've had it since I was 4 years old. But I have the advantage of knowing what to look for in my children.
There are several people for and against people with Lyme having children.
I believe it's an individual choice. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I had 6 kids in 6 years. Unfortunately my Lyme came back after kid number 3 and my health has gone down hill. I can't do as much as I used to, but I have learned to adapt.
My kids know that I have limitations, and know that sometimes they can't do everything they want. But they have a full life!
I volunteer when I can at their school, though sometimes it's not always possible. It's a different life, but a rewarding one. It takes time, patience, and a lot of effort for a person with Lyme...and I took it beyond that having 6!
It's a personal choice, but I just wanted to tell you that having Lyme doesn't doom you to a life without children (biological). You just have to weigh the good to the bad and make the choice for yourself.
I love my kids and wouldn't have done it any other way.
posted
Anneke. Kudos to you for thinking, researching and feeling out your options for parenthood.
Knowing your own limitations and deciding on a child two or three years old makes sense.
I wish all parents, biological and adoptive, would give more thought to who they are and what they can and want to give a child.
Again, hats off to you and your husband!Wishing you well on this exciting journey.
Posts: 422 | From Luck home | Registered: Sep 2005
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CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
Jellybelly-
my older daughter I infected breastfeeding-
What I do know is that not one single baby born to a local Mom on abx- of which there have been over a dozen now- have appeared anything other than healthy- but those who were born or breastfed by actively sick Moms here- did get sick- including my older daughter.
But you are right, time will tell about the future- as with us all- but with the amount of hiking we do - every single weekend my girls & I go hiking- my little one has much, much much exposure to ticks now- We do tick checks though-
My older daughter was very sick for 3 years and went into full remission on abx but was left with a slight heart valve issue and still sees a cardiologist- I fully expect she is in remission and not cured- I fully expect sometime in her life she will fall sick again. I believe I have had this most of my life before the bite that activated it into tertiary-
And my little one, I can hope*)!!
I tend to believe, frankly, that some of us are genetically doomed- and some blessed.
And it is not just us who pass things on, who have awful physical stuff to deal with in life- many people do. My husband doesn't have Lyme but he has terrible terrible diabetes. HONESTLY, if I had to chose for our little one- HIS legacy or MINE? I would chose mine genetically to supercede- even with Lyme- because brittle terrible diabetes is a terrible, terrible thing- and my first husband likely gave our older daughter- the breast cancer gene- as women in his family have it- poor kiddo!!!
ANYWAY, yes, the future will tell for us all! I wish us all well*)!!!!
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
quote:Originally posted by Allison Smith:
There are several people for and against people with Lyme having children.
I guess that's how the reporters do it when they twist people's words regarding a specific scenario to be a generalization pertaining to ALL people of a certain group.
Just for clarification-
I couldn't care less who in this world decides to have how many children. I'm not "for" or "against" it.
I'm looking at a situation where a person afflicted with a possibly chronic, potentially debilitating disease with multiple coinfections, which make resolution of Lyme that much harder, is considering actively seeking the resposibility of raising a child, relying on themself as sole caretaker for that child.
May God bless her whether or not she decides to do this. I was simply giving my opinion, based on my experience, as a mother of one. I wanted her to realize that it may not be as easy as she might think and you can't give a baby back if you can't handle it.
I would think that you might possibly have a little help in your situation? Some else is likely contibuting to your six pregnancies, though I know that doesn't always mean help financially or caring for children/household .
IMO, once you've had more than one they can keep each other occupied some of the time. I have often thought it might be easier if I had another child. Maybe I should just have 5 more and that might make it not so tough.
We actually were not using any protection until recently, hoping to have another child. However, in realizing that my husband could keep passing these infections back to me (making my Tx futile), we decided that barrier protection might be a responsible practice.
The other factor that influences my opinion is the difficulty in finding a Dr. willing to Dx and/or Tx a child under 8 years old. I suspect that my daughter may have Lyme and/or Babesia and have been going through the same hell with trying to prove my beliefs that I did for myself before I found a LLMD.
DD [b]only[b] has bands 41 and 23 positive on Quest and gets "spider or flea bite" rashes on her fingers with ABX. That's not proof enough for any Ped I can find, other than Dr.J (whom I can't convince hubby to take her to after quasi-LL pedduck's performance). Quasi-LL Peduck tested her through MDL & she came up negative so now I'm supposed to be keeping a symptom diary. How do you do that with CNS issues, especially when you have them yourself? It's just more than I can handle, right now.
You say you suspect that some of your children might have it? You seem to be dealing with that rather well. I'd be flipping out. I guess all people are different. Maybe you don't have co-infections involved?
That's enough of this ranting for me. I'm apparently very sensitive to this issue. Maybe my personal experience has been more difficult than some others . You never know what you'll get when you roll the dice (or the ticks )
No2Lyme,
Dr.S might be able to provide you with some good insight. You may want to ask LLMD's opinion, as well, for another perspective.
I asked mine about transmissibility and possible re-infection. He told me that "it has definitly been found in semen, so that is entirely possible" and suggested barrier protection to avoid possiblity of sexual transmission/re-infection.
Good luck sweetie. I hope you never question your decision, no matter what you decide to do.
Anneke,
I would re-iterate mjo's sentiments.
I think the path you've decided to follow is great! What a well thought out plan and ingenius solution!
Although, it's not always possible to know if a medical problem could be lurking (Lyme seems to be everywhere), fostering would be helping a lot of kids who need love, caring & affection and wouldn't otherwise have it. It also gives you the opportunity to see how a child fits into your life and test your ability to handle motherhood at the same time.
This could actually be something hubby and I should look into if I can get off this relapsing rollercoaster.
Thanks for sharing this!!
[ 20. August 2007, 10:16 AM: Message edited by: AliG ]
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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Itsy_bitsyone
Unregistered
posted
I didn't know I had it when I had my daughter. I did have miscarriages previous.
Now that I do know, I am having to put her through a second round of bloodwork because she was equivocal the first time.
Now, my daughter has been the greatest blessing of my life. I wouldn't change it. That being said:
I'd had symptoms before, but after having her, my health went into the toilet. Pregnancy takes a lot from the body...possibly too much for some of us.
As much as I love her, I hate having to put her through these tests...and possibly treatment. It tears me up to even consider the possibility.
I wouldn't have another, just to take the chance of the child having to face a life like mine, at least not while there is still a controversy.
Not only that, the ex couldn't deal with me being sick after having her, not knowing why, and not getting better. So, he divorced me when she was 2. So, now I have to be a single mom on top of all of that for the last 8 years...and deal with child support issues, custody complaints, court dates...many find out you are sick...or cannot deal after you get worse, and leave. It just adds to the problem. All the financial problems, the illnesses (which scares the crap out of your kid. When you are a sick mommy, this has an impact on the child's emotionally stability and growth. Sorry, but its true.) and trying to handle it alone???
The blessing is that my daughter gives me good reason to fight this. And I love her, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But because she is such a wonderful person, the idea of her having to face even half of this makes me sick.
As much as I love her, there is no way I would have another and risk it. No way. Oh, I always wanted at least one more, but maybe it is because of how much I do love her that I would never be able to bring myself to have another baby for 'me' knowing the risks it could pose. I do not want to ever have to feel this way again. Or ever have to bring another person into the world who would have to fight for their health.
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AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
quote:Originally posted by Itsy_bitsyone:
As much as I love her, I hate having to put her through these tests...and possibly treatment. It tears me up to even consider the possibility.
This is quite possibly one of the most difficult issues I'm facing, as well.
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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sometimesdilly
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9982
posted
first, i do not think it is possible to over-rate the experience of giving birth. it was and will always be the happiest and most profoundly spiritual day of my life. (of course i lucked out by having labor last only 5 hours! )
that said, wow would i think this over a million more times if i were you. I had my first and only baby at 43- age did not make my pregnancy or my son's birth any more difficult than that of a 25 year old. Can you wait some years til you're more Lyme-free?
If you do decide to go ahead, please don't even consider stopping abx- as others have said, you MUST be on abx to have a shot at having a healthy baby.
and personally, there is NO way i would breastfeed again with Lyme, knowing what i know now.
i just found out my 5 year old son has Lyme, from in utero or from breastfeeding. He is the hugest part of my world and i love him more than i knew it was possible to love someone. and, if i had it to do over, i would not have knowingly taken even the remotest chance of inflicting this pain on a child, especially coupled with not being able to be a good parent to boot.
i don't envy you your situation. good luck- dilly
Posts: 2507 | From lost in the maze | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
First I want to thank all of you for sharing such truly personal thoughts and stories. I am touched by all of them.
My original post was perhaps too blank between the lines. I would like to clarify a few things. As I said in the first post adoption is clearly something I am researching.
I am very aware of how much work an infant, a toddler, etc. take and thank goodness I have an amazing support group and family that would be with me raising a child.
I am not in a rush I have thought this over many times but am more focused on it because after 4 years of horrific treatment LLMD says it will be a long road ahead based on my C4 results etc. We have barely scratched the surface.
Mind you I was 33 when I started treating know 37 going on almost 40. I always think, re-think, research, think, ask LLMD, think, ask other Lymies, ask LLMD again... about any thing that may impact my health, life...so trust me I am going to make an educated decision based on what is best for all that would be involved.
I have a horse, I used to compete in dressage, I have a Jack Russell that loves to hike, I am an active outdoors girl at heart. I got bit by a tick who knows when where or why. Life is random as some of you said - a child could be born with many other genetic factors. It is a risk but I would do my best to make it a calculated risk and I may not have a biological child. Adoption as I have said is a very viable option.
Again, your thoughts and personal stories shared are amazing and heartfelt. Thank you for giving me such valuable information.
May good days be upon us all.
-------------------- I'm not crazy just a little unwell Posts: 152 | From On Horseback | Registered: Mar 2005
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Vanilla
Unregistered
posted
My first and honest opinion is something you probably do not want to hear but I think it is taking a chance and a bit selfish.
How will you feel if your baby gets ill as it ages or if it's single parent gets too sick to care for it? I think children deserve to be brought into the world with at least the best possibility for good future health to be on their side. I think they are hard enough to raise when they are healthy and when they have two healthy parents.
I also feel there are many children on the planet that need and deserve a good home that if you feel you must have a child you could adopt one.
I also believe in zero population growth because this planet can not take too many more families having more then two children and then those children having more children. Over populating the planet leads to Global Warming and uses up too many natural resources. I really do not understand it when people have more then two children these days after knowing what we do about the planet.
I was in a political group and the leader wanted to focus mostly on Global Warming. When I was saying we should then focus on zero population growth she disagreed. She also said she was raising very conscious children so it was fine to have three in her case. I thought her thinking was hypocritical.
I understand why you want to have children and I respect you for taking the time to think about it first.
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posted
I think you should do what you feel in your heart is right for your own family. I have one child and personally don't want any others, not because of lyme, but because I just wanted one.
Sometimes I admit I do think about another but then I think about how difficult it has been over the last few years in dealing with school. I don't want to have to go through this with another child. I barely have the energy and money for it now.
Its heartbreaking to watch a child in school deal with lyme. I personally know many school age children with lyme and my heart breaks for each of them as I've watched them all struggle in different ways.
The teachers don't really understand and often don't want to understand, although there are some blessed souls in the teaching world that are a god send to these sick children. The most passionate are teachers that have been infected as well.
Its often easier to label a child as lazy then understand why he or she can't focus today but could yesterday. School is very hard for Lyme infected children.
Everyone is talking about infant care. You need to think of how a child can go through what you are experiencing while they are in school. I fight hard as an advocate for my child because I understand how this disease makes us all feel. I am actually grateful that I have this disease only because it allows me to truly understand what my child must suffer with. I don't know if I would be able to be as compassionate if I weren't infected myself.
So maybe having a lyme baby might not be so bad if you are well enough to handle it. As far as adopting goes, you never know, you still might get a lyme child. You have a very difficult decision to make. Follow your heart and just know that even though your child may or may not have problems there will never be anyone you will love as much as your own child.
Posts: 547 | From Maryland | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
Vanilla - I am sorry but I think you missed my second post although it was just above yours. I do not currently have any children - so your theory about two children overpopulating the planet is a bit off point. I think anyone in this situation who has a child (biological or adopted) is the opposite of selfish.
Not sure how my post got wrapped into your zero population growth global warming feelings.
I say this in both of my posts ADOPTION IS AN OPTION I AM CONSIDERING AND ADOPTION IS A VERY VIABLE OPTION.
I thank you for your time and opinion.
But truly I am looking for information on pregnancy and lyme - statistics- articles - links.
-------------------- I'm not crazy just a little unwell Posts: 152 | From On Horseback | Registered: Mar 2005
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Vanilla
Unregistered
posted
What I was talking about is the fact that there are many children on the planet without parents that need homes and my deal on over population growth was not aimed at you but more the general public. It is just something I think everyone on this planet needs to think about sooner rather then later and I am sorry if you think it did not belong in your thread. I know you have no children.
I thought your first post was asking about what people thought about your idea of stopping meds and getting pregnant and you wanted to hear different opinions. Sorry if I got it wrong.
You did ask:
"If I have years to go or forever have this disease then is it fair to even have a child?"
You also seemed to be open in your first post to everyone's opinion on the subject.
I know no stats on lymie moms and birth but it does not seem like half the posts in this thread were along those lines either.
I am sorry if my post offended you in any way. I thought you wanted other people's imput.
To clarify what I was saying so you might be-able to better understand where I was coming from and what I was trying to say is I just think if you are bringing a child into the world that might possibly get Lyme disease or a co-infection by being carried in your body because you have Lyme disease I do not think it would be fair to the child to take that risk and yes I honestly think to take that risk would be selfish. That is my honest opinion. I am sure some people would disagree. I thought you were asking for people's honest thoughts on the subject. I was expressing mine.
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I apologize if you thought I was offended. I am open to opinions but was hoping for more medical information. I know your zero pop and global warming was not directed at me. I just thought it was a bit off point. But that is my brain working or not working so lets just leave it at that.
You see your post was more about the population as a whole having children. If I recall I just remember that it would be in your opinion selfish to have a child when I have lyme and could potentially transfer it to a child.
I agree that would be selfish and that is why I am posting to find information. So that I can make a truly informed medically sound post. But is it selfish to have a child if asthma runs in your family? selfish if your mother and aunt have had breast cancer to have a child?
Giving birth is always a risk. A child could be born with so many problems that are not even a known risk factor.
I do not think they have done many studies on lyme and pregnancy. Truth be told that is what I am trying to find out. But more than likely I will adopy and have all the love in the world for the child. But you do realize that the adopted child could have lyme or get lyme... no matter how much prevention.
I to apologize if I offended you. You expressed your opinion and I respect that - always.
-------------------- I'm not crazy just a little unwell Posts: 152 | From On Horseback | Registered: Mar 2005
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Vanilla
Unregistered
posted
After seeing a man in my first LLMD's office that could not sit up in his wheel chair and was wheeled in lying down and after talking to a woman (same waiting room) who could not get out of bed until she did bee venom not to mention the other patient in the waiting room who asked me to open up his package of trail mix for him because he was shaking too much to cut it open himself even with scissors - I think ( once again just my opinion) now that you have brought the subject up that to have a child that might be born with Lyme disease because you have it is not the same thing as the mother having asthma. Granted I know people can have bad asthma that does kill them but in my mind asthma is not as bad usually as Lyme disease. I also do not know the stats on babies whose mother had asthma and their chances of a normal life.
If I knew through genetic testing that my chances of passing breast cancer to my child were high I would for sure adopt instead. I helped my mother die in her early 40's of breast cancer and it is not a nice or pretty disease.
I think adopting would be a better idea and I think it is good that you are investigating all your options carefully. You could even start with a foster child and see how you like the whole experience before you adopt.
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I'm sorry for the loss of your mother at such a young age. You may want to consider getting genetic testing to see if you are a carrier of BRCA1 or BRCA2. Given your mother's history, there could be as much as a 30% chance that you are a carrier and could develop the disease, as well as pass it on. Given your strong feelings on lyme, you also may want to rethink having children given your cancer risk as well.
Regarding your feelings related to population growth, I would encourage you to put your strong opinions into action and support your local Planned Parenthood Foundation, so women can have affordable, accessible, and effective family planning choices. Fully half (50%) of all pregnancies in the US are unplanned (data from Allan Guttmacher Institute and National Center for Health Statistics). Wouldn't it be great if all children were wanted and planned for?
Posts: 393 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Jun 2005
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Vanilla
Unregistered
posted
I am too old to have children and I am not planning on having any at this point.
I like Planned Parent Hood in theory but not in practice. They push toxic forms of birth control on the public. I believe in birth control but not forms that will harm the user. I think we need more birth control in the USA and the world but safe easy to use birth control. A big part of birth control is educating the public at a young age about why we can not all have a herd of kidlettes.
My mother thought her breast cancer was brought on my birth control pills. She had a bad reaction to them and so did I and my niece as well. I think that for sure hormones can be a cancer trigger. She also smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day with no filters - another possible trigger and she drank lots of Diet Tab with fake sugar in it.
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hardynaka
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8099
posted
This is a good thread. I'm also thinking if I make a second child or not. I'm 40.
I have a daughter, born before I caught lyme. She's a blessing for me, even though a tough job like others said, she kept me wanting to live for her. The image was clear for me, and I'm pretty sure it was because she existed that I did/ do my best to get out of lyme. And I'll do it, even after being re-infected!!
Without her, I think I would have just given it all up back then.
It's though difficult for me to decide if I can have another. My first pregnancy was already risky, so I can't imagine this one...
I would certainly try to do it ,if I'm sure I ONLY have 1 tick born infection, like either babesia, or borrelia, or bartonella, I don't care.
But with a few co-infections, treatment gets too complicated as babies can't take many things we need (I only do herbs, but most are aborticides). I would be too tense, I don't think it would be good for anyone (neither me, nor baby).
Having said that, I don't have babesia symptoms for a while, and I feel great. So the idea of getting pregnant again is coming back again, as I really don't have much time left...
My main concern is not for me, it's for my daughter. In this awful world, I feel sorry that she'll be alone. We have no family around here, both hubby and I.
Yes, it's an individual decision (or better, a couple's decision!).
You are not alone! Selma
Posts: 1086 | From Switzerland | Registered: Oct 2005
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lymeladyinNY
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10235
posted
I wouldn't get pregnant now that I have Lyme.
I can barely take care of the kids I have.
It's not fair to them that Mommy's too sick to take them to the park, take them to sports practice, etc., etc.
My children are deprived and they know it. It hurts every day.
And my youngest got Lyme from me. We have to medicate him and worry for his health every day.
This is just how I feel based on my experience.
-------------------- I want to be free Posts: 1170 | From Endicott, NY | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
My hubby and I were getting ready to get preggers when the bottom fell out and my health went to h3ll. I'm 39 with no children. Now too sick to consider having kids and I mourn this everyday.
I have been in treatment for 6.5 mos and have CLD with coinf. Who knows how long I will be on abx but improvement has been very little to this point.
I worry about the possiblilty of in utero transfer of Bb and coinfections. I worry that I would relaps after birth and not be able to take care of a new baby. I worry that I will never be well and not ever become a mom. I worry that I will be too old to conceive.
I would consider adoption but don't know if adoption agencys discriminate based upon the health of the parents and about disclosure of LD to the agency. Does anyone know this?
I definately know that I would have to be symptom free for at least 6 mos before considering getting pregnant and would be on abx thruout preg. But still afraid that a tough pregnancy, delivery or c section would bring on a relapse.
Unwell and undecided. When I'm well I will decide and will definately adopt.
Posts: 188 | From ID | Registered: Jan 2007
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