djf2005
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11449
posted
for those of you that know my story to some extent, it has been wide and full of ups and downs.
as of late, i am feeling very poorly and i would ask any of you that have faith to say a prayer for me.
i have been treated for lyme, babesia, and bartonella, yet still have a lot of symptoms.
now i know it can take years and years of abx but i would just ask you whoever you might be to pray for me, that i would find a direction and be able to find my road to wellness.
i am distraught, i must admit, i would ask that you pray that god may give me the strength and to keep going, never giving up.
thanks guys. i am doing my best to remain positive, thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
i am due to see a naturopath next week who i hope is going to provide some fresh insight.
apparently it is in gods hands though.
its funny, my whole life i could fix anything i put my mind to, but try as i might, i can not seem to fix myself.
there is some lesson to be learned from all this, i know.
again, thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
please also pray for my wife, she is an angel, from heaven, who is stronger then any woman i could have ever asked for. please pray that god continues to give her strength as well.
humbly, and broken
derek
-------------------- "Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."
posted
It CAN be beaten. Despite my ongoing yeast problems I believe I'm proof that you can recover and return to a life that is very similar to what you once had.
I will most certainly pray for you too.
Proverbs 18:14:
A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?
Posts: 183 | From Craley, PA | Registered: Jul 2004
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sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13952
posted
Dear Derek,
Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. When you said that you could fix everything but yourself my heart stopped because it felt like I was reading my own words. The lessons that I have learned from this have been hard but valuable. Life as I knew it has come to a screeching halt but over time my relationship with the Lord has grown stronger. Remember, God uses the humble and broken. I used to rely on myself too much then when I couldn't do that I put my trust in man. When man fails you all that is left is God! I've learned that He is truly the only one that I can safely put my trust and hope in. I must rely on God daily. He is my strength and the only reason that I keep going.
Derek I am praying for you and your wife. I pray that God will provide for you the strength and all that you need to keep going.
If you are interested, these are two little verses that have helped me get through some rough patches. Psalm 73:26 and 1Peter 5:6&7
Take care and God bless you!
Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
Derek, so sorry to here your having a tough time..i have been wondering how you are!!!this disease is so nasty and evil...i know as a wife of a sick man with lyme it is so hard to help...i just wish i had the power to make it all better but we can't..your wife must feel the same..hubbys dr told us it would get worst before it got better and it got more then worse....please take care and know you and all are in my prayers..
-------------------- madgen Posts: 342 | From newjersey | Registered: Oct 2007
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djf2005
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11449
posted
thank you all so much i cannto begin to tell you how much your support means.
i am desperate right now, and i thank god i can come here for support.
sammy i know this is the lesson god wants to teach me my whole life i mocked people, didnt care for a soul except for myself, and i feel god is trying to get my attention.
i am crying, sorry, but i am broken.
i have always had hope treating all this, because i had a new direction, a new way to go, something to try. i feel like i have tried so many things, i am discouraged.
thanks for your prayers, again, they mean more to me then i could ever express.
i have never been in so much pain before, it hurts to type, eat, sit, do anything. i want to be happy and joyous for my wife but i dont know how to with so much pain. i do have pain killers (percoset) but they dont even help it much which is crazy, i know. i dont really want to go down a road with more powerful stuff because i want to get well, figure out why i feel the way i do, and hope that god heals me through some outlet.
i am also struggling with depressions a lot so now that im spilling my beans (pride is something i no longer seem to find) i would also ask for prayer for that. i am constantly crying out of desperation and not knowing what to do.
like you said sammy, what do you do? your whole life you can figure out anything, and now, i feel lost, and am just laying here saying the lords prayer, hoping he will somehow have mercy on me.
i think harder then everything i am going through is what everyone around me is going through. sorry i know lymenet is not dr phil but i would like to vent right now and am sorry if this is not appropiate for this thread.
my brothers and i (i am 25) used to be the closest 3 people could be. its now been 1 and a half years since i have been sick and they dont know how to react to me anymore. i feel somehow this is my fault, i have always been a leader and now i cant fix this. i just cant wish it all away, and make things go back to normal.
please forgive my ranting. i am in so much pain and so depressed i really cant feel anything, but i do feel the pain. i have had this before just not this bad. i am praying that god will save me, and restore me to whatever he wants.
i realize it may not be what i once knew but i would like the opportunity to go back to school and help so many people like us who "arent" sick
blessings to you all.
if any of you have prayer requests also i will write them down and pray for you too.
humbly
derek
-------------------- "Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."
posted
I'll pray for you Derek! If you google "the secret" or go to bookstore/library to rent the DVD (quicker than reading book), you'll see how powerful our faith can be. It isn't necessarily God, but lord definitely plays a big role in this spiritual help.
It's about "laws of attraction" and this time last year when I got crushed by all the confusions, I prayed and prayed hard then I got well a few months later after oral abx treatment...However the symptoms came back and this time it's mostly brain fog that bothers me. Now I'm into IV treatment 5 weeks and have yet to see improvements. I ask lord to forgive me that I went to him for help when I couldn't do it myself, but after I got well, I stopped praying for and appreciating his love.
Not sure if I make sense, but my feeling is so long as all of us can keep faith, and together we may build a magnetic field that's so strong and we'll see more and more success stories here, and then the cycle goes on...
The fact that you came here to ask others to pray for you will definitely initiate positive power around you and we can all do so to help each other.
Sorry if I don't make much sense, whoever understands, please help me out and help each other Posts: 196 | From atlanta/norcross, georgia | Registered: Feb 2007
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posted
I just called hubby and told him that if in the last month my brain functioned 20% compared to its normal phase, today it's functioning 30%~40%. Not sure if it's IV Levaquin that's added the past Friday that helped, or my long prayers this morning did something, either way, praise the lord...
Posts: 196 | From atlanta/norcross, georgia | Registered: Feb 2007
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posted
Derek, you can look at the crucifix and see that you are in good company with your suffering.
I look back over the past couple years and see a lot of spiritual growth in my own life and that of my family. Sometimes it takes stuff like this to get our attention.
Now that God has broken through your pride, he will be able to use you for big things.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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posted
I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time. I know sometimes it's so hard to understand why we have to go through times like these, but in my heart of hearts I believe that ultimately there is a reason.
Please know that I am praying for you and your wife. I wish I could do more.
One thing that has helped me a great deal is that I've begun praying the Divine Mercy prayer, and I have a Divine Mercy image that I like to meditate on.
Looks like you've tried a number of things to no avail.
This may sound crazy but have you every tried fasting? It may be the just what your body needs right now. Maybe you're backed up with abx residue and toxins. If you're not up to it you don't have to do water-only... you could just do broth or similar for a week or two, and drink insane amounts of water during that time.
Definitely not professional medical advice but just thought it offer that to you.
Posts: 655 | From USA | Registered: Sep 2007
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I've never heard anyone put my husband's and my thoughts on this process into words as well as you have.
At various times we have also been a broken mess with the thought that this disease is taking away our beautiful, precious son.
After a couple of years of railing against the pain,I found that cooperating with and accpeting it resulted in more peace.
One morning in church I just said, "Okay Lord, this isn't what I pictured for our lives, but I'm accepting it. Help us to use this in a way that benefits you and others." Our son's physical health did not change for the better after that, but something inside of me improved.
It sounds like you're going through a similar mental process.
I also like to fix things and find solutions. I am especially low when I find what we thought may work isnt working afterall.
You are NOT out of solutions. You can get better.
What do you need specifically? I'd like to try to help you, beyond praying? What are you trying? Why do you feel like you're hopeless right now?
I should pm you, but I guess I don't know how to do that. My heart goes out to you and your wife. You are not alone.
Posts: 44 | From Prairie du Sac | Registered: Jan 2008
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I've never heard anyone put my thoughts into words on the subject of Lyme disease as perfectly as you have.
Why do you feel like you have no hope? I will pray for you.
Posts: 44 | From Prairie du Sac | Registered: Jan 2008
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
derek, you/wife are both in my prayers. i got this yesterday, and was going to post this somewhere on lymenet. YOUR post is the perfect place for this wisdom!!
GOD WANTED ME TO TELL YOU
Everything that is going wrong in your life today shall be well with you this year.
You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year.
For the remaining days of this year (2008), all your agonies will be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance.
Today God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows, and pains because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you.
He has taken away the hardships and given you JOY. He will never let you down.
I knocked at heaven's door this morning, God asked me... My child! What can I do for you? And I said, 'Father, please protect and bless the person reading this message'... God smiled and answered... Request granted.
If you believe this message, send it on. Thanks! xox
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posted
I just wanted you to know that I just prayed for you and your wife. God Bless. I pray for a cure for us all and soon.
Posts: 237 | From WV | Registered: Mar 2007
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Truthfinder
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8512
posted
I'm very sorry for all your pain, Derek. It seems that you have learned about compassion the hard way, just like I did. Hey, if you aren't busy this evening at around 9 o'clock.... please join me and some others in prayer.....
A reminder to all LymeNetters......
quote:.....Prayers for the Lyme Community - every day at 6 p.m. Pacific Time and 9 p.m. Eastern Time - just take a few moments to say a prayer wherever you are....
You will be on my list, Derek.
-------------------- Tracy .... Prayers for the Lyme Community - every day at 6 p.m. Pacific Time and 9 p.m. Eastern Time � just take a few moments to say a prayer wherever you are�. Posts: 2966 | From Colorado | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
May God hold you and your wife on the palm of His Hand, and may you be peaceful and joy filled!
Posts: 663 | From NH USA | Registered: Sep 2004
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luvs2ride
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8090
posted
Thanks for the reminder Truthfinder.
9pm is one hour away and Derek, I will join with others in prayer for you. God says "Where two or more or gathered, there shall I also be". Jesus says if we have faith just the size of a mustard seed we can tell the mountain to move and it will move. A mustard seed is very small.
At one point in my illness, I believed I might die. At that point, I went to a local church I was attending and asked them to annoint me with oil and pray for healing.
From that day til now, every day I pray first a prayer of thanksgiving for the healing I am receiving and for God's continued mercy and healing of my body and spirit.
Some days I am bursting with joy as I pray because in the last two years God has indeed been healing me. Initially though, some days I prayed with tears.
God does not want us to be sick and he does not punish us with sickness, but he does say we should rejoice in our trials because we draw closer to him in times of need.
He doesn't promise to spare us but rather to take us safely through our trials. He said "If you who are wicked give good gifts to your children, how much greater are my gifts to you?"
I consider healing a gift from God and one that he wants to give us. God works through the doctors, he provides us with foods that will help us regain and retain our health and he has given us his Word to guide us through our life.
Ultimately, it is more important that we seek his healing of our spirit as time on earth is short, but he also promises to heal our sicknesses and we should feel free to ask him for this healing. He says to pray without ceasing. I have certainly obeyed that command.
I am glad you came here with your fears and frustration. It is a wonderful place to cry out for help.
Don't give up seeking your path to healing. Keep faith and shoot endless arrows of prayer to God for his mercy to heal you and to help the doctors find the right healing for you.
You can get well!
Luvs
-------------------- When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, there will be Peace. Posts: 3038 | From america | Registered: Oct 2005
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feelfit
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12770
posted
Derek
Just said a healing prayer for both you and your wife. God is just getting your attention and you are already learning some hard lessons....he will never give you more then you are able to handle.
Bless you both and continue to ask God to help you in all of your needs.
Feelfit
Posts: 3975 | From usa | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
d-rock, i like what feelfit said, believe it or not, ''he will never give you more then you can handle.'' My mother uses that quote alot. Anyone carrying the burden of lyme has to be strong, derek, stay strong and believe you will get well!
Posts: 217 | From Everywhere | Registered: Nov 2006
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Timaca
Posts: 2872 | From above 7,000 ft in a pine forest | Registered: Feb 2005
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timaca
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6911
posted
Derek~ Viral Testing thread has been moved up...please read it.
Best, Timaca
Posts: 2872 | From above 7,000 ft in a pine forest | Registered: Feb 2005
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djf2005
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11449
posted
thanks for all your thoughts and prayers
you all are such a gift from god, thank you!
timaca- yes, i have been tested for virals.
cmv igg was way high and i was on valtrex for 3 weeks but dr discontinued due to yeast.
now i dont know what to do, hopefully we will get some answers today.
i did best on levaquin, but have since relapsed i think i have major bart involvement but most likely all of them (babs, bart, lyme)
right now i have intense burning muscle pain in my back lower upper & shoulder blades as well as all joints feeling like they are going to explode, knees and elbows.
tmj pain & pressure, stiff neck, pressure in head, on and on it goes. it could be any one of them or all of them i guess.
the foot pain leads me to believe theres a lot of bart but thats just speculation as well.
i guess right now im faced with the decision of either continuing abx with naturopath drs or going all natural. i dont know what to do, but hopefully the lord will lead me.
this is all part of his plan, thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.
any insight or opinions are appreciated as well.
a large part of me is saying go get another picc line and go back on iv, and the other part is telling me that has failed so why not try something else.
ive been contemplating rife but the only thought with that is the issue with the co infections, if they are more dominant, will rife be effective?
endless questions, and the only answer i have at the end of the day is that im trusting god.
blessings to you all
derek
-------------------- "Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."
timaca
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6911
posted
Derek~ I'm not aware that valtrex causes yeast infections. I would suggest talking to a pharmacist about this. Perhaps, if you were on an antibiotic at the same time, that was the cause of your yeast problem.
If you were high for CMV...were you high for EBV, HHV-6, VZV? Please get a copy of your viral test results and do some research at www.hhv-6foundation.org.
Best, Timaca
Posts: 2872 | From above 7,000 ft in a pine forest | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
any insight or opinions are appreciated as well.
Your description sounds exactly as a book case of levaquin delayed reaction. You can check it yourself just having a look at the divulgative sites devoted to that matter, for instance:
The important point is that you are suffering so much, and we understand you because some of us have been there before. I am sorry for your situation and will pray for you and your wife too.
Posts: 94 | From canada | Registered: Nov 2006
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
derek, i got another wonderful email today and i'm sharing it with you/all of us; just love the words in the text. too bad you couldn't see the gorgeous old barn/scenery!!
A PERSPECTIVE ABOUT OLD BARNS
Only years of standing in the weather, bearing the storms and scorching sun, only that can produce beautiful barn wood.
A stranger came by the other day with an offer that set me to thinking. He wanted to buy the old barn that sits out by the highway. I told him right off he was crazy. He was a city type, you could tell by his clothes, his car, his hands, and the way he talked. He said he was driving by and saw that beautiful barn sitting out in the tall grass and wanted to know if it was for sale. I told him he had a funny idea of beauty.
Sure, it was a handsome building in its day. But then, there's been a lot of winters pass with their snow and ice and howling wind. The summer sun's beat down on that old barn till all the paint's gone, and the wood has turned silver gray. Now the old building leans a good deal, looking kind of tired. Yet, that fellow called it beautiful.
That set me to thinking. I walked out to the field and just stood there, gazing at that old barn. The stranger said he planned to use the lumber to line the walls of his den in a new country home he's building down the road. He said you couldn't get paint that beautiful. Only years of standing in the weather, bearing the storms and scorching sun, only that can produce beautiful barn wood.
It came to me then. We're a lot like that, you and I. Only it's on the inside that the beauty grows with us. Sure we turn silver gray too... and lean a bit more than we did when we were young and full of sap. But the Good Lord knows what He's doing. And as the years pass He's busy using the hard weather of our lives, the dry spells and the stormy seasons to do a job of beautifying our souls that nothing else can produce. And to think how often folks holler because they want life easy!
They took the old barn down today and hauled it away to beautify a rich man's house. And I reckon someday you and I'll be hauled off to Heaven to take on whatever chores the Good Lord has for us on the Great Sky Ranch.
And I suspect we'll be more beautiful then for the seasons we've been through here... and just maybe even add a bit of beauty to our Father's house.
May there be peace within you today. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
And...I do sincerely--Thank God for my wonderful friends and family who love me even though I show signs of weathering.
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posted
Derek Hi. I've had Lyme for 18 years, 12 of which went undiagnosed so I have chronic. I'll be praying for your wife and yourself. I just thought I'd list some things that have helped me feel better.
I have a cold intolerance so my husband and I moved some place warmer and it really has helped (not as many wet/cold days).
HBOT- 6 weeks at 2.4 ATA per Dr. C. Had 2 treatments per day 50 minutes each. I know I was blessed to be able to get that much but it felt like I got my brain back (pre- Lyme brain even) and my back pain got much better. It has worn off and it does eventually unless you do maintenance treatments and I havn't really found out the best protocol for that. I really thinks this helps the depression too since I know I can always go (if I can scrape together the money) and get my brain back. It seems like it works best when you're on IV in my opinion.
TENS unit for muscle pain
Pulsing medications seems like it has really helped a good deal.
Rife almost always helps (I have a gas tube Rife machine, a friend made it for me) especially when I use the little trampoline while I'm getting these long treatments (programmed frequencies) for lymphatic flow. Sometimes I end up herxing though and have to stop.
Artemesinine used as a part of my protocol and boy does it help the neuro symptoms
Liquid magnesium from Biotics
B12 shots
IV Claforin was my wonder drug to get me through a bad relapse with foot drop, tons of back pain and a lot of speech/language/neuro difficulty.
Cell Food/Vitamin D drops for energy (cell food has dissolved oxygen in it).
Exercise that's light and fun (for me ballroom dance)
Christian counselor
I think a lot of it depends on strain. I had two strains of cat scratch, and chronic Lyme when on IV and I was depressed. I saw an email about someone playing "His Eye is on the Sparrow" in a Starbucks and just lost it. It was God's reminder that He really did care about me and knew what was going on. The book "Don't waste your sorrows" was great too. Getting ready to read CS Lewis "The Problem of Pain"
I have the type of pain you're talking about at the end of my one week off meds during pulsing times (also I think because I'm not currently using the Rife machine).
I hope this helps "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
-------------------- RV Posts: 249 | From Healing in USA | Registered: Mar 2005
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Beverly
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 1271
posted
Hi Derek,
So sorry for what you are going through, I will keep you and your wife in my prayers too.
I sit here and read your post and just want to cry for you because I have been exactly where you are. In so much pain you just want to melt into the Earth and just go away. The all over pain and depression seems unbearable at times I know...
Things got slightly better when I finally stopped trying to fix it myself, and just put it up to God. I have grown spiritially (don't think that's spelled right, that's another thing I can't do anymore, type or spell correctly, used to be so good at both..)
Anyway, I think God was completely attempting to bring me closer to Him through this disease. I hope you will grow as well, as it can be the biggest blessing in all of this, even through these very dark days.
I know it is so hard right now, but work very hard to strengthen your mind, even though depression is taking over, work hard to have your mind be positive and visualize yourself a new improved person: feeling good... being active again...enjoying your life, with your angel of a wife! I found once my mind was more in control , I could handle the physical pain better!
I feel like if I don't take back me life, who will help my husband and 2 kids who are also battling Lyme. Husband and son are having more symptoms everyday. I pray all the time and keep visualizing them getting better too.
Pray constantly, and remember God is silent, but is ALWAYS there! I have already prayed for you and will continue to do so!
God has given us a powerful mind, we just have to tap into it, and continue to visualize our bodies as healing! God will do the rest, when we put our complete faith in Him!
You are not alone! Don't give up...
Wishing you healing, Laura
Posts: 232 | From MN | Registered: Jul 2007
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
posted
Praying for you and yours.
I pray that we all get through this.
Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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map1131
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2022
posted
Derek, I too have been where you are today. Crying at my computer desk, wondering how in the heck I'm going to get myself out of this hell?
That was 5 years ago. Derek, I'm not "cured" yet. Notice the word yet. Because I've not given up on "cured".
I did something very scarey and gave up abx one day. I had been on some type abx or another and combos for over 3 yrs. I made a decision for myself. I took another path.
I know I made the right decision for me. Still fighting the war, but I've not lost the battle. Some days are not so easy, some days are pure heaven after being in lyme & company hell.
I do have some experience with a naturopath. Two years experience. If you need any help after you meet and listen to them, please PM me.
All I truly know for sure. It can get better. It can truly get better. Thoughts and prayers with you and your wife and these difficult times. I know they can be very hard on marriage and your spouse.
Pam
-------------------- "Never, never, never, never, never give up" Winston Churchill Posts: 6478 | From Louisville, Ky | Registered: Jan 2002
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I find that only on this website that i can get the most care, compassion and support.
Im sorry you are going through a rough time.....
sometimes I pray to God that......
Im confused ...and..I want to be of service to him.....and for him to lead me to that.....
I know your pain physicaly mentaly emotionaly and spiritualy....
all you have said I have been through and continue to go through......thank god for this website for all of us....
I will pray for you and your wife......
and I also know how hard it is to have a spouse who is so supportive and that you can never thank them enough....
blessings to you ad hopes for many better days ahead!!! mtree
-------------------- worrying about tomorrow takes its strength away from today Posts: 970 | From Point PLeasant , NJ | Registered: Jan 2008
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I am praying for you too. I think we have similar symptoms and I can sympathize as it just seems impossible at times. I feel down like you do alot. Don't give up and I won't either. We can do this. One day at a time.
Posts: 262 | From nj | Registered: Dec 2007
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Truthfinder
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8512
posted
Wow, I must say there are some very powerful posts on this thread.
It does my heart good to realize that so many have been touched spiritually by this disease.
So, as the saying goes....
"Praise the Lord, .... and pass the ammunition!!! [against Lyme, of course]"
-------------------- Tracy .... Prayers for the Lyme Community - every day at 6 p.m. Pacific Time and 9 p.m. Eastern Time � just take a few moments to say a prayer wherever you are�. Posts: 2966 | From Colorado | Registered: Dec 2005
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djf2005
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11449
posted
thanks very much guys.
i somehow lost myself these last few months if that makes any sense and i am praying to god that he will give me back the spark i lost.
i am making a prayer list from the people on this thread so if anyone else wants to be added it please let me know, i would love to pray for you.
i need the strength from god, because otherwise i dont know how i am going to do it.
thanks to all again. blessing to you and yours.
maybe we could somehow set up a prayer chat similar to the lyme chat weekly?
i feel that might bless a lot of people.
derek
-------------------- "Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."
posted
dear derek, you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers. you have touched me to the point of tears. all I can say is i know. hope today is just a tiny bit better than yesterday, i guess that's all we can ask for. God bless you and family. ginnyw
Posts: 12 | From Cape Coral FL | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
you think this could be a floxing? you also have been floxed? does this pass with time?
It sounds exactly like a floxing, not similar, but up to now by your descriptions it looks exactly like a perfect floxing, but I might be wrong and I wish I am.
Two of my family and myself have been floxed to different degrees. If it is a floxing it shall pass providing you are not rechallenged again with a fluoroquinolone (cipro, avelox, floxin, levaquin, ....). You can rate approximately the timing of your case on the sites that are the reference for this syndrome.
I hope you stay positive and strong and that you recover soon with the help of your family.
Posts: 94 | From canada | Registered: Nov 2006
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