lymebytes
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11830
posted
It was brought up in another thread, someone mentioned since having Lyme they can't sleep with their spouse in the same bed.
I know another woman with Lyme who also said she doesn't sleep w/her husband. She has too much pain and literally will toss and turn and even end up with her head at the foot of the bed and fall asleep.
Pain I would assume is the issue...I don't want anyone touching me or near me, I hurt so bad sometimes and many times just want to be totally alone.
I was surprised to hear these stories because my husband and I (both with LD) have 2 beds in our room - there is no way the pain I am in I could sleep in the same bed with him and I think he feels the same way. We love our own beds, can stretch out kick and move all night without disturbing the other.
This is 3 couples....anyone else find it impossible since having LD to sleep with spouse?
posted
My husband moves in the middle of the night. It's not the pain for us, it's the insomnia. When I was in pain, I used to like to sleep next to him, I felt better if he held me.
Now I just can't sleep .... we both end up being awake all night if he doesn't move when I wake up about 3AM-5AM. We have a couch in our bedroom that he moves to. He can sleep anywhere, LOL.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
| IP: Logged |
randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
i'm still sleeping with mikey. well it's not really sleeping. he's asleep in 5 minues and i lay there awake all night because of the insomnia wide awake.
some nights i will get more than a couple of hours, but not often.
and when he start snoring, i end up on the couch anyway....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
| IP: Logged |
Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
-
Personally, I think very few normal people get good sleep next to each other. Snoring is the number one problem, then tossing and turning, temperature differences. It's no one's fault, but it can become a fight.
Even some "normal" couples have taken to separate beds for the business of sleep itself. They report feeling better and therefore, the relationship is better.
I recall as a young bride (decades ago) being shocked - just SHOCKED - that I was expected to put up with a thundering, jolting loudspeaker every night. Ear plugs did not help.
Sadly, my marriage did not endure. However, my health may not have failed so miserably had I taking to another room to get the sleep I needed. While that never occurred to me then, it sure would now.
Cuddling, cavorting is one thing; sleep is another - and it's serious business. It's nice if they can exist in the same space. If not, there are ways to make it work.
-
[ 02. June 2008, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
TerryK
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 8552
posted
I have to sleep with my head elevated so I sleep on the couch. I also have pain and some nights I'm up and down all night and I don't want to disturb his sleep.
He sleeps with me on the couch (we bought a really long couch) but at some point he usually gets up and goes to bed. We even bought a really nice mattress in the hopes that I could sleep in bed with him but I cannot get my head to be comfortable with my sleep apena mask. It leaks unless my head is elevated.
It sucks because I miss sleeping with him and I know he wants me to sleep in the same bed with him.
Terry
Posts: 6286 | From Oregon | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged |
randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
well i have to say that mike said no way, unless it's a divorce, are we sleeping apart.
but it does make me furious some nights when he's asleep in less than 10 minutes and i'm up all night.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
| IP: Logged |
Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
TO HAVE, HOLD AND CHERISH, UNTIL BEDTIME By TRACIE ROZHON - Published: March 11, 2007
excerpts:
Not since the Victorian age of starched sheets and starchy manners, builders and architects say, have there been so many orders for separate bedrooms. Or separate sleeping nooks. Or his-and-her wings.
In interviews, couples and sociologists say that often it has nothing to do with sex. More likely, it has to do with snoring. Or with children crying. Or with getting up and heading for the gym at 5:30 in the morning. Or with sending e-mail messages until well after midnight.
. . . What could be called the home-sleeping-alone syndrome is not limited to the wealthy. For middle-income homeowners, it may be a matter of moving into a spare bedroom, the recreation room or the den.
In St. Louis, Lana Pepper, a light sleeper who battled for years with her husband's nocturnal restlessness, reconfigured the condominium they bought recently, adding walls to create separate bedrooms.
. . . his snoring, so she bought a white noise machine; she even went to a shooting range to buy ``a pair of those big ear guards they wear.'' They did not suit her.
. . . Mrs. Pepper said the advantage to separate rooms was obvious: ``My husband is still alive. I would have killed him.''
. . . ``The builder knows, the architect knows, the cabinet maker knows, but it's not something they like to advertise because right away people will think something is wrong'' with the marriage.
. . . Ted Pepper's room, lined with a bank of windows that open onto a rooftop terrace, has none of the sleeping paraphernalia -- the sound machine, the sleeping mask -- found in his wife's room. The only evidence of his sleep habits is the twisted knot of sheets and blankets on his bed.
``Now, there's a demonstration,'' said Mr. Pepper, 67, gesturing toward the swirl of bedding and chuckling. ``She'd wake up if I moved even a little.''
The Peppers agree: separate bedrooms have added spice to their relationship. ``It's more exciting,'' Mrs. Pepper said, ``when you can say: `Your room or mine?' ''
- Full article at link above.
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
Except for occasionally... like when we travel or when we have company... we sleep in separate rooms.
It all began when I had to get up all night long with my bladder symptoms {IC}. Then I would be unable to fall asleep again because hubby is a snorer.
Big time snoring ... gets worse every year.
Now we're so used to sleeping separately that we REALLY have trouble when we have to sleep together.
My husband can fall asleep in 5 minutes too. Used to take me hours to fall asleep. Now I'm drugged!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
| IP: Logged |
mojo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9309
posted
I panic big time if I have to sleep in the same ROOM as my hubby. We are happily married for 27 years and have a "healthy" marraige but we don't sleep together. We haven't for many years due to my insomnia and his snoring.
When we go on vacation we usually get a suite if it's not too expensive so he can sleep in the other room. I think I know of all the inexpensive "suite" chains!
When we sleep on the boat one of us sleeps in the v bunk and the other sleeps at the stern.
And we live happily ever after!
Posts: 1761 | From USA | Registered: May 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Happily married here too.. 35 yrs this month!!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
| IP: Logged |
disturbedme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12346
posted
Seeing all the people who responded that they don't sleep together, it's really sad. I don't have any problems sleeping in the same bed with my husband. Of course we're young and newly married.
Sometimes I have pain and it hurts to be touched, but very seldom. Luckily, neither of us snore. *crosses fingers* So that's not a problem.
I think I'd have a harder time getting to sleep if I didn't have my husband beside me when I went to sleep. He gives me comfort and hope and the love I need to feel and know when I am so desperately sick.
-------------------- One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. ~ Helen Keller
My Lyme Story Posts: 2965 | From Land of Confusion (bitten in KS, moved to PA, now living in MD) | Registered: Jun 2007
| IP: Logged |
lymebytes
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11830
posted
No it isn't sad - it restful sleep! Happily married 24 years here!
If I feel the need to be hugged or held, I snuggle w/him...but off to my bed for sleep and I LOVE IT!
Keebler - YES! I heard on the news recently, that many couples whom are buying new homes are asking for dual master bedrooms, many married couples sleep in seperate rooms (w/o lyme) due to snoring or odd work hours, etc.
I have read upwards of 40% do not share the same bed anymore....I think it can save a marriage if one is rested, it helps to sleep and sleep heals.
He falls asleep in 2 mins, snores, farts, etc., and I am lying there awake, trying to keep the TV low so I don't wake HIM up (??).
So, when my daughter moved for college he took her old room. We both sleep better, and it stopped the fighting and elbowing in the middle of the night.
I read a study that said that 25% of all partners sleep in separate rooms now. There is a new trend towards a thing called a "snore room" being added to homes, or into new plans, so that both ppl have access to the master bath, but sleep apart.
Some are even soundproofed!!
I say whatever works!
Bunny
-------------------- 4 strong winds that blow lonely, 7 seas that run high.
All those things that don't change Come what may. Posts: 103 | From Dallas/ Fort Worth. TX | Registered: Dec 2007
| IP: Logged |
Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
-
I live alone in an apartment, but my downstairs neighbor's snoring has ruined my health for the past 18 months. And he's just on a long list of other neighbors with similar added features.
But, he is a nice guy and wonderful about not ever playing his bass heavy music without his headphones, so I gotta love him for that.
But ear plugs don't cut out snoring from even another apartment. Construction ear muffs help a bit more, but hurt my jaw. His snoring is so deep and harsh - and with sudden bursts - that I am rocketed awake scrambling to put my heart back in place.
The fridge in the kitchen/living room area is too vibrational, too, and bores through ear plugs, as does the sound from another neighbor's all night video games.
I've tried sleeping in the bathtub at times. My chiropractor loves that.
So - to all the builders of the world I beg:
* please insulate all walls, ceiling, floors and closets - not just for energy measures, but for SOUND measures, too. Hollow walls are horrific.
* Insist on manufacturers making only QUIET refrigerators and QUIET exhaust fans.
As we all live in closer quarters, these measures could literally change lives.
Zzzzzz.
-
[ 03. June 2008, 01:43 AM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
oxygenbabe
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5831
posted
Keebler, I can't use earplugs and there is a lot of noise in my building and surrounding areas (traffic, motorcycles, upstairs and downstairs apartments). In the winter it has become impossible with banging radiator pipes in the walls, but otherwise what works really well is a sound-oasis machine I have. I think the URL is sound-oasis.com. I have the machine that has a digital clock and sound cards, and is both battery operated and has a plug. I usually use white noise to sleep as its consistent but they have very high fidelity other sounds such as ocean surf and rain. It has really really helped. I also put on a normal marpac white noise machine across the room so it creates a kind of stereo effect. You should try it, it will drown out many sounds like snoring. The sound oasis machines are very high quality. And with sound cards you have a wide range of sounds to choose from.
Posts: 2276 | From united states | Registered: Jun 2004
| IP: Logged |
Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
-
oxygenbabe,
Thanks. I'm glad to have a name of a unit that works for you. I have gotten some cheaply made models and had to return them as the motor hum itself was off the charts.
I love the sound of rain. Yes, www.sound-oasis.com is the site. It looks far more substantial than what I've tried before.
What I'd really like is the sound of autumn leaves in the breeze. There is something about that frequency, timbre or whatever that actually soothes the nerves.
I've thought of building an igloo out of yoga blocks, but they are might pricey. It could take hundreds of yoga blocks for a little beehive.
I do have fun, though, thinking of designs. The "door" and air circulation is still a puzzle, though.
Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
-
oxygenbabe -
about the clanging radiators - I had that in an old Boston appt.,too.
Recently, I saw a edition (this is not the right word) of "This Old House" - they fixed a clanging radiator by installing a simple gadget between the radiator and the control knob.
You might be able to contact them - I love that show and all the guys. But if it's from clanging all through the bldg, everyone would have to get on board.
he has a Cpap for sleep apnea, and I take a ton of pain meds for pain, and I take ambien to sleep.
I am amazed at how many people suffer with pain and insomnia and wont take medication for it.
no disrepect here, but I just don't understand. if you had diabetes, would you take meds, if you had thyroid, would you take the meds? if you had mental illness would you take the meds?
so why not treat pain and insomnia?
I guess it doesn't help that most doctors are more ignorant about it than the patients.
pain and insomnia can actually kill if left untreated. they weaken the immune system to a point of exhaustion, and actually damage the nerves to a point of permanent damage.
Posts: 615 | From maryland | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
My hubby and I usually goto sleep together in same bed but one of us normally wakes up on the couch.
I have RLS so bad almost every night. I know I keep him awake with it so I tend to sneak down onto the couch.
I have to mention though that every night he scoots down to the middle of the bed with a blanket and lays his head on my back. He rubs my legs until I fall asleep. Having my legs rubbed sometimes quiets the RLS.
I usually wake up a couple of hours later though and it's bad again.
Since he is so sweet to help me I don't mind leaving so he can get some sleep.
posted
My hubby and I sleep in the same bed, but the problem I have is that he has to be way at the other end of the bed or I feel sick because I get so hot. It feels like I'm sleeping next to a heater.
Kathy
-------------------- You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. Posts: 807 | From South Dakota | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
oxygenbabe
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5831
posted
Keebler, I don't think they have an autumn leaves sound. I should tell you that I'm highly sensitive and cheaper sound machines have a blip of silence that is the repeating loop and I cannot *stand* it and it won't work for me. These sound cards are very sophisticated and I cannot hear any loop. Because I'm sensitive I don't think I could fall asleep to surf because it "swells" (though I like to work at my computer with it instead of music sometimes) or to rain because it has a pelting sound. But it all sounds very real. I would recommend the one I have because its portable, so if you want to keep it plugged in by your bed you can, but you can also travel with it, or move it into another room for a few hours. Also the digital clock is a nice feature. There is a volume feature and something called sleep enhancement that slows the signal to relax you. (Signal being the sound). This has a headset jack and I thought that might help with my radiator pipe noise but I felt that actually putting the noise in my ears would drive me crazy when I actually tried it.
The radiators--it's not mine. I never turn mine on. It's the renovations they did in the building, in which they screwed up the pitch of pipes in the walls. You can hear thuds pops and bangs in the wall and it is a building wide problem. In the winter it wakes me. Its a startling noise.
PS I just looked at the site. I have the Oasis 650.
Posts: 2276 | From united states | Registered: Jun 2004
| IP: Logged |
lymebytes
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11830
posted
Kathy, You made me think of another good point. My husband is cold a lot, where as I am constantly hot. He likes the electric blanket hot, I hate it, even the dual control thing didn't help..he emits heat...heat makes me sick.
posted
This is a super topic! Even though we have a spare room, I still do sleep with mine.
Although I toss and turn. I have severe insomia and night sweats. I can't snuggle with him anymore because I am just to hot.
I also can only sleep on my back. Due to my severe degenerative disc disease as well. That and on my left side.
I know he likes to sleep in but, I just can't. If I am up... I AM UP! I can't just lay there in bed trying to toss and turn to get comfy. Hoping to fall back alseep. Or wait till he gets up.
If I am hurting, I have to get up and move. If I don't the pain in my back and hips will get worse. Same with my muscle twitching and stinging. Why, I don't know. It's just worst when I lay down.
I'd like to sleep in seperate beds, but I'm afraid he wouldn't understand. Besides the fact that the sex drive has left close to four years ago.
I know it's because of my hormones and adrenals being all jacked up. IT SUCKS!!!
Posts: 109 | From San Antonio,Tx | Registered: May 2008
| IP: Logged |
posted
I CANNOT sleep if I am not next to my fiance.... If he works late (2am) I will be up until he gets home... I can only sleep with him next to me.
-------------------- "You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point you thought it was the end" Posts: 946 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2008
| IP: Logged |
tailz
Unregistered
posted
The only 'man' in my life is my cat, and I can tell pretty much how well I slept by where he is located when I wake up (which is often several times a night). If he's not next to my chest, on top of my chest, or at my feet, but rather on top of the futon next to me, I know I've been tossing and turning.
My problem isn't just Lyme - it's the electromagnetic fields in this home, which are HIGH.
IP: Logged |
posted
My hubby of 35 years and I still sleep together. On those nights when insomnia kicks in, I often end up on the couch sleeping very little. I know my tossing and turning disturbs him, so I get out and let him sleep.
He is off al meds right now and "may" be cured. Treatment for 2 years. I'm still in pain most of the time.
I know a couple who had a unique way of sleeping together. They had a queen size waterbed frame in which they placed a twin size regular mattress for him (has back problems) and she had a twin size waterbed on her half. Worked great for them. Alone and yet together at the same time.
-------------------- "Few of us can do great things, but all of us can do small things with great love". Mother Theresa
mojo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9309
posted
Not sad at all. Hubby and I are very much in love and we have a great relationship. It gets better and better even after 27 years.
His office is at home so we are together pretty much 24/7 so not sleeping in the same room is totally not an issue.
When I was newly married I would have thought this was, sad, too though.
Posts: 1761 | From USA | Registered: May 2006
| IP: Logged |
lymebytes
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11830
posted
I agree Mojo - 24 years for us, we are together 24/7 and we adore each other.
Sleeping in the same bed means very little when you have a deep heart connection in fact we care about each other enough to know that sleeping in different beds (same room) doesn't "separate" us. It might even cause us to be kinder to each other.
Sleep is an important factor in getting well, we both know that.
There was a married couple on TV that bought houses next door to each other. They are married and have their own house and say they are perfectly happy!
posted
i'm not the one with lyme..but i sleep most nights on the couch..he can lay there and and lay there and fall asleep...me i have always been a bad sleeper..so when he got sick, i will end up on the couch so he can rest...we always go to bed together and have for almost 43 years..but don't end up together..now i feel better to know this is a common problem
-------------------- madgen Posts: 342 | From newjersey | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged |
Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
Because of some insomnia (not as bad as it was)I sleep on the couch downstairs. For some reason I sleep better on the couch and then if I wake up at 1 AM. I just watch TV for a while. Since I am now retired I can sleep as long as I want in the morning if I didn't sleep too well at night.
Leonard
Posts: 43 | From Pella, Iowa | Registered: Nov 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Ah yes - those restless nights! Happily married - together 21 years. We got a wall bed for the office and it works very well for me. There's no way I can sneak out of bed withoput waking him as my side is next to a wall and I need to crawl out the end. He is a creature of habbit and likes that side. My husband snores (says I do too) and several years ago he got a "wave" white noise machine because he was waking himself up! LOL Anyway I don't miss that stupid machine - no way does it actually sound like waves crashing on the beach. We spend time in bed - spoon and make out, but when it's time to sleep - I'm off to the other room so he can sleep soundly!!!!
Posts: 641 | From So. CA | Registered: May 2008
| IP: Logged |
Yep us also! My insomnia is so bad we fianlly went to separate beds 5 years ago...It used to fell weird but now I cringe at the thought of sleeping with him. We are happily married for 15 years! You have to just do what works! Once I had my 2 kids, it was imperative that I get some type of sleep!
You would be surprised at how many "underground separate sleepers" there are these days!
Posts: 232 | From MN | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
My husband and I sleep in separate beds now- we are just too uncomfortable and crabby and plus he snors! Good sleep is so important in getting over this disease so anything we can do to benefit our health.....
Posts: 238 | From Bethlehem, PA | Registered: Oct 2004
| IP: Logged |
lymebytes
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11830
posted
Wow - most of us sleep in separate beds it looks like.
feelfit
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12770
posted
Start out together....ended up waking up together only one time this month. I usually move to the nice queen bed in the guest room and toss and turn and pull the sheets off till my hearts content!
Feelfit Posts: 3975 | From usa | Registered: Aug 2007
| IP: Logged |
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
I don't have any problems sleeping in the same bed with my husband. Of course we're young and newly married.
![[sleepy]](graemlins/sleepy.gif)
![[shake]](graemlins/shake.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[lol]](graemlins/lol.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic