posted
Maybe not the upbeat post you all would like to hear... I apologize.
I am 25 and I feel like this is really the end of me. I don't live a normal life anymore and I don't know how to pretend. I am still expected to go to work every day and support myself and pay my bills. I am in the hole on sick days and medical bills keep piling up. Thats really the least of my concerns too.
If I exert myself, at all... I am shaky and weak. I've worked 12 hours today and I absolutely feel like death is upon me. Its not a specific area or feeling. It is all over me.
I take my medicine like I'm supposed to, and while I've improved vastly since my diagnosis and at the height of my illness, I am still very sick and I've given up on ever being normal or feeling well again. I'm not going to get well. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I know it happens somewhere every day. I just am admitting it finally.
Its funny because before this disease I was terrified of the thought of dying. Now I've actually found myself thinking: "It won't be so bad (dying young), it will not be painful anymore or maximum effort like living is". It is so sad to say that at my age.
I don't know what else to say other than that I used to be a big strong young man who never cried and had it all together. Right now its taking everything i have to fight back the tears from rollin down my face. Life is a funny thing.
I have been where you are...honestly, I would wake up in the morning disappointed that I didn't pass away in my sleep. LIFE WAS TORTURE!! I have 2 small children and I honestly had come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't see them grow up (this was the hardest part). It wasn't about not wanting to fight, it was the feeling that no matter how hard I fought, I wouldn't get better.
Here I am, 2.5 years after my first horrible lyme symptoms started, living life again. It isn't to say some days or moments aren't still challenging but I no longer wish the plane I hear flying overhead would crash into me and take me out of my misery. It isn't about being suicidal as much as not wanting to suffer anymore, right?
Life is worth living for me now.
How long have you been treating?? My bet is that there are plenty more treatments for you to try. Science is working hard and I know that in the near future we will have a better understanding of these diseases....and therefore, better treatment options.
You are young....take things one day at a time and know this is a long haul....
Kristin
[ 22. August 2008, 07:57 PM: Message edited by: KS ]
Posts: 561 | From mass | Registered: Jul 2007
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djf2005
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11449
posted
please dont give up man.
im in the same place.
im 25, been 2 yrs since i got so ill. i used to be able to work 60 hour weeks (i was a construction foreman), bench 300 lbs, and was just a machine (or so i thought)
needless to say i am a shell of what i used to be able to do, but I WILL GET BETTER, BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE ALTERNATIVE.
i too am slightly better since the onset of this hidious $%##%^& illness, but still only at about 20-30% on GOOD days.
KEEP HANGING IN THERE OK?
try to cut back some at work and get some support if u need it.
posted
Well, Clint...I'll bet there are many of us who have dealt with the dark thoughts you have expressed today. It does feel like you will die. That's just how bad it can get. But...you know what? You aren't going to die!
What you will do is get better. Especially a strong young man like you! I'm 71 and I made it...and you will, too. This disease tests your will, your strength, your faith in God, and challenges everything you have ever wanted or hoped to do with your life. It feels like the game is over, and the score is Lyme 95 and you 0.
This is no disease for sissies. It takes every ounce of patience and fortitude you can muster. Put the thoughts you have into a journal each day. One day you will look back and ask yourself how you ever made it.
Soon enough you will write in your journal that you had a good day. You may crash again the next day, but you had a good day and more will come.
While you are waiting for those good days that will come...I promise...you need to be good to yourself. There comes a point when you have to realize that you can't keep going like you did when you had your good health. Maybe you'll have to take a medical leave from your job, or apply for temporary disability. Your body needs time to heal.
So...listen to this old grandma and believe me when I tell you that if I can make it...you can too. Never let the stinkin tick that slymed you win!
I am sending you a big hug...and some prayers, too, that you will see improvement, and soon. My five year old grandson got lyme after I did. Missed a lot of school, and got to spend days with his lymie grandma. Sitting in my lap one day, with his heart racing, he looked up at me and asked me if he was going to die. It was a moment I will never forget. A five year old should not be thinking of his mortality. And neither should a 25 year old.
He went off abx at age 11, and is 15 now and very healthy, thank the Lord! But it took 6 years in his case.
Keep the faith...be kind to yourself...and consider that you may have to make some life changes while you recover.
-------------------- nan Posts: 2135 | From Tick Country | Registered: Oct 2000
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Vermont_Lymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9780
posted
Clint,
Hang in there. You will get past this and regain your health. Treatment works, but it is tough to go through and takes longer than any of us would wish.
But you will have to go through this rough patch first. Better days are on their way. Get a funny movie and just hang on the couch til you feel better! Hope that is soon.
Posts: 2557 | From home | Registered: Aug 2006
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lymebytes
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11830
posted
I don't think there isn't ONE of us here that this post couldn't belong to.
I have felt like this and I know other's can relate.
You will feel better IN TIME. This disease, I have learned is a JOKE..I have felt like I was walking out of it and been slammed again so hard I felt like I was thrown backwards 2 years. Slowly but surely I will get well I intend fully to be on the Success Stories post here. Read some of these success stories: http://flash.lymenet.org/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=015820
I was the happiest go lucky person before LD, didn't know a depressed day in my life. I have cried now more tears than rainfall we have gotten in the last 2 years.
It is hard, it seems impossible, it also has taught me not to fear death either. I don't fear it. But I want to live...so I go on..pushing on, believing every morning that today could be the day that changes everything. If today didn't turn out to be "that" day, I believe tomorrow may be...I just keep believing and hoping, if you don't this can consume you.
There is an old saying, "It is always darkest before the dawn" - I have seen dawn and then it recedes..I know it is coming and you gotta believe it is.
One decision I made for myself that helped is that I refuse anymore to herx to the "death point"...I have been there and it isn't fun. If you are herxing, maybe you need to ask to cut back on abx some. You might find this interesting regarding herxing too hard: http://tinyurl.com/6at7wg
My LLMD has come to the conclusion that people on 5 abx vs 2 get well no faster, so instead he says, "do what you can without feeling crazy or suicidal". It helps...I take my abx, I am on a lower dose, crawling like a snail toward the finish line, but I will get there, I don't know if it will be 5 months or 5 years.
Don't mourn your healthy days, you could be months away from a total and complete breakthrough, days even, who knows? You will feel "health" again. You will.
Everyone who has a sucess story of getting well, ALWAYS at some point, say the thought they were going to die.
I will tell you one thing after a couple of years of this, it is really boring and old, it has become absurd to the point, it is almost laughable.
If the doses of abx are too high and causing you to feel much, much worse, ask your LLMD to cut you back.
You will get there and one day we will see your success story here and this post will be a distant memory.
6 in my family have Lyme - I know and despise this disease more than you know. My husband, son and I all have it. It has stolen our money, health, but it will NOT steal my future. There really is only one way and that is through.
posted
When I first got sick, I kept thinking if it gets too bad, I can always kill myself. But I have 2 children and a wonderful husband, so I decided I would beat this. I was very shakey every morning, spent most days in bed. I would get dizzy and faint if I was standing for more than 4 minutes. Flash forward 2 years..I walk 50 minutes a day for exercise, returned to work part time. I no longer feel dizzy, shakey, my heart rate has slowed, I don't throw up every morning..I'm almost "there"
You will get there also..take it day by day, try to find joy in the little things..that got me thru (and lexapro)
Posts: 561 | From eastcoast | Registered: Aug 2006
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AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
Hang in there Clint
It will get better. It just often takes more time then we would like.
Try to rest and sleep as much as you need... I know that is probaly impossible with your scheldule but sleep is important to healing.
Please also realize that besides frustrating and making us sad about all of the other symptoms we have to deal with that lyme can effect our brains and depression is one of the symptoms of lyme disease.
Hang in there Clint.. It will get better... I know pushing through... and struggling to struggle ... gets old.. but
hang in there .... it will get better... don't loose hope
sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13952
posted
Clint,
I'm 26, have to work to support myself too. It is hard but we do what we have to do. And it is hard to pretend that everything is OK when you feel so terribly. I understand the weak, shaky, brain dead, completely worn out about to die feeling. You are not alone in this.
Clint, you have to keep fighting. Don't give up. Take it one day at a time. You have to believe that you will get better.
I've been sick for 4yrs, just started treating about 2-3 months ago and starting to see some slight improvements. This winter I really truly did think that I was going to die, my body was so so weak. At times (in extreme unrelenting pain)I have wished that I would die. I'm glad now that I haven't.
Clint you have good reason to keep hoping. You are treating, you are fighting, you are still alive so you can have hope. You've got to keep hoping.
I'm at a loss for words here(that brain dead effect), so i'll just send a hug, that's probably what you need most right now anyways, to help you get through.
Take care Clint Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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METALLlC BLUE
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6628
posted
No giving up Clint. I spent far too long writing my e-mail response to you. If you give up, I wasted my time.
That's a joke. Don't throw in the towel or I'll kick your *** ... well, your corpse's *** , or something.
-------------------- I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.
I am new HERE but not to the suffering you are experiencing right now.
Please hang in there - I - we all - need you to do that.
Just now I was feeling hopeless too.
I haven't even begun treatment and this has been destroying my body for 15 or more years.
But then I got a phone call...
Several weeks ago, I was frantically scrambling to find a local support group. I was full of fear and dread - panicking for treatment.
FINALLY, I had figured it out - what was killing me and stripping away my life. Finally, I found the culprit who was destroying my family. But no one would hear me - no one would treat me.
I left a message for a lady who was featured in an article about LD in our local newspaper... back in 2000.
Sadly, I soon learned that she had passed away, (in the Obit section here.)
That phone call was from her daughter, who still receives MANY calls from people just like me.
She returns our calls to let us know that the group that her mother formed is still meeting!
She is carrying on her mother's legacy.
She then told me that I WOULD get better. That I just needed to be treated and properly. Hearing her say those words to me brought me to tears and meant more to me than I could ever convey here.
YOU WILL GET BETTER, Clint !
Sam
P.S. Vermont_Lymie's suggestion of a movie is advice that I just couldn't follow until I was stuck in my bedroom for 3 days...
But it worked - it helped a lot.
Not sure of your preferences but may I recommend: "Harold & Kumar's escape from Gitmo". (I don't know how to spell Guantanomo Bay) Not my usual genre but had me in stitches.
Apparently, it was a sequel... So I sent out for their first movie: "Harold & Kumar go to White Castle"
Hope it works like the first! I'll let you know.
Hang in there !
[ 22. August 2008, 11:06 PM: Message edited by: sameetra ]
Posts: 68 | From Pittsburgh | Registered: Aug 2008
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Jane2904
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15917
posted
Clint, Hang in there!!!!
My daughter was diagnosed in June with Lyme. She
has spent all summer long in the house from being ill.
The antibiotics really haven't made a difference,
She is one month into some natural meds. that the
Dr. believes will make her better. They say slow
and steady, but it hard to tell that to a 12
year old that is so tired of missing fun and friends.
I encourage her every night, when she asks me will I ever get better.
She will get better and so will you. Don't push
yourself right now. Try and work fewer hours and
rest as much as you can. Be thankful you know what
you are fighting. You will win!!! Hang in There,
You can fight this!!!!!
Posts: 1357 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
Clint i respect the fact that yer still holding down the job!!! Theres alot of people on here around the same age. Im in my twentys and had to stop working in 06 and this disease has really screwed up my life. Dont give up your to young you will get well. Brian
Posts: 217 | From Everywhere | Registered: Nov 2006
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disturbedme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12346
posted
Clint, I know what you're going through. We all do.
I'm only 24, married, and at a terrible point in my life right now because of what this disease has done. I lost so much due to this illness. I lost my job, so my husband and I are in a very bad situation with finances. I don't want to go back to work full-time and have been trying hard to find something at home or part time at an office, but it's so hard. No one is hiring it seems. We're at such a bad place financially, I'm pretty much just going to have to go back to work full-time at an old job and just hope I can do it and hope it doesn't make me sicker than I am... and if it does because stress does that, then I have no idea what we'd do.
I am going to tell you what I had put in an earlier post yesterday: It takes most people a year, even a few years of treatment to see REAL progress. It took me about a year to notice some real difference.
I know how you feel. I was there many times, and I still get back to that feeling on my bad days. I was sooooo extremely ill that I too wanted to just die. I, many times, would lie there begging to just die on the spot.
Like someone else said, this disease is very tough to fight. It's possible and you WILL get better, but it takes time, a lot longer than most people want to believe or wait for. You have to be strong, that's all you can be with this disease. Lyme definitely tests your faith in whatever you believe in. It tests your strength, etc.
But you will be a better person for fighting it and winning.
-------------------- One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. ~ Helen Keller
My Lyme Story Posts: 2965 | From Land of Confusion (bitten in KS, moved to PA, now living in MD) | Registered: Jun 2007
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feelfit
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12770
posted
Hey Clint,
Hugs to you. Just want to tell you something that I hope will give you HOPE.
I have been sick for 9 1/2 months. Everyday, mostly bedbound. And after I'd said a million times "I hope that I don't wake up in the morning", miraculously this past Monday afternoon
MY SYMPTOMS LESSENED!
this is the strange thing about this disease, ya never know when or how....
Don't lose hope.
PS, I was sick for 15-18 yrs on and off before dx. When I started treating (2007), I became WAY worse w/o let up.
Feeling very hopeful......you will see that day too!
Feelfit Posts: 3975 | From usa | Registered: Aug 2007
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Beverly
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 1271
posted
Hang in there Clint it will get better, all of us lymies have been there.
Today after 7 years of abx treatment, I am much better and am now working. I never thought during the years I could not get out of bed that I would be working but I am.
I used to get very shaking and weak also, and I know how scary it is and how hard it is to believe that it will get better. Lyme treatment takes a long time.
So please please hang in there, you will get past this and get better.
-------------------- God Bless You! Everything..is just my opinion. Posts: 6638 | From Michigan | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
Clint, sorry you are feeling so bad. It sounds like you are most likely herxing. I remember feeling exactly as you describe, just as a lot of us here.
I got bitten when I was 10. Back in the early 70's nothing was known about the disease. I was misdiagnosed for years. I had some times where I felt good with just minimal symptoms that I thought were normal, then other times (three of them) where I felt so bad I couldn't work for three months.
Then, I got sick about five years ago for the fourth time. It took four years to get diagnosed, and even then it was only because of my own research.
I started treatment and the herx was so bad I could not walk to the bathroom without help.
Here is is 18 months later, I've had Lyme, babesia, and bartonella for 35 years, and I feel great. I'm not done with treatment .... I have not had one day, much less one month symptom-free, but I get weeks at a time like today where I felt about 90% well. Not bad for having been sick for so long.
You are treating much earlier than I did. You can clear it completely. Become familiar with Dr. B's guidelines, they work. It's not like treating strep throat where you take an abx and just get better.
You need to strengthen your immune system, get enough rest and sleep, exercise, eat right, etc. You WILL get well.
I can run circles around a lot of people my age. Hang in there. You may wish to die (I know I did), but you won't .... you have to treat and get better .... the only other option is to just get worse. It stinks, but that's all we've got.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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seekhelp
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 15067
posted
Please don't give up Clint too. I'm 33 and I can relate as well. Back in October 2007, I feel my life was stolen away by Lyme and other TBIs.
After 6 visits to the ER, days where I just bury myself in bed wondering how am I going to get through the muscle tension, weakness, dizziness, etc., it's hard.
I just started treatment. It's relieving to hear others beat this or are 90%+ better. It's incentive to keep going.
I'm going to continue to explore options. I sincerely hope you do as well. I give you all the credit in the world for starting treatment again and recognizing the issue.
I wish you the best.
Posts: 7545 | From The 5th Dimension - The Twilight Zone | Registered: Mar 2008
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
- by Kenneth B. Singleton , MD; James A. Duke. Ph.D. (Foreword)
You can read more about it and see customer reviews.
-
[ 23. August 2008, 12:39 AM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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cottonbrain
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 13769
posted
Hi Clint,
I understand how hard it is -- I've been there; so have a lot of people here.
The first three years of my illness i kept working -- I used to come home from work and collapse into my bed with all my clothes and shoes on. looking back, i don't know how i survived it
but i do know this: only when i quit working did i begin to improve. The importance of rest cannot be overstated.
Is there any way at all that you can quit working or go on temporary leave? Maybe you could check with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission to see if there are any protections for workers who get sick?
also, is it possible for you to apply for disability benefits?
Hang in there, and remember to say NO when you need to. take care of yourself.
Posts: 1173 | From USA | Registered: Nov 2007
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lymielauren28
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 13742
posted
Awww...Clint, I just wanna wrap my arms around you! I have "those" days a couple of days a week...I'm 28 - got sick when I was 25.
I completely understand what you're going through and all of your hopeless feelings. Hang in there sweety! Better days are coming, I promise.
Lauren
-------------------- "The only way out is through" Posts: 1434 | From mississippi | Registered: Nov 2007
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
clint,
you have this GIGANTIC LYME FAMILY HERE you can talk to anytime, rant, CRY; YES, MEN CAN CRY; or just share what is going on in your life.
we all care! we're walking in your shoes.
i'm 59; married 34 yrs. in october, and my husband has NEVER known me healthy!! he married me for RICH OR POORER, IN SICKNESS OR IN GOOD HEALTH....
i've had chronic lyme 38.5 years; 34 years MISDIAGNOSED BY 40-50 drs! yuk!
it's been longer for tutu; so we're here to tell you not to give up.
I'M NOT; i was hoping to get into remission so my husband can get to know the REAL ME.
but his health is failing with advanced parkinson's disease and extremely rolling hand tremors where he can't do anything anymore and falling more.
so we are just GOING TO ENJOY EACH OTHER DAILY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! what will be; will be!
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Vermont_Lymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9780
posted
Hi Clint,
Hope you are feeling better today, it's the weekend!
I have to work to pay the bills too, and the weekends are essential for rest and herxing.
When I first started treatment, hot baths with epsom salts and baking soda helped me feel better and relax. Treatment is much easier now for me, and you will get there too!
Posts: 2557 | From home | Registered: Aug 2006
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NanaDubo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 14794
posted
Hey Clint - You really do need to cut down on the work. You must rest.
Many times I would wake up in the morning and say - damn, I'm still alive.
I thought of all kinds of ways to off myself - too chicken - but really the truth is I want to live - not die.
I was under treated for lyme 8 years ago. I just started treatment in March after spending alll of Feb in bed.
6 months later (and it might not be the same for all) I am at 80% in general, 90% on a great day and 50% on a horrible day.
Guess what? The horrible days don't happen very often any more.
I haven't worked in all this time because I couldn't. Ask for help from family with the bills for awhile if you can. Do what ever you can to make things easier for yourself.
The bills will still be there. Get a roommate or anything you can think of that will help.
Rest, rest, rest and rest some more. It really is important.
posted
Well for one thing, stop wasting energy holding back the tears.....you feel like crying rightly so, and like sweating, it is a form of detox. I feel you are too hard on yourself.
Give in to your feelings occassionally, just don't lose hope. I recently posted one similar to yours and the way I feel now is on a whole new level.
Not where I want to be but way better.
Rest all you can so you can hold up. Are you taking good vitamins?
Did you know you can get injectable B12 from several Canadian pharmacies w/o a prescription for less than $20.00? HUGE help. I give myself a small shot everyday.
Are you soaking in a hydrogen/epsom salt bath? Also very helpful.
I feel for you, but can only stand with the others and say you have to keep trying, it is slow but sure. Rolling over is not an option.
-------------------- 3 Strains Mycoplasma and Chlymedia 2001. After treatment fine for all 2004. Major symptoms since 2005. Diag Aug 2008 Lyme. 400 mg/d doxy 500 2/d Ceftin Posts: 164 | From Texas | Registered: Jun 2008
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Just want to say that I really appreciate everyone in the last few days and within this thread that has messaged me. There's been a special few people I've had the opportunity to talk to that have helped lift my spirits some--and some that have just helped me relate and told me its going to be 'ok'. whatever 'ok' means haha. You know who you are, and thank you. And thank you for everyone who showed enough that they care... even without knowing me.
I know we're all in this together. That is what makes lymenet great and a welcome place to come. So many good people who try to help. I appreciate it.
So yeah, I'm still kicking. Hasn't killed me yet. Thanks again... not sure if I'll never feel this way again, but I really appreciate those who cared enough about my well being to wonder how i'm doing.
posted
Clint, I totally understand how you feel and have been there. Its scary and can seem so lonely all the time.
This disease is the hardest thing I have had to go through. I had more times than I can count just wanted to give up. Cause I said at least then all this pain and problems will end.
But now I see things differently, lyme is not going to beat me I'm going to beat lyme, and I will not give up
i'm gonna fight for me and my kids and will not accept the fact that i might not see them grow up
I know some where which I cannot see yet there will be light and a better day, a day that i will get my life back.
And I WILL NOT accept anything less, nor should you look for the light it will be there one day
-------------------- Christina Posts: 102 | From Lacey Washington | Registered: Jul 2008
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sparkle7
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10397
posted
Many of us feel this way... You are not alone!
Sometimes, I just get mad at the fact that I feel so dis-empowered & it makes me want to fight it more.
I hope we will all find the best way to get through this fu(%*ng illness.
There are many approaches. If the abx don't work, there are other things to try. Just try to hang on to your hope...
I'm not sure why we are all going through this but there must be something we can learn from it. You just have to try to take it one step at a time.
Posts: 7772 | From Northeast, again... | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
cadames... i'm told despite how we feel we wont die from it. Our age and diagnosis have things in our favor. I just feel like im dying a lot of times.
I dont know.. I guess we really cant DIE from it... but still the fear is there
posted
i have also been there clint, so many of us have. i would like to share this poem with all of you. it is one of my favorites.
be patient with all that is unresolved in your heart, and try to love the questions themselves. do not seek for the answers that cannot be given, for you would not be able to live them, and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now, and perhaps, without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into the future.
maybe someday they will have the answers to this horrible disease for all of us, until then, i guess we do kind of have to live the questions the best we can. hang in there clint...and everyone who is feeling this way.
kathy
Posts: 97 | From Simpsonville KY USA | Registered: Jul 2002
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Hoosiers51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15759
posted
Clint, you are improving. You are on the upswing. If you were going to die, you would have died already! Posts: 4590 | From Midwest | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
lol i was beigining to think i was nuts being sick for two years but dr's telling me im healthy
they were driving me nuts
-------------------- Christina Posts: 102 | From Lacey Washington | Registered: Jul 2008
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lymeladyinNY
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10235
posted
Lately I've been feeling as you have, Clint. I had such a good 3 weeks this summer. I really thought I'd had a breakthrough and Lyme might just become a nuisance for me, rather than an all-consuming monster.
But now, I'm feeling like I've had a major setback and I'm feeling very depressed.
I never really prayed to God to ask Him to take Lyme disease away from me. But recently I've been reading two Guideposts books about prayer and intervention and in those books there are many stories about people who have prayed to God to change whatever bad thing was happening to them and the prayers were answered.
I thought to myself, "Why not me? I'm going to ask God to heal me from Lyme." Not just to help me get through it but to let me LIVE here, on earth, again.
So, last night I prayed for a long time to be healed of Lyme - something I've never done for myself before. I will pray hard for you and all Lymenetters, too.
Even if God doesn't answer the way I'd like, just the action of praying made me feel more peaceful last night.
Today I feel more hopeful. Take care - Lymelady
-------------------- I want to be free Posts: 1170 | From Endicott, NY | Registered: Sep 2006
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