posted
About a month ago my daughter 12 had sponge rollers in her hair. She wakes up, her hair starts falling out, no joke. I never saw it fall out after that happened. I discovered that she started cutting her hair. For those who do not know my story here is a brief version.
I'm divorced from her dad who is a prescription drug addict and very abusive. I have two daughters, this one has lyme her sister doesn't.
My daughter went to middle school this year. None of her friends from elementary were with her. She said no one likes her, she gets teased, etc. She feels she doesn't fit into any group. The only way according to d12 that anyone likes her is if they're mad at there regular friends then they'll be friends with her.
She hates school so much she doesn't want to go, she cries, etc. I tried switching schools and no one would take her in the middle of the year.
We had a two week break from the holiday. Every thing seemed fine. Yesterday she goes back to school and because her hair is so short (boy cut), she got teased non stop and she really has no friends. She tells me yesterday she is never going back to that awful place. I'm not happy about it but have no options.
Today she wakes up, tells me her hair is falling out again. I'm not buying it. I look in her night stand next to her bed and see hair all over a pair of scissors she put in the night stand. I aks her if she cut it, she denies it, I then tell her I see hair on the scissors and show her. She proceeds to tell me that it did fall out but she cut a little.
Obviously school is awful and she can't take the stress. Last month when I discovered she was cutting her hair, I call her pediatrician and she suggest I get a psych eval for her. I made an appointment for her to see someone but he can not get her in until the end of this month. Apparently there's some mental illness there. Exh and has mom our both on meds for depression. She also said to me she doesn't know why she's alive and has nothing to look forward to.
I put an emergency call into her pediatrician but don't know what else to do. Do I meet with the school counselor and tell her? Do I pull her out and home school her. What are my options in this case? I do have my own business and work from home however I'm extremely busy.
I'm beside my self not knowing where to turn.
Posts: 911 | Registered: Mar 2005
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There's no more helpless a feeling than a parent who doesn't know how to help her child.
I'm thinking and praying for you (all three) .................................................
Now, That said...
I would definitely speak with the school counsellor, let her/him know there's a problem and she needs help dealing with it.
I'd shy away from mentioning anything about mental illness, though.
That will label her and IMO she will be put in the category of those who really aren't worth the effort.
Also, you don't know it to be true.
I have a daughter same age - Middle School adjustment this year- and I would seek help with a psychologist or counsellor if I was facing a problem this extreme.
Stay strong. Posts: 797 | From New York | Registered: Feb 2008
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2roads
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4409
posted
Hey.
I have a daughter who is now 14 with Lyme/bart history.
When she was 12 she was shunned. It was awful. Not because she was post lyme(I'm very private) or because there was something wrong with her, but because she happens to be in a long line of Simon family off-spring that have always been harassed. My brother was chased up a tree. When he came down for the last time he became a black belt. My sister was beaten up endlessly in the girls locker room. Me, the mental cruelty, outrageous.
I had to get the police involved on my daughters behalf at one point, and she was attending a private religious school at that time. She was relatively new to town.
Kids can be awful. Be sure to separate someone elses problems out first before accrediting it to your own. Sit down and have a talk about how school conditions could be bettered in an ideal world.
I would contact the counselor to try to achieve some of the things that would make your daughter more comfortable. I agree to say nothing about mental issues or Lyme.
It's a fine line. You want to report trouble makers, but you don't want her to get picked on by them if they find out you reported them. But, you need to defend her. I went to the principal. Three of the violators were teachers children in the school. You know what they say about the shomakers children....they have no shoes.
It's important that she feels psychologically as well as possible for a 12 year old to reduce stress while recovering from TBD's.
If you do any mental eval, do it privately....outside of school. You don't want the label. I think she's crying out in a way she knows how to say life at school sucks....help. That's normal. It's the trouble makers that aren't.
Hang in there-
2raods
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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2roads
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
ps-Give her something outside school to look forward too. I sent my daughter back to Pa alone on a plane at 13 after Christmas to my sisters, because she said the same thing.
Look into a hobby in or out of school. Give her that self-worth that others try to take away. I could go on about our suffrage.
Is she good at a sport, or has potential. Swimming helped my daughter find her self worth and respect from others. One person, in particular, that still hates her for no reason, who ended up at a different high school in town, still obsesses about my daughter. Sources tell my daughter of the awful ranting of this girl. Some people are nuts.
Middle school is rough. High school was better for all of us. More blends of kids, more opportunity to make friends. Remind her that high school is more liberating.
If she needs help in a subject arrange a tutor.
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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I'm so sorry to hear your story and how you both are suffering. Children can be extremely cruel to a classmate who seems "different" in any way, and for children with Lyme this can be one of the most unbearable aspects of their illness.
Of course I don't know your daughter's particular situation, but it might be worth considering the possibility that your girl is both losing some hair ***and*** cutting it. Hair loss does occur in Lyme (thankfully it is usually temporary), and at 12 your girl is at an age where physical appearance and the need to "fit in" are starting to become all-important. She may be trying to cut her hair to hide bits that are uneven from hair loss, or to create a different hairstyle to hide patches of thinner hair.
Try not to be angry with her whatever is going on, even if she is lying to you about her hair. What she needs most of all from you is your love and understanding.
I personally think a psychiatric direction for your child's care is not a good idea, unless you are fortunate enough to have access to a psychiatrist who understands Lyme as a neuropsychiatric illness.
Your girl is already suffering because as a Lymie, she is different to other children. Her self-esteem will already be very low.If she is labelled as a psychiatric case, this could be catastrophic fo her self-image and her future.
Psychiatric treatment by a non-Lyme literate doctor also exposes your child to the risk of serious physical harm, as real organic deficits may be treated as psychogenic, and inappropriate brain-acting medication may be prescribed.
If you can find some form of Lyme-literate counselling for her, this might be better. Depression can occur as an organic symptom of Lyme, and a Lyme-literate psychiatrist might be able to gauge if this is occurring.
However, IMO the exceptional level of suffering that most Lymies have to endure on a psychological and social level because of the ignorance about this disease is enough in itself to cause depression in the victim. This depression is not a result of malfunctioning brain chemistry, but a natural reaction to unbearable stress. Just as it is normal, not pathological, for a person to feel depressed after a bereavement.
If your girl is cutting her hair because she is so deeply depressed that she feels she needs to self-harm, then she does need the urgent intervention of a skilled person, but again - it must be a Lyme-literate person.
If home-schooling, or even a change of school, can help your girl feel better, then try that option.
When making your decision as to what to do, be aware that in some areas parents of Lyme children who do not agree to follow the routes recommended by mainstream (and Lyme-ignorant) professionals find themseves subject to all kinds of false accusations. Therefore assess your situation very carefully before you make any major decision.
Something like refusing a psychiatric referral and using an LLMD instead, or choosing to home-school a child, can sometimes trigger a catastrophic chain of events when health, education, social work or other professionals do not believe the child has Lyme, or do not believe it affects the child as severely as it does.
Parents have been accused of Munchausens-by-proxy and had their children removed by social services (see article by Dr Virginia Sherr of ILADS at www.thehumansideoflyme.net ), or alternatively the child has been subjected to inappropriate forced inpatient treatment in a psychiatric unit, where they may suffer real harm.
Here in the UK some years ago a 12 year old boy in a wheelchair due to CFS-M.E. , (which as you probably know is often caused by Lyme)was forcibly incarcerated in a mental health unit against his and his parents' will. Doctors tried to "cure" his inability to move his limbs by tipping him, headfirst, into the deep end of a swimming pool.
The "cure" did not work and he had to be rescued from drowning. It was a shocking abuse of a sick child, organised by mental health professionals who no doubt sincerely believed they were acting in the boy's best interests at the time.
This is an extreme example and I am not trying to worry you, but only to warn you so that you can avoid any worst-case scenario. Try and get as much advice as possible from any Lyme-aware professionals you can access, before acting.
I wish you and your little girl the best of luck.
Elena Cook
-------------------- Justice will be ours. Posts: 786 | From UK | Registered: Oct 2007
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sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
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posted
Dear Tickalert, my heart goes out to you and your daughter.
I hope that your pediatrician gets back with you asap. Your daughter needs help now. "She doesn't know why she's alive and has nothing to look forward to" says it all.
With the family history of depression, stress of life and the difficult situation at school might just be too much for her to handle on her own. Please seek out a psychiatrist or psychologist that specializes in pediatric and adolescent care.
If your doctor cannot help you, contact a local hospital. They should be able to refer you to an inpatient program if needed. If she is admitted to an inpatient program, even for a just 1 night, they will immediately start evaluation and get the ball rolling for finding the right treatment. Since she is cutting her hair and stating that she has nothing to live for she may be considered a danger to herself which is the key for direct admission into these programs.
Unfortunately there are not alot of psychiatrists and psychologists that specialize in the care of children, and many do not accept insurance making it even more difficult to find the help you need. That is why I mentioned the inpatient program, drastic yes but it gets you started in the right direction.
Middle school is cruel. If you can get her the help that she needs now (someone to talk to, develop coping skills, etc...)hopefully she will be able to grow and enjoy the rest of her schooling.
Good luck, you are in my prayers Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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TerryK
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posted
I feel for you and your daughter. I had lyme as a child and I was very depressed although I didn't know that's what it was until much later.
Others have mentioned depression and from what you've said, it does seem like that is a liklihood.
Has she had her thyroid and blood sugars checked? If her hair is falling out and she hasn't had these checked, they should be checked.
I can't add much to the great advice that you've already recieved except that if it were me, I'd probably find someone who does a great job with kids hair (maybe find one who does other kids hair at school that she likes) and take her to a hair dresser to see if they can help her with a new cut. Something to make her feel better about herself.
If you can afford it, take her out for a new outfit or something along those lines to help her feel like she looks better.
I know these are just cosmetic changes and won't take her depression or illness away but they might make her feel better about herself.
Wishing you and your daugter better health and happiness.
Terry
Posts: 6286 | From Oregon | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
I thought of something after I added my comment before.
My daughter, who is not depressed, does not have lyme, but is adjusting to her 1st year of Middle School, has cut her hair a few times too.
This may be your daughter's way of trying to control something in her life. Maybe she's trying to fix thin patches?
That wouldn't be my worry as much as the hopelessness she seems to express.
Life is tough for a 12 year old without lyme.
I can't imagine how overwhelmed she must feel.
About changing schools: change is also very stressful. And people are people, wherever you go.
Posts: 797 | From New York | Registered: Feb 2008
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Geneal
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posted
Hair cutting can be a form of OCD.
Has your daughter been treated for bartonella?
Sending prayers for your daughters and you.
Praying also that someone get back with you quickly.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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lymednva
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posted
To answer your original question, yes, absolutely get in touch with the school counselor. When I was teaching I used the counselor to help with this type of situation.
While it could be caused by Lyme, it could also be due to the changes in her family life and the abusive situation with her dad.
I agree with those who have said to be sure to make contact with the pediatrician. You also should call the psychiatrist's office and tell them what is going on. You may be able to get her appointment moved up.
Her comment that she doesn't know why she is alive should be considered very seriously. Perhaps you can take her to the ER if you are unable to get help any other way.
When a person is considered an imminent danger to self or others they can be hospitalized and evaluated., At least that way you would get help and know she is safe.
I believe that as a minor it is easier to have this done than with an adult. My only experience is with an adult child.
There are also suicide hotlines that you could call for advice. Finally a great source of info on mental illness is www.nami.org. It's the website for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill.
-------------------- Lymednva Posts: 2407 | From over the river and through the woods | Registered: Apr 2006
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lymielauren28
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My heart really goes out to your daughter. Twelve was a hard age for me - I remember it well. There are so many changes going on inside and outside of your body and so many adjustments to make. Throw some mean kids and Lyme in mix and it can be unbearable.
I have to agree with most of the others here - I would shy away from any type of mental health label or anyone in the mental health field - UNLESS they are Lyme Literate. If she gets labeled with a mental illness, if it's Lyme - related (and it probably is) she will be stuck with that label for the rest of her life. It will make it that much more difficult for her to be taken seriously by anybody in the medical profession - all of her physical symptoms will be brushed off by the docs as "mental". She doesn't need that and neither do you.
Not only that, but if she kicks Lyme I'm willing to bet that her emotional issues will go out the door with it - but she'll still have "mental illness" stuck in her medical file.
Also, as eight-legs said if you take her to a psychologist who isn't Lyme Literate they're very likely going to pump her full of psychotropic drugs and I doubt that's what she needs. She probably needs heavy doses of antibiotics and the like. Is she being treated for Lyme now?
Then again if you do take her to a Lyme psychologist they may decide that she does need some type of anti-depressant but they will be skilled in all things Lyme. Most people with Lyme can only tolerate very tiny amounts of these types of drugs.
One thing I would suggest: Do you have any type of Big Brother Big Sister program where you live? I think it would be good for her to have someone outside of the family to talk to - a mentor. She's probably getting to that wonderful age where she doesn't want to open up to you or anyone else in the immediate family - very normal. Having a "Big Sister" to confide in would probably be really helpful for her.
Anyhow, I do hope she gets the help she needs and my heart just broke when I read her story. Sending prayers your way!
Lauren
-------------------- "The only way out is through" Posts: 1434 | From mississippi | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
Thank you everyone. My daughters lyme symptoms seemed to have disappeared for the last year. She does dance and theater 4 days a week which she loves.
She's in counseling now but not connecting with this paticular counselor. I truly believe the cause of her stress is not only school but the fact that her dad is a prescription drug addict (severe). She's not able to see him much because of this.
She's very afraid something will happen to him.
Posts: 911 | Registered: Mar 2005
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2roads
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
Well, it sounds like she has completed her lyme therapy and symptom free...great.
Is the counselor at school? If she's not connecting, maybe there is someone else she can talk to. What about someone related to her fathers drug addiction. Narcotics anonymous is not only for the abuser, but for the family too.
My mother was a severe drug addict in her old age, especially after she was widowed. She wasn't very healthy either when I was your daughters age. I had very similiar fears. Thank goodness you are okay.
I don't know if he lives with you, and how involved he is in her life. But, maybe if he sees you all going to NA, he might join in.
I am not a firm believer in getting the Ped,Psych or another authority figure involved that could jeopardize your legal standing as a parent, and manipulateyour daughters mental status. I go there only if absolutely necessary....child too sick to continue school, shedding blood or cutting skin.....
You need to have a heart-to-heart with your daughter. You may have to revisit TBD's with someone like Doc J to make sure the assessment of symptom free is still the case.
These are just my opinions but you are Mom. You know best because you are there.
Keep us posted,
2roads
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
-
Tickalert: you wrote: " . . .My daughters lyme symptoms seemed to have disappeared for the last year. . . ."
From what I've read, her current symptoms are exactly what many other parents have gone through - and the kids wound up having lyme or other tick borne infections.
One teen age girl was very suicidal after years of "successfully" completing lyme treatment.
She was treated by the very doctor from the human side of lyme link that Elena posted above.
there is a great deal of medical literature connecting psychiatric problems with lyme /TBD.
Elena (Eight Legs Bad) wrote many excellent considerations. Any professional your daughter consults must be LL and ILADS-educated. they should be intimately familiar with Sherr's writings. ( www.thehumansideoflyme.net )
I do hope you all find what you need to work through this.
posted
So sorry to hear of this trauma in you and your daughters life. I have very long usually healthy hair however I since diagnosed with lymes and being on treatment, I am losing hair. Not saying your daughter may have not cut any hair by any means, but it can be a syptom. I never thought I would be losing hair at this stage of my life, but go figure. I wish you all the best.
Posts: 8 | From st.michaels, Md | Registered: Jan 2009
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posted
word of caution from years of experience with lyme child and neuro-cognitive, neuro-psychiatric symptoms:
if your child has a history of tbd's, be sure to seek advise first and only from lyme literate psychiatrists about this issue. whether this is directly resultant of tbd's in the brain, or anxiety due to dealing with illness, they can help. they can also rule out tbd involement, and offer great care just the same.
if she needs help, you must get her - and you as her care-taker, appropriate care and protection from those ignorant to the diseases.
this is especially important with state agencies and schools.
i would never discuss it with a school teacher, nurse, or counselor, unless it was to share reports or direction from an LL professional.
psychiatric manifestations resultant of or reactive to a medical condition can be too easily misinterpreted, mistreated, mislabeled or ignored by many, many "professionals".
on the other hand, an LL psychiatrist/psychologist can help immensely to support the situation.
good luck, mo
-------------------- life shrinks and expands in proportion to one's courage -- anais nin Posts: 8337 | From the other shore | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Sorry to hear this is happening to a child in those already difficlut school years.
She's probably in alot of pain and discomfort?
Maybe this hair cutting is her way of fighting back? Via self-mutilation?
I was in such agony for so long that went un acknowledged, as well as untreated. I resorted to cutting myself. Cut my arm up with a razor b/c I was in relentless pain and I realized that the self inflicted pain distorted and slightly ablated my discomfort from the Lyme and Bart.
Psychological pain may be ablated slightly by haircutting? Maybe this behavior is analogous to the physical pain- self inflicting MORE pain for relief kinda thing?
Sorry, but I doubt a psychiatrist will help. THEY WILL MOST LIKELY PUT YOUR DAUGHTER THRU MORE PAIN THAN SHE ALREADY HAS.
Most likely, they'll put her on Some sort of SSRI, or anti-psychotic....then she'll have to endure all the side-effects from those drugs on top of her illness. Those drugs will just make her fit in EVEN LESS socially. They make u all spacey. You might not want to put her thru that?
Posts: 269 | From Valencia, CA | Registered: Aug 2007
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