posted
We've all been there. Please get some help. You may benefit from counseling and a good anti-depressant.
Please don't try to ignore the depression.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Dekrator48
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 18239
posted
I agree with lymetoo. I don't know if you've really addressed your depression, but it's not working for you.
You should contact your Dr immediately and get some further help.
-------------------- The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11 Posts: 6076 | From Pennsylvania, USA | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
I just want to see a little glimmer of hope with my symptoms- just a little and then I will feel better.
Thanks for the advice- I should consider counseling. As for the antidepressants, I keep thinking if I treat this properly, then the symptoms will go away. I am also afraid of adding more meds to the regimin... but, maybe i will consider it.
Posts: 319 | From nj | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
What do you mean? I thought once the disease is treated effectively, those symptoms will go away...
Posts: 319 | From nj | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
Do more than just consider it, please! Before I was diagnosed, I began seeing a psychiatrist who deals with chronic illness. Everyone who has their lifestyle changed so dramatically can suffer from depression. It helped me so much that my husband even started seeing her (not together!). Good thing, because 5 years later, he was diagnosed with Lyme also - we share everything. Always check med interations, but more meds is not necessarily a bad thing.
Y'all are in my prayers..........
Posts: 108 | From Florida | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
Thank you, I will consider it. Posts: 319 | From nj | Registered: Jul 2008
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seekhelp
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 15067
posted
Please as everyone said try to get help. I'd be thrilled for 11 good days out of 30 or 31. Tis won't change overnight. If you set your expectations too high, you're setting yourself up for disappontment. This disease is an emotional roller coaster for sure. It's tough. Posts: 7545 | From The 5th Dimension - The Twilight Zone | Registered: Mar 2008
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I want you to know a lot of us feel that way. It is also part of the disease. My LLMD tells me that it is part of my bart co-infection.
I don't have any answers for you, but you aren't alone.
I too would be thrilled for 11 good days. Hell I would be thrilled for one good day. Right now I am just trying to be thankful for a fews hours at a time.
Hang in there. Kathy
-------------------- Severe neurological problems. Probably sick for years. Became chronically sick in Aug 2007. Undiagnosed for another 15 months. Started treatment for lyme and bart Sept. 2008. Improving, but very slowly. Posts: 515 | From washington dc | Registered: Aug 2008
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
I agree with everyone else about calling your LLMD
And letting them know how depressed you are.
Eleven days sounds like a mini-heaven to me.
Maybe with the right medicines or counseling,
You can enjoy the next eleven.
I have a tendency to over do on those good days.
I don't anticipate the bad.....I know they are coming again though.
Maybe next month you will get more good days.
I realize how important having control over something,
Anything sometimes as we often feel "out" of control.
Especially with this disease.
Your husband must be very worried about you also.
Hang in there. Call your doctor.
Keep us posted please.
Sending positive thoughts and healing prayers to you.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
Laurisabelle, think of those sweet people out there who have had this beast for 11 years or more, not just months. They keep going because of one thing----people get better with treatment, and you can too.
Call your LLD and get some help. You can get better. More have than haven't and they aren't here any more.
Prayer helps. He listened to me in my darkest hour, He'll listen to you
Posts: 199 | From utah | Registered: Jan 2009
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steve1906
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16206
posted
Hello laurisabelle222
Everyone is here for, just a click away. You aren't alone and don't ever think you are!
Most of us are going through the same feeling each and everyday thats why we try and help each other.
Just give your doctor a call and let him know how your feeling I'm sure he'll have some help for you.
You can PM me anytime you need to talk.
Take care, Steve
-------------------- Everything I say is just my opinion! Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
It WILL go away. I can promise you that. I remember laying on my wood floor as the sun set and the light fell from the room, staring at the ceiling fan, studying the rotations, concentrating -- anything to avoid the screaming white noise in my brain; like a coiled spring in each nerve ending. I was thinking that if this did not end I would have to end it myself. I couldn't live like that, it was too painful -- every second.
But it did end. And it will end for you.
Hang on.
Posts: 845 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
To echo what many others have said--do get evaluated for anti-depressants, and seek counseling.
While I *totally* understand the desire to not add any more pills, anti-depressants can really help get us through the rough patches of this illness.
Additionally, anti-depressants can sometimes help with some of the physical symptoms that aren't obviously related to depression. My psych says that some common Lyme complaints--headache, insomnia or other sleep disturbances, and even some fatigue--can be helped in part by SSRIs.
Obviously we still need to tackle the underlying disease, but treating the symptoms is important too, so we can keep on fighting!
Be well, AnnaL
Posts: 398 | From By the Salish Sea | Registered: Dec 2008
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I'm so sorry to read about your depression, pain and this disease. I totally understand. Please PM me anytime. It's awful and scary and sometimes it feels like death would be a relief; I get it, as do so many others here.
As others have said, please contact your LLMD right away and be very up front with how low you've been, your doc really needs to know. I think I am in tears at every LLMD appt. I have, down, frustrated, sick of being sick etc. Keep up the fight...it's a struggle, but you will get there. We're here for you and completely understand. TS
Posts: 566 | From West Coast | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Laurisa.. Please check back here when you call your LLMD. We'd like you to keep us posted on your progress.
Hugs!!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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adamm
Unregistered
posted
Laura, Those eleven good days you had might signify you having turned the corner--I personally would be really encouraged by them! Hang in there, and know that what you're experiencing will pass.
if you get to feeling like this again, please call the SUICIDE HOTLINE and talk to them about what you are feeling inside, etc.
8-7-06 NATIONWIDE SUICIDE HOTLINE 1.800.784.2433 now please! If you are feeling suicidal, please call the SUICIDE HOTLINE. We care about you. ********************************************
check my pm for NJ psychiatrist; 1 highly respect one we've used his articles before !! so check him out ok! thanks...
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Tracy9
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7521
posted
An antidepressant, Cymbalta, helps with both depression/anxiety and pain. I've been taking it for at least three years and with very good results. I take 90 mg a day.
I can't even imagine trying to get through a day of this illness if I still felt depressed. Frankly I think depression is the worst feeling in the world. I'd rather break both my legs than feel depressed.
13 years Lyme & Co.; Small Fiber Neuropathy; Myasthenia Gravis, Adrenal Insufficiency. On chemo for 2 1/2 years as experimental treatment for MG. Posts: 4480 | From Northeastern Connecticut | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
lauri...just the fact that you can state that you had 11 good days means that you are on your way.
For many of us, it comes in small moments. First its a few minutes of pain free, clear minded, simple smiling pleasures, then it becomes a few hrs, then a few days, eventually a week, etc.
This is a very loooooong drawn out illness and patience is the biggest thing you have to develop during the healing process.
Its not unusual to feel helpless, depressed, especially if you suddenly have a flare up or a period of bad days.
Most people who talk of suicide don't really want to die, what they want is the pain to end. There is a difference. If you can adapt methods to counter the painful symptoms (nausea, headaches, anxiety, arthritis, brain fog, etc.), then overtime you will feel you have more control over your life and will begin to see the old you return, your health returning, and living life again.
But make no mistake, lyme is not a quick, take 2 pills for 2 weeks and you're cured. For most of us its a very long fight that takes months, years to recover. Instead of focusing on the bad days, focus on the good days instead.
You are strong, you will get through it. All it takes is one moment, one smile, one glimmer of hope, and you can breath and forge on ahead.
We are all with you in spirit!!
Posts: 514 | From . | Registered: Apr 2008
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posted
Please try an antidepressant. I was adament about not taking one, but they have helped me alot!
Like someone said before, think about the people who have had this for many, many years, and they keep going because they have too. It is way to easy just to give up!
I am going to PM you also to keep in contact with you! Hang in there!
Posts: 303 | From Jekyll Island, GA | Registered: Sep 2008
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posted
Even though I haven't been officially diagnosed with Lyme yet, many of the depressive symptoms hit me hard.
I was so irritable from feeling sick all the time and frustrated by not being able to do things that I used to do so easily.
I would experience awful panic attacks for no reason at all.
I was leary about taking medication since I like to try and use herbals remedies when I can but it just wasn't working.
The doctor finally put me on an antidepressant and an antianxiety med which has helped tremendously - definitely less irritable and anxious...it has helped with teh heart palpatations as well.
We all have enough to deal with while battling this illness, don't be afraid to get some help and never give up b/c someday the symptoms will lessen and you will have more good days than bad.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
JT
Posts: 72 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Feb 2009
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Ocean
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3496
posted
Ugh..
I too became seriously depressed. I had no energy to do anything. on the days I had energy I cried for hours, then slept. I try not to remember the utter hopelessness. I didn't even know I was depressed.
I kept thinking it was a spiritual thing, wondering what I had 'done' wrong.
Years later I realized that I was very seriously depressed. I'm so glad I didn't end it. If I had, my parents would have never known that I had Lyme. I'm glad I know now, I think at least I will know it's the Lyme talking, not 'me'.
Hang in there, and as others have said, it will get better. not overnight by any means. talk with your doc, maybe consider an antidepressant. I never took any (but this was the 90's when they weren't that popular), but I would DEFINITELY consider it if I got bad again like that.
how are you today??? hope you are hanging in there!
thinkin about ya!!
mtree
-------------------- worrying about tomorrow takes its strength away from today Posts: 970 | From Point PLeasant , NJ | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
Laurie how are you doing-please let us know-you have alot of people worried! Hope all is well!
Posts: 303 | From Jekyll Island, GA | Registered: Sep 2008
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kreynolds
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15117
posted
I hear you there... I was diagnosed 2 years ago.
Since then I have had not 1 day of relief. I
have gone from 0 coinfections to 3. I only wish
I could have a 1/2 day of relief... What I'm
trying to say is you need to have hope. You had
11 good days out of the month, thats showing
improvement! You shoud see someone about this,
I do. Be positive and gratefull for what you DO
have, things WILL get better! Hang in there!
-------------------- Diagnosed CDC + 6/2007
Quest: + IGG Bands 18,23,39,41,58,66 and 93.
Quest: + IGM Bands 23,39
Quest: + Bartonella (B.Henselea & B. Quintana),+ Babesia, and + Mycoplasma and Lyme-Induced Addisons Disease
+ Biofilm blood test 12/2010 Posts: 1185 | From New York | Registered: Apr 2008
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
-
As others say, this is no walk in the park. I think the media's ad campaigns with pills having instant effects has greatly harmed our idea of treatment.
I also think that since lyme is such a "crime" to have and we have been so excluded in society that it's hard to really believe we have such a very serious illness that will take a long time to treat.
Treatment can be very rough. But 11 days is such a good sign. And you will have more bad days - but there are ways to make that more bearable. Really.
You said: " . . .I don't really want to kill myself, but sometimes saying it gives me control . . ."
If you don't really want to kill yourself but find control in the threat, please try to come up with what else might give you a sense of control.
That might be altering something in the self-care part of your treatment or talking to your doctor for ways to lessen the worst symptoms or side-effects of treatment.
Counseling might be a very helpful experience, giving you all sorts of tools to use - other ways to express and voice your frustration that will not put you in the danger zone or scare the hell out of your husband.
Control comes with action - and sometimes, too, by accepting inaction or quiet time enough to let the body heal. It's a very intricate balance.
Your local support group or your LLMD may know of LL therapists who will understand what you are going through and offer you all sorts of ways to cope and thrive.
Your local support group might also have a group for spouses.
Before considering anti-depressants (there's some recent news that some of them can adversely affect women's hearts), you might review your liver support, your adrenal support and your magnesium levels. All that can really help relieve depression.
If you need more after all that is in place, Singleton's book has some good suggestions that you can discuss with your LLMD.
Take care.
-
[ 03-18-2009, 03:11 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
-
This book, by an ILADS member LLMD, holds great information about treatments options and support measures:
Nutritional supplements that are helpful with depression are outlined in some of the articles here. You can also search their article archives for as SAM-e; fish oil; magnesium and Gotu Kola.
SAMe: The Multi-Functional Supernutrient - By Ward Dean, M.D.
For more than 25 years S-adenosyl methionine (SAMe) has been prescribed by doctors in Europe as a treatment for depression, osteoarthritis, liver disease, schizophrenia,
demyelinating diseases (like multiple sclerosis), dementia, peripheral neuropathy, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), migraine headaches, cardiovascular disease and other conditions.
GOTU KOLA -- An Under-Appreciated Herb: Multifaceted Benefits on Microcirculation for Cardiovascular and Cognitive Health -- By Linda Fugate, PhD
--
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[ 03-18-2009, 05:46 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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CD57
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11749
posted
I have SO been there. Just know that it passes. I highly recommend psych drugs as a crutch to get you thru this. I think we need as many crutches as possible to get thru this.
You are gonna be ok.
Posts: 3528 | From US | Registered: Apr 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
-
There is one simple yoga pose that instantly has lifted depression for me. I don't know the name of it but you lie face down and raise up from waist, looking to the sky.
This will open up the breast bone area. You don't need to go too far, but hold it a few seconds, slowly lie back down and repeat a few times.
Massage, too, or Qi Gong and Tai Chi are also some wonderful ways to move out some stale emotions and increase circulation to lift mood.
Even listening to certain kinds of music can do a lot to lift mood. Mozart has been tested in some studies and it always comes up a winner. Mozart never composed when he was angry or needing to dump emotions. All his work is pretty uplifting.
I also find playing a musical instrument to help. Many music stores will rent instruments. If I could paint, I'd do that (and I'm told that anyone can learn) but that might be your cup of tea.
Something very special happens within the brain during all the activities that I've mentioned. Positive circuits actually are formed, circulation is increased and that can lift mood.
It might also be helpful to accept that depression may swirl about for while but that it will also move along again. I use to try to run hard and fast from it. When I realized that it would not kill me, its grip was loosened. (It was a good therapist - or was it an acupuncturist - who taught me how to do that. It takes some practice.)
Still, on-going depression can be addressed in many ways and you need not suffer like this. As much as I post feel-good stuff (since the antidepressants made me much worse) -- still, some do find that just the right prescription can lighten their mood enough to move on.
Lyme is a very rough illness - but you are getting treatment. You have a good chance for a good future. I hope you can also enjoy many aspects of life, even during treatment.
Good luck with whatever action plan you put together.
quote:Originally posted by Tracy9: I can't even imagine trying to get through a day of this illness if I still felt depressed. Frankly I think depression is the worst feeling in the world. I'd rather break both my legs than feel depressed. [/QB]
I agree BIGtime!!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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posted
Try to add more little good, funny, relaxing things to your life. Bubble bath, music, rent an old movie, silly youtube videos, fuzzy socks, bright colored jewelry, etc.
I know just what you mean. The psych symptoms have been brutal for me, too.
In the middle of it, it is so hard to see out.
When my psych stuff was at its worst, and I was not on treatment, I was researching the "best" way to kill myself. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want them to stop me.
None of that is like me, at all. It's the organisms messing up your neurology.
However, you are doing something *really right.* You are TALKING about it. That's very good.
You told your husband, which is good. He can comfort you and tell you the reasons why there is hope and how devastated he would be if you died.
You posted here so you could get support from people who understand and can tell you that we've gone through it or are going through it, too.
Keep reaching out. You're important to the world and the people who love you.
It helped me to think of people (and my dog) who would miss me terribly and rely on me if I were gone. Bird watching, funny audio books, TV, whatever works.
Take good care, Sharon
Posts: 223 | From Western Mass. | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
Thank you all for all the love and support! I did go to my llmd this past Sat and he took me off my meds, and changed to Flagyl.
He said it was a massive herx and that it would get better once I was off the meds. He was right!
I felt fantastic the past 2 days and it was a nice break! I was happy, I ate brownies, slept wonderfully... just so nice to get some rest.
And now today I started Flagyl. I am freaking out about it, but feel a little happier that at least I had those 2 good days and know it was a herx. That if I needed to, I could go off for a day or two to get a break..
That is really helpful. It was also helpful to get that day of fun things in, to remember when I am again feeling bad.
thank you all for such wonderful advice and support. It really helped! I didn't know so many responded until today!
Posts: 319 | From nj | Registered: Jul 2008
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
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Glad you had a nice break. I hope your LLMD went over you liver support, too. that will help your body be better able to handle treatment.
For a chocolate fix: I find the Dagoba Organic Chocodrops to be helpful.
They are 73% dark chocolate and one drop can melt in my mouth for a whole 20 minutes. After a good meal, just a couple of these can do the trick for a special treat.
Other than that there are some other dark choclolate bars that are about 85% and just an ounce after balanced meal can also be a nice treat now and then.
Be care if you need to address candida, though (as is usually the case for anyone on abx and avoiding all sugar may been necessary).
You can buy unsweetened dark cocoa powder and mix with almond milk and a couple drops of stevia or a tiny bit of stevia powder. If mixed in a jar with a tight lid, it works as a shaker (since the cocoa powder does take a lot of shaking to break it up).
Cocoa in this manner also lifts the mood in a pretty nifty manner, without any sugar. Be sure your almond, rice or soy milk is unsweetened, too. Often rice syrup is added. That's still sugar. Stevia is the only natural plant based sweetener that is safe for an anti-candida diet. (All artificial sweeteners can increase neuro and anxiety symptoms and should be avoided.)
I like the liquid drops by SweetLeaf called "Stevia Clear"
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[ 03-23-2009, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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I just spoke with the Doc and he said I shouldn't herx too bad since we are starting so slowly. He also said that Flagyl kills the active infection once the cysts burst- so we will see what happens.
I have to admit, I am freaking out, since people have such horrible reacions to Flagyl..
Yes, I do watch the candida issues and supposedly, according to the Doc, I am doing okay with it. Those chocolate ideas soound delightful though! i will give them a try.
As far as detox, I drink tons of waater with lemon and oil, and do epsom salt baths.. they seem to help when I am not in a major herx- because then, it seems nothing helps.
Ugh- I am just afraid of going crazy and feeling like I did last week! Doc said that was the worst of it and that it couldn't get worse than that.. I guess that's good news. LOL
Posts: 319 | From nj | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
You said it would be nice to remember those good days "when I am again feeling bad."
Lets pray that doesn't happen.
Maybe this is the beginning of the end for you. Don't give up now a big break through could be just around the corner.
Posts: 199 | From utah | Registered: Jan 2009
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I agree BIGtime!!
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