canefan17
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 22149
posted
First off... I'm gonna try to laugh at this all.
Oh boy. I didn't think it could get much worse.
Cliff notes:
Started talking to a girl about 2 months ago. (I met her 2 yrs ago before I had Lyme... but we just recently started seriously talking) We hit it off and started moving fast.
She traveled to visit me. I kept Lyme a secret. Met her mom. Everything was seemingly good. (I tried to explain that I normally don't look this "unhealthy.")
Next weekend I traveled 5 hours to Lubbock, TX for a Dinner/Banquet (to meet her entire family)
(When I travel I get really sick flareups. Insomnia, sweats, brain fog, everything!)
I get sick at dinner, but hide it from everyone. Went to bathroom and popped my pills all night (zithro, malarone, magnesium, turmeric) (we're all masters by now at hiding our pain)
I get sick at her house and sleep on her couch instead of with her (cuz I didn't want to wake her) I've still yet to tell her about Lyme.
Sunday afternoon we go to an Imax movie. We stop in parking lot and basically have "the talk." I knew she was acting different. very standoffish. Not showing affection, etc etc.
She gave me the "I just got out of a relationship and am not ready to jump back into one right now. But I really like you and want to keep talking." REJECTED! haha
Sad thing is... I looked like death all weekend. Something about running on 2 hours of sleep, bags under eyes, combined with all my weight/hair loss from Lyme just didnt' help me
This girl was gung-ho about me for the 2 months we talked (although long distance).
And I finally got the boot this weekend.
That was the worst drive home today. 5 hours feeling like crap and like someone stabbed you in the heart.
I hate telling myself this... but things would have been different if I wasn't sick with Lymes
I'm sad tonight.
PS: I don't think I like how my emotions seem to be magnified with Lyme.
Whenever I'm happy I'm EXTREMELY HAPPY. Whenever I'm sad I'm just sooo depressed.
Posts: 5394 | From Houston, Tx | Registered: Aug 2009
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Pinelady
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 18524
posted
I take things as they were not meant to be. By the powers that be...
You could see about starting a Lymies Singles Site! It takes one to know one. I am sure there are hundreds of folks who could use the good company of understanding people who share the burdens of Lyme.
You are not alone...Prayers it will get a lot better soon.
Canefan I thought you was a her...LOL
-------------------- Suspected Lyme 07 Test neg One band migrating in IgG region unable to identify.Igenex Jan.09IFA titer 1:40 IND IgM neg pos 31 +++ 34 IND 39 IND 41 IND 83-93 + DX:Neuroborreliosis Posts: 5850 | From Kentucky | Registered: Dec 2008
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Lauralyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15021
posted
Aww.....don't be sad. She sounds like she was superficial to give up so quickly after investing two months of talking to you. After all it's the person we're attracted to. You don't want a superficial girl.
I can imagine how disappointed you must feel. Keep your chin up
-------------------- Fall down seven times, get up eight ~Japanese proverb Posts: 1146 | From west coast | Registered: Mar 2008
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djf2005
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11449
posted
sorry dude, at least you were able to do all that.
always look on the bright side of life....
ps- she doesnt sound like she is worth your time anyway.
derek
-------------------- "Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."
posted
that really sucks-and I know what you mean about the magnified emotions.
Mt stomach, after two months of behaving, has decided its going to go into spasm and prevent me from eating large amounts of food so now I am dropping weight again from already anorexic looking frame.
Cried all night last night w/my fiance (which i am very lucky to have) trying to tell me I was still beautiful. I know this isn't the same thing haha but I know how hard these dark moments can be.
This girl doesn't sound like someone you need anyway. People in our situation really need kindness, and lots of support for both the emotional and physical things. i know that probably doesn't make you feel better right now since this all just happened and a hurting heart is a hurting heart no matter what.
Posts: 594 | From NJ/NY | Registered: Jun 2006
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Be glad you found out how shallow she was before you wasted any more time on her. Now you're available for Ms. Right, who will be along shortly and will be a much nicer person.
It's her loss--she really didn't deserve you.
I also hate the way Lyme messes with my emotions and relationships. Trying to learn what I can do about it. If I have a sudden revelation, I'll be sure to share with the board.
-------------------- Don't forget to laugh! And when you're going through hell, keep going!
Bitten 5/25/2009 in Perry County, Indiana. Diagnosed by LLMD 12/2/2009. Posts: 756 | From Inside the tunnel | Registered: Jan 2010
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There are some days i really feel I could conquer the world, but days like yesterday or when ONE MORE THING starts going wrong on top of the pile of things you have just gotten used to, it is realy hard to wrestle out of the depression grip.
It takes a toll on my relationship, my fiance is constantly scared I'm going to die no matter how much I assure him that I've been making progress. Some days I don't even feel like myself, don't even know who I am.
Posts: 594 | From NJ/NY | Registered: Jun 2006
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Carol in PA
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5338
posted
You've had a relationship for two months, but you deceived her about your health?
Posts: 6956 | From Lancaster, PA | Registered: Feb 2004
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canefan17
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 22149
posted
Thanks for comments guys.
Carol,
I thought I was close to remission and just didn't feel like bringing another person into my Lyme World.
She was my escape from anything Lyme related and it felt rejuvenating.
Plus she's only 20... I just didn't know how it would go over.
Posts: 5394 | From Houston, Tx | Registered: Aug 2009
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sutherngrl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16270
posted
I would put off starting a relationship until the lyme is totally gone, like remssion for at least 6 months on no meds.
Also, if you do find yourself in a position that looks like a relationship, just tell the truth up front. Honesty is always the best policy!
Posts: 4035 | From Mississippi | Registered: Jul 2008
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cantgiveupyet
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8165
posted
Sorry to hear- but you would have wore yourself out trying to hide it .... it is best to just be upfront about it.
Also- maybe she is not over her xbf it could be the truth...
someone mentioned lyme/lyme relationships- they can be difficult to with many many challenges and obstacles...
hang in there it will get better
is this medical?? ;-)
-------------------- "Say it straight simple and with a smile."
"Thus the task is, not so much to see what no one has seen yet, But to think what nobody has thought yet, About what everybody sees."
-Schopenhauer
pos babs, bart, igenex WB igm/igg Posts: 3156 | From Lyme limbo | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
Yeah a relationship is tough with this just like it would eb tough any real obstacle-but I don't think necessarily waiting until you are in remission before starting a relationship is necessary.
Obviously if you meet the right person and they are supportive of your condition (I would be upfront-my current fiance knew about my medical problems the first convo we ever had) it can be a really great and beautiful thing.
Posts: 594 | From NJ/NY | Registered: Jun 2006
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canefan17
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 22149
posted
: ( I'm just sad. This might be the lowest moment in my life.
It didn't matter what the day threw at me... at the end of the night talking to her just made everything seem... ok. I've never smiled more in my life than when I got a text or call from her.
And what makes things worse is my roommate just got a job out of town and now he'll be gone during the weeks.
Now I'm back to doin this crap all on my own again. The walls in my room are tired of hearing from me.
Posts: 5394 | From Houston, Tx | Registered: Aug 2009
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sutherngrl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16270
posted
I'm so sorry Canefan! I know how bad you must feel, but it will be okay! You are tough!
Things seem even worse when you are sick.
You never know, she may be back; but if she's not, then she isn't the one.
I know she brought some smiles into your life, but there will plenty of smiles to come.
You are not alone! You have all of us. Aren't we awesome??? LOL!
Posts: 4035 | From Mississippi | Registered: Jul 2008
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djf2005
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11449
posted
Hang in there dude, I know how you feel.
Its been 3 years off/on of me being by myself mostly trying to kick this, so I can relate.
When the going gets tough, pick yourself up and keep going.
I have lost so much to Lyme it's disgusting to think about, and yet I will regain it, and so will you.
Best
Derek
-------------------- "Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."
Maybe she does need time? Hopefully you can trust her and she's not toying with you.
She should totally be into it though-look at all the free medical advice she'd be able to get from you! lol Posts: 594 | From NJ/NY | Registered: Jun 2006
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canefan17
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 22149
posted
lol I know right And she's in nursing school.
Posts: 5394 | From Houston, Tx | Registered: Aug 2009
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posted
well she could probably get her degree just hanging out with you!
Seriously-this disease at the very least teaches so much about health and whatnot, its crazy.
Posts: 594 | From NJ/NY | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
Maybe she does just need the time. Just see how things play out.
I would definitely tell her about the lyme though. I know that she was your escape from lyme but you have been talking for a while now and if you wait too long to tell her she may feel betrayed that you were hiding this from her. She may feel like you didn't trust her.
Plus I am sure she could tell something was off with you looking sick and sleeping on the couch etc. If you see her again and she notices that something is off she may start thinking all sorts of things. You don't want her thinking you are some junkie but trying to hide it from her lol!
I think it is definitely time to tell her. Just explain to her the same thing you told us and that she was your escape from lyme and that you thought you were almost better etc etc.
I know you don't want to tell her but you are at that point where if you don't she will probably be upset that you didn't.
Anyhow...that is just my opinion. I really hope that things work out for you!
Good Luck! Pam :-)
-------------------- Sick since 10/2001. Tested CDC positive for Lyme 10/2008 through Quest and Igenex. Started treatment 1/2009 with LLMD. Lyme, Erichilosis, Chlamydophila Pneumoniae, Q Fever, Strep Syndrome and probably a few others I am forgetting. Posts: 451 | From Virginia | Registered: Feb 2009
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Your life is what it is and whoever you end up with has got to accept that piece of you. Just makes sure she understands that you are more than just someone who has Lyme.
It's something you have to deal with, like if you had Juvenile Diabetes or heart problems - meds, diet, exercise, etc. - and that your mission is to rid your body of the disease.
Dating with Lyme is hard.
Good luck!
-------------------- ---------- Danni Posts: 311 | From Glen Mills, PA | Registered: Jan 2009
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
ok,here's my take. she's not over her other boyfriend and she needs space.
tell her about your lyme and that when she decides that she would like to see you, to let YOU know, otherwise don't push her, just back off and let her go.
then it's ON HER, not you. you told her the truth and quite frankly, i don't think she's up to investing any time or emotion in you, since she's still hung up on her other.
let her go. and don't stress, hon. take it from me, it's better to be alone and have peace and quite, than to be in a bad relationship with no where to go.
enjoy your solitude. you can do what you want,, when you want, with who you want.
you don't need the additional hassle of worrying about someone who obviously is not worrying about you.
tell her thanks for your concern.
we have enough to worry about.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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canefan17
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 22149
posted
I don't like solitude. It drives me crazy.
Too much time to sit and think about "what might've beens."
xoxoxoxox, I don't want to accept that I'm going to have Lyme for the rest of my life... much less expect the person I'm with to accept that part of me.
I want to finish this treatment crap and start my new life and put Lyme behind me.
No offense to anyone... but I want to become healthy to the point where I don't ever have to come back to these boards again (although of course I would : ) )
But you know what I mean. I don't like anything associated with this crap. It's very hard for me to accept it at this point. That's like giving in to me.
This disease has taken so much from me... I'm simply not going to lose this fight.
And the only way I know to win is become healthy enough to ignore it completely.
Posts: 5394 | From Houston, Tx | Registered: Aug 2009
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linky123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19974
posted
How does that country song go? 'Thank God for unanswered prayers.' Garth Brooks I think.
There's a lot of truth to that one; though it's hard to see right now.
Hang in there, the right person will come along someday.
Take care and God bless.
Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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posted
Cane, I get the feeling you just need some happiness in your life. Get well and then you will see all the happiness you want. It's coming, you need to have patience, your certainly have the fight in you. You won't lose.
You exhausted yourself for something that didn't work out now you are on a downer. That's not healthy for you.
Personally, I think you are too good for her. It's her loss.
Besides, you have all the love from this group.
Hugs and big group Posts: 671 | From Fort Myers, Florida | Registered: Jun 2009
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Lauralyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15021
posted
Distract yourself with interests you are passionate about...perhaps music, movies or reading?
Time heals all wounds
-------------------- Fall down seven times, get up eight ~Japanese proverb Posts: 1146 | From west coast | Registered: Mar 2008
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canefan17
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 22149
posted
just give it time, really. This disease is such a pain in the *ss. When i explained all this to my now fiance when we were first dating, I never thought I'd get real sick again. I was about 70% at that point, btu I ended up in a love bubble and ignored the warning signs my body was giving like "hello?? Idiot?? Remember me? The disease you were treating is still here!!!!"
but I was in love, so I wrote it all off. Now I'm here, a mess, haha, and this almost destroyed my relationship when it originally hit full blown again in december.
However-he stood by me even though I was basically out of my mind at the time. I think it really helped that I was honest with him.
I mean-even if you're going to get well, which you will!...this whole thing is still a part of you just from the stand point of what you've been through. This disease changes perspectives and the way we look at life. Even when I can say this is all behind me, it'll still be a big part of what made me who I am because it was such a struggle and an eye opener.
Thats why I'd say be upfront about it, explain to her whats up, and give her some space.
Anyway-now I'm rambling lol.
Posts: 594 | From NJ/NY | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
Oh, Cane! I'm so sorry your weekend went this way.
Keep your head up! You are such a special guy, and probably do need some more time healing before being back in the dating scene. I agree with everyone though, you should tell her.
You are so close to remission! Hang in there.
Posts: 490 | From TX- Go Cowboys! | Registered: Aug 2009
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posted
Cane- Sorry, I never meant to imply the rest of your life would be about Lyme. Just that it is right now. It's something you have to deal with whether or not you enter into a relationship.
I agree with the others posting here - when you talk, tell her about the Lyme and then tell her to call you when she's ready to move forward.
I know it's super hard to back off when it's clear there are strong feelings for her. Otherwise, it might put you into the 'rebound guy' position and that would just compound everything. Let her come to you.
You're right, eliminating the Lyme and putting it behind you is exactly what every single one of us hopes to do. Getting the life I want would be so much easier if this darn Lyme thing wasn't in the way!
It does sound as though you have made strong headway against this infection. Keep plugging away at it and hopefully, she'll become a part of your journey!
-------------------- ---------- Danni Posts: 311 | From Glen Mills, PA | Registered: Jan 2009
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sparkle7
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10397
posted
Going through "meeting the family" & trying to get a relationship going, etc. is very stressful - even when you are well. Give it some time & try to take it easy.
People get freaked out about illness. It's a heavy thing for someone who is well to consider. Especially since Lyme & company are not usually addressed in the media. Most people have no idea what we go through.
I've been with someone for 15 years & it's still hard. We still go through alot with it. I have been ill for most of the relationship. I became ill 6 months after we met.
Not everyone is going to want to deal with being with someone who is ill (not to say everyone will be ill forever). It takes a special kind of person. I think it's best to be upfront but not so much in a way that will kill any chance of a relationship.
It's not easy... Try to give yourself some space to heal & de-stress. If it's meant to be, she'll come back to you. There no way to be able to force a relationship to happen. I've learned this the hard way.
Good luck! Tomorrow is another day. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
Posts: 7772 | From Northeast, again... | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
You know what i did Cane...i hid my Lyme disease from my BF for about 4 mos (i met him concurrently with my diagnosis), and wanted NORMAL too...at least with one person. But then, it became too much to hide...it was like i couldnt be myself with him, and it was my fault. So, i broke it off after telling him my Lyme story, and i gave him the movie Under Our Skin to take home and watch, with the words "this is WHY you dont want me." Basically. He texted me within the hour, and said he was watching it, and he wanted to be my "rock." In my 8th month of treatment now, and he seeing me at my worst, dealing with the emotional rollercoasters, myoclonic spasms, near brain dead moments...
Although it's scary to be honest, it really is the only way to go. I know how you can grow dependent on that special someone to light up your day--with smiles at the end of it... and it's hard to risk them rejecting you because you're sick. But most likely, they will understand and be compassionate. If not, find someone who is. =)
Posts: 123 | From Minneapolis, MN | Registered: Jul 2009
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You have the right attitude. If you were my kid, I'd tell you exactly what you're saying here.
You don't have to "accept" that you'll have Lyme for the rest of your life. All you need to do is accept that it's a problem you will have to deal with for the time being.
I can see that in your mind, ACCEPTANCE means GIVING IN, and GIVING IN is not an option. You are so very right!!! And I completely agree with you.
But just take a step back (took me many yeas to do this, so learn from my mistakes lol) and remember that "acceptance" does not mean that you accept what has been imposed upon you but rather that you accept the fact that you have a situation you must deal with.
An illness does not define who you are or what you will accomplish in your life. Never let LD or any other illness interfere with your dreams or goals....though they might be delayed, they are still possible to achieve.
There is no deadline on achieving your dreams.
Don't waste your time on "what ifs" Every single one of us could ask ourselves "what if I/my family was healthy?" and we could all fantasize how much better life would be. This won't get us anywhere.
And, if you were healthy, you could still get hit by a bus while jogging to maintain that healthy lifestyle. Just saying.
If solitude is driving you nuts, and understandably so, try to find online support groups for young people dealing with chronic lyme. PM me if you need info om this.
I hope and pray that you are able to finish this treatment, start your new life and put this behind you.
And I, as I'm sure many others here hope that you will never have to post here again. If I never see another post from you, I'd be so happy.
You have the fight in you and you are determined to overcome the obstacles that have been thrown on your path to success.
You are not giving in to LD and are determined to fight and win.
If you are well enough and don't post anymore, that's a win-win.
If for whatever reason you need to post again, you've got a lot of support here.
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