lyme in Putnam
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11561
posted
I'm doing all I usually do but can't find the connection to me. I feel shorted on connection wiring. Anyone doing better with this? On lamictil 100, anafranil 100 mg., oral zithro, rifampin and iv roceph. Negative for 6 mos and after 6 mos of iv, just tested for 2 strains of bart. Maybe one day the connections will last? Feel better all.
-------------------- He took u to it, He'll you through Posts: 2837 | From NE. | Registered: Apr 2007
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posted
what exactly is depersonalization? Does it feel like everything is kinda fake and dream feeling?
Posts: 574 | From Out there somewhere | Registered: Jul 2010
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lyme in Putnam
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11561
posted
Sick stuff. Don't find the connection between me and the world and/or who or what I am. Told you it was sick. Nothing is real. In a dream or the way this is nightmare that doesn't seem to be endinng. Thats what it feels like to me jackie. I don't want to get used to this feeling, I love to feel alive and I'm dead to all. Just tired like everyone else. I used to know me, have confidence and conviction. I feel like walking dead..
-------------------- He took u to it, He'll you through Posts: 2837 | From NE. | Registered: Apr 2007
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posted
Hi, I was actually thinking of you the other day b/c of this.
I've learned something about myself because I have finally been more connected in the past couple of weeks....I NOW realize just how disconnected I've been for the past 10 or so years. How sad/crazy I didn't even notice?
Anyway, I think the abx treatments are helping with that.
But, really, the biggest help for me is cognitive: I disconnect/dissociate from pain and sickness. So, as much as it stinks, the only way to feel more connected to myself is to tell myself, "I am sick, I am in pain, that is awful, but this is my life right now and won't be that way forever."
Sometimes I have to say that about 50 times, while relaxing, but then, finally, I feel more connected to myself.
For me, I now know that that feeling is my brain's way of coping with the extreme sickness, pain, and fear I have. But, actually having the sickness, pain and fear is much better than that feeling of being dissociated from myself.
There is a lot of writing on dissociation that people do when they are abused. It might help you to read about that to understand better what's going on with you.
Take care.
Posts: 252 | From New York | Registered: Apr 2010
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posted
Yes, those feelings went away as I got better. Hang in there!
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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nefferdun
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 20157
posted
I got better too. But I started pulsing my abx so I could sleep better and must have given the little bugs an opportunity to get their act together as I am feeling a relapse.
The depersonalization always creeps in first but I don't recognize it. Then my husband shaved his beard without telling me beforehand. That has thrown my mind out the window as I have no idea who he is. I do my best to be nice but honestly I just want to crawl into something familiar rith now. I was already annoyed with everything.
I hope your abx kicks in for you soon and you begin to regain your old self.
-------------------- old joke: idiopathic means the patient is pathological and the the doctor is an idiot Posts: 4676 | From western Montana | Registered: Apr 2009
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posted
Nefferdun-thats funny you say that about your husband's beard. That was a big issue for me when I was dealing with depersonalization, I made my fiance warn me anytime he was going to change his facial hair because my brain couldn't deal with the change.
Anyway-I was able to get rid of this stuff for the most part. Treatment helped (Lyme and Addison's) of course. I believe mine was caused because basically I was in such extreme physical distress that my brain would basically shut off certain parts of it that weren't necessary for basic functioning. Its scary but really its not physically harmful even though it is very scary.
The biggest help with pulling out of it along with treatment of course was therapy. I learned all I could about, learned meditation and breathwork, spoke with a trained therapist, and learned to disconnect myself from stress. Eventually along with treatment it went away.
There are times when it will creep back for me, but I always know this is because my body is running very low on energy and I am stressing myself out. Once I take the time to slow down, eat a good meal, meditate and rest, I can push it away. For me it became about breaking the cycle.
It would be easy for me to sink back into it when I start feeling the inklings of it coming on, but thanks to my therapist and reading up on it I am able to crack the cycle and pull out of it.
Posts: 594 | From NJ/NY | Registered: Jun 2006
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lyme in Putnam
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11561
posted
Thanks all for your suggestions. feel well.
-------------------- He took u to it, He'll you through Posts: 2837 | From NE. | Registered: Apr 2007
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