I don't know how to ask you, but I need help.

I want the best for my boyfriend Nic, who's got Lyme for about eight years. But at the moment I can't handle my own fear and my own problems. So I'm affraid I can't be there enough for him at the moment.

Everybody wants to help him, but nobody seems to understand my troubles with his disease.

I know I'm not alone, so please can somebody help me to find back the power to help him?

Thanks,

You've been fantastic. And you probably need a holiday from Lyme, and Nic. That's OK. It's not abandonment, it's just human.

Whatever you do, don't feel guilty about not doing enough. You DO have your own life and your own stuff to cope with, and you just can't do as much as you'd like to for Nic. It isn't possible. Believe me, I know -- I've been there.

If you're asking about ways to share the load with family and friends, one of the best things you can do is just write out a list of practical small things people can do to help both you and him. Like -- send him a letter that says how much they care; drive him to the doc; take him out to watch the ducks; pick up prescriptions; bring by dinner and sit with him while you go out. If you have a truly sensible and kind friend, tell him/her how important it is to be able to have someone who can drop by once in a while just sit and listen to the icky stuff and not offer stupid platitudes or false encouragement.

We have a friend who drops by and chats for a while every week or two. She's totally unsentimental, and makes it clear that while she is sympathetic and nonjugemental, and she cares, she's not going to get swept up in our disease or be maudlin. She's kind, direct, and talks about things totally non-lyme related. Stays a short while, makes it clear she likes us just as we are, and goes home. What an absolute gem she is!

People really appreciate having something finite and manageable to do. Makes them feel less helpless, too.

You might check out the LoveyOnLyme caregivers group for your own support.

I'm not a Lyme expert, but have walked the long road leading to wellness and might be able to provide a few tips.

Before I was diagnosed and even while going through treatment my personality changed. I was very irritable for the first time in my life. I wanted to be left alone, sleep, rest in a quiet place and relate to other Lymies.

I hated it when people told me I looked healthy, because to me this meant that they didn't understand what I was going through. I didn't like it when my friends pushed me to go out. I wasn't in the mood to attend parties or clubs and few understood this.

The best thing you can do is to be available to him. Be very patient and offer tender, love and care.

There's a great book that explains how to deal well with patients. It's written by Dr. Patch Adams. I have it here somewhere and if you'd like I could summarize it for you.

Let me know!

I should go to bed now... it's quite late on my side of the world!