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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » Requests for money

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Author Topic: Requests for money
cindy_leigh
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Recently someone e-mailed me and requested a donation for their insurance coverage. It did not bother me to receive it, I've known this lymie for over a year via this board and private e-mails and fully believe their plight. It's someone I've come to know and am fond of.

I got an e-mail today stating that this person had rec'd enough funding to pay for insurance, wihich is a great thing, condsidering how sick they have been and the need for treatment.

Then I got a reply to that, from someone else on that distribution list, who wanted money for mortgage problems. I'm not sure if it was tongue in cheek, serious, or bitter because the first person has been successful. Hard to tell by the tone of the e-mail, especially since I don't know this person like I do the first one.

i feel a little squeamish about e-mail requests for money. i understand the need, and the desperation, but you have to admit, the Internet route is open to abuse. I think if you are requesting money, it could be helpful to have those donations directed to either your financial institution (to your mortgage, your elec. bill, whatever), your doctor, your ins. co., etc. That way donors who don't know you very well will have a better sense that the request is not fradulent, or the $ will not be used for other purposes. Kind of like donating $ to Dr. J for kids.

I know the idea has been kicked around before about a centralized way to request assistance here, rather than asking people individually, with a method of judging or qualifying the need. Maybe it's not such a bad idea.

Just my thoughts, I'm not mad at anybody, I certainly understand the need, sickness, and desperation. I can't afford to send anything to anybody right now, but if and when I can, I'd rather send a one time, or occasional donation, someplace where all requests were being considered, rather than having random requests appear in my e-mail. And i would almost never send it directly to an individual, especially if I really don't know them.


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lymewarrior03
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excellent comments, cindy. so many are in desperate need of help, and it's really heartwrenching to witness the hardship. not only does this disease devastate your body, but also your financial stability.

i have thought of your proposition, but never put it to words, well done.

i suppose to set up something like this could get complicated and time consuming, it would be a wonderful thing tho.


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cootiegirl
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Cindy,
Thank you very much for posting this. I know that people here can be very generous - I have seen people here contact a doctor's office and have an appointment put on their credit card to help out a board member!!!! But you are right - soliciting can be a very touchy subject.

cootiegirl


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JillF
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I'm up for contributing $ to some kind of program here on Lymenet for those who need help.

I would feel very weird if someone emailed me for $. But I wouldn't feel weird donating it (I know that doesn't make much sense). Who knows, maybe one day, I myself might need help with something.

What about setting up some kind of pay pal thing?
Or doing one of those grocery cards things (the rescue group where I have adopted my cats have it set up that you can use your grocery card to donate $ to their organization. ClubMom and Upromise are set up the same way - although, I think ClubMom works with how much you spend; UPromise is set up with certain companies and when you buy their items at the store, the companies are the ones who give the $).


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kam
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This is a problem. I would prefer to find someway to bring in an income while I am healing.

After I paid the bills this month (rent, utilities, put away 1/3 of the money needed for the upcoming doctor's appointment), I had $60 left for food and anything else that came up for the month....like the stamps I need or reordering of checks, etc.

Ever since I came down with this, I have been trying to figure out some way to increase the income to help make ends meet.

And/Or to find a doctor who accepts MediCal and knows about lyme disease and is as good as my current lyme specialist.

I have yet to succeed but haven't give up hope.

I have sold my car and moved into low income housing to cut costs.

Perhaps I will start a post on cutting costs.


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JillF
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Not everyone has a paypal account, so we would have to be able to take checks and credit cards also.

It should be able to be tax deductible.

What about some kind of non-profit foundation?

If someone has any idea how to go about this, I'd be willing to help out.


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beach4so
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Cindy

You expressed everything perfect.

I was caught before by a friend that didn't have money for milk for her baby. I gave her what I had 20 or so.

Then my husband ran into her husband at the store buying beer and he told my husband to tell me thank you. He got the baby a few cans for formula but himself a case of beer. Boy was I pissed.

I would love to be able to help where you could help someone with a Dr's appt or utilities ect. Great idea.

Starr


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cindy_leigh
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I think we had this discussion about a year ago on how to raise money, collect money,a nd distribute money. Who gets it? For hwat? Is one need greater than another? Who is the judge? Does anybody REALLY want to take the time and energy to create a foundation? Are there existing foundations out there? Is the request for money a popularity contest? Do you get more if you're better known? How does the $ get used-- LLMDs? Drugs? Food? I remember it got hashed out but went nowhere. Occasionally someone will be helped, but generally by sending $ directly to their doctor.

Now don't hit me, but it seems like it would be easier to have a section where people could post their need and others could read thru and respond if desired. It could incorporate Kam's "swap" thread about donating unneeded items or claiming others' unneeded items. BUT, personally, I would only send $ if it went to a Dr., a utility account, whatever, and not to an individual. I don't know, maybe that's not an answer, maybe somebody's got a better idea or a list of existing lyme related charities that give grants, that people could donate to or make a request of.


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kam
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I thought of that swap thread too when I read this.

I am not the one who created it. I did a search to bring it up, but coudn't find it.

I can't recall what it was called or who started it.

Perhaps someone else could bring it up.

I don't know how the MS Society does it. But, they offer cooling vests, MRI's, scooters and other resources to those who have been dx with MS.

We could learn from them.


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Rita
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Beach makes an excellent point. Is there a way to buy the baby's formula without buying the old man's beer with the $20?
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mlkeen
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Taking Starr point farther. I see poor money management as a huge issue for some families in our neighborhood.

Getting sick isn't planned, but I sure got insurance FAST when I thought I might have lyme. I pay lots for the premium and the doctor is out of network but the labwork and drugs are covered.

Everyone's situation is different and the wife and kids may truly be needy because of poor spending habits by a spouse. It's a huge social issue that we can't possibly solve here, but ideas of ways to help without buying the beer would be good.


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neurochem1
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Hi there;

Sorry to be offline and out of commission for so long...unavoidable

Excellent thread - and I understand the concerns also.

It would probably be difficult to set up a single fund for various different things, and likely one would also need to do it as a not for profit entity or the manager may incur gift taxes; that doesn't mean one should not try.

In the past, when a member needed help (even recently), another member who may be well known on the board who also knows very well this member in need, posted on their behalf.

I think that may help some of you.

When I have it to give, I never worry about it. I also used to have this same issue when I was younger growing up in NY (as their are MANY homeless people). I found a solution years ago, that frees me of these concerns.

I think I'm pretty street savvy, but there is really no way to judge where someone is really coming from most of the time.

What works for me is if I have it and I give it, I give it to the universe and God (via the person who is in need). If I do that, then I've opened the door for good to flow back (and it always does)!

What someone else does with it isn't in my control, so I can't worry about it. I believe that when you really give something; you get back more than you give in other ways.

If you really can't afford to give a donation, then you give your time, your support, you give what you can.

If someone abuses that, then it's they who pay the price. It doesn't change the gift I receive for giving; it only changes their own spiritual gift, so in the long run, I feel bad for them. They may have misused the money according to what I think is important, but they loose the real gift which is the spiritual partner to the physical thing, but I do not. When you think of that, it's really a shame for them.

Closing yourself off from the universe isn't a good choice when you're in need, and that's a tough lesson for anyone to learn.

It seems to work for me; call it whatever you like; Karma, spiritual flow, whatever; but it keeps it simple for me. I haven't felt as if someone has ripped me off by asking for something since I was a kid in my 20's; and that's saying something coming from a large city.

I have seen, on occasion, someone using the gift for other than what they stated; and it's really their loss. A temporary ill-gotten gain doesn't usually work out too well in the long run, from my experience.

I'm only out 5 or 10 or 20 bucks for one month; relatively speaking, I wouldn't want to pay with anything more than that.

I never feel that I have given in vain, though, and that is invaluable to me.

I am also glad that you've brought up that trading thread;

JEFF!

You'll be glad to know that you are receiving my package soon; so sorry I have been out of commission for so long.

I'm going to find that thread and bring it back up; baby formula and other donations can be handled that way as well, as you have suggested.

Sincerely,
Regina


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aaronkatie
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Regina,

I haven't actually ever thought of it that way but I like it.

Well, honestly when I was younger I was the kind of kid that felt sorry for everyone who asked for money so I gave all of them every penny i had (only had pennies), its too bad I've become so cynical(sp?) as I've gotten older.

thanks


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JillF
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My father has a friend who dresses like a bum and stands at intersections asking for money.

He makes about $30k - $40k a year doing this.

He is definitely NOT a bum - owns a house and nice car, etc.

I have also had people I've known (teenagers, young adults) who would dress up in nasty clothing and sit down in DC and beg for money. After they got bored, tired or hungry, they would go to their Mercedes, drive home to their nice houses (nicer than mine) and change into their Gap/Banana Republic/The Limited outfits.

I am very cynical towards people begging on the streets.

One time I was in DC and I gave some 'homeless' looking guy some $. As I was walking away, I noticed he was wearing brand new expensive tennis shoes. Shoes that were twice or three times more expensive than the shoes I was wearing.


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beach4so
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I am so sorry I ever posted my bad experience.

I give money to charities, schools, people in general all the time. I am the fool that gives to the man on the street with the sign.

I do belive some people have money management problems BUT---and a big but here when there is a sickness as terrible and costly as lyme I don't care how you "manage" your money you will run into problems.

I agree you give freely and hope it goes to the right place and they do the right things with the money.

I am so sorry my other post brought out such bad experiences from others.

All I was trying to do was agree with Cindy in wishing there was a special way to help with Dr's and light bills, ect.

Sorry for the other post
Starr


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neurochem1
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Beach;
don't be sorry; people are here to share their experience, and everyone has to find a way to do what works for them.

It's hard to get ripped off;

Aaornk.- me too. This is what works for me; I can't always do what I'd like, but now, each time, I like what I do and it feels better for me.

Regina


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aaronkatie
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Regina,
I know it does feel good to give. Yesterday at Burger King, this adorable little boy (couldn't have been more than 14) asked me for 50 cents cause he wanted fries, I think he had just brought the wrong amount of money but he was shocked that I just gave it to him, i guess others said no.

I feel good when I give to charities or do work for them also (when i had energy to). Right now that is my way of contributing.

It is great that everyone wants to help others.


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