But that's not really what I want to talk about. I'm 22 and still in college (somehow...not sure how I'm still there), attempting to finish this year. I just started classes this week and I already have no idea how I'm going to make it through the semester. I'm commuting an hour and fifteen minutes each way three days a week for classes. The commute alone is killing me after only one week. If I put on top of that all the coursework...I just don't know how I'll manage it. I'm only taking three classes - the minimum for being a full-time student (and keeping my health insurance through my dad - it would cost something like $300/month otherwise).

I guess taking the semester off is an option, but I don't like it. The classes I'm taking this semester are possibly classes I won't be able to take again while I'm there because they're very rarely offered. They're not required but things I'm interested in. But if I can't do well in them, or run myself so far into the ground that I just make myself even sicker I guess it's not worth it.

I'm also having new symptoms come up that make driving in the car for a long time and just sitting up for a while difficult. I could take the train up to school but it would make my days much longer and then I'd have to deal with public transportation and crowds. My energy is so low that doing anything is a struggle and my headaches are getting worse. Plus my appetite is horrible since starting the Rocephin (something that happened to me last time I was on it, too) so I'm basically not eating which I'm sure is making my energy lower and makes me dizzy and lightheaded.

What do you all think? Advice? Experiences? Should I take the semester off? Take a class at community college or a correspondence course?

I'm going to talk to my parents tonight or tomorrow about it and see what they think. I've talked to one of my teachers so far and she's very understanding about things but I'm not sure about the other two. I could talk to them but it might not make a difference if I really don't have the energy to do everything.

Thanks,
Annie

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``The best way out is always through.'' -Robert Frost

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Im sorry you are going through this right now at a time in your life when you really should be livin it up. I got sick when I was 21 so i can relate on that level. About school, well I guess if it were me I would go if it wasnt too taxing on my body n mind. You are the only one who knows that. You wont ever regret going to school. I wish I could have, but my neuro symptoms were always too severe. This is a hard decision. Listen to your parents advice if there carring people, parent know their kids fairly well. Most of all listen to your self. If you think you can swing it without sacrificing your health then do it, if not then give yourself some good R&R. Take Care Of You.

Hitting those highways pretty hard, aren't you?

Or are they running YOU over?

You have some hefty decissions to make... I don't envy you.

I know what the answer is (hehehe).. but this time I am not going to tell you.

You will have to do this one on your own dear heart.

I will give you some things to consider though...

Otay?

Can you move closer to school so you won't have to drive?

Now don't say NO till you REALLY think about it. Room mates? Rent a room?

And ask yourself...

What is your goal right now? Is it...

Having a piece of paper that says you passed some classes so you can look at it while laying in bed and being too sick to function?

Or could it be...

You'd like being a well person with another direction in life for now?

Keeping in mind.. a college education is nice, sure.. but not when it makes you sick!

Kinda like eating a bath tub full of ice cream is nice.. but not if your belly explodes!

When I was your age..

OH GOSH.. did I REALLY say that?

That HAS to mean I am getting OLD!!!! OH NO!

Excuse me while I have my own melt down here...

OK...

When I was your age.. I thought I wouldn't live to be 30, or 40, or 50, or 60.

And I wasn't even sick then!

I just didn't "see" that far into the future!

My GUESS is that your college will still be there ten years from now. Maybe even 20 or 30 years from now... ya think?

If you are suffering into the first week...

What is it going to be like in a month from now?

Ok...

How about this...

Can you take your IV's and pulse them a bit different so the timing won't hit during the school week? Like so the worst days you have will be on the weekends?

And... here is a thought...

You could stop the IV's and work on school..

Or stop the school and work on IV's.

Now.. here is MY ultimate thought.. the one that makes or breaks most decissions for me.

Most parents would freak if they heard me say this.. but what the heck.. it is how I feel... and how I live.

The Tincup theory:

If it ain't fun... don't do it.

Yeah yeah yeah... some things you HAVE to do. Like dishes. EVENTUALLY you will need a clean one to eat from.

But most everything else takes a back seat to having fun!

You only have ONE life to live.

You can make it stinkin' and grumpy.. or make it an enjoyable adventure.

It is up to you.

And don't be telling your folks I said to just "go have fun!"

They will think I am a BOZO!

I just know I REALLY don't want to see you suffer... and want to see you enjoying the life you have to the fullest.

If it means going to school... fine.

If it means taking a break... fine.

Follow your heart.

How is it you always know what to say? How'd you get so smart?

Thanks for the advice, suggestions, insight, and just general wisdom. I didn't shout "no" to your living closer suggestion right away but it is something I have thought about before. The main problem with it is the cost. Boston is really really expensive (that's where I go to school). I lived up there last year and it was great, much easier to deal with things, but I was feeling better then. I'm sure it would help but I don't know if that would be a solution. Plus I don't have any possible roommates (by the beginning of September most people are pretty set on roommates). It was a good suggestion...so good I'd already explored it!

I haven't yet talked to my parents but I think I have kind of already decided that right now for me the best thing is to take a break. The main thing that it will affect negatively is my health insurance but considering the cost of a semester of college I think it'll be doable to put me on the COBRA and pay the monthly fee (I think it's $300/month or something like that).

I hate feeling like I'm quitting something but I guess this wouldn't really be quitting. And it doesn't mean I'm weak or anything...I'm just sick and need to do something else right now.

One big consideration I didn't mention before, though, is that my family is moving to Oregon next summer. If I'm not done with school I have two options - 1) stay here and finish or 2) transfer. Who knows how much would transfer but that might be a better thing to do than finish at my school because I could transfer to a state school and it would cost less.

I'll talk to my parents in the morning and let you know how it goes and what I decide to do. Ultimately I do think I need to put my health first. If I'm feeling horrible, run into the ground, and can't do the work...well...I wouldn't get much out of the semester, now would I?

Thanks again. I'll give an update tomorrow. For now it's off to bed for me (tired and nauseous. )

--Annie

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``The best way out is always through.'' -Robert Frost

Leaving work was an agonizing thing for me to do. It cost me so much in so many ways.

I'm soooooo glad I was in a position to do it. I'd never have done the healing I've managed to do -- or other work, which in it's own small way has been valuable to some people I care for deeply -- without it.

I'll be able to go back to work part time in November, it looks like, more than a year after I had to leave.

This has not been an empty year for me. In fact, it's been a surprisingly rich one. It wasn't what I planned or desired for this point in my life, but hey, I'm still standing.

There is nothing dishonorable about quitting when it's the right thing to do. Many great fubars of history would have been avoided had people grasped this simple fact.

Sorry you had to head off to bed not feeling too swift.

You can check this out later.. when you have time.

You said..

"I hate feeling like I'm quitting something but I guess this wouldn't really be quitting."

No. It isn't quitting.

It is called "making a good decission".

It is called "postponing".

It is called "saving your butt".

It is called "survival".

And...

It is called "preparing for the future".

Never think of it as "quitting".

"Quitting" involves giving up for no special reason.. or because you just don't WANT to do something.

This is NOT the case.. by any stretch of the imagination.

Think of it this way.

Let's say you lived in Texas... and your folks were really really old.. and your mom fell and broke her leg... and she was the main caregiver for your dad who was sick.

My guess is.. from knowing the kind of person you are...

You would move back home and help care for them.

Would you then be "quitting" your job in Texas?

NO!

You would be moving in the RIGHT direction.

That can't be called "quitting".

Do you see the difference?

Now.. if you were working in Texas and it was a rainy day.. and you worked outdoors.. and you didn't feel like getting wet.. and you didn't go to work ...

THAT would be quitting!

When caring for yourself or others.. you are re-focusing.. NOT quitting.

You said..

"And it doesn't mean I'm weak or anything...I'm just sick and need to do something else right now."

EXACTLY!

THAT'S the girl I know!!!

Regroup and make the best of what you have.

You now show that you are flexible, determined, respectful, and SMART!

There will be a time when you will be able to function better. A time when you will think about going back and finishing school.

It is only the poopy heads who think they MUST suffer through to prove a point.

Don't waste YOUR time skipping in that direction.

College is suppose to be FUN!

When it is.. THEN you go! Not until.

Truth is...

I went part time for 6 years...

It took a long time.. and I had to study hard.

But even as an "old lady"... I still had FUN!

Now THAT is an education!

When approaching your folks.. which I would have trouble with myself...

Focus on the positive!

Say something like..

I would like to hold off on those classes for now.. at least until I am stronger and can get something out of them. Right now I am not able to focus on getting better and doing my best in school.

If I continue, something will suffer.. either my grades or my health.

I would like to make plans to go back when I can get some benefits from the education.

How does that sound?

I am sure they will understand.

They love you with all their hearts.

They want what is best for YOU!

They want you to be happy...

I know this...

I am a parent.

I would NEVER want to have my child suffer through each day just to say they did it.

That is love.

And have I told you lately that I love you?

I do.

Good night... sweet dreams.

I agree with you Tincup gave you some EXCELLENT advice!

How does she do it???

A gift maybe???

You will make a good decision! You have been given some great guidelines!

Peace and Blessings,

And Minou made another great point.

I agree ... having to stop work was about the hardest thing I ever had to do.

I LOVED my job!

Next to my family.. it was my life.

But.. had I stayed there.. I would probably be dead by now.

You see..

The ducks told me if I got another tick bite I was immune to getting Lyme again... so not to worry.

They were wrong.

But I didn't know that at the time and was determined to go back to work after I was lymed the first time.

I was working outdoors every day. I got many more tick bites... and 7 tick borne infections along with it. I nearly died.

I never, in a million years, would have guessed that I would be doing what I do now.

But had I not changed directions...

I would have never met you.

Or any of the folks here who keep me happy.

I am not thrilled about the whole situation of not working in the parks..

But I made the best of it...

Don't ya think?

You are only young and have your whole life to study,try and get yourself well as realistically if you are burning the candles at both ends with study and travel the IV's are going to be wasted.

It is really up to you and your parents but you have to look at things realistically.Can you physically do this.I know my mind is like a sieve,can't concentrate on anything or retain.It is a lot to do with the fatigue,but how can you study like that?

It is a hard decision and only you know if your health will permit you to do all of this.But from what you have been saying to me it doesn't sound like it.You would only be putting things on hold.Lots of people with illnesses have to put lots on hold.I am medically retired from teaching because of this and it hurts.Last night I had a dream that I was back teaching.It is like letting go of part of yourself but in your case it would only be for a while.
You are doing an amazing job handling all of this at such a young age.Come out to Aussie land with me and have a holiday.We can infuse together.

I think for me, it was a kick in the pride to make that phone call to college just two weeks ago and say " I cant do it, send me the medical leave request form"

but once my doctors signature was on it, and once I seen he checked

"In your opinion, is your patient unable to either physically or mentally complete classes" and both were checked as yes

I knew that sometimes, I just gotta open my eyes! My doctor surely wasnt lying, he was definately telling the truth, I just didn't

want to whisper it to myself.

I was on campus the previous semesters, and it only took me ten minutes top to drive there. Due to my missing other classes before I returned, the ones I needed to take made them put me ON campus this semester- one hour and 15 minutes away.

I just couldnt do it. I cant do it. College will always be there.

My health always wont.

Take it easy.

AND look at it this way. While it is GREAT to get that education done, if we are STILL SICK when degree is in hand.. what are we REALY gonna do with those degrees other than frame them on one of our off herx days?

I won't write a lot now, I just woke up and will go talk to my parents about all this in a few minutes. I'm sure they will be supportive of whatever I feel I need to do. They have been kind of amazed that I've managed to stay in school so I think they realize it's not far fetched for me to decide I can't do it right now.

I'll write more after I talk to them.

Thanks so much!

--Annie

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``The best way out is always through.'' -Robert Frost

I know that this has been a difficult decision to arrive at after all your hard work through the years.

However, I do believe your heart is sending you in the right direction. I see this time in your life as a window of opportunity to really beat this Lyme so that you can put it behind you once and for all.

In my opinion,to truly succeed one must be able to give 110%. It is evident from your posts that you are an individual who aims high and puts their best effort forward in all that they do. I would find it difficult to believe that your parents would expect anything less from you. Therefore, if you truly feel you can not juggle your current responsibilities, then yes something has to change. At this time and at any time your health must be your first priority.

You can always return to college to finish your senior year. When I was in college, I knew of several instances where health issues and concerns caused people to defer their education. Like many of them, you too will return and accomplish your academic goals when your health permits.

Listening to your heart and assessing your current situation is quite a sign of maturity and a pro active action on your part in your quest for wellness. Sometimes we all have to make very difficult decisions. Wishing you all the best in whatever plan of action you and your parents decide on.

I just talked to my parents a little while ago and they are both very supportive of my decision to take the semester off. My dad actually seemed relieved that I'd come to this decision on my own because he definitely saw that I was not doing well enough to manage through the semester. So, it was a relief that they agreed with me and it made the decision a lot easier to make.

And, to go a little further, we talked about how my interested and drive now doesn't really have to do with school. I've been working on this Lyme retreat and I'm hoping it turns into a bigger thing. That's where my interest lies right now and where I feel drawn and I don't see the stuff I was studying in school helping me with that.

So, I've decided to at least take the fall off and then maybe taking the spring off, too. My family is moving to Oregon next summer so at that point I could decide to transfer to a state school out there (after a year living there to become a resident and get the cheaper rate). Not sure how easy that would be to do since I've already done three and a half years at my school but it's an option. Or, I could stay here and go back to my school if I feel up to it, although I really don't feel drawn to my school anymore. I don't feel I'm getting much out of it anymore. So, I could also stay here and transfer to a state school here. I think the biggest possibility, though, is transferring out to Oregon.

Thank you all again for all your help and support. It's been great, as always. You are all awesome! You're the reason I keep fighting and am so interested in setting up things like the Lyme retreat - to offer support and hope like you do for me.

Thanks!

--Annie

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``The best way out is always through.'' -Robert Frost

You couldn't make ME any happier.

I love your decision..

And I love you too!

You are not 'quitting'; you are just 'postponing' to a time when you are better capable of dealing with your studies.

First things first.

First you need to take care of your health.

Then you take care of your career.

It's funny that when I was so stuck on the idea that I had to finish school and get my degree I was so closed off to everything else. I was pushing myself so hard in this one direction, running myself into the ground, and all the while losing sight of any reason I might have had for needing to push myself to finish school now. It really feels like school, instead of opening doors for me, was closing them off. I couldn't enjoy myself and I couldn't see all the other things that I would have enjoyed spending my time doing.

But now that I don't have school there in the way (funny way to think of school), I find that I'm looking at life totally differently. I'm seeing all these possibilities. I want to do some more creative stuff that school wasn't allowing me to do. And I want to do some more spiritual stuff that would be good for my health that I didn't really have the time or energy for while I was in school. And, most importantly I think, I feel a huge difference in the stress level I'm experiencing just in the past few days. I'm at peace, that's the best way to describe it.

And what I've decided is to basically put school of indefinitely and see what happens. I only have one life to live and who knows how long any of us has here so I should be spending it doing things I enjoy and that make me happy. Tincup, you're so wise and wonderful. Thank you for giving me insight into myself! And that's for always being there for me. You're truly an angel!

And thanks to all the rest of you, too. You have all made things much easier to deal with. And now that I won't have pesky school in the way anymore I can spend much more time hanging around here with all of you!

--Annie

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``The best way out is always through.'' -Robert Frost

"And now that I won't have pesky school in the way anymore.. I can spend much more time hanging around here with all of you!"

OH NO!!!

I changed my mind!!!

Go back to school you little fruitcake!

Annie, I won't repeat all the good advice the others have given you, but want to add a couple comments.

The peace that you feel shows that you know deep down that you've made the right decision.

While you're taking time off from college, you can focus all your efforts on improving your health. You need to make as much progress as possible this year while you're still near your LLMD.

Since you've started the classes, I assume you have your textbooks. You said these were classes you were interested in, so keep the books and study along as you're able. You probably won't learn as much as in class, but you'll have the opportunity to enjoy the subject with no stress or strain.

You are blessed to have parents who are very wise!! They knew what they thought you should do, but they let you make your own decision. As a parent, I know how difficult that can be.
That's why you're such a mature, smart young lady at the tender age of 22.

I have good news too.I decided not too go to my IV's and when I told my sister how I was feeling she took over.She is a social worker and rang my doc who then rang the people responsible for coming out to the home for IV"s.My sister has been in the health system for about 20 years and must have said the right things as they are going to start home servicing me again.Thank goodness,I was so exhausted on the weekend I had to send the kids to Mum's.I don't feel much better now,but it is like a weight off my shoulders that I don't have to travel all that way for IV's 3 times a week.

We have both had a win this week,

I'm so glad you got that worked out. I can imagine how much of a strain it was to travel for your IVs. Your trek to the IV place was only a little less than my trek to school so I know how draining it can be to have to drive a long distance often. It's so great that you have your sister to advocate for you. I'm just so happy you've had this resolved. It's great news.

--Annie

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``The best way out is always through.'' -Robert Frost