[This message has been edited by trecetetodromonmetabia (edited 08 October 2004).]

i'm sure your parents love you very much but their dogmatism to their beliefs are blinding them from the truth of your unfortunate situation.

i think, and this is only a hypothesis, that their belief in a benevolent and merciful god is inconsistent with the infliction of pain on their child.

it's a theological argument, nothing more, nothing less.

as such their anger may stem from their own insecurities rather than at you so definitley don't blame yourself (or them)!

maybe this approach will help pacify your parents :

"The Order of The Visitation of the Sick"

"Dearly beloved, know this, that Almighty God is the Lord of life and death, and of all things to them pertaining, as youth, strength, health, age, weakness, and sickness.

Wherefore, whatsoever your sickness is, know you certainly, that it is God's visitation. And for what cause soever this sickness is sent unto you; whether it be to try your patience for the example of others, and that your faith may be found in the day of the Lord laudable, glorious, and honourable, to the increase of glory and endless felicity."

I am not 'conventialy' religous, but i understand the religious mindset.

try speaking to them in their terms; that your illness (whether you believe it or not) is a test of god, a test for the whole family. only together can you beat this and fufill god's glory.

or some such **** (lol).

after all as the saying goes "god works in mysterious ways" and he can work throught the healing hands of his tools on earth, like good, caring doctors.

hope you can resolve this conflict, as well as resolving your lyme.

best of luck and be well....

You've just got to believe bigger...

Just kidding!!!

Truth is, I once belonged to that mindset, many years ago. I thought that fear always issued in negative results, and positive believing brought positive results. "That which I greatly feared is come upon me," said Job.

I thought that all illness was either the result of bad believing, or the Devil was trying to tempt me.

Since then, experience has taught me that good things and bad things can happen to anyone. It is what we do about it that counts. And that trying to figure out what the deep spiritual reason is behind such things is fruitless, because if there is a deep spiritual reason, it's spiritual! and can't be figured out by the 5 senses.

I have Lyme, and so does my kid. It is a nasty illness. You can look great, but feel like crud. I can completely identify with what my kid goes through when he has "Lyme brain," yet it is still hard to know when it's just teenager brain. It is all so intertwined.

I know when I ask him to get up on time, get to school, do his homework, take his meds, or go outside and get some fresh air, I am asking more of him than if I asked the same things of a healthy kid. But I still have to insist that he push himself, be the best kid he can be with Lyme. I expect the same from myself. When he has to rest, I let him rest.

I know it is frustrating to have Lyme, and to have your parents angry that you are not getting well. They are frusrated, too. They want you well.

Perhaps you can remind them (in a calm moment) that you can fight physical symptoms with physical things (Jesus made clay to heal the man born blind), mental things with mental (positive confession), and spiritual with spiritual (prayer). And that God would not have you to be ignorant, so it might be important to be informed about Lyme disease.

I also hope you will remember what your folks ARE doing for you -- they got you boarding school, right? Clothes? Food? Computer access? Soon you will be an adult, and you will live by your own philosophy of life. Until then, take from your folks the good things they have to give -- they probably improved upon what their parents gave THEM -- and be determined to improve on their example in the next generation.

Keep talking to them. Keep loving them.

And feel free to vent here when you need to(you can email me, too, if you want)!

Regards,
Shaz

He also told me that I could heal myself if: I just got a job (I spend too much free time/'me-time' as a stay at home mother - I WISH I could just go to the bathroom alone), if I got back to God (somehow he thinks I turned my back on God and who is he to judge?), if I exercised, if I went on the Atkins diet, if I drank more water and drank wine every day.

I remember my teen-age years at home, not fun either. It's not fun being "managed." I became a very strong and independant person because it.

There are two things you can be thankful for. You have a home and someone to care for you.

It is no fun trying to manage my care and my son's. I was a poor parent during the time I was infected and found good treatment. I had no clue my son had lyme until my health improved enough so that I could think again.

You have the internet and lymenet for info and support.

Rest and be well,

for what it is worth: people DO better when they KNOW better... pray for them and yourself, and offer your sufferings 'up'. it is not religion but the individual interpretation. humans are imperfect, ALL of us.

how old are you btw?

if your folks afforded boarding school i don't understand a problem with medical bills... MAYBE it is simply venting and anger about how EXPENSIVE and frustrating medical treatment is and not anger at YOU.

if your's is a family that does not communicate their feelings well (as was-is mine) there is plenty of room for misinterpretation, and hurt feelings.

at any rate, do what you can to take care of yourself physically, emotionally AND spiritually and do not let your parent's spin on religion separate you from God. they are simply people..... understand?

consider yourself hugged........ Loribelle