I go the the doctor tomorrow and I am afraid. I jsut want to feel better, I know its only been 6 months but it has been a long n rough 6 months. All I want to do is just go to the bar and drink with my friends I feel like that is the only place I dont worry about anything.

I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My friend tried to hook me up with her cousin, we kissed and hang out but thats all. We talk all the time on the phone and one night he told me that he is falling in love with me. Now usually people get excited when a guy tells them this, not me. I am not ready for a serious relationship. I just had a baby and I just got dignosed with LD and I dont have the time, health or emotions to give him. I really dont know how to tell him. I need some serious advice!!!

Someone please help me!!!!

My sister has the same name as your cousin.

And I thank God every night that my son is so healthy.

One of my dearest friends died in 94'. She was almost 18. She was not only beautiful but also intelligent - was in college at 17, already had a semester of credits through courses in high school, knew Russian, French and Spanish fluently, was on the debate team, took all AP courses, was on the swim team, was a life guard in the summer, etc, etc.

It was so strange when she died. It was like the world had stopped for me but for noone else. I remember driving to her funeral by myself and thinking, everyone is still moving around like nothing has happened.

Now, about the guy. I was always the friend everyone took advantage of in highschool. I was all the guys' friends - nothing more. I used to be so upset because I never thought I'd find anyone.

Then one day I hung out with my friend, her boyfriend and his coworker. This coworker and I had seen each other before years before and he had worked on my car several times (and he kinda scared me - I thought he was odd) but we didn't even know each other's name or talked before.

The coworker called me for a date after we had hung out a few times with our friends together and since then my husband and I have never been apart.

I now understand why it took so long for me to find someone.

And I now understand why we didn't meet before or become friends before this.

So, my advice is that there is a plan and just trust that everything will work out. It might not be now or tomorrow but, in the end, it will be for the best.

I haven't been your age in a long time (I'm 53) but I'm one of those people who never got "older" inside - and I was so very physically active before I got Lyme - so I think I still feel how it is to be young and stuck with a bad situation. (some of that relationship stuff we never forget - even if we didn't learn from it)

You asked for some serious advice, so here it comes (pardon my direct approach):

1. "All I want to do is just go to the bar and drink with my friends"
   No. Worst thing you could do (short of taking steroids or going to a Rheumatologist). Think immune system, and how alcohol affects it. Think of how drinking affects your ability to make good judgements; and the temptations that face you in that setting (which you have already hit on, see next item)
   
2. "My friend tried to hook me up with her cousin... and one night he told me that he is falling in love with me."
   Uh-oh... could be good news, could be bad.
   You still have some kind of relationship with your son's father, as he went to the hospital with you. Are you prepared to have that relationship disappear - or worse, get really messy? It may not have worked out (I've had my share of those) but if you have a friendly relationship that may be far better than an unknown new one. If he's supportive of you and good to your son, my advice is don't blow it off just yet by getting involved with another guy. Not while you're sick.
   
3. "I jsut want to feel better, I know its only been 6 months but it has been a long n rough 6 months."
   Yeah, I know that one. It's rough in so many ways! I had Lyme for 8 years. Treated minimally when first infected, but there were 3 years before my first relapse... then a year trying to get treatment. Then I got treated (6 weeks) and was well for a year. Then relapse, and another year of trying to get re-treated. Finally had 5 months of IV with various orals, followed by a year of oral combos. But now it's all done, I haven't had any abx or Lyme symptoms for a long time now.

   You know what? I like being healthy. When I got well and was able to run and climb Sierra peaks again, I said: "if I have to have 5 months of IV every other year to get this, it would be worth it!" You'll think so too once you get your 'old self' back.
   

4. "I am not ready for a serious relationship. I just had a baby and I just got dignosed with LD and I dont have the time, health or emotions to give him."
   You know yourself better than anyone. Listen to your own wisdom.
   
5. "I really dont know how to tell him."
   Oh, yes you do!
   As "Dear Abby"/"Ann Landers" used to say, "just print show him this column with your words in it".
   Yeah, I know it's not that easy. But it's a heck of a lot easier than the mess that can ensue when you don't listen to your own inner wisdom. (That's the 53-yr-old experience talking: how does a funky relationship begin, and how does it end? Let me count the ways... hey, they all start with not paying attention to myself)
   
6. "I need some serious advice!!!"
   Nah, all you need is a little support for the good advice you've given yourself: patience. courage. strength. (you're a mother, after all... and it's beginning to show ;-).
   

I've always felt that our trials give us strength to move through other things in the future so much more smoothly, and give us the tools we may need to support others.

Dan gave you great feedback...he could put Abby out of business!

I've always felt that our trials give us strength to move through other things in the future so much more smoothly, and give us the tools we may need to support others.

Achey, you said. Its true!

i am 42, have kids older than you am even a grandma! but i definately understand what you are saying! i still just want to go out and have a few drinks and party some too.

i still am frustrated (!) that i cannot work my job that i LOVED, take care of my garden or keep up with the housework (for just me and my dear husband). i am SO glad that he understands and isn't nagging or complaining about the sink full of dirty dishes.

i cannot imagine having little ones to take care of! BUT it will get better!

one thing i really feel the need to say is about the drinking... not nagging, promise! i like to drink too. just a story.

last july i was hanging out with some friends, an all day thing. i had 5 (light) beers over a 7 hour period. not that much considering the amount of time and that i weigh about 155-160 pounds. plus we had a great meal.

anyway, i was sitting there in a chair on the patio talking to my friend and just felt a little woozy. i woke up out in the yard puking and puking, sitting on the ground in a pool of cold water (they had been running water over me to try to revive me).

my friend, her husband and daughter were hovering around me looking scared to death! she says i was talking and then my eyes rolled up into my head and i just dropped. she caught me and screamed for her husband and daughter to help.

she said it was not like a 'drunk pass-out' but more like a siezure, and i stopped breathing for a bit. my muscles went real hard and i was cold she said. when i fell i bit through my tounge. i was unconcious for about 20 minutes.

i KNOW that i almost died that night. if i had left 5 minutes earlier i probably WOULD have died, without them to take care of me. the minute before that happened i felt fine. i was not drunk.

i am pleading with you not to find out the hard way that people with lyme disease shouldn't drink. i didn't touch a drop for months after that but since will have a beer or even 2 once in a while. but i FEEL it.

it's almost as if i pour alcohol directly into my blood when i do drink. please, please take care of your son's mother!

sorry this turned out to be so long and kind of a bummer... consider yourself hugged though, and know that there are people here who understand and are supportive.

and know that this will pass.

lori

About a little less then a hour ago I was in my kitchen cutting up some cheese for my son to eat and making some breakfast when I "New Years Resolution."

I just read your "drinking story" and it made me realize that I made the best resolution I think that I could have ever made. Stop drinking. Not for myself, but for my son. I am grateful that you shared that story with me and you made me realize that I may feel fine but I am not fine.

Last thursday I went out with a bunch of friends to the local "hot spot" that we hang out at, and I got drunk, which I never do. If I go out with my friends I usually will only drink 3 beers if that much, it is more the point of getting out with friends. Anyway, I was hammered, throwing up in the bathroom of the bar and I passed out at the table. I didn't know that I passed out and I dont think anyone noticed but one person. He shook me and I said I need to go home.

That is the last time I will get drunk for a long time. If I never read your story I might not have been that serious but I have more then my life to life for. I have my son's life.

Thank you so much, your story really touched me.

You're on the right track now. No need to beat yourself up for past errors. Just concentrate on taking care of *you* and you're little one. You will have better times ahead. But for now your health must come first.

Dan: Great advice. It is something we can all take to heart. Thank you for sharing.

Life is forever giving us lessons. We need to stop and listen once in a while.

Others will advise you well; I've got to go for a while.
Take care, I'll check in next time I get back to Lymenet.