I do the best I can do... but I feel like others may also think that I am a slug...

I was married over the summer and about 4-5 months later became very sick again with Lyme. I feel like my husband got the short end of the stick.

I am home not working and am living in a new town. I can't help but feel his collegues and neighbors feel that he married a dud.

I was so sick all winter so I wasn't around much... slowly getting better now but not back to a schedule yet.

I now feel like I have to come from behind and prove myself....

Any advice you guys? I don't feel like "the catch" my husband thinks I am. Sorry to sound so bummed but I am....

daniella

Today is a good day for me so I can look back at yesterday and the day before, etc and remember when I felt useless and all alone, a slug, too.

1-It's the bacteria messing with your mind, don't forget that, it's not really that bad.

2-Family takes care of family when someone is sick-that's the way society has always been. Someday you'll take care of him.

I'm glad your husband thinks you're a catch, make sure he continues to think that.

Chin up (I know you don't have the strength),

NEVER give up.

Janet

I completely understand your feelings. I am recently married also. We were together 4 1/2 years and planned on marriage, but not necessarily the way we did it or the timing of it.

He married me as soon as I felt able to stand long enough for the ceremony. This provided me with insurance under his employer. What a honeymoon, 3 hour trip each way to LLMD, lab, then a trip to the pharmacy, trip to the grocery store to buy any food you can find with no taste, and end up in the bathroom.

He is a saint to me as I'm sure your husband is to you.

Consider this true love. I'm sure you would do the same for him and he knows it. I've been totally disgusted with myself as I used to handle almost everything and now am unable to handle most everything.

I "try" to keep in mind. This is a temporary setback. We just need to remind each other of this often. It's not temporary enough for me either.

This can be in your own case, the treatment, or in tolerating day to day life. Doing things you enjoy now and then. Or something to show appreciation to your husband and others that do support you.

Help someone else, for another example. I'm sure you respond to inquiries on this website. That is helping. And the more people that help, the better able we will be able to survive this dark ages, not just in our own lives but in the treatment of the disease.

You can also support Lyme organizations, write letters, do things in a support group if there is one.

This may not seem like it will help you personally but it will in a way. It changes your attitude to feeling like you are not just a helpless victim. Attitude is a big thing when it comes to fighting a chronic disease. It keeps you going.

I know how hard it is, but try one day to get up with him as he gets ready for work. Make him breakfast. You dont have to do this every day, but I feel that those who are forced to have to live life like myself being a single parent, do better than those that can sit back and abdicate their responsibilities and just sit in bed all day.

Taking little steps and you will begin to realize that you can do more and more. like getting out to do a small grocery shop, or deposit a check. Just push yourself a little more each day, but dont over do it. Try to build.

You have to remember that this is a very serious disease that many simply do not understand. Stress is probably one of the biggest factors when it comes to the progression of this disease so stressing out over what others think or over something you feel that you have to do but dont have the energy at the moment is only going to make you sicker.

So here is a prescription that allows you to let those feelings go take it as needed.

The biggest thing a person has to offer is their heart and compassion, you can do this without alot of effort. This in itself will make you feel good. As Lou said, reach out to those on this board, do what you can do to help others. This will not only make them feel better but also give you some satisfaction and feeling of worth.

Maintain a daily diary record how you felt physically and emotionally. Right down all that you did or would like to do. Read it often so you can see your progression to getting better.

It is ok to feel down, most of it is the disease process some of it is just how we feel, either way it is ok to feel this way, just try not to let it control you.

Ultimatly the only one you have to prove yourself to is your maker. And all he requires is that you live a life that is respectful of others, dont purposely hurt others, be faithful and do what you can to make life better for all on this earth.

I know what you are going through I was there 10 years ago, it was a real downward spiral that nearly cost me my life, because I got so sick trying to keep up with what I felt others were pushing me to do. Finally I let go, shortly after the healing process begain, it has not been an easy one.

Matter of fact I ended up in the ER yesterday with the worse cluster headache I have ever had. But today I woke up packed my kids lunch, took them to school, came home and took a nap. Life went on.

One last note in a conversation with my younger son during a moment of weakness, I was telling him how bad I felt that we have not been able to do certain things over the years, you know what we did, came to me gave me a big hug and said daddy you are always there for me and I know this, all I want for you is to get better and not die, that is what is important to me.

Talk with your husband share your feelings, I am sure he will say the samething. I will add you to my prayer list and know that there are people out their praying for you and your health.

We moved last year, there are still boxes unpacked and papers piled up, all mine. These aren't things he can help me with, even though he's offered a million times.

What I try to do is on days that I have less pain, we go out. I have learned never to say let's do it tomorrow, because tomorrow I might be back on the couch.

I also found that letting my husband know even the slightest thing I might have accomplished makes him feel that I am at least trying. If I go through a pile of papers, I let him know that, because the place is a mess and it's not obvious.

If our spouses were in our shoes, we would do the same for them, keep that in mind.

Yes, they are saints, especially since there are lots of available people out there who can lead normal lives, yet they stay with us.

I have also found that prayer can help when you really found down and useless. I sometimes walk through the bible and read some passages, it can be comforting. If I can get to services, it's very uplifting, but I haven't been able to go for over a month.

Hang in there, it does get better, and we are only experiencing a setback now.

It's ok. That's life.

Your husband sounds great. and believe me as you start to feel better and better I'm absolutely sure everyone will fall in love with you.

I understand feeling like a dud or deadweight. You'll get better and make up for it with your appreciation and zest for life.

chin up! Your tough!

if you live anywhere near ,new york city and pick up channel 9(wor).the yank's are on every friday nite.

i don't know if this is gonna help though,watching the yank's play lately,get's me depressed.lol...

hang in there.you hit a low spot.it will turn around.i hope the yank's do too...be well , gary

p.s. bring some popcorn!!

I pulled myself out of it yesterday and went to a local track meet with my husband. I still feel sad but I am trying to do things like you guys suggested like helping others.

But I think I would need to do it consistantly...Any ideas? I think part of this is herxing. It seems each time I take the ketek I feel worse...

Thank you again for all the support it really touched my heart....

Oh and Gary did you catch the game last night?...
daniella

i was counting sheep around 7:30.i can't keep up with you"kid's",anymore..lol.

you said you would like to be busy all the time.you might want to hang back alittle.

the beating your body is taking,you need to rest.maybe run at about 60% or 70%.i know you get anxious.you will benefit in the long run.

ok,i'm off the soap box..lol. be well , gary

Sometimes God directs us, and lo and behold, this particular therapist has Lyme herself, and knew exactly what I was feeling. It was so coincidental to have chosen her.

She was a real inspiration to me. When she told me how when she first got sick, it took her an hour to get down the stairs of her house, I didn't feel as bad.

She described sitting on each step for as long as it took to feel ready for the next one, until she hit the last step. She urged me to get out of the house to a local destination every day, no matter what.

I kicked and screamed that I couldn't do it, I was too sick and needed to stay in bed with the shades down. She stayed firm, even raised her voice several times in exasperation with me.

When I said I couldn't go out because everyone would ask about the IV junk in my arm, she said ignore them. When I said I had no energy to get dressed, she said to go out in sweats, no one knows me.

My point here is two things. One, if you continue to feel bad, please try to find a qualified therapist who does cognitive therapy, meaning a behavioral approach.

Two, don't feel pressured to do wonderful things every day like going to a track meet. If you can force yourself out for a sandwich, on whole wheat bread of course, that's all you need to do.

Now if I can just follow my own advice as I sit here not feeling up to going out.

Take care and God bless.

Your therapist sounds really nice. It's a good idea.

I have been seeing a therapist and usually it is enough to vent and cry and poof! I feel all better.

But this feels heavier lately. Maybe it is a giant herx in my brain or something. I have had Lyme at least 17 years that I know of if not longer...

Maybe this is the mother of all neurologic herxes just before it leaves my body...Mind you, I just went through a giant physical herx that was also horrendous..no too long ago, I am still recovering from it..

Also I think I have no support network in place here where I have moved. I need to meet some people who can empathize with me...I was always good at creating a support network and had a pretty good one going until my move..

Maybe I just need some new Lyme friends..No offense..but Friends I can actually talk to face to face...

I just feel like noone around here understands...

Well I'm going to go grocery shopping now and will try to think happy thoughts, I will check back with you guys when I return..

adios..

daniella

All the other posters have good advice...i really needed to hear it too because i feel this way so often! See...your reaching out has helped more people than you know...

I am married to a wonderful man who i probably gave lyme to. I was misdiagnosed for a long time. he put up with a lot!

hang in there....you have others who share your pain and have been there!
Take care,
pip

My husband and I have been together for

almost 15 years now. We met in high school

and when we were considering marriage we

discussed the plain and simple fact that the

people we were then would not be the people

we are now. The best thing is that we went

through all this together and our

relationship is now stronger than ever. My

husband (who happens to be right here with

me now) has this advice to pass on. "You

should NEVER feel bad about having

limitations. As long as you do the best

you can when you feel up to it, that's all

you really need to do."

The only thing he really ever asks of me

anymore is that I don't try to do too much

at once so I'm not "down" for days or weeks.

My personal favorite saying comes from the

movie Lilo and Stitch, "I may be little and

broken but I'm still good. Yeah...Still

good."

PS My husband LOVES the Yankees. Lately

we've been getting a good laugh from the 3rd

base coach. The way he has the guys run

pippy thanks for letting me know you are feeling the same at times...it really helps.

glassfish..what you wrote broke me up...I need to rember that I'm still good..Geez I get all choked up just writing that...still good...

I'll have to see the movie..