Listen to this one everyone knows about past mothers day her mom went with sisterinlaw to sisters house for weekend and returned sundaynight no small feat lives in Ohio then my wifes mother told her she would stop and see her monday afternoon my wife waited but she never showed up.

So wife calls her lastnight Monday eve and she said (mother)sez she came down and saw her mother and gave her some candy she lives a few miles away but in general area,

Okay heres the clincher she and sisterinlaw then went shopping in the same town we live in and never even stopped by.
Sisterinlaw has a child I told her its because its the grandchild but.

This is always going on the whole family seems to discard her unless they need something.

Its so painful watching her suffer and then be treated like second class person.

I sometimes wonder if people really aren't subconsciously superstitious about disease. If they think about it or spend time around sick people, they will get sick too. Even when it isn't catching. Maybe it is a built in response from thousands of years of diseases that were very contagious. Just a wild guess on my part. However, we are supposedly more civilized these days.

quote:

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Originally posted by lou:
Boy, how many stories I have heard like this, and not just with lyme. Seems sickness brings out the worst in many people. They don't seem to know what to do, so they shun the sick ones.

I sometimes wonder if people really aren't subconsciously superstitious about disease. If they think about it or spend time around sick people, they will get sick too. Even when it isn't catching. Maybe it is a built in response from thousands of years of diseases that were very contagious. Just a wild guess on my part. However, we are supposedly more civilized these days.

So sorry your wife feeling bad, and being treated this way too. Give her a hug from us.

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Nice Huh she just wants some attention from her blood family . I could never do that if I had kids too any of them never.

When my son started seeing the man in black and my husband and i took him to shrink and sent his blood to dr. J in CT my sister told me I was a bad mother--that I slept to much and didn't pay enough attention to my children. Then in a final act of absolute hatefullness she called my brother the doctor and told him all this stuff. He doesn't believe in lyme disease. I fully expect DHS to be at my door at any time.

I think that families don't like their family members to be sick. So they will ignore any illness or they will accuse the sick person of being a malinger or hypercondriact.

I read some philosopher in college--can't remember his name--but he talked about how every situation is like a stage. If you want to build a good team you want to have all the different personality types to make a good team--not everyone can be the leader. That is why different families have such different personalities. That is why twins raised apart are more alike than twins raised together. So on the flip side there appears to be some family members that their job is to be sick and have everyone feel sorry for them and take care of them. I don't know if it is birth order or family roles--but your wife has slipt out of her family "character."

Plus three women is just difficult. I'm being unchristian but your wife's sister and mother may have gone shopping and talked about your wife the whole time. If they are not close there is no quicker, cheaper intimacy than talking about a third person you both know.

Your wife is so luck to have you. I know it is hard being her sole support--but this disease will most definately teach you who your friends are. And sometimes family is just family and they aren't your friends.

he mom said that to her?? awh man that sucks, i feel bad for her. some people are just completely self-absorbed.

Thanks lou,

zipzip herx yep,

Linda LD I think that families don't like their family members to be sick. So they will ignore any illness or they will accuse the sick person of being a malinger or hypercondriact. Yep.,

cave76 Yep yep yep,

Loribelle completely self-absorbed.Yep

Wow. That sums it up, especially when the illness is severe.

Many Blessings, Tree --
this should not be -- this way.

Tho, your wife is very fortunate she has you, and that you know.

I know how hard the neuro-psych herx can get, for the patient and the caretaker.

Her mother knows not, and now can't ever undo what she's done. Family dynamics can change allot through this kind of crisis. You really learn who is there for you.

Wishing you special strength in getting through this time.

Mo

quote:

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Originally posted by Mo:
[b]This whole Lyme thing and family life is like juggleling fire in your hands while standing in gasoline.

Wow. That sums it up, especially when the illness is severe.

Many Blessings, Tree --
this should not be -- this way.

Tho, your wife is very fortunate she has you, and that you know.

I know how hard the neuro-psych herx can get, for the patient and the caretaker.

Her mother knows not, and now can't ever undo what she's done. Family dynamics can change allot through this kind of crisis. You really learn who is there for you.

Wishing you special strength in getting through this time.

Mo

[/B]

---

Thats what burns my butt.

My wifes the last to here anything and the first to respond usually, she was so mad she said she was through with all of them and she has 3 borothers 1 sister,two aunts and 1 uncle.
Shes very hurt very hurt.

How can you comfort someone whos treted that badly by her own family.

I sure wish my mother was alive she was very diplomatic and smart caring woman that dang near always settled any problems I had sure miss her wisdom.

If her family is this close to being lost anyway, what harm could it do?

Not a blaming, finger pointing letter, even if it is deserved. One that explains how much it hurt.

Not sure it will work, some people cannot be reached, and if they haven't got empathy, might be a waste of time.

No reply from either I was hoping it would make it to her mother via either one since that seems to be who she wants to spend her time with the>(mother)

It's so hard to understand how someone can shut their own children out like that.

My husbands' mother is like that - she only knows her daughter (and her kids)- my husband and his brother are forgotten (along with their children).

So it's like our kids don't have any grandparents on my husbands' side. So sad - it used to make me very angry - still does sometimes, but it's mostly her loss.

Even having said all that - it doesn't make it any easier on your wife - things like that hurt so much - even more when you're ill.

I'm so glad she has such a great understanding husband as you - just be there for her - listening, caring, and lovin' her.

Your wife, you, and family are in my prayers.

Instead, call my husband to help them with things.

We always did everything for everybody and put ourselves last prior to Lyme. Not a two way street we found out.

One brother recently borrowed money to be paid back next week as I told him we needed it for my treatment. That was nearly a month ago. Now no phone calls even. I think it may have been a da**ed good investment.

The point I'm at is, I am no longer hurt over family. No more juggling for me. I hope your wife can get to that point. It's much easier than dealing with the hurt. You guys have enough juggling meds., appts. etc.

I am very happy to know who our true friends are instead. It makes me more determined to get better to spoil my husband and be there for those who are there for us NOW. Our marriage will be stronger yet with recovery. Yours will be too.

My prayers for those other"family" members who are scared and lash out at others to hide their own pain and confusion.

I understnd this family thing..been there, done that, and still doing it....

My husband , children and I have found some fabulous "new" family among friends and previous strangers.... I get notes in the mail from people who are praying for me whom I have never met....

I remember when I first tried to explain what was wrong with me and my family members either ignored it or told me I had too much time on my hands and I needed to get a job, that I wanted attention, that I wanted to get in everyone's business, that I needed to go on a diet and lose weight, that I needed to eat more salad, that I needed to exercise, that I had anxiety problems and that I needed to drink a glass of wine a day....

Oh, and someone told me that it had to do with the fact that I'm not close to God - I've shut Him out. And that is so not true and was not something that should have been said.

They have made it obvious that they aren't interested in anything concerning my health or my husband's health. They never ask us how we are doing or how we are feeling, etc. Lyme never comes up at all...

So, when we talk or get together, it's like we are not sick.

My closest/longest friend was told last July that I had Lyme disease and I have not spoken to her since.

You would think she would at least call me to see how I am. When we had my son's bday party, my MK debut and our house warming party she was invited (and never came) and didn't even call to decline the invitation.

She knows that my mother-in-law passed away in January and I still didn't hear from her. A phone call or a sympathy card would have been very nice.

I have not gotten one call from her since telling her I had Lyme. So, I guess we are no longer close friends - which is too bad.

My husband's family just won't talk about it at all. I sent my sister-in-law some information and never heard anything about it. The father acted like it was nothing to be concerned about when he first heard me say it...Now that their son/brother has it, maybe it will be different? But probably not.

My other friends who know I have Lyme never call me or email me how I am doing. Actually, we are in contact less. I never speak about my LYme around them cause I know it bores them.

My two aunts will ask how I am doing. I've tried to share info with them but they just don't get it.

My husband's aunts just don't care at all.

It's hard to be dealing with this disease, dealing with daily life and then friends/relatives who don't understand, don't want to understand or just don't care.

Goodness, this breaks my heart...
I am soooo sorry that you and the sweetie are dealing with these problems.

Prayers for you both!

I know you are a strong one...and with your loving support, you and the Mrs. WILL both get through this!

I do think that the complicated relationship between a mother and daughter is one of the most difficult to understand. No matter how old and independent we get in this life, we all still need our ``mommies'' sometimes. When that need is not returned, for whatever reason...it can sure tear you up.

Sending the information out was a good idea...it may or may not help with the situation, but at least you know that you tried...and were able to act to help in some respect.

Please remember, with that in mind...that you ARE helping. Just by being there for her while she goes through treatment, offering a shoulder to lean on, an understanding ear for listening, and much love, validation and acceptance.

I have said this before, but I believe that our TRUE family is not necessarily who we were born into...but those that we find ourselves lovingly thinking of at the end of the day.

Just getting it all down on paper can do wonders for the soul. She will have to decide if sending the letter will make her feel better. Expecting any wonderful response is not a good idea.

I do hope you are showing her our posts so she can see all the support and concern that has been coming to her here.

So sorry about your wife. I knew she had lyme but didn't know how bad she was feeling.

I'll say prayers for your family.

Writing a letter is great therapy. When I have a situation I write what I want...sleep on it and decide if it's going to be mailed or If I'll be politically correct.

I can't understand how some people can be so cruel and heartless...her own mother. How tragic for her.

I have a daughter and will do anything in the world for her and I know when she grows up this will not change.

My conclusion is until you walk in our shoes. you have no way of knowing how serious lyme disease is and the amount of pain and symptoms we endure on a day to day basis.

My sister is so mean she knows I have lyme and had the nerve to say...you always think your illness is worse then anything I've had to deal with. This was over a root canaled tooth.

This lady claims to be a christian too.

Take care.

One thing to lessen the tension a bit,is to harness a given family member's abilities,no matter how "trivial," or apparently small it might seem that would make them feel good about doing something constructive in your situation that is genuinely helpful, will make them feel less helpless, or incompetent in doing something to alleviate your misery
in an illness that is so totally invisible as to defy almost any kind of grip by anyone other than fellow sufferer, or understanding healthcare professional, then the tension should reduce, and they would be inclined to show up at your place more than they have.

One thing that worked for me was to have a family drive me to, and from NYC for my second bicillin shot, cause I was so sore in the butt, herxing,probably in all systems, that I didn't trust my reactions, reaction times, coordination,feared that I'd execute a turn opposite that which I thought,o/w feared an involuntary limb movement, or startle reaction, or get sensory overload, and over react, that I'd accidentally cause my self some serious traffic injuries,or o/w kill myself.

The family member obliged my request.

That happy-faced icon wasn't the one intended,given the nature of the thread. I don't know how the hell I put there, but the intended one was the light bulb. couldn't change the icon to the light bulb.

pq

Ann-OH

Snowboarder

Pq

Thanks you guys I appreciate all your support everyone here almost everyone are great great people

I had prayed and then talked to my wife about forgiveness I told her its not just for the other person but its also for the person who is doing forgiveing.

Well yesterday when she went to work this older lady told her the samme thing I thought wow thats funny hehehe then while there working for this lady the contruction workers also there working for her were all christians and they had on that kind of music and all it was playing was forgiveness songs hahaha,

I think she got Gods point
She went to her mothers and forgave her and told her not to do it anymore or she was going to kick her in the butt.

Those construction guys were not schedualed to be working there that day funny huh.

Well again I want to thank you all for sugestions and the great support.

This story is inspiring to me as I work through my feelings about how people have responded to my illness. All the support here is wonderful to read. I have a lot of work to do myself on forgiveness and letting go of resentment so this was a good lesson for me.

God does work in mysterious ways...Thank's for reminding me of God's love and forgiveness of us as well!

her mom does this sort of thing.it's not called for.tell your mom-in-law to go kick the cat,if she want's to feel better.

just deal with the lyme situation.keep the in-law's on the outside.

the stress caused by such thing's is not needed..

prayer's for the both of you.......gary

I hope i write this correctly. Much that i do write lately and think is muddled by Lyme disease and my emotions.

But if I had a husband like you, who cares so much for your wife and how she is treated by her family, then I could surpass the feelings of misunderstanding from members of my family.

My husband comes home from work, and i thank him for that, he has always been a wonderful provider. He may come home drunk 2-3 times a week, he has absolutely nothing to do with me unless it is what he wants to do. He has not taken the time to help me figure out my meds, only questions me when he sees that i havent taken something, and then blows it off.
I have asked for his help, but to no avail.

One of my sisters who is head of a very large Christian group of which i do as much as i am allowed, groans and complains when she does something for me or our family claiming she doesnt have the time because she has so much to do with this Christian organization. Dont understand???

My mother who is a retired nurse, just tells me that i am taking too much medication and supplements and that i just need to get out and exercise and i will feel better and get better. She doesnt realize even after i tell her that exercise makes me even more sick, and sometimes walking from the bedroom to the garage to wash clothes makes me tired and i have to sit. They just dont understand.

I dare not tell them that i have manic depressive tendencies because they would just scoff. and Lord if i do get a bit angry they back off really quick. I really have to control myself with them.
I know my emotions are running on fast track. I went to the 7th ward hospital for 3 days because i had suicidal ideation and thought of the gun in my drawer. I asked my husband to hide the gun.

Families are weird. My brother is an recovering alcoholic who has moved away and we see him very seldom and it may be because he cant deal with us, and i understand. Most of the time i dont want to deal with others either.

I am rambling and not on the topic of your sweet wife and her kind and loving husband.

I believe it says in the bible, i cant remember where, Ask for help when necessary as those who wish to help, are discipling, and you are discipling when asking for help.

If they cant, it is either beyond their capacity to help in a certain way. If they do help in another way, take it.

If they dont help, forgive them, for they do not know what they do, and may have illnesses themselves that they cannot surpass.

You and/or your wife should send the letter, maybe not to condemm but maybe to ask for their help.

I am so sorry that your wife's family are so hard on her, but i do understand that they dont know what to do, especially with a person who normally gives, but now doesnt.

My family thinks i am lazy, take too many pills, and cant understand why i cant or wont feel better. They constantly try to push me to do this and that, although i usually do, but they dont understand why i dont want to do what is normal in life, like clean your house, paint it, work in the yard, etc.

I send you my most heartfelt prayers for both you and your wife, (what is her name?, its hard to pray for a person when you dont know their name).

I also send my heartfelt thanksgiving for you as a disciple of Christ and evidently your love of your wife.

Take care, and dont worry about the family if they dont help, because they have evidently problems they need to work out themselves. Forgive them.

It seems that only in this forum do i feel the love and understanding of others.
Lemonhead from Texas.

{{{{{{{{{{Big, gentle hugs go to you both))))) as well as prayers galore.

Boy can I relate to your wife's family. Before my late sister, 41, died of breast cancer in liver; she said to my husband, "family thinks it's all in HER head! I never knew that until after her death.

My brother's wife got early-onset Alzheimer's around age-28-32. She had this for 8-14 years, and their friends drifted off one by one; few stayed for the long run.

Bottom line; people do NOT know what to say, so they just stay away. Once they have gone thru something similiar, they realize you do NOT have to say anything....just go and be with them. Other people will talk about what is bothering them and how THEY can help you by asking for help!

Last year my oldest of 3 bros. emailed me; unheard of! He wrote he didn't like the way I said things; they were self-serving for my own agenda, and "you don't contribute to society"! I could have hung him if he were around me! To this date, we have not talked in 15 months.

Last xmas my siblings met at his house. I chose NOT to attend due to treat me like crap 364 days a year and be nice to Betty 1 day a year. So I told his wife I would not be there & gave no explainations.

To this date, NONE of my 3 brothers has called, emailed, or written me a letter asking me how I am, etc. They had to read about my lyme dx in my local newspaper, and NONE of them acknowledged that article either although 1 of wife's asked questions when she saw me.

Tree, glad you put together what you did & sent to mominlaw & sisterinlaw.

I too think your wife should write/type out her feelings, put away for now, and then send if she wants.

It's MY family's loss not to have me in their lives. I went over the 50-50 all my life. I'm happier as is with my LYMENET family here.

YOU are a true gift from God and your parents for the great way they raised you tree! Your wife is lucky to have you as I am blessed for my 24/7 support from my beloved hubby of 30.6 years!

Tree, I would appreciate it when quoting folks if you would DELETE the [B] bold quotes at beginning and ending...it hurts my eyes so much on someone's long posts. Thanks for your consideration to us late-stage lymies of over 30 years of symptoms; extreme eye senstitivities.

May God watch over and carry you both when you need it; prayers headed your way....

I'm soooo sorry your wife is having a mighty tough go right now.

Words fail me. I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and have a steady stream of prayers going your way.

Take care of yourself during this time and know that we all understand. Lean on those who do understand and let the rest go....for now anyway.

I've learned to let the family and friends go who do not...or will not take the time to understand. It's okay.

Prayers and hugs......lightfoot

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C O L O R A D O * S U P P O R T * S Y S T E M
[email protected]

Prayers from here too!

I'm going through the same thing. But I decided as long as I have my husband and kids, I can make it. Your wife has a very caring hubby and that means so much at a time like this. She's very fortunate to have you.

Both of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I have not been in contact with the people who raised me for years. I learned a valuable lesson about family and how they treat you when you need them the most. I chose my friends carefully and related or not, any disrespect and i dont' bother with them. As a result of their abuse they do not see my son, as I will not subject him to that and he is better off with not knowing them and being spared the pain.

Family or not, people are people and if they are not nice and like to inflict pain on others, disregard them and keep your energy for those who are compassionate and caring and can give as well as receive.

Hope your wife is feeling better soon.

I would enjoy reading Mrs. Tree's reaction to all the supportive comments that you/she have received here.

Hope she is feeling better knowing she is not the only one walking in her shoes right now.