I am hoping some one of us can hear you and help with something concrete.

Some calls you personally have to accept. (If you run a business out of your home though this doesn't work so well.)But once the creep knows he has to do this, their contact may be limited to computer only and you would be shut out completly.

There is also a way to trace a call on a per call basis . if you have sprint on your home based phone, the directions to do this are in the front of the book.

But then I guess she could still go to the library for internet.

Are you chummy with any of her friends that you could enlist to help you?

anything at the local college, univ. or two-year schools that would pique her interest?

Other kinds of schools to get her interest in self-development?

what are her short, medium and long term goals, and how would local schools fit into this picture?

career goals must trump most other interests.

even if she's 18 going on 12.

Are you chummy with any of her friends that you could enlist to help you?

My step-son is one--but it would be a plane ticket (joke). But seriously he is 18, good looking (swimmer), smart and very kind and compassionate--he would go visit with her if I asked him too--there must be some nice guys around there. Could you find a nice guy at the local college to tutor her? Someone at church?

I remember my crush on my high school economics teacher. If he had been a scum bag I could have been in a world of hurt. But he was a very nice man who understood his importance in being nice to a nieve 15 year old girl. She is just wanting to have a crush--you remember how fun they are? And completely normal--she just probably doesn't have a lot of guys to choice from.

Seriously, do you know some nice guy who is really mature she could be friends with?

And I would notify the athorities--this guy is a predator.

I would turn the internet off. Tell her a mouse chewed through the line under the house. It could happen. If she is going to contact this guy make her work at it. Stop paying your provider so she loses her address. With any luck her brain will be so foggy she wont remember his.

Have the cops send some nice looking guy out to talk to her--she is just wanting to experiment a little and has no idea what a scum bag she has encountered.

Call the police in Sacramento. They have a division that does nothing but check out this sort of internet communication.

Your daughter can be declared temporarily incompetent given her illness. This will allow you to persue having this guy investigated and protect your daughter. Express how ill and depressed your daughter is with her illness, making her vulnerable to this sort of possible predator.

Meanwhile, change internet providers and phone numbers if you are genuinely worried about her leaving.

There may be some clinics or other programs that provide counseling or advice in this situation. These types of programs can help you learn how to protect your daughter without pushing her away.

Talk to the phone company and trace the calls..if the calls come through even on one ring, you can dial I think it's *67 ? in NY, as long as you get it after that call is ended..before another one comes through.
and the info is stored by the phone company.

You can't get the info, but any police department can.

If it is a certain number of calls you have a case for harassment..or something...or you may be able to use that to have predatory behavior investigated.

I imagine your daughter's health condition may bend the age regs?

Since they are preying on illness?

You could also tap the phone.
I know you'd have to be careful not to enrage your daughter re: privacy, but if you really feel this is harmful to her..you might be able to find out more, or have it to submit if necessary.
they have two way recording machines at radio shack..
if you could hide it and run a wire through the phone jack.

Thoughts are with you..

Mo

quote:

---

Originally posted by lymemomtooo:
But her choice currently would be tatoos and black clothes and Doc Martins and metal dripping from all orifaces. She would not appreciate a gem..

---

Tatoos and piercings are the 'in' thing now. I didn't realize that black clothes and Docs still were, though. Believe me when I say, just because the guy dresses like this, doesn't mean he is a bad guy.

I went through the pink/blue/purple hair, had dreds, wore docs, fishnet stockings, black makeup and nail polish, bomber jackets, tattoos, etc. I listened to all the punk music. Piercings weren't in, so I only had my ears pierced (17 times I think)...

I met several sweet guys that dressed the same. They were intelligent, came from good families and the majority of them didn't party. Many of them were 'straight-edge'.

It was the jocks and cheerleaders in my school that did the partying. Although no adult realized that - they always picked the ones they thought were odd.

And I grew out of it just like most everyone does...

So just keep your fingers crossed that she finds a nice guy that has potential - and bite your tongue if he ends up being punk/goth.

I am so sorry you are going thru this on top of all the lyme stuff.

My husband is a "Microsoft computer dude", as i put it to everybody. He told me there is a software you can buy and put on your computer to monitor where she has been, what sites, ect.

He even said there is one that will log every key stroke she makes, everything she says or does will be logged.

This might help you. IF she is using the computer to make contact with the guy this might help you out more then just a phone number. You might be albe to get an address or at least see if what they are discussing possible meeting places ect.

He also said sometimes they can pull more info off a computer hard drive. If you can get this guys email or im name then he can be reported that way too.

It literally saves each key stroke.

I can probably get info from my husband on this.

That way you can see his email address, etc, and someone should be able to hunt him down by IP address.

I could phone this guy from my cell and talk to him like I'm 17 and see if I could find out anything

Do you have any names I could use?

I always assume that people have good intentions, but i would draw the line with this situation, for sure!

I feel for you! I know it's got to be quite a strain on you!

No one can tell that it is running but it captures screen snapshots and records keystrokes. If something is going on, it would be very useful in tracking and prosecuting the offender.

Just remember, there is no force in nature scarier than an angry Mom--no matter what the species.

You can go to Radioshck and get this recorder that automatically starts when ever the phone is picked up and records the conversation. I know a couple of guys who found out why they were getting divorced that way.

I think limiting internet access is a good place to start. Either remove it altogether from your house, or just remove it from your daughter's computer (or take your daughter's computer away altogether). I realize she is loaded with issues and you are concerned that you might set her off, but if she is abusing the internet and she could be in danger, the puter/internet goes. I know you can't control her moves outside the house, but this at least it is a start - that and calling the police.

If you call and let it ring once and hang up before 10 seconds (so I am told, don't all jump on me if this is wrong) then it doesn't go down on your phone bill as a call. Otherwise if it did the other spouse would be saying "what are all these calls......etc."

So if he calls from his home plugged-into-the-wall or cell phone, and gets off quickly, it doesn't show as a call or if it does can be rationalized as a wrong number.

Meanwhile the teen, if she has a cell phone or a friend who does, can call back after the free minutes start and talk away at no cost. Maybe after other spouse is asleep, maybe this is why the late calls that I think were mentioned in the beginning.

In which case this is just some dude with overactive hormones and underactive maturity playing a game to amuse himself.

It could be interesting, if you have a phone number to call this harrassing person, to do what I saw on the TV show "DOG The Bounty HUnter." He (Dog) used to be a vaccum cleaner salesman and knew all the models.

He had a fellow who skipped bail on him and wanted to pick him up. He called the house and said the fellow had won a free vaccuum cleaner and it proceeded from there. The folks at the house got the fellow on the line, Dog and his Posse showed up, etc.

You could call this phone number you have and announce they won a free "Kirby" or other vaccum cleaner and use a legitimate model number. YOu could state you are calling from the home office if they have caller ID (use a pay phone) or get someone in anotther area code from yours to do this.

Ask for the name and address of where to send it etc.

Maybe that way you would get the contact info you need. Or some variation, you know, free magazine subscription, etc.,

It might work in getting the info but mainly the explanation, being a married man playing a game, may explain a lot, see if it fits some of the things you noticed. Like calling late at night (spouse asleep) or the pattern you notice (only during work hours>???)

(((((Lymie Hugs)))))

I was stalked once and it is horrid. I believe it had a lot to do with me getting more and more sick...I just couldn't get back to being okay after each court battle, arrest, incident. It went on for years, and he even stalked me with his girlfriend...
your daughter is a vicitm already and this guy is a stalker.
I wish you the best and fastest remedy for taking care of your daughter.

We who have Lyme sometimes make desparate decisions, in our choices of doctors, cures, snake oil salesmen, and maybe this guy has your daughter thinking that he will take care of her. He is just preying on her needs, which is what predators do.

Optimistik, is right on IMO. with her suggestions; if you can intercept the messages while your daughter's at school and send a message to this questionable person that you're aware of his e-mails and to discontinue any more mail to your daughter.

If it's something they might could do but seem reluctant to - You could tell them that your "daughter, who is "disabled" or "impaired", had gotten acquainted with someone on-line who has this telephone number. Now it's beginning to turn into more of a stalking situation - they're calling all the time, at all hours, harassing you and her both. You have caller ID but it comes up with weird stuff on the screen - same # but different names. It's difficult because this person knows who and where you are but you don't know them... You're beginning to worry that they could harm your daughter in some way - she's not really capable of making rational decisions on her own. The police haven't been very helpful'.

I did a lot of this kind of leg-work when my mother-in-law was married to a con-man and we dug thru the financial dirt. Got her cut off from him and eventually divorced. It was hell but I found that many people are willing to go the extra mile to help someone who is being taken advantage of, or they see as dependent on others. You don't have to tell them she's 18, they might not ask. If you use terms like "childlike", "naive", "unable to make rational decisions", "very ill".

If it's a cell phone - maybe you could call the major carriers to find out if the first three numbers are theirs, then if it's one of their phone numbers go from there to find out who it belongs to. (?) I think the first three digits of cell phone numbers are related to the company. I don't know for a fact but it seems like it is.

Do you know anyone who knows anyone who is a police officer????? Ask around, they can be a big help - off the record.

Good luck - I know you have to be out of your mind with worry about this. The internet has certainly provided invisibility to people who don't want to be "seen". I hope you find out who this person is.

If you can sign on the the PC, then you can install spyware (like the one I mentioned). You don't need her passwords e-mail or instant messaging, in fact, it will record them and give them to you. You can call a service (like Computer Nerds) to come to your house and install it when she is not home.

When I was living at my father's house several years ago, we had the phone number of an annoying ex-friend blocked.

He would get a recording each time he tried to call our house.

Call your phone company about getting the phone number blocked.

[This message has been edited by lymemomtooo (edited 03 June 2005).]

You really didnt have to go into detail. I am SHOCKED that her father would not be all over this.

I recently switched LLMDs and am on a more aggressive treatment. If she is to start ketek and Mepron what is she taking now?
Maybe a better treatment would allow her to improve more rapidly.

Maybe ask lymies here for top doc recommendations to be emailed to you.