Topic: Did You Ever Have To Send Away High-Risk People?
Starphoenix
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Member # 2402
posted
PLEASE SEE MY UPDATE, ALSO, BELOW.
It hasn't been unusual for me to have to avoid other people's homes due to allergens, etc. Tonight, I had to tell a friend, my next-door neighbor, that she and her family cannot come here. It was in email.
Here's why: great denial, won't protect yard, didn't protect cats, found tick in home, friend had suspicious rash but refused to get treatment, one son shows signs of Lyme, current dog probably isn't protected, they feed the deer(!!)....
I have spoken extensively to this friend about Lyme, etc. I even sent a letter around to everyone on the block. They just don't care. It breaks my heart for the kids. Friend and hubby are adults; they have a right to choose as they wish. I do not want their bad choices dropping off into my carpeting, though, and infecting me further!
Sigh. She'll probably hate me now, but it had to be said. I didn't know how else to explain that if we get together, it has to be in my driveway, in the cooler weather. Her home, besides possibly harboring ticks, is full of mold and dust. (I don't dust that often, but I mean DUST.)
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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Just Julie
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well, I guess I'm a little more subverted about my avoidance of people/friends/neighbors who I think have high risk (for me and my sons) homes.
I guess I could be letting them all know (if they read this board) by posting here what I do and how I do it, but at this stage, it just doesn't bother me.
We live in a neighborhood that has pockets of very high risk areas for a tick bite-semi rural neighborhood where, if you go down the street, or drive 5 minutes by car, you hit a tract of houses where the risk of a pet bringing in a tick is almost nil.
That said, we live where there are deer out our back door, and personally, we do not have inside/outside animals. I know the neighbors/friends that do have inside/outside dogs and cats, well, my sons do not sleep over at their houses anymore. I had to implement that when I let my mind do the 1-2-3 what would it be, thought process-like, say my sons slept over at the friends who have the pet who goes outside, and comes inside, no tick prevention, and sleeps next to the kids sleeping bag while they were doing the sleepover?
My kid would be the one with the tick bite, you betcha!
They do not sit on furniture that the cats/dogs get up on, either, we have had talks about that, and if they can't sit on a wooden chair while playing on the computer, or video game set, then they get up and suggest doing something else, or say they have to come home-no sitting on the floor, or getting the cat in their lap, or letting the dog brush up against their clothing, etc.
I have instilled this kind of education enough in them, that they "get it" I think. There are only 2 neighbor kids houses that this has to be done at, and the one kid they don't even go to that house anymore, because all this kid want to do is go out in the back pasture and play airsoft, or paintball gun shooting (which my kids do do, at our house, but not past he fence where the tall grass and deer are).
The other kid, when he comes to our house, only stays in one room where all the computer and video goodies are, and I make one of the sons vacuum the carpet when he leaves (I have found fleas jumping on us in this room after this kid leaves, so that's why I started that rule, but works for ticks too) and everyone, no matter who they are, take their shoes off in the garage to start.
I've had the no shoes in the house rule for about 20 years, so that was an easy one. Most of the kids that come over also take off socks too, since most kids have filthy socks and I have cream colored carpets, so that is kinda easy to implement in happening too.
I don't blame you a bit, for what you've felt you've had to do to protect yourself and your family. I have other "things" I do, but if I say too much, then if those people come to this board and happen to recognize me in this post, well, I"ll be in poop city with the relatives.
But needless to say, when you've got this crappy disease, you start prioritizing pdq, and what has to happen, happens, or you lose your mind.
I just see this as training my kids (over and over and over) for when they go out into the big bad world, and lyme is still not cured-they have GOT to "get it" about what is dangerous and what is preventable, and this is the best job I can do.
-------------------- Julie Posts: 1027 | From Northern CA | Registered: May 2001
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Sue vG
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Member # 3143
posted
The way I look at it, it's too late. I have LD. My husband probably has it too.
I've already been exposed to mold. Dust doesn't seem to bother my system.
I can pick bugs off myself if one jumps on me from a friend. I'm grateful for the friends I have.
Not to say that you're wrong in handling things the way you are -- if that's what you feel you have to do to protect your family, then be okay with it. Life is too short to let others ruin things for us.
Posts: 1307 | From TX | Registered: Sep 2002
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Andie333
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Member # 7370
posted
Gotta agree with Sue here. I treasure all the friends and neighbors I have.
I live in a very close neighborhood. Everyone knows I have Lyme Disease, because they see me limping around (also because I bored everyone witless with medical talk at the Memorial day picnic -- ).
I take our dog to the dog park every other day. Of course, I wear thick socks, big old shoes, long jeans, long sleeved, light-colored shirts.
We recently took in a stray cat who insists on revisiting the "wilds" for a bit each day. I'm not thrilled, but he'd be miserable as an indoor-only guy.
Both animals get frontline each month.
I'm a bit skittish about returning to hikes in the woods, but I'd be miserable without my friends and furry companions. Don't know whether I'd be more cautious if I had children -- maybe...
All this may be unwise, but at this point, it's what works for me. Great, as always, to hear other people's points of view!
Andie
Posts: 2549 | From never never land | Registered: May 2005
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Starphoenix
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I keep forgetting to check the "Email Notification" box now when I post! I'm glad I noticed I had responses.
I appreciate everyone's point of view, also. We all have to make choices that we feel are in our best interests.
Julie: What a well-thought out plan to protect your kids!
I want to give a bit more background.
I live in the woods. It's very high-risk here. In fact, I think one or more TBDs killed the woman who lived here before us. I heard she had MS and a lot of cognitive problems. She was very "loopy". She got sick while living here (within five years), and eventually died. She was in her forties. We have a major problem with mice in this area, and there was an active infestation. My neighbors haven't addressed their infestation, among the other issues. Babesia rate is higher here than in Jersey.
I had to say something directly at this time because she already knows I can't go to her house (last time I was there, my breathing became so bad, I was gasping for air, even with an inhaler!). I knew she'd wonder why I didn't want to entertain her here. I have wall-to-wall. And I've been miserably ill for 20 years and am only now beginning treatment. It isn't worth the risk for me.
We're not the closest of friends, either.
If either of us had money, I'd suggest going out to eat, or something.
We do have to pick and choose our battles, don't we?
Steph
P.S. I treasure my friends, too. My best friend lives in California, so, of course, we mainly communicate not in person! (I did get to see her last year when she came to NYC.)
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Sue, when you get a new tick bite....you begin all over again with fighting the Lyme. Back to square one.
I'm so thankful I live where I can walk on asphalt and concrete all the way into my condo. No grass, no problems!
I would go nuts if I lived where there were ticks everywhere. I don't think i could do it.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Linda LD
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posted
It has been my experience that you are only one dog away from having a terrific neighbor to one that hates your guts--everything can spin on a dime, dog--or tick!
L
Posts: 1171 | From Knoxville, TN US | Registered: Dec 2004
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Andie333
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Member # 7370
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Steph, I'm always forgetting to check that little box when I start a post, too. Glad you said something.
We got rid of the wall-to-wall when we first purchased the house. Have a few Oriental rugs but mostly hardwood.
I'm in the same state you're in but certainly in a more urban area, based on your description.
The truest thing you said is that we all end up picking our battles.
I swear, I think that everytime I start to clean off my desk and finally organize my files.
Andie
Posts: 2549 | From never never land | Registered: May 2005
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Starphoenix
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Lymetoo, you're right on the money! I don't want more of a germ load. And with all the different strains of Lyme and co-infections, who knows what I could get if I got bitten again? Some do die from these infections. Some are paralyzed. I'm fortunate to have escaped such dire effects, though I have, or have had, just about every other symptom one could have!
I can't use pesticide (permethrin) for my clothes. I know my new PA's office stocks a natural alternative. I have to check that out when I'm there next month. And we're going back to using Sevin on the grounds. We don't have it yet. And since I don't know if the all-purpose lawn granules hubby put down in the spring are still active, I will not walk in the grass! Even when it is protected, I always check my feet/lower legs afterward.
When I go out the front door, I walk on inset concrete blocks right to the paved driveway.
Andie: We are of severely limited funds and live in a trailer. I would like to take out the wall to wall, but we have so many other projects we have to accomplish and are in deep debt. It's funny; the builders put the carpet down and then put the walls on top of it in trailers. We got it out of one bathroom.
I got a kick out of what you said about your files!
Yup, Linda. It can spin on a tick!
Steph
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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Andie333
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Steph,
I really understand the financial constraints; we've just taken a second mortgage on the house, just to try to stay aloat.
My income's down by 2/3rds and, well, you and everyone here knows about the medical expenses you incur with this disease.
Believe me, if we hadn't taken up the carpet when we first moved into the house 3 years ago, it would still be down.
I sure couldn't take it up. I look around now and just see one thing after another I "need" to do -- yet NONE of it ends up getting done.
Still, I'm fortunate, and I know that. Even though things are tough right now, I have hope they'll get better. And as they are, I have more blessings than I can count.
Andie
Posts: 2549 | From never never land | Registered: May 2005
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Starphoenix
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Andie: Yeah, I know what you mean about appreciating what you DO have. I count my blessings every day.
Steph
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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Starphoenix
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I saw that friend tonight. She appears to understand where I'm coming from. And she said she'd email me later.
I told her that it's not personal and that, on the flip side, I can't go to my mother's home! I told her than my mom is low-risk (mainly at home in her apartment with nothing but madacam where she does walk), but that I can't breathe in her apartment for one reason or another. My mother has adjusted to this, and she either comes here, or we go out.
All the hoo-ha you have to negotiate to manage with these illnesses!
Steph
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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TheCrimeOfLyme
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Member # 4019
I dont visit my mother. I can't . Her dog drives me insane ( and this never used to bother me before I was sick). And , the dog smells. My mom's house also is VERY moldy. If I go, I leave sick, so I invite my mom to my home- because it's set up the way it needs to be for me.
I do visit with other friends often. I have a sister that I had to tell to STOP coming over my house with a truck load of perfume on. Sick or not, come on- I could taste it!
I have had to not so much shut down high risk people, more so as I have had to be selfish with my own health. You deserve that right, at any cost.
-------------------- You want your life back? Take it. Posts: 3169 | From Greensburg, Pennsylvania | Registered: Jun 2003
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Aniek
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We have to do what we have to do to take care of ourselves and our families. I'm happy your friend seems to understand.
Julie - if you read this, I have to ask...why do you allow a child that has fleas into your house? I know there are lots of "politics" going into being neighbors and related to parents of other children. But if you see fleas on this child, then I would think you are more than justified to let his parents know that until you know that won't happen again, he cannot come into your house.
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Star Phoenix, Its a tough choice but I agree that limits have to set sometimes. Have to remind all family members not to wear perfume or I'll have a major asthma attack. The worst is our teenagers whose friends come over stinkin to high heaven. Our kids just turn them around at the front door when they smell them and they head somewhere else. I don't like that because I grew up where my house was the hangout and it was great. But you do what you gotta do. In your post, you said something about a woman in her mid forties dying from "TBDs and I'm getting there is some concern with mice or mice infestation. We live in the woods and the mice are always coming in this time of year. Respond if you can and take care.
I live in the woods. It's very high-risk here. In fact, I think one or more TBDs killed the woman who lived here before us. I heard she had MS and a lot of cognitive problems. She was very "loopy". She got sick while living here (within five years), and eventually died. She was in her forties. We have a major problem with mice in this area, and there was an active infestation. My neighbors haven't addressed their infestation, among the other issues. Babesia rate is higher here than in Jersey.
Posts: 460 | From Illinois | Registered: Aug 2005
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Just Julie
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quote:Originally posted by Aniek:
Julie - if you read this, I have to ask...why do you allow a child that has fleas into your house? I know there are lots of "politics" going into being neighbors and related to parents of other children. But if you see fleas on this child, then I would think you are more than justified to let his parents know that until you know that won't happen again, he cannot come into your house.
Aniek-I allow the friend to come over (the one who I believe brings the fleas into our house on his clothes) because if I didn't, there wouldn't be much for my kids to do with other kids in this neighborhood-I already have so many restrictions on what my kids can do, where they can go (as far as in other kids yards here in the neighborhood and such) that I felt it was a very small price to pay (vacuuming every time the kid came over).
I have a very heavy heart when I stop and realize how I've restricted our lives. My grief over not going into the great, wondrous, beautiful, magnificient open space here in Northern CA is almost beyond overwhelming to me if I allow my mind to go down that road. Which I don't much anymore. It is so painful, this paradise that I thought was mine, and now will never be again.
Because I don't see an end in sight with the Lyme situation here in California. The politics are almost perverted, when you think about it. The evil that I see in the insurance companies, and the docs who refuse to even listen to me (the pediatricians we have) is so apparent.
But, I digress. I'm rambling. I hope I answered your question.
-------------------- Julie Posts: 1027 | From Northern CA | Registered: May 2001
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Starphoenix
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Julie: I feel your pain about love for the country and not being able to be out IN it like you'd like to be.
I am a country girl at heart, though I was raised in the busy, NY-metro suburbs. It is rural here, thought still not "country" enough for me. I love the wide fields and rolling hills.
At any rate, I am afraid to walk on any grass at all. And I often wistfully look at fields, while driving by them, wishing I could get out and just run!
I know I have to protect myself, but it is sad that whenever I see tall grass at the side of the road, for instance, I think, "If you want Lyme, just walk through that grass." I am ever vigilant.
Chroniccosmic: We used copper mesh (like brillo) in rolls to block mouse access. We still had one last year, but it wasn't into the main living space. It ended up dying under the master-bathroom tub. Yeah. Stink-o.
Steph
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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Monica
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I was a city girl, but loved moving to the country and gardening. Didn't know it was going to be so debilitating. My kids are grown and prefer the city to the country anyway, but ...
It's amazing the things we do, isn't it? Here are some things I don't do:
No pets. First of all, they'd knock me over. My daughter (when visiting) is terribly allergic. They carry ticks and fleas even in the best of homes. Don't have the strength to take care of me let alone a pet. Funny that I know so many people with Lyme infected pets, but who have a hard time believing the humans could be infected. I just don't get it.
Even if I could walk, I wouldn't go hiking. Too dangerous. I'd rather walk up the middle of Fifth Avenue against traffic. I'd feel safer.
The people some of you are talking about are neighbors. There's a big difference between neighbors and friends. You take friends with you when you move.
Posts: 1757 | From Somerset County, NJ | Registered: Oct 2000
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Just Julie
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quote:Originally posted by Monica:
Even if I could walk, I wouldn't go hiking. Too dangerous. I'd rather walk up the middle of Fifth Avenue against traffic. I'd feel safer.
The people some of you are talking about are neighbors. There's a big difference between neighbors and friends. You take friends with you when you move.
Heh heh Heh! Monica, those 2 things you said above just about say it for me too! Not heard them said in just that way, so I got a nice giggle out of the first one (sentence above). The 2nd sentence can not be said in a truer way or fashion. Never a truer word said. (taking friends with you when you move).
Oh, and here's one that my old neighbor said to me when he got pissed at me for some reason and stopped talking to me over the fence (for the last 9 years we lived next to him) "you can't choose your neighbors, but you can choose your friends". Of course, he said that BEFORE he stopped talking to me, lol.
-------------------- Julie Posts: 1027 | From Northern CA | Registered: May 2001
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