Starphoenix
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Member # 2402
posted
I have a very supportive husband in most matters. He knows I can't work right now. He expresses sympathy when, say, I have joint pain, or nausea from the treatment. He even understands most of the psychiatric hoo-ha, like all the flashbacks I'm having, the mania, depression, and many others.
He cannot manage the rage.
I know that it's only human to want to yell back when someone starts railing, but it just causes escalation. I don't know what to do.
Tonight, I was telling him something angrily. I was very upset at the time. He starts snapping back at me. I got more angry, asking him not to say something he keeps saying, because it doesn't calm me down; it always makes me more enraged. He didn't get it. So it went on and on with me spiraling further, now into rage. I feel like I could put my fist through a wall.
I've been telling him he should stay at his sister's for a month during what I hope is the worst of this. He's been all, "I'll always be at your side." But when the rages are provoked, he just serves to add gas to the flames.
I wish he would go live with his sister right now.
Thanks for listening.
I have such agida right now from cramming down food and meds too close together because I couldn't get up on time, and the yelling didn't help.
I knew you'd understand.
It's just too much, it seems. I've been crying. Severe financial crisis, severe Herxing with major physical and neuro-psychological symptoms, a trailer falling apart. I'm stuck inside so much now due to feeling ill, avoiding sun, avoiding eating out due to nausea.
I so need a break.
I'm glad we have each other here.
Steph
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Step, I too suffer with rage issues, as a matter of fact I've locked myself upstairs and my husband is downstairs with the kids.
He tries to understand, but I don't think anyone can understand it unless you are going through it yourself.
I'm in sensory overload and the rage is close behind.
Have you asked your Dr for something to help. My GP reluctantly gave me klopin(sp) because it is addictive. I don't think she realizes the rage is related to Lyme and I was too tired to inform her.
I find it really helps. I take it when I first feeling it coming on and it seems to stop it.
I get the rage along with my symptoms and I'm fine in between so I only use the klopin when I need it.
I know it won't help you now, but it may in the future.
Hang in there!
Posts: 441 | From USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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Starphoenix
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posted
DJP: I appreciate your validation. It helps knowing you're not alone, though you hate knowing someone else is suffering, too! I am sorry you have this rotten experience. I know the rage attacks are common for us folk.
I'm glad the Klonopin is helping you. I took it for about two years prior to my diagnosis. It did help me sleep (though I think the quality was still poor), and it did reduce some pain and anxiety. I became "tolerant," though, and I didn't want to increase the dose. I tapered off of it, but I had miserable withdrawal for three weeks. I used Xanax for brief periods , but I don't seem to tolerate any benzodiazepine now. (They are all anti-anxiety meds that work with GABA, a chemical that relaxes the nervous system excitation.)
I can't get too far from my husband when the rage surfaces. We live in a trailer! But I like the idea of walling up in a room for awhile. (That is what I'd have to do to hubby.)
Steph
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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Steph, My Dr. gave me lorazapam for the severe anxiety and tension because no other drugs helped. It is highly addictive so I only take it when I need it. I myself have asked my husband to leave but he doesn't understand and wants to "work on it." I don't want to right now because I am burned out and don't even want him around. I guess I need some time alone but I can't leave my kids. Hope things go better. Angie
Posts: 19 | From Washington | Registered: Oct 2005
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WildCondor
Unregistered
posted
You are not alone! Your rages are common, and I went through them too. I went into rages of violence and severe mood swings many, many times. At the time I got zoloft and xanax to help me calm down, and mellow out, along with magnesium injections. Rocephin seemed to make me rage the most for some reason, flagyl a close second.
Maybe it would help if your husband could come on here and talk to others. Maybe we could help him understand the physical aspects of what is going on with your illness. It may help to print him off some patient stories, or some of Dr. Bransfield's articles on Lyme and the brain, mental health etc. Hopefully he is understanding and loving enough to read about what you are going through and educate himself so he can be more supportive to you. I wish you all the best, I have been there too. Hugs,
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Just Julie
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Member # 1119
posted
Hey there, I've not been able to clearly label my anger as "rage", but I sure think I could if I sat down and really concentrated on it! As it is, I think my husband himself has lyme rage (he tested positive years ago, but refuses treatment).
So, whenever I can see that one or the other of us is headed down the really angry road, I tend to head out. My husband has been known to throw things in his rage (like staplers, or coffee cups, etc.) so I usually can tell when the hair trigger is ready to go off with him, and I steer way clear of him for a period of time.
For myself, when I hear my voice escalate (and my sons can get this going in me very quickly) I also head out the door. I wanted to say, that even though I see how you've written that you can't get far away because you live in a trailer, can you get in your car and leave?
I drive a big ole' Suburban, with the 3rd row seat out of the back, so when I feel like I HAVE to get away from the anger/rage swirling around in the house, I get in my car, usually head to my closest Starbucks (because it's in a strip mall and has a HUGE parking lot where I think no one I know will see me or my car sitting there for hours at a time) and I just either lay down in the back of my SUV, or lay down on the middle row bench seat, and either try to sleep, or just lay there.
The last time (last month) I did this, I was in my car for 5 hours. Yes, you read that right, 5 hours straight. It was parked in the shade, and wasn't that hot of a day, so I could manage this.
Then, when I was ready to go home, knowing that at least I had cooled off to the point of being civil, I had a 2 minute car ride home.
If you live in the desert, I'd still recommend doing this! If you don't, any strip mall parking lot will do.
Normally, in better days, I'd head out and go for a walk, or when I was in my uneducated state of mind, I'd go for a long hike in our open space regional parklands (where I got my only tick bite in 20+ years). it was very calming and relaxing for me to do this-to either get away from my husband, or to get myself away from him and my kids.
I'm a loner, I think, by nature (growing up that way) so I think that just being by myself is my calming mechanism, if you're not that way by nature, then this may not appeal to you.
I don't view this method of cooling off as "running away" either, it is purely a defense mechanism that I believe is the safest and easiest (and cheapest!) way of trying to deal with what I think is unavoidable at this point in the lyme game.
Just a thought!
-------------------- Julie Posts: 1027 | From Northern CA | Registered: May 2001
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hopeful123
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posted
Dear Steph and others, I really feel for all of you!!! I don't think I have rages, but I have had them in the very distant past (not Lyme related) and remember how incredible it was to come down off of one. Children and a husband didn't stop me from going off. Not pretty.
I live alone now, so for me the irritability/grouchiness is more directed towards friends and in the workplace where I feel alienated quite a bit because I am so negative these days I don't want to spread it around. Not a rage, but negative and cranky and unpleasant. Ughh!!!!
I feel miserable and resentful quite a bit (not always) and can't seem to get beyond it even with two antidepressants. I am not in pain and I am coping somewhat okay cognitively so that makes a difference, but emotionally I don't trust and I can't reach out like I used to be able to do.
Anyway, feel better about what's going on, because knowing you, you are doing the very best you can under the circumstances.
Love, hopeful123
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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Starphoenix
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posted
I can't possibly tell you all how much you mean to me, nor how much your validation, support, and helpful suggestions are appreciated. Being a rather talkative person, I do sometimes find myself speechless. Sometimes, words are so inadequate.
Hubby, John, and I discussed this when I was calm. He apologized, and he said that he does need to learn how to respond properly when I become enraged. Becoming defensive is human, and I understand that. I think two things will be helpful: If he doesn't say, "Just calm down!" since that is a trigger-phrase for my rage, especially when said in anger (and he will try to avoid this) and leaving the scene, as some have suggested. I used to do this early in our relationship. I'd just drive away for awhile. I felt I was running away, but I see that's not necessarily the case. More recently, I have shut myself in a bathroom on occasion. That does help. I have to remember to do this. If I can just get alone, I can calm down.
Thanks so much. I hope to help you when you, too, are in distress.
Steph
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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Carol in PA
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5338
posted
Steph, You may find this book VERY interesting and helpful for this problem. ``A Remarkable Medicine has been Overlooked'' by Jack Dreyfus.
Just Julie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1119
posted
Steph, a few last thoughts on this? I truly, honestly believe that leaving should not be considered "running away" even though some/most people might suggest that to you.
Just think, how stressful, psychologically, and physically (because gosh darn it, the two are tied together whether some people get this or not)it is to be eithe yelled at, or yelling at somebody is.
It is so stressful. And when our bodies get stressed, it is usually fight or flight time. This is from way back, and my medical knowledge fades with each passing day, but it is basic biology, if you can recall from high school?
Our bodies dont' get the message from our brains that the rage is just a lyme thing, so chill out damn it, the hormones get released, and the body gets ready to do SOMETHING. And I think if we submit ourselves to constant, or near constant, levels of high tension/anxiety, stress, etc, (this includes emotional stressors too) then we pay a price.
I think that price is continued illness, or even perhaps, increased illness, like symptomology type stuff-our immune system can only handle so much, and then it's like spilling over a dam--something has to go.
That's why I suggested leaving. You completely step out of the situation, and if you tend to mull things over (like most women do) and let the self talk absorb you, even while away from hubby (stressor/rage) you will still be able to distract yourself sooner (I believe) if you are gone from the situation, than while still in it, trying to work things out, or just screaming at each other.
I look at running away as never coming back, and yes, that has crossed my mind too, but I've never done it (left and not come back). I'm sure my sons are the reason, because my husband is not really giving me much to stick around for. But, I've known him since I was 12 yrs old (first boyfriend, oy) and 31 yrs counts for something. I figure maybe I'll fall back in love with him someday, no?
Until then, I just putz along, and feel like removing myself when it gets tight here at home has got to be the best solution.
Again, just my opinion, hope it helps! and, the wink after my signature doesn't mean I am saying/posting this in jest, I have to try and remember how to get back to the screen to get that winker smiley off, because I'm silly to think I only post funny stuff!
-------------------- Julie Posts: 1027 | From Northern CA | Registered: May 2001
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livinlyme
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posted
Star, My sympathy to you and yours.. My son was tagged Bipolar and if that is what he has then I am there with him.. my rage goes way off the scale at times..
I know the label bipolar is symptomatic for the keets and now that the ID has told my youngest he wants to try him off the ABX.. he won't take any of his meds.. at least we had a grip on this before and now it is about to become my worse living nightmare.. as I see the changes taking place.. just in 2 weeks short time.
the rage is reaching untolerable levels I will have to put him back in adolescent care or something .. I am going to tell the counselor next Monday that this will not due and I will not tolerate this nonsense and careless thought of how the doctors discount lyme as being a viable cause to what is a serious contributing factor to my sons mental health.
I will not accept that they will not accpet the CDC guidlines for diagnosis.. nor will I accept that both of my son have it and professonals refuse to recognize it as a causative.. I may be locked up because I can relate to what my kids feel and I feel for them and I won't tolerate ignorance and total disregard for the truth! I am hear if you ever want to talk.. or rant.. just PM me.. or im me "knotNservice" .. on AIM I'm on most often unless I am feeling under.. But I am there usually and sometimes I walk away .. to rest my back... but I check it often in and around stuff. hope you get past this horrible illness
-------------------- "Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it." Posts: 1389 | From who knows, who cares, but somewhere over the rainbow | Registered: Mar 2003
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Starphoenix
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Member # 2402
posted
Carol: Thanks for suggesting phenytoin. Unfortunately, I am so super-reactive to meds, that I don't believe I could tolerate it.
Julie: Yes, I don't think that leaving for a cool-off period is running away. I am always able to confront any issues after I calm down. I hope your marriage improves.
Livin': I admire your strong advocacy for your son. I'm so sorry he is suffering. I, too, have bipolar illness as a result of Lyme. I saw a Larry King program last night about an actress with bipolar illness. She recommended a website. I think it was www.completewellnessapproach.com. I'd like to check it out myself. Please feel free to contact me, too, at [email protected].
Steph
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Before I was bit this last time - 6/28/05, the docs had started me on topamax for migraines. I take 50 mg am & pm. It was really hard to take and the side effects were bizarre for the first several weeks. They require you to ramp up little doses each week. My migraines were under control from the beginning, in addition my rages were gone. It wasn't until 4 months later that I was bit, tested and found that I had chronic babs & erhlic co-infections to go with my new tick bite. The LLMD also suspects that I have a bart infect even though the tests came back neg.
I remember going into my neuro after taking Topamax for 3 weeks and asking him if he thought I was really bi-polar. He lauged at me. The rage was gone for the first time in several years. It also took away my non stop cravings.
Six months later and he has offered to up my dose but I haven't seen a need. I sleep really well, don't rage or crave. Have had 1 breakthrough migraine. I also think that it has probably masked some of the lyme pain. All of the initial side effects have resolved.
-------------------- When I feel blue . . . . . . its time to take another breath Posts: 296 | From East Coast | Registered: Aug 2005
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Starphoenix
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posted
Elle: I'm so glad that Topamax has relieved some of those troubling symptoms.
Unfortunately, I cannot take it. I had a rare eye disturbance, and it had to be reported to the FDA. So now when people read about the adverse effects of Topamax in X% of the population, I am represented!
Steph
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Topamax effects the GABA, seratonin levels in the brain as well as some other functions.
I recently finished reading "The Edge Effect" by Dr. Eric Braverman. He goes at brain balance from a neurological /nutritional standpoint. He recommends foods and vitamins based on imbalances. He provides questionaires/tests in his book that he uses in his practice to determine deficiencies.
You may be able to pickup a copy of this book at your local library. Our state lymes support person emailed me and told me about it because it had a chapter that she thought I would be very interested in. It was an interesting read and I have incorporated some of his suggestions/foods into my overall plan.
-------------------- When I feel blue . . . . . . its time to take another breath Posts: 296 | From East Coast | Registered: Aug 2005
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Starphoenix
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Thanks, Elle.
I will stick with my current protocol, though, since it's new to me, and I trust the new medical staff. They use both an allopathic and naturopathic approach.
Steph
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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Thats good. Perhaps your med staff can work closely with you through your rage symptoms.
The cost of lyme is so high, you want to minimize the effects whereever you can. Words spoken, although unintentional and in uncontrollable rage are often very hurtful and damaging with longterm effect.
-------------------- When I feel blue . . . . . . its time to take another breath Posts: 296 | From East Coast | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
Star, Can totally relate to lyme rages and their effect on the family. My husband is wonderful but is starting to get weirded out by my unpredictable behavior. Oh yeah, and its not so great for me either. I always try to do the drive somewhere thing like Just Julie and write or just cool down. I try to keep it away from harming my family but one day I broke most of my clay pots by slamming them in to the back wall of the garage. Each pot got slammed with me screaming obscenities at some $%&* doctor or someone who had been cruel during this whole Lyme disease. And to make this even sweeter, my girl friend came over the next week with more stuff to throw! That's a true friend!
My husband, teenage daughter and I do try to discuss lyme rage and psychological changes in normal times so every one knows what to expect and isn't caught off guard. And we all try to keep our wicked sense of humor through this nightmare. Hang in there. I think every Lyme home should have a Lyme wailing wall! Posts: 460 | From Illinois | Registered: Aug 2005
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Starphoenix
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 2402
posted
CC: I do find that humor is key in dealing with such things!
I appreciate what you said about discussing an action plan while everyone is calm. I have done this, also. Of course, memory can go out the window when the rage blows through!
Oh, your pots. You know that phrase, "Everything has gone to pot"? Seriously, though, I'm sorry they were a casualty. I had an episode of punching a wall and kicking a cabinet.
I like the idea of that wailing wall. Though a padded room might be a good idea. Then, nothing would break.
Steph
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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TheCrimeOfLyme
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Member # 4019
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I give warning- alot of warning if I can. If I can tell I'm in one of those moods where I am going to fly off at anything and everything, I give out a "byatch warning".
I had a former live in for the longest duration of my lyme treatment. if I had rage, he would rage right along with me, making it ten times worse. He never understood what I was going through. So on top of being sick and not in my right mind, I then had to deal with him being psychotic as well.
Due to that adn various other reasons, I kicked him out almost three months ago. I have a new bf who is TOTALLY understanding. I always give warning and he just backs away. I usually go up to him later when Im feeling better. He hasnt attacked me back yet, which is good. Well, not good that I do it to him but you get the drift!
-------------------- You want your life back? Take it. Posts: 3169 | From Greensburg, Pennsylvania | Registered: Jun 2003
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Starphoenix
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C of L: I'm happy you have a new kind and understanding boyfriend!
I think I'll have to yell, "Byatch Warning!" now before I rage. I like that.
Steph
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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