posted
I feel like my life went from mundane to insane. This is serious to me and I have no one to talk to about it. This is all true and I'm not making it up. I'm thinking about seeing a counselor to help me sort through all of this.
My husband and I separated in June. I initiated it because I was so unhappy and he was not treating me with the respect and love that I deserved and wanted.
After we separated, my father in law would call me and email me all the time. He started to say inappropriate things to me - sexual innuendos and references and he actually propositioned me twice. I told him to stop and he backed off. I never told my mother in law or my husband what he said to me.
I was cruising along and than something weird happened to me in August. I really thought that I was going to die. That's when I found out about Lyme disease and the possibility that I might have it. My first appointment with a LLMD is next month. It has taken that long.
I'm feeling a lot better than I did in August and I'm cruising along again.
How come everytime I'm at a happy place, something else happens. I feel like I'm constantly jumping hurdles.
Now, my brother in law has confessed that he's been secretly in love with me for years. He is unhappy in his marriage. He calls me and emails me all the time. He wants to come over and see me. He has even asked me to dinner and a movie. I thought that the father in law situation was weird, but this is weirder.
I've told him that he is making me very uncomfortable and he should see a marriage counselor to sort through their problems and to please leave me alone.
I don't know what he is thinking. Why would he divulge his feelings for me? This is crazy. I do not want anyone in my family to catch wind of this. He hasn't listened to me and keeps pestering me.
Okay, it gets worse. A good, married friend of mine also confessed his feelings for me the other day. He is very unhappy in his marriage and wants to get a divorce. He told me that he is crazy about me and in love with me and wants us to hook-up (even before he is separated and divorced). I really like this guy a lot, but told him that he needs to be separated and on his way toward divorce before we could go out.
Has anyone else had these problems? Or am I just the lucky one. What do I do? All of this attention is new to me. I've been with my husband since I was 17 years old. He never paid attention to me, ignored me, and neglected me, that's some of the reasons why I wanted to end the marriage.
Why is this happening to me now? Sometimes I feel like God is punishing me.
Thanks for listening. Just needed to talk.
Cinder
[ 09. January 2006, 11:05 PM: Message edited by: Cinder Binder ]
Posts: 60 | From USA | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
God isn't punishing you....but it might be some kind of test. You know, those things you are suppose to learn from. You must be flipping out, though! Wow!! Too bad all these guys are so inappropriate, huh? How strange!!
Susan Posts: 92 | From Shepherdstown, WV | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Yikes! Is the brother-in-law your husband's brother? If so, sounds like a weird family you married into....a few womanizers...or worse.
then the friend....yeah, you're the lucky one allright! ..??? Stand your ground on the friend getting separated and divorced before allowing any dating. [For one thing, he may never really make the cut with his wife if you don't "force" him to.]
OK, I'll shut up now, as I'm no marriage counselor.
How long were you married??
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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char
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8315
posted
Hi Cinder,
That sounds like an unhealthy family to say the least and say it kindly.
I would encourage you to go easy with any big changes as you are getting into LLMD and starting treatment.
Watch out for this married guy--he sounds like bad news. He is not doing right by his wife right now and chances are he will mistreat you.
Cinder
Posts: 60 | From USA | Registered: Nov 2005
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Loribelle
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6293
posted
Welcome to the 'divorcee` syndrome' (my term - I was divorced/single for 12 1/2 years). A lot of people (men) think divorced women are just "hot-to-trot" and get wrapped up in some fantasy.... it can have very detrimental effects for YOU if you entertain this at all. Believe me...
Those you told us about have ALL crossed the line. IMO you have to nip it in the bud and tell them all in no uncertain terms to knock it off. And it isn't the time for you to worry about being tactful and nice - worry about your future and your reputation. Block email addresses, block phone numbers, whatever it takes. As long as a guy like that thinks he has a chance he will keep trying.
Believe me, you don't want any of them, not even the "friend" you said you 'really like a lot'. He is already proving that he is a liar, isn't he? Quite likely if he is 'cheating' on her, he would cheat on you. AND, is his wife your "friend" too? What kind of friend do you want to be?
Where are all the single guys???
Believe me, I know what you are going through. 9 out of 10 men who asked me out or just plain 'hit on me' when I was a divorcee` were married. I know it may feel flattering. It could be a big 'boost' after a bad marriage to get that attention. But value yourself enough not to accept that as flattery. It is false. It is disrespect.
You asked for advise here...... mine is - demand more, better, for and OF yourself. Go to the library and check out some Dr Phil books. Especially 'Self Matters' and 'Relationship Rescue'. Also maybe '7 Habits of Highly Effective People'.
Respect yourself, and remember btw that Lyme is sexually transmittable..........
Intended as food for thought, advice from one who has been there years ago... there are always people 'out there' who are sexual predators.
Posts: 1149 | From southeast iowa | Registered: Sep 2004
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Geesh,.. what a dilemma...Just my opinion but, I would stay far away from ALL.. of the married ones...! Just to be safe..And are you really looking for something? a relationship? don't you want to heal your body first...
I don't know what to tell you but just don't send vibes that you're interested and keep a mean look on your face! I hope they stop throwing themselves at you unless it's Brad Pitt!
-------------------- ~Things may happen in my life time to change who I am but I refuse to let them reduce me...~ Posts: 968 | From private | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
do you have a brother? whenever a guys done stuff like that my sister.....lets just say they dont do it again. I gave my brother in law the rules when he proposed to my sis.
he screwed up any way,then avoided me for 2 weeks. he hasnt strayed since. let me tell you this. tell your family.Then,whatever your diagnosis, focus on yourself. good luck and fight hard.
Posts: 17 | From viginia | Registered: Dec 2005
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HEATHERKISS
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6789
posted
That is scary. Sounds like a bunch of users.
You're too smart to be used. Good for you. Sometimes if you are nice they think it's a come on.
Be mean and blab blab lbab tattle tattle tattle,
-------------------- HEATHER
Posts: 1974 | From ABERDEEN, NJ 07747 | Registered: Jan 2005
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I agree with Heatherkiss ...get mean....and threaten to tell or even better ....tell...
ps.Ok, if not Brad Pitt how about Antonio Banderas?
daniella
-------------------- ~Things may happen in my life time to change who I am but I refuse to let them reduce me...~ Posts: 968 | From private | Registered: Jan 2005
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Okay, so that is my problem. I am too nice and sweet. I will have to be more assertive and firm. Thanks.
Ohhhh, definitely Antonio!!!!! Now you're talking. Whew.
Cinder
Posts: 60 | From USA | Registered: Nov 2005
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treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
quote:Originally posted by Cinder Binder: Daniella:
I'm not looking for any relationship right now. All of this attention is unwanted and actually scary to me. Sometimes I want to go hide somewhere.
And BTW...Brad Pitt doesn't do anything for me, except he did look exceptionally good in Troy.
Cinder
Tell em to put there clam diggers in there ear and leave you alone.
That should get there attention
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
I've never been clamming but I hear it is very fulfilling...?
daniella
-------------------- ~Things may happen in my life time to change who I am but I refuse to let them reduce me...~ Posts: 968 | From private | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
Thanks everyone for your responses. You gave me a lot of insight into my problem.
I confronted my brother in law and told him that his actions were inappropriate and that he needed to back off. I need to concentrate on myself and two kids and do not need or want the extra stress. I suggested that he see a marriage counselor or his pastor. He listened and said that he was sorry.
I told my friend that he needed to sort out his marriage and get his situation in order. When he is separated and heading for divorce, then he could call me. Under no circumstances would I commit to an adulterous affair with him. That is out of the question. It will be interesting to me to see if he follows through with his plan to separate and divorce, especially since he wouldn't be getting the "milk" for free. I'll keep you posted.
Cinder Posts: 60 | From USA | Registered: Nov 2005
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shazdancer
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1436
posted
Hi, Cinder,
Loribelle got that right, they think you're hot to trot. I got a bit of this when I was between marriages, too. As I am again uncommitted, thanks for the reminder that this caca happens, and to be assertive to cut it off (pun intended!).
Shaz
Posts: 1558 | From the Berkshires | Registered: Jul 2001
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