posted
Hey, I'm thinking maybe some of you guys will understand this. I had lyme really bad in high school - I'm 22 now, my symptoms got really bad when I was 15 and I missed school for two years, got back into it, graduated at 20 years, now I'm a junior in college, yada yada yada....
I'm basically thinking, I lie to myself a lot. Like, a lot of people do, but I think I do it more often than others, and a lot of people have noticed it in me specifically. Like, I think a lot of it started when I was recovering - I was so nervous that I would relapse, and so gung ho about fitting into society again, that I ended up conforming a lot.
People would say all this stuff, like "Follow your heart. It's what I do" and whatnot, but seriously...if I had followed my heart on a lot of things, I would have ended up in prison.
So I really got into an intense pattern of doing socially acceptable, sane things, which were often the exact opposite of what my "heart" (aka bad brain chemistry) wanted me to do. Old habits die hard, and today I find myself scrambling to convince myself to make the most straight-laced career choices, like becoming a teacher and getting perfect grades until then and doing whatever I need to do to make a lot of money, and basically not trusting my gut.
I've been working it through recently, and I've gotten better in some ways, I'm wondering if anyone has had similar experiences.
-------------------- "It comes as no surprise, just leave the light on." Posts: 134 | From western PA | Registered: Sep 2002
| IP: Logged |
mlkeen
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1260
posted
Dan- I wouldn't want to be 22 again! It was so hard trying to make the "right" choices about school and careers.
I have read a few career books between then and now. It is the ideal to follow you heart as far as your life's work is concerned. This has to be tempered with earning a living. Many artists need a day job so that they can create in their free time. It is true you need to work at a job that agrees with you ethics. You can learn to like many jobs. For example, at the moment I have a home based child care business not because I particularly wanted one but so I could stay home with me kids.
I made it a point to be the best in the field in my area. I got a masters in education and I have a waiting list. This career will be finished in a few months. I had a very different career before DC and will do yet another venture after DC.
With your history of lyme and potential health issues in the future, the advice I give you is the same as my son, work for a school or the govenment, for the health benifits.
It is a good thing that you are seeing the shades of grey.
The choice you make will be the right one for you.
I'm in my 50's and a little smarter at life than when I was that young. Looking at things from my vantage point (and old age!).....I would have to say absolutely, that following your heart and doing what you love is the key to being happy/will make you the happiest.
I do wish I had started things earlier in life than I did....but I wasn't in the mindset to follow those dreams then.
The hard part for you now, is to find the things that you love and that will make you happy.
Sometimes, we don't develop our likes and dislikes until a bit later....after we've been thru all the bad jobs, or bad career choices or mistakes in life.
Insurance or good income is important....so is not suppressing your wild side! It may just be that you need to walk that fine line between the two. Good luck with whatever you decide!
posted
Dan, breaking this up for us neuro lymies...
quote:Originally posted by TrueCornsilk:
Hey, I'm thinking maybe some of you guys will understand this. I had lyme really bad in high school - I'm 22 now, my symptoms got really bad when I was 15 and I missed school for two years, got back into it, graduated at 20 years, now I'm a junior in college, yada yada yada....
I'm basically thinking, I lie to myself a lot. Like, a lot of people do, but I think I do it more often than others, and a lot of people have noticed it in me specifically.
Like, I think a lot of it started when I was recovering - I was so nervous that I would relapse, and so gung ho about fitting into society again, that I ended up conforming a lot.
People would say all this stuff, like "Follow your heart. It's what I do" and whatnot, but seriously...if I had followed my heart on a lot of things, I would have ended up in prison.
So I really got into an intense pattern of doing socially acceptable, sane things, which were often the exact opposite of what my "heart" (aka bad brain chemistry) wanted me to do.
Old habits die hard, and today I find myself scrambling to convince myself to make the most straight-laced career choices, like becoming a teacher and getting perfect grades until then and doing whatever I need to do to make a lot of money, and basically not trusting my gut.
I've been working it through recently, and I've gotten better in some ways, I'm wondering if anyone has had similar experiences.
Dan, I'm almost 57 soon. I too followed my gut and did what I felt would be happy jobs, etc. I discoveed how much stress I could take before I might crack! Not pleasant working atmosphere.
I agree; I had a state job. Get a state or federal job with GREAT health insurance, sick leave/vacation plans, dental, life ins., internal training seminars, etc.
Because my husband/I both worked for the state, he retired with full benefits. I worked 30 yrs., 7 months and left at 49 with NO benefits since I was not age 55! Thank God, as a spouse I was able to get on his retiree state group policy!
Also, sounds like you could use some professional counseling with a psychitrist. Best wishes on your health.
IP: Logged |
I've been thinking about this very topic a lot lately. I'm 47, and I'm sure I had neurolyme when I was in my 20s. I tried to follow my heart (which was all over the place), and missed out on a lot of education and opportunity. This I regret.
Back then, I had the same questions you do now. Especially, "How can you trust your heart when your feelings aren't reliable?" And "What good does it do to tell me to follow my heart, but not to tell me how?"
Try this question instead: What interests you? Instead of just following your heart, try following your mind.
In order to really find out what interests you, it may be helpful to *start* by talking to people who already have successful careers in the fields you might be interested in (I really wish I had done this then).
If you don't know what interests you, interview all kinds of people. Make a list. Find artists, educators, researchers, scientists, archeologists, veterinarians, nurses, doctors. Ask around, find people who know people. Then call them and ask for informational interviews.
Believe it or not people LOVE to talk about themselves and their work, and are usually honored to assist a person just starting out. You may even make a connection with someone who can serve as a mentor to you as your education and career progress.
When you interview them, ask about what they do every day, what they love and dislike about their work, and what they did to prepare for and possibly excel in their field.
After you find an interest to follow, absolutely get as much education as you can. Figure out how to make as much money and to have the best insurance you can get in that field.
Finally, really search for good career counseling programs. If you find one that doesn't grab you, find another one. I was too proud, or trying to be too cool when I was in my twenties. I thought it was stupid to work with career counselors.
I wish now that someone had looked me in the eye and made me listen to this: "If you don't know what excites your intellect (or fulfills your heart), make it your job (or hobby, if you have a job) to find out."
Everyone else here has given you some great advice. Hope this helps. Maybe you could keep us posted on how things are going from time to time!
dmc
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5102
posted
Ahh Dan, you are really in tune with yourself, actually much more than any other 22 year old. As others said we all look back and see the what ifs etc. But following your heart is the best course.
You are young (sure your tired of hearing that) but all of us have changed our outlooks from when we were in our 20's. You will change yours too. It is inevatable, a part of life experiences.
My mother said to always "bloom where your planted, but not to remain pot bound". To do the best at what your at, where your at now, but to explore other areas.
This prevents alot of stress. At 22, I had just gotten out of the military, owned a lunchenette, (which I hated) and still had no clue what I should do. Finally persued what I loved and what I had interest in. I went to a vocational school, became a dog trainer, and grew from there. Opened my own obedience school yada, yada, yada.
Relax, don't be so hard on yourself, you'll come up with a plan. Just enjoy the exploration.
Posts: 2675 | From ct, usa | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Glad you liked my blog, Hopeful! I'm never sure anyone's visiting, but I like to put helpful information out there (along with my two cents!).
This is a fun thread to read. Somehow I feel inspired by everyones' comments, even though I can't work at all now! Maybe the follow your heart theme warms mine (my heart, that is).
Andie333
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7370
posted
Dan,
Thanks so much for this question and for your honesty.
You've already gotten some great responses. In my own life, I've followed my passion...and I've also worked for the money.
For me, there was no comparison.
Granted, having a really good income was certainly nice. But I struggled all the time to find meaning in what I was doing and to make sense of myself and my life in that context.
From the moment I followed my passion, it lead me in amazing and completely unpredictable directions. The money wasn't awesome in the field I had chosen, but the adventures were incredible. Each day, I woke up feeling like I was in my own life...there was something so authentic about this, and it inspired me to go further in that field and do more.
I'm currently in a transitional place again. I no longer have the physical stamina and the mental wherewithall to do my previous "heart" job, thanks to long-term Lyme. Plus, it's a highly competitive field, and I've been out of it for awhile...
So I'm trying to look at alternatives, and I'm asking myself some of the same questions you're considering.
Since Lyme has tapped me financially (and I'm not getting any younger), my logical self urges me to, well, be pragmatic.
In writing this, though, I can see how misguided that would be.
I think my best bet would be to find another heart direction.
So, again, thanks!
Andie
Posts: 2549 | From never never land | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[hi]](graemlins/hi.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic