I just need a place where I can vent and take some of the preasure off before I blow up.Not many people here know much of me. In a way I like that. I am not what I was 10 years ago. 10 years ago I had friends who would call me. I could be active ,tnink,do things with wood that you only see in fancy house magazines.
Lyme has even started to take away my music. I can't sing and play guitar at the same time anymore,I get lost in the process of both. Sometimes I sit and stare off into space for who knows how long. It could be a minute,it could be a hour. It really does not matter I do'nt know the difference anyway. As for writing #$@$% I can't even spell or know the word I am tring to say.
We have been blessed in finding a small house to rent. It is so much better than an apartment. I can turn up the amp without bothering anyone.To all of You who have been lucky enough to find the tick,find a rash,tear down the walls of the clinics, to get treated don't let anyone not treat you. And when you go the ER do not let some young duck you tell that lyme is no big deal. Thanks I do feel better,I am not going to read this thing,Iam just going to send it. Some things are best left unknown. buggy
Posts: 96 | From wi | Registered: Jan 2003
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Carol B
Unregistered
posted
Hi Buggy- just wanted to let you know your venting did not fall on deaf ears-heard you loud and clear. And I love the part about not going back to edit- just stream of consciousness venting- way to go.
I am so up and down with my moods. I noticed you registered in 03 and only posted 93 times??? I just started treatment in April 06-and I'm on here all the time-shows how much of a life I have !!!!!
Actually this week is kind of hard because I used to teach but have been let go on long term disability-because of lyme-and everybody is starting back to work on the 17th of August.
I feel like going to crash the opening day full faculty assembly when they tell you all these wonderful changes to look forward to in the coming year. Yeah right!
Take Care-and keep checking this month- I'm having a surprise birthday party for myself and you're invited. Actually my birthday is the day the kids are scheduled to return to school-that's a BIG hint for anyone trying to guess what day it is.
quote:Originally posted by buggy: Hi I just need a place where I can vent and take some of the preasure off before I blow up.Not many people here know much of me. In a way I like that.
I am not what I was 10 years ago. 10 years ago I had friends who would call me. I could be active, tnink, do things with wood that you only see in fancy house magazines.
Lyme has even started to take away my music. I can't sing and play guitar at the same time anymore,I get lost in the process of both.
Sometimes I sit and stare off into space for who knows how long. It could be a minute,it could be a hour. It really does not matter I do'nt know the difference anyway.
As for writing #$@$% I can't even spell or know the word I am tring to say.
We have been blessed in finding a small house to rent. It is so much better than an apartment. I can turn up the amp without bothering anyone.
To all of You who have been lucky enough to find the tick, find a rash, tear down the walls of the clinics, to get treated... don't let anyone not treat you .
And when you go the ER do not let some young duck you tell that lyme is no big deal.
Thanks I do feel better,I am not going to read this thing, I am just going to send it. Some things are best left unknown. buggy
Buggy, glad you vented! 36 years of this hell, and I have NO IDEA of the person I might have been without chronic lyme disease!
But, I'm WHO I AM RIGHT NOW; can't turn back the time! I dwell on what I STILL CAN DO...not as well, not as fast, and spelling errors galore in spite of my having been typing for 31 yrs. in the WORK force, etc.
Yes, you find out fast who your FRIENDS TRULY ARE! That's THEIR loss; not yours.
I too struggle for words. Last year, most of it I pointed to my husband what I was talking about...no brain to remember words I took for granted. I sympathize there with you.
GLAD I DON'T LIVE BY YOU with your amps at full volume since Lyme destroyed my hearing normally vs. everything at FULL VOLUME! ha!
I can relate with your woodworking skills. Before my husband's "essential tremors" got really bad, he made a lot of things. Not professionally like what your wood skills are; but acceptable to this very greatful wife who is a wonderful caregiver & support to me. Bettyg
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posted
Buggy, You expressed my sentiments so well. I hate what this disease has done to me. I feel like I lost myself in the process and wouldn't recognize myself if I met her again. I have little motivations or interets, and often my mind is blank.
I've lost everything it seems apart from my faith and trust in God and his love. Yesterday, I lost that too for the first time. I started at my Bible with no desire to open it. And this morning decided not to go to church.
Thank you for letting me vent to.
Posts: 628 | From the south | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
Hi buggy! You're one of the first people I ever met online when I was first diagnosed! So you will always have a special place in my heart.
You've been on this board with one name or another since 2001, haven't you?
I'm sorry things are such a mess for you right now. You're back on treatment, aren't you?
Is Nan still working? Are you playing your guitar at church?
Hang in there....we do care!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Michelle M
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7200
posted
Sometimes I have felt really hopeless about this disease, too. Feeling like I'm never going to get better. Wondering what it would be like to wake up without my head hurting.
Then I stop and think:
"What would have happened if I'd never gotten lyme disease?"
Oh yeah.
Then I remember why I'm actually glad I got lyme.
Because if I hadn't:
I'd have taken my daughter to a duck because her knees hurt so badly she couldn't walk without limping horribly.
The doctor would have shrugged, and probably given her some steroid shots after finding no plausible reason why her knees should hurt so much.
Eventually, things would have gotten worse -- MUCH worse, of course.
The Bell's Palsy she got? Well, maybe it would have cleared up, but maybe not. More steroids, definitely.
Maybe she'd wind up like her school principal, and it would have disfigured her beautiful face permanently.
Maybe she'd be crippled.
But instead, I got lucky. I got lyme disease first. Someone without personal experience with lyme would never know what we know.
When I think of it this way, lyme disease was actually a gift.
Michelle
Posts: 3193 | From Northern California | Registered: Apr 2005
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Thanks so much for your replys ,they mean alot to me.I seem to be on a weekly cycle (never heard of that) Today (Sunday) in the afternoon I started with the pulled arm symdrum. It feels like some has your arm and they are pulling on it.Last week it was the preasure in the head thing(I thought with all that space there I would never be able to feel preasure there)lol.But I seem to be doing better at this momnet.
I will trt to answer some of ? so hold on( everyone have thier thinking caps ?)
Carol I am as old as dirt here ,but I have not posted in a long long time. At one time I was appleseed here then I became moody and did not post for a long time . When I finally came back someone else had been assigned appleseed.(more than likely I was screwing up the cumputer and couldn't get in so I changed my name. That probly is why I have so few posts.
How long have you had lyme ? Iam really sorry you can not teach now ,but God works in ways we can't understand but, farther along we will.
Betty most of the time I can get along just fine ,and be thankful for what the Lord has left me to do. Sometimes I want to run ahead like a spring colt and He has to slow me down. 36 years is along time !!you must be a very strong person. We think I came down with this sometime around 1988,but I was strong enough to fight off until 99. But we really don't know . Seeing as how I was born and raised in Northwest Wsconsin,I could of had this for a long long time.
Seren I have an idea of how you feel. Don't do what I did once,and confuse God with the people who know Him. We are so not like him in all ways. He has promised never too leave you,if you have invited Him in.And we have a Lord and Father who loves with no boundrys. And He understands the times we pull away in our pain. Hang on to Him He is life.
Hey Lymeto I am so glad too see you here helping others,you would of made a great nurse!! We do go back sometime. To think it is 2006. This is my third time of fighting for remission. I do see our good Doctor C. I will be there in the middle of Oct. for a visit with him. Yes Nan ( my Rock) is still at wal-mart. I think it will be 18 years this fall. She likes people and she likes to sell,so it is a good fit for Her.
With only a month break I have been able play music at church,(God is good)If I continue will depend if we can get this brain thing resolved. Not only do I find myself lost in the music ,but I find myself acting like a little nippy dog sometimes,and that is not fair to the ones that have to be around that.I had a tunneled groshon central line pot in me chest about 5 weeks and at this time I infuse vancomyicin twice a day. I think I can see some chages which is good.
Michelle
I agree toataly( spelling oh well) In some ways Lyme is the best thing that has happened too me. It has opened my eyes to things I would of been blind to before. Most of all it has drawn me closer to God and in turn He has made my love for others so much greater.( we never know what we have til it is gone)
Will it is getting late,and shoud try too get some rest . Tommorrow I am practicing Rocky Mountian Way by Joe Walsh All day long and as loud as my 200 Amp will go ,just to get the cobwebs out of my ears. Don't ya wish you lived closer Betty? LOL!!!!
Thanks again for the replys they mean alot too me. Be as well as you can be buggy
Posts: 96 | From wi | Registered: Jan 2003
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Buggy, my cobwebs will get cleaned out tomorrow with all the ampage! lol
I enjoyed your messages to all. Bettyg
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Buggy, my cobwebs will get cleaned out tomorrow with all the ampage! lol
I enjoyed your messages to all. Bettyg
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posted
Hi Buggy, I am so glad that you are feeling better. Well enough to encourage others.
I won't pull away from God as I once foolishly did. Why he allows such pain I can not explain, that he loves more than I can imagine I know.
Posts: 628 | From the south | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
Hi Buggy, I can relate to not being able to sing and play at the same time. I couldn't do 2 things at once until I found a LLMD and got stronger antibiotics that cleared my brain fog. For a while I couldn't even do one thing at a time because I couldn't remember what I was doing. I stared into space much of the day.
Are you getting adequate treatment? Tetracycline worked well for me & it is cheap.
Are you doing enough detox. Detox everyday can help keep the brain fog away. hats
Posts: 956 | From MA | Registered: Nov 2004
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I would say I am getting all the treatment I can stand right now. But sooner or latter I will have to get back on orals. I hate to say this but I think my freinds the babs are back. All I do is sweat like an ol' brood mare( hope I did not offend any horse lovers). If that's the case I will go back on quinne and clyndamycin. ( such a wonderful pair)
If I remember right I think the last oral I was on for lyme was biaxin and flagyl,now there's a shrinks dream if there ever was one LOL.
I do detox on a regular bacis(spelling!!!!!!) oh well.And I make sure there enough room in my head for my brain to swell ,by listening to music 10 times the volume it was meant to be.(don't want too miss anything you see)
Well I have this dog named gretel who needs to go for a romp around the block to spread her good cheer (if ya catch my drift) so good night and God bless
buggy
Posts: 96 | From wi | Registered: Jan 2003
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5dana8
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7935
posted
I am sorry buggy
Lyme does take away sooo much.
I have been there many times and have become very frustrated.
On those days when I feel there's nothing left I sit down and right "I have had a wonderful life" Last time it was 4 pages!
or if I am feeling really blue write the thing that I still can do and have. Like I can still love and spread my love around.
Sounds chessy, I know but it does help.
hang in there no matter what. Where there's life, there is hope
(opps - theres the chessy part again)
-------------------- 5dana8 Posts: 4432 | From some where over the rainbow | Registered: Sep 2005
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TheCrimeOfLyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4019
posted
I think I remember you.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that there is hope.
I lost four years , totally. My daughter was in diapers and did not have teeth. I dont remember her coming off diapers or even GETTING teeth. My son was just 9, now he is going to be a teenager.. and my other kid won't even hug me, its like he doesn't know me.
My friends all left. My fiance ended up being Satan in disguise and I had to end that, and through it all I held on and am MUCh better today.
Just hold on. Try as much as you can to get better and be optimistic.
And remember, when you get completely better, I will pay you 20.00 for guitar lessons
-------------------- You want your life back? Take it. Posts: 3169 | From Greensburg, Pennsylvania | Registered: Jun 2003
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charlie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 25
posted
...of course I remember you...we go way back to the old flash format. You had trouble with fluorescent lights flickering in your shop I think.
Sorry to see you aren't doing as well, but each relapse is less severe and easier to handle...or anyway that's my experience.
Charlie
Posts: 2804 | From Texas | Registered: Oct 2000
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Thank you so much for all of the replies.I have to be the worlds worst replier,I forget sometimes that the site is here. I am feeling somewhat better, we are set up for two more weeks of vanco,and after that I don't know. I do know that I want to hit these bugs with both barrels. I really think if I hit them hard this time I will have a longer time of remission. Nan is calling,so I had better get going. be as well as you can be buggy
Posts: 96 | From wi | Registered: Jan 2003
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