This whole emotional issue of selling our house and moving to a trailer is really intense.
I do a great deal of crying lately. Last evening a church member called to ask how I was doing-I could have sat down and just sobbed with her-but the girls were still up and I did not want them to see their mother in such despair.
So now they are gone to school and here I sit with you all -sobbing. It is so emotionally draining.
On the flip side, I look forward to a more mangeable life. It is a relief to think of unloading the burdens of a big old house, the cost, the repairs, the upkeep-it's all too much.
We also have to downsize our pet family. Which cat to keep, which dog to keep? Who goes to the pound ? Who gets euthanised ?
I HATE LYME, I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT. I suck at life with Lyme.
My daughter Alison and I did go see a trailer yesterday which was quite nice, we even hugged each other at the possiblity it might be ours someday. Although she is excited about the new home, she did admit to it being hard to leave her old neighborhood-it's a part of her identity at 17. These are the streets, the kids she grew up with.
For me-it's thirty years of memories, hopes , sorrows and joys. It's part of my identity,too.
We have support, emotionally, spiritually and financially from several area churches-it's the emotional surrendering that has me wasted.
So what does this have to do with Lyme- it has everything to do with Lyme-even the difficulty coping with it emotionally.
We will stand at the end of the pier and launch a new boat onto the waters of the future. We will look ahead with Faith.
Now I have to wad up the pile of tissues next to the computer, throw them away, and at least clear off the kitchen table , so we will have a place to sit with the realtor.
Sometimes I get turned inside out,but no man is an island, especially on Lymenet!
What appears to be the end, may just be a new beginning (with a few tears at intermission).
"for I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future" "OOPs", said the devil tick.
lymemomtooo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5396
posted
Ok Ms. Cobweb...Let's do lunch tomorrow. I'll even risk a few pasties..Your favorite dog place? I'm buying..Could be like a pre-moving party!
Then we could run thru IKEA and window shop.. Let me know if interested...
Or I could buy the dogs and come to you..love and hugs lmt
Posts: 2360 | From SE PA | Registered: Mar 2004
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
Thanks LMT-great offer-but have to pass for now. We could probably float your boat in my river of tears!
I told the girls we will have to pack as if we are going on vacation-which reminds me...
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lymemomtooo
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posted
Ok..sharpening those size 8 1/2's and inflating the boat..Be on the lookout..hugs lmt
Posts: 2360 | From SE PA | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I'm so sorry. I obviously can't relate because in that situation I would be the girl sent off to school but I can say that moving is hard.
Deer have recently driven us from the home we're in (it's only been a year here) up a state where we used to live. Between exhaustion, packing, and trying to say good-byes it can most defintely wear one's soul out. Not to minimize your situation, I just know that I am tired and I don't have to deal with a tenth of what you have to.
Lots of hugs and chocolate in between the tears.
Posts: 28 | From North Carolina | Registered: Jul 2006
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bettyg
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posted
Carol, so sorry to read about all the emotional roller-coaster you are on and the crying binges.
It's not fair lyme sucked everything out of you/us and especially financially.
I really feel for you & family; 30 years is a long time. Downsizing is the pits too.
For those who have offered to help you before, take them up on the offers now to help you pack/mark boxes as well as for the physical move.
Perhaps your 2 girls have a lot of friends especially the boys for the heavy lifting moving of furniture/boxes, etc.
Best wishes to our poet. You mentioned some positives in your note above ... the smaller home, payments, utilities, etc. Bettyg time for me to go to bed now...
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Carol B
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posted
Yes, there are many positives-the one floor aspect, no basement,no stairs, smaller yard to deal with, lower maintenance inside and out, less gas and electric, central air.
And my older high schooler has a great group of friends who have already offered to help with the move.
just don
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1129
posted
Cobweb???, Geesh thats a strange name, for me, to remember!!
Just wanting to convey all my hopes and desires that your transition is smooth and event free!
Pulling up roots and replanting elsewhere is indeed stressful.
Take those young people up on their desire to 'Help' you move. They wont miss the energy they expend, and you cant replace it!!
Good luck on the big move. How far in miles or blocks or whatever??
Take care of you, because I am still --just don--
-------------------- just don Posts: 4548 | From Middle of midwest | Registered: May 2001
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hopeful123
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Member # 3244
posted
all that you are going through seems too much to handle. and yet, I know you will do it. Grace is everywhere.
you're in my prayers
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
At least for now the emotional storm has passed.
Time to get busy sorting and packing. And for what's left I am inclined to just call 1-800-GOT JUNK. They'll bring a dumpster or two , a couple of strong arms and clear the rest of the place out.
We have 60 days-no time for moping and feeling sorry for myself. But Lyme Disease has reduced our home to "distressed property".(understatement)
But that's okay. It's an opportunity to "cast off our worldly possessions" and live a simpler, humbler life, closer to God.
posted
I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. My husband and I always had our own home to live in until Lyme took that away from us. [we didn't know it was lyme at the time...great rhyme! ]
We gave up a four bedroom home with a pool and ended up in an RV for 9 years! Oh my....don't get me started on THAT!
BUT... If we hadn't done that, and hadn't moved I would still be undiagnosed and untreated for Lyme.
I would not have found the great business I now have.
I would not have met ALL OF YOU and many other great Lymies.
My husband would not have been able to live out his dream.
The list goes on and on, but you will find many blessings, Carol, if you just continue to look for them....and I know you will!!
BTW, We're now going on our third year of being in a nice apartment and will one day have a "real" home again.
HUGS!!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Aniek
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5374
posted
Carol,
I hope we've given you a good supplement of soul marrow.
Moving is one of those extremely stressful experiences. Make sure you give yourself the time to say relaxed throughout it.
Keep thinking about those positives. Make sure you are looking forward to the change.
And please check with the pound before you drop of the animals to make sure they don't euthanize. If they do, then call the Humane Society.
Finally, remember we are always here for you.
-Aniek
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
Deep Gratitude to you, Lymetoo, for helping me see beyond the immediate distress. We really don't know what's ahead-and at least we're moving to a "double wide" ! I was also blessed today by a visit from LMT who came bearing gifts of fruits and veggies (she probably didn't want me to tell anyone)-but I wasn't home ! Still, she left her treats on the porch-and for that I am also very greatful.
lymednva
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9098
posted
Carol,
I can relate so much to what you are going through. I'm in the midst of downsizing too. My mom and I bought my current home together five years ago, three weeks before I had to leave work. Of course at the time we signed the contract I had no idea I was as ill as I was.
She realized that the expenses had become too much for me, but her health began to decline so quickly a couple of years ago, and I could barely keep my head above water keeping up with her health and mine.
Last month she died at the age of 95 after being in hospice care for about seven weeks. If I had not begun Lyme treatment I would never have been able to even think about moving, but I had a place picked out and she knew about it before she died. I signed the contract on it and will move sometime after the beginning of the new year.
I have all her things (and that's a whole lot, she was a pack rat), my things and everything that's been in Mom's Self-Storage basement and garage from all three of my kids.
Just getting all the work done to get it ready to sell is hard on me, as I know it is on you. My realtor told me she's heard great things about 1-800 GOT JUNK. First, though I'm using my 27 year old son's brawn to help me out around here.
He is finally at a point in his life that he can handle it, unlike when I went through my divorce and had it all to do on my own, even though the ex was getting half the proceeds from the sale. Hmmmm....
I'm so glad I can keep both my dogs! I don't know where I'd be without them. The will keep me company when my son finally moves out.
Speaking of your animals, what about rescue groups? They don't have to be pure breeds to go there. I got my mutts from a shelter and a rescue group.
Sending you big hugs from VA.
-------------------- Lymednva Posts: 2407 | From over the river and through the woods | Registered: Apr 2006
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
Hey lymednva-up late on your birthday ! thanks for telling me your story. I knew I wouldn't be the only one going through this type of situation.
It's late for me too-and it's been a long day. Tommorrow's my LLMD appointment-always interesting-I've done a lousy job of keeping my lyme log this month. I cannot multi task- and I get too preoccupied with other things. And now I just want to go to bed. Thanks for the post. Carol B
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bettyg
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posted
Carol, good luck at LLMD TODAY.
Tutu, loved your green hugging machine there! You find the cutest things to touch our hearts & FUNNY BONE! Bettyg
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lymemomtooo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5396
posted
Carol, hope things go well at the Drs..AND hope the box came in handy..
The weather is crappy but hope you can make the meeting..hugs..lymemomtooo
Posts: 2360 | From SE PA | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Carol, When I became extremely ill two years I ago I not only lost my apartment but the city I loved and had built my dreams around.
I moved in a rush, throwing out much and even books I had collected over ten years for the daughter I imagined one day having. Throwing aways books was the painful part, not caring about them was more disturbing.
The day I moved, I was on the floor in a fetal postion hugging my teddy bear and crying. This frightened my parents. And me.
But so many blessings have come out of this move: I met a doctor who finally diagnosed me after 16 years and treats lyme in a way that is compatible with my belief and suits my body. What a blessing he has been.
I have changed my career path, and am in the process of training again. This is a long story, but it gives meaning to the pain I have gone through
I became a Christain, had I not moved this would have been highly unlikely. This should have been first. The list goes on.
Moving is stressful, and my heart goes out to you. But the blessings come, and I do hope you will look back very soon and see that this move was for good.
Posts: 628 | From the south | Registered: Dec 2005
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I obviously can't relate because in that situation I would be the girl sent off to school but I can say that moving is hard. 
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time for me to go to bed now...
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