hopeful123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3244
posted
i have NEVER been like this. nothing in particular happened at work, but here i am day two of crying at my desk. i guess it's a herx, since it hasn't been this bad since i went back on atx.
want to walk in to my boss and quit which isn't a good idea since i support myself and am not in an age bracket to find work without a real struggle.
this is not a busy time which always makes me nuts. this is so over the top, i know it's got to be lyme. i think.
makes the acidy stomach and exhaustion seem like a walk in the park.
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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Ann-OH
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2020
posted
I am someone who never cries. I had a couple of episodes like that while I had a Herxheimer reaction to medication.
I told people it was the illness not me, let it run its course, drank a lot of water ( to replace all those tears?) and got past it in a few days.
When it happened the second time, on a different med, I rejoiced and laughed while crying because I knew the evil spirochetes were being killed off.
Talk to your doctor if you think crying is due to real depression;there are meds that can help. Also see if the doc says you could take Prilosec for the acid stomach
hopeful123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3244
posted
thanks ann-oh,
i am on a lot of psychotropic meds - antidepressants, antianxiety
i hope it means they are dying off. i don't have any other cognitive stx...or not any worse than usual...chronic dumbness, poor short term, etc.
i know acting on what i'm feeling at work is not a possibility...but two minutes ago the only thing that saved me from saying some stuff i didn't really want to say, was that he was with a student.
thanks for responding......it means the world to me!!!!
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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hopeful123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3244
posted
hey tutu,
zith, omnicef, probenecid and malarone. supposed to be taking mepron, but gaging when i try to take it has stopped me for now
thanks for your support. it means so much.
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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sometimesdilly
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9982
posted
Hopeful-
Somedays the goal can just be to make it through til the end of the day, and that is a big achievement.
For today- how about patting yourself on the back every hour on the hour for not waltzing in your boss's office to quit. Take deep breaths until your body relaxes everytime you start to get too wound up. Think about anything that will make you happy to think about for a few moments. CAn you get up and take a little walk up and down a hallway? Go outside for a few minutes?
I know exactly what kind of day you are describing. Before I knew I had lyme, i had a handful of those at work and came SOOOOOOOO close to quitting, irrational as that would have been.
It's a horrible thing to feel out of control emotionally, especially when you're around others. Come back her for support if you need to!
Hugs
Posts: 2507 | From lost in the maze | Registered: Aug 2006
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hopeful123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3244
posted
sometimes..
thanks for the kind words.
i want to be grateful that in the mix of what's going on now lymewise...i'm nowhere near as brain fogish stupid as i was a few years ago. that's even worse than feeling so sad and upset, because there aren't even enough active brain cells to do something in your free time other than watch the tube.
i couldn't watch my regular tv shows because they were too intelligent for me. i couldn't talk to people because i had no words. i couldn't even remember what had happened two minutes ago, so i looked really dumb at work - or spacey. geesh.
so, i am grateful it's not all of the above.
just feel really desperate to change something i have the power to change. started moving stuff around my apartment. then i get stuck. like, where is this stuff going?
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
I'm not exactly having any mountain top experiences myself these days.
I'm pretty much a basket case when I am by myself, but fortunately I do some volunteer work,and have two teenagers that divert me from my miseries.
I had a therapy session today where I just sobbed over my inabilities-when I used to be so in command. I feel so ineffective lately.
trails
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1620
posted
hopeful---your friendship has meant so much to me at times when I was where you are.
Try to remember that this job is one that you dont HATE and that you are GOOD at and that you can KEEP so dont go telling yer boss nothin. He doesnt need to know, but I am glad you can write here and let us know in cognito!! It is good to get out the feelings without harming yourself. Of course I dont want you to stay in a job that is abusinve or that you cant do, but from what I know, that isnt the case.
I am not physically in a good enough space to write much, but I wanted you to know your post brought tears to my eyes because i know what a long road it has been for you.
I recently had a foley catheter for 4 weeks and the doctor said to me when I was crying saying--my bladder will never ever ever work again, I just know it wont---he said.....look, your bladder worked very well once and it will work well again--that is your mantra I want you to say it.
it was a regular doc--not alternative. Guess what??? I got the catheter out and even though it hurts to pee---I think eventually my old bladder will come back!!
your mantra, hopeful, is that you got well before so your body knows how to heal itself and you will get well again. or shorten it to---I got well before, I will get well again.
and in the meantime--you can post here and cry a lot coz i understand the frustration and the tears. I really do, Trails
Posts: 1950 | From New Mexico | Registered: Sep 2001
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hopeful123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3244
posted
trails, you are too much! i can't believe you took the time to write two days after surgery!!!!!! unbelievable!!
part of the feeling ignored and unappreciated feeling at work was in anticipation of a slight which never happened. i just found out. i don't know how other people are when herxing. do they attach onto an idea that fuels their sadness/frustration? this is what i have done for the past couple of days. still feel lousy, however my landlord came through with an oven that works (I had my doubts about this since it was promised many months ago) AND i was not slighted at work after making a behind the scenes contribution to a large project.
my mantra is JUST BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE FAITH IN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, DOESN'T MEAN I WON'T BE VERY PLEASANTLY SURPRISED!!!!
or
something good may be around the bend
or
not everything i think is correct
or
i am not a total loser.
thanks trails, my lttle art buddy......feel better soon, please....
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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hopeful123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3244
posted
cobweb,
thanks for your validation. and concern. yes, feeling useless and unable to get things done is really special.
my teenagers are now in their thirties and i still embarass them, although not in the ways you describe.
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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Aniek
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5374
posted
hopeful,
Flagyl made me cry like crazy. Over very, very little things. In fact, I even cried during commercials.
I found that sometimes I felt better after letting myself have a really big cry. I've always felt that crying is very cleansing. If nothing else, we must get rid of some toxins through the tears, right?
It might seem counterproductive, but maybe it would help to watch a real tear jerker. Just curl up with some comfort food, a box of tissues and a really sad movie and let all the tears out in a really safe place.
I hope you are doing better today.
-Aniek
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
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hopeful123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3244
posted
aniek, what's your fave tear-jerker? first is Terms of Endearment. StepMom. One true thing. all about someone wonderful and vibrant and young dying from cancer. i used to own these, however, i think in an effort to clean house a ways back, i may have given them away.
i like having a good, cleansing cry. i don't like crying at work.
yes, i am doing better today.
i have always known (although not necessarily been able to act on it) that it's up to me to frame things that happen in a positive way. if the life gives you sharks, then learn to swim among them with a lot of safety gear. that's really awful. sorry. didn't want to do the lemonade thingy.
TGIF TGIF TGIF TGIF
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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posted
The movie that always makes me cry is The Notebook.
Sorry you're havin a rough time, hopeful. Have a happy weekend, or at least a comfy one.. -em
-------------------- -Em
"Thank you, Oh Lord, for giving me the power to control my pain" Posts: 59 | From Missouri | Registered: Sep 2006
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
OK It is the weekend. Are you off on the weekend? Can you give yourself some down time?
I find the tears come due to total exhaustion even though I have done very little.
I am fine if I don't try to do anything or think.
As far as movies, I just watched the Pianist. It was good but...wow. Unbelievable.
I'll let you know if I see a movie that is uplifting and makes me laugh.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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If it helps at all ... I cry a whole lot. Sometimes I think it's exhaustion, sometimes I think it's a minocycline herx, sometimes I think it's a hormonal WWIII.
And ... crying plumb wears me out. There is a sort-of relief afterwards, but also a physical reaction from the crying.
I used to think ... geesh, you are so weak. But I don't think that so much anymore. We are dealing with so much.
I do know, there have been times where I held it in, and then did somthing stupid, like yelling at a boss (bad idea), or was cross w/ my kids or short with my DH, or wrote a scathing email ... all w/ regret later.
So, I just give in to my crying jags. I'm trying to see it as natural and part of the healing process, a way to cope.
Hayley
"Laughing and crying, you know, its the same release" -joni mitchell
-------------------- "Data over dogma, Evidence over egos, Patients over politics" -- one smart dude from Missouri Posts: 112 | From TN USA | Registered: Nov 2005
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AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
Hi Hopeful!
I'm so sorry you're feeling like the bug today.
I think I had discovered, through my milk thistle fiasco, that Mepron/Malarone interferes with the anti-depressants a bit.
I was also told that the Atovaquone can cause depression.
I was the biggest, most miserable, sappy, sobbing, PMSing, irritible, cranky mess for the past few weeks. I'm sure some people here can attest to that. (Sorry Guys! , thanks for putting up with me )
I felt much better when I realized what was causing it and realized that "THIS TOO SHALL PASS!". It's always a little bit easier to control the impact of your emotions if you know why the're out of whack.
It will get better and so will you!!! Now, scrape yourself off that windshield and start another post looking for jokes! I can't think of any now, but that's what helped me through (and I have my buddies here to thank for that! )
Ali
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
guess I'm not alone...just posted...AM I CRAZY? I felt like I was reading about my own week at work...I'm sorry that you are going through these feelings and thoughts and ALL of this crap...bottom line...it just plain STINKS!!!!! I hope something works for you...I really do!!!!
Posts: 45 | From NJ | Registered: Sep 2006
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hopeful123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3244
posted
thank you all for all of your validation and support and caring.
yes, i was feeling like the bug last week and yes, the weekend helped. slept a lot. also got some organizing of art stuff accomplished.
this week i'm more like the windshield, although still not "normal" whatever that means
being able to come and vent here has made a HUGE difference!
thank you all from the bottom of my heart. do windshields have hearts?
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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