posted
I have posted on this topic before but it seems to be a souce of continuing conflict for me because I want my spouse to be more aggressive at helping me. I don't just mean with housework but with trying to find the best treatment and doing research with me. I feel so depressed and alone in this and at times am furious that he goes about his daily business while I am in such a horrible state. He has told me he is busy at work and plans to spend more time when he retires in a couple of years but I told him I don't know if I'll be around by then. As long as he sees me walking around I think he believes that everything will be O.K. I consider this a crisis and think that if you live with someone who is really sick, you should put aside your "interests" and try as hard as hell to help them. Yes, he comes to appointments that I cannot drive myself to and tries to listen when I tell him I am burnt out with trying different treatments but he doesn't initiate anything. Whenever he is on the Internet it is usually to order software or CDs- not looking up information that could benefit me. I am not looking for this on a full time basis but maybe once a week might help. Any input would be appreciated!
Posts: 425 | From NY, United States | Registered: Mar 2005
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lymie tony z
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5130
posted
Hi Diary girl,
I understand...my spouse is very supportive but at times can be a hinderance cuz she does'nt have it!
She goes about her daily life and I try hard not to bother her with all this...
Men...notoriously donot understand or want anything to do with illness unless of course it is theirs....then we insist on being babied and nursed with extreme attention.
Don't take it personal....men are just like that...we all are...
Come here to get what you need...if you can't type at the puter get some phone numbers to vent to... I think it would be better for you anyway cuz we understand and can empathize with your problems....
zman
-------------------- I am not a doctor...opinions expressed are from personal experiences only and should never be viewed as coming from a healthcare provider. zman Posts: 2527 | From safety harbor florida(origin Cleve., Ohio | Registered: Jan 2004
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geniveve
Unregistered
posted
don't even go there!!! no support and i mean none. abusive comments like "well, going for our attention fix are we?" "i wish i'd never married you." and the list goes on and on.
why do i stay?
hell, i don't know. but being alone with this is tough and financially i can't do it.
he's a pilot and gone all the time tho, that's good.....
maybe it's his military background, beats me...
but i do know there are more out there like me, tons of us.., so you're not alone......
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I have struggled w/ these same issues w/ my husband over the years ... to the point of almost wishing I had something like cancer, something proveable, and recognised for the pure h#ll that it is.
But, I try to keep in mind that we ALL do our best in any given moment. It is easy to forget. (I'm thinking maybe a tatoo along those lines would be helpful for me).
And, yeah, sometimes I think he's a dolt for not getting "it" better. But, he has his own set of issues seperate from mine, and deals w/ things differently than I do.
I was just reading a post by GiGi and it couldn't have come at a better time for me personally:
"Forgive everyone who has hurt you or your loved ones, esp. subconsciously
Release guilt and undecide decisions that are from guilt; release old emotional "traumas"
Accept yourself as worthy of good health
Find joy, love, will to live and purpose for living"
Definitely things to strive for. Some days we may only be able to strive for the will to live. Others we may find joy. A really good day finds forgiveness.
I know many women who feel trapped and that is just about the worst place to be in. So on a day like that you just have to survive on hope.
Don't give that up!
Hayley
-------------------- "Data over dogma, Evidence over egos, Patients over politics" -- one smart dude from Missouri Posts: 112 | From TN USA | Registered: Nov 2005
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HEATHERKISS
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6789
posted
Bill never did any research. He just let me do all that stuff. I'm just glad he liked the Dr.S I picked out for us and he went along with the treatment.
I even have to hand him his vitamins and etc or he would't take them.
Any way it's a mute point now since he will probably get the clean bill of health "remission" next month.
-------------------- HEATHER
Posts: 1974 | From ABERDEEN, NJ 07747 | Registered: Jan 2005
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Areneli
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6740
posted
My spouse doesn't believe in my sickness 100%.
There is still some hesitation in her thinking and suspicion that I am a lazy guy or a nut case.
Support is weak.
Posts: 1538 | From Planet Earth | Registered: Jan 2005
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quote:Originally posted by lymie tony z: Men...notoriously donot understand or want anything to do with illness unless of course it is theirs....then we insist on being babied and nursed with extreme attention.
Don't take it personal....men are just like that...we all are...
Exactly what I would have said. Very refreshing to hear your honesty, Tony!!
amk....Just do your best. I hear ya, but you can't move mountains.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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-------------------- Jeff Posts: 533 | From CA | Registered: Mar 2006
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dontlikeliver
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4749
posted
Totally not helpful.
He helps around the house on occasion, but when it comes to Lyme he is not interested in a 'running commentary' (as he calls it). He just wants me to 'sort myself out' and 'he'll be there [waiting]'. It's not that he doesn't believe in me or in Lyme, he just doesn't want to know 'the details'.
It is very frustrating, and you certainly are not alone.
DLL
[ 28. September 2006, 06:18 AM: Message edited by: dontlikeliver ]
Posts: 2824 | From The Back of Beyond | Registered: Oct 2003
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lymie tony z
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5130
posted
Right on TUTU...I'm nothing if not introspective...
Jeff...sorry my man but unless you're like me an Atypical male...then most men fall into the "I don't want to know about it, just tell me when it's over" category.
Most people you might talk to about this disease and it's multi-facets...will get a bored stare look on their faces in about two paragraghs....
It's best to change the subject at that point cuz they're zoned out deaf to you.
zman
-------------------- I am not a doctor...opinions expressed are from personal experiences only and should never be viewed as coming from a healthcare provider. zman Posts: 2527 | From safety harbor florida(origin Cleve., Ohio | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
My hubby is exactly like Heather's. He doesn't do research and I give him his pills but he doesn't question my "authority" as to the subject of Lyme.
I feel blessed to have him when I hear the stories of others.
He accepts my strict diet rules (that I change arbitrarily from time to time ) and he cooks the diet without complaining (he does he housework - I go to work).
He follows any bizarre idea I have - and I have a lot of them Right now he is making organic furniture for us because I decided that I don't want the poisoned stuff from the shops anymore.
He even drove my friend and me to a spiritual healer without making fun of us although I know he thinks that this is sheere bogus.
But don't think he is a mouse: when it comes to HIS diet he eats what he wants and all my hysterical screaming cannot stop him to drink his red wine and eat his raw milk cheeses .
I'm really lucky and I wish everybody the same fortune!
Gabrielle
Posts: 767 | From Germany | Registered: Feb 2004
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luvs2ride
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8090
posted
Gosh what a great post!
Zman, how wonderful to hear a man admit what we women suspect.
As for my husband, he was my Godsend during the time I was totally physically incapacitated. I honestly believe he likes the caretaker role. He waited on me hand and foot. I could gush about it for paragraphs, ....but I won't.
Now, as for research? Ha! Not a chance. He is a "what I don't know can't hurt me" kind of thinker. I'm the researcher and he does accept my wisdom in the healthcare arena of our home. He has lyme too but was not as symptomatic as I was, so we have focused our dollars on me. Now, though, chronic fatigue is taking him down and he is struggling to just make it through the workdays. He has met with my wonderful doctor and has started some supplements, but I have recently learned for a D.O. in our area who specializes in Chronic Fatigue and IS WORKING WITH AN LLMD TO LEARN MORE ABOUT LYME!!!!!! Right in our own backyard too! Hubby has an appt with him next Tuesday.
Thank God, I am nearly recovered and am fully functioning because now it is my turn to help him. Lets pray he doesn't get to where I have to lift him in and out of the tub as he did me when all my joints were so inflamed I couldn't raise and lower myself. Whew, where is the gym?
It is probably best to accept our mates for who they are. If they aren't sympathetic or good listeners, then thank God for this board where we all can chat, share, argue and cry with each other.
Genieve, your guy sounds like a real heel. I'm just glad for you that he does fly off into the friendly skies and give you a break from his belittling comments.
My family have all utilized the blank stare at times when I go on and on about the latest research and treatment I have read about. But still they lovingly ask me all the time how I am doing. They know talking about it helps me sort through all the stuff I read and learn and how any of it helps (or doesn't) me. I'm blessed with a great support group at home too.
Luvs
-------------------- When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, there will be Peace. Posts: 3038 | From america | Registered: Oct 2005
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Take him to a Lyme conference if you can. I don't think my other half would be so helpful and understanding if he hadn't been to one.
Posts: 449 | From Vermont | Registered: Nov 2004
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hardynaka
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8099
posted
It's funny, it never really bothered me that hubby doesn't have any interest in diseases, lyme is no exception.
He's got a bunch of other interests, why force him on something he has no inclination AT ALL?
He even doesn't know where his liver is, I think, and talking about lymph system with him is like when he talks to me about concepts of astronomical physics, distorted space and time, how beautiful mathematic is and its relation to astronomy, well, I don't really grasp a lot! He's still happy to try to explain though.
I'm also happy to try to explain him a bit of how homeopathy works, which are potencies, etc. Or anything related to health, body, massage, etc. I show him some interesting sites about lyme, he always reads them and has a picture of the catastrophe around us. He's very interested on the 'social' side of the disease but not on the disease itself.
Of course, when I was suffering with terrible brain fog, well, I wished he had some interest on the thing to help me sort out supps and treatments... But it's just not his 'field of interest'. He's zero on that.
He does believe on my sickness, on lyme, suspects about ducks as I do since early childhood, supports me on what he can, but I don't expect him to start researching on treatments to help me, nor himself (he's got another cronic disease, never had interest in knowing more about it really)...
Posts: 1086 | From Switzerland | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
my fiance is as great as I can expect him to be. We have been together 9 years, and before I got sick he was actually the ill one with some other undiagnosed nonsense (not lyme I don't think)...so he understands what its like to go through lists of ducks who can't find anything and think you're nuts.
That being said-he's not there for me all the time. No one can completely understand or be there for you liek you would want them to be.
Like was already mentioned, he is a man...and when he sees me ill he gets ****ed off and in a bad mood-at the situation-not me tho.
I need to be on him about diet and nutrition-he helps out somewhat with this stuff, but he was the baby in his family, is a teacher, and takes night classes...there's just never enough time.
As good as he is to me...its never enough though.
Posts: 594 | From NJ/NY | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
Hey we don't have a "physical sign" that we're sick.
Liking bleeding on the floor.
I think most people have trouble with there spouses during this illness, if you don't your very lucky.
The dis-support that I received in the past from my now Ex and family has ironically made me stronger. Because I had no other choice.
I learned very early on that if I was going to beat this I had to believe in myself, and just push on past the comments and denials of my fate from all around me.
I grabbed on to my Faith and carried the will to live.
Posts: 374 | From NJ | Registered: Aug 2006
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dontlikeliver
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4749
posted
For me, it is not really a question of if spouses should be interested in Lyme disease or not, but they should be interested in their spouse/partner's health and well-being and if that means 'teaming up' to fight Lyme disease, that is what it means to me.
But, most (male at least) spouses do not want to do that.
If my husband got sick, there is no question in my mind that I would unquestioningly help fight his fight, not tell him that I don't want to know about it.
DLL
Posts: 2824 | From The Back of Beyond | Registered: Oct 2003
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My dh does the best he can while using his own survival mechanism -- detachment. I was sick so long before being diagnosed that he's developed a coping pattern of working alot to boost his own ego. Don't get me wrong, I pass him the baton for childcare the minute he gets home and he doesn't object. Loves the kids dearly. His job keeps him working 1/2 days on weekends and lecturing three nights a week as well as full days. Luckily he loves his job... and his second job!
He absolutely doesn't have a clue about special diet, researching the disease, etc. But, I can't fault him at that since he's never been able to face any researching about stuff outside work. I do all the financial stuff and house/yard management as well as future planning for kids and retirement... and medical management and financing! Occasionally, when my eyesight is real bad, he'll write out checks. He doesn't seem to mind if I can't do all the house stuff and pitches in when the laundry piles up. He just assumes that it'll all eventually get done....by me.
The downside to our arrangement is that we barely have time for each other -- common issue for parents with young children. When we do come up for air, we are relieved to just be able to sit together and do nothing.
His mom has been on my case for years, but she's easing up since she contracted Bart and Erlichiosis! We took her to our LLMD and keep our eyes on her. Dh also got Lyme, but got the rash and early treatment and is doing great.
I do get fed up when I'm feeling really sick, depressed and lonely. But frankly, I wouldn't feel safe relying on his judgement about health and spirituality. It's not his thing. A wise friend once advised me when I got fed up with dh, "If you have a chicken and you want it to sing... and it doesn't sing... it is not the fault of the chicken!" LOL!
So my "chicken" may be detached, but he's loyal and a good dad who works hard at what he keeps to what he's best at. I just pray we can keep getting through this Lymic Maze together! Besides being good for us in the long-run, it also sets a good example for the kids on how to hang tough and keep family a priority.
wiserforit
Posts: 508 | From Banks of the Hudson | Registered: Jul 2006
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treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
Do you guys think this post belongs in General???
Or is just me??
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
posted
I do my best not to mention anything about this to my spouse. The few occasions that I did I got nothing but ignorant nasty remarks. I'm CDC pos. and losing vision to this and she still gets angry when I have a Dr. appt. I've worked full time and commute 200mi./day even at my worst, yet her family calles me a slacker!!
[ 28. September 2006, 04:36 PM: Message edited by: Badtick ]
Posts: 184 | From CT | Registered: Aug 2006
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I know of a woman who yrs ago lost some of her vision the only thing that brought it back was the HBO.
Posts: 374 | From NJ | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Thank you for your responses. I will try to ignore the recreational behavior of my spouse and be glad that he is physically there for me even though I think I deserve more. I agree with one of the responses though that this isn't about Lyme but about pulling together to fight a battle and whether he can deal with illness or not it should be an obligation to some extent. I know that if the shoe was on the other foot and he was sick I would do much more to help him.If I lower my expectations however, then maybe I won't get so depressed and feel worse. Next time I have an issue like this I will post in "General" but I hope I don't have one.
Posts: 425 | From NY, United States | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
Sorry Betty G. but I tried to edit the post to make it easier to read but screwed it up. Will do it better next time!
Posts: 425 | From NY, United States | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
Still going on- can't accept that he accepts me being sick for so long and not enough help. Can anyone else relate? Don't know what to do. It is taking me down fast. Suggestions would be appreciated!
Posts: 425 | From NY, United States | Registered: Mar 2005
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aklnwlf
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5960
posted
When I started getting really sick I had to separate from my spouse.
He made everything much harder on me.
I developed 6th nerve palsy in my right eye and couldn't drive for awhile, and low and behold, he couldn't drive either because of 'nerves'.
Once I passed out in the livingroom and he did absolutely nothing.
We separated for over 3 years and it was the best decision for me because he was causing so many problems.
Now, 7 years later, my health is much, much better. I'm super striving to get in a better place for me, physically, spiritually and emotionally.
I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around.
I'm biding my time and doing what's in my best interest.
You will get better diaries. It takes time. The shoe might end up being on the other foot one day.
Hang in there!
-------------------- Do not take this as medical advice. This comment is based on opinion and personal experience only.
Alaska Lone Wolf Posts: 6138 | From Columbus, GA | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
This is an interesting discussion.....and of course an important one.
Perhaps with marriage comes expectation.....yet we can't expect anyone to be someone they are not.
I'm not married, yet i am in a relationship with a very supportive man. He does no research about my illness because it isn't his inclination. To ask someone to do something they aren't inclined to do isn't fair to them.
In my own situation i don't ask any one person to be "everything" for me. I have helpers to do things for me that i can't do. I have friends who offer to help.
If we let go of getting our support from one particular "outlet" (person/agency/family member, etc.) then we can open to larger possibilities.
Personally i think it is a huge waste of energy wanting something from someone that they don't have to give. I admit i've been down that road, and it is clearly a dead-end.
Having a spiritual path, whatever it is can give us inner strength, and mostly, give us a larger perspective. When we drop our ideas about how our help will come, we open to many possibilities, far greater than what we might be able to think of.
Support is immensely important.....it's amazing how it can come if we let go of our ideas of who it is supposed to come through.
Sometimes the greatest way to "give" to another is to allow them the space to be where they are. I've noticed in my relationship that it is has been the most effective path to harmony.
Peace and ease.....
Posts: 164 | From North America | Registered: Mar 2009
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posted
Wanted to add a bit after some reflection....
I did have some similar feelings about my partner not researching/helping/offering.....resentment can feel pretty toxic to me.
Something that is working for us now is that I've learned to ask for something very specific in the moment. Rather than say, "could you bring me an ice pack every single evening when i when i wake up from my nap".......I've learned to ask in the moment, if i'm not able to do something for myself, "Could you please bring me an ice pack?"
It keeps things very simple and clear and present.
For me/us this has worked. Each couple finds their way, moment to moment.
That way he doesn't feel overwhelmed by another "to do"......
peace and ease......
Posts: 164 | From North America | Registered: Mar 2009
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posted
I am blessed with an awesome husband. He carries his own weight around here plus mine half the time. He uncomplainingly does housework and takes care of the kids (I have a 2 and a 3 year old) when he gets in from work.
He cooks (ok, it's stuff like sandwiches and tuna casserole), he cleans, he does laundry, he holds me and he lets me sleep whenever he can.
But he doesn't research my illness. He goes to my dr. apt.s with me and gives me his opinion on treatments and whether or not he sees improvement. But seeing as how he's not the one that's sick I think asking him to do it all is probably not fair to him.
It's hard. This disease can so easily be life consuming for us. Let's face it, when you can't hardly get up in the mornings everything else seems unimportant.
But as much as I need him to meet my needs I have to remember that even though I'm sick he still needs me to meet his needs too. This is still a marriage, still a partnership.
By the way...that's a reminder to myself more than anyone else!
posted
Joyful, Amen Sister!!!
Posts: 246 | From south florida | Registered: Mar 2010
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sutherngrl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16270
posted
Amk, I think you wrote my story! Seriously!
My hubby is as sweet as honey and he goes with me to my appts; listens to some of what I research and learn. He will hug me, kiss me and hold me; but does he try to read or learn one thing on his own about LD.....NO!
He has left all research up to me. He will give opinions, mainly when I ask for them. Like you said I wish he would take at least some iniative on his own.
All that being said, he is a wonderful husband and I know he loves me. If not he would have been long gone; and as Joyful said, it is a partnership. And glad she said it because I realize I don't really hold up my end of the bargain many times. Mostly because it has been hard to, but I sometimes forgot to do the little things.
I think it is easy to get caught up in the illness and forget that they need us too.
posted
It's hard to go through this without a partner. I have to do everything for myself because there's no one else to do it for me.
On the other hand, I once had a spouse, and he was abusive and constantly belittling me, and he made my health deteriorate a lot from the stress of the abuse. He also made my financial situation worse than it needed to be.
That was pre-Lyme, thank goodness, but I know I would be much sicker if he were still around, and would have no chance of getting proper treatment.
Other people, even when they care about us a lot and want to help and be supportive, really do not grasp how sick we are, unless maybe they see us completely bedridden and confused. Otherwise when they see us, we look fine, and they know we manage to do some things, so they just tend to assume it is not so bad and we can handle it.
I think if you have somebody who is sticking with you and cares about you, and does what he's able to do to help, then good--be grateful for that even if it's not everything you want or need. Possibly you can talk to him about how you feel and ask for what you need, and maybe things could change in the future. If not, do it yourself or ask someone else to help you.
If you have somebody sabotaging you physically, mentally or financially, then think about getting them out of your life before they make you worse.
-------------------- Don't forget to laugh! And when you're going through hell, keep going!
Bitten 5/25/2009 in Perry County, Indiana. Diagnosed by LLMD 12/2/2009. Posts: 756 | From Inside the tunnel | Registered: Jan 2010
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dmc
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5102
posted
people stop rehashing posts that are 3 years old.
Start a NEW thread if you want to vent about spouses in the year 2010.
We do not need to read OLD posts on people's relationships...things probably have changed whether, better or divorce.
Alot can happen in a month nevermind 3 years.
Posts: 2675 | From ct, usa | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
I appreciate your responses and some of you are truly blessed. I don't consider myself very needy but when you marry for better or worse I think you should mean it. Just because someone doesn't leave you doesn't mean that is a wonderful thing either. You can live with someone who keeps themself so busy they don't have time for you. This is my situation.
I feel alone, angry and depressed. It would not be this way if the shoe was on the other foot. When I ask my husband why he works over and above what his job requires he says he is a jerk and is too conscientious. When I ask him how he can see me so sick and not want to devote some, not all his time to helping he just stares at me.
I have even said things that would get a response from anyone else but I don't know if he is deaf or just ignoring me. I told him he should experience for one week how I feel in a typical day and he says nothing. After all of this complaining he went on a website last night called" Diagnose Me" and ended up asking me all the questions he should have known the anwsers to since we have been married for 29 years.
I can try and ignore this but his behavior deeply bothers me. Don't we get married to have someone there for us emotionally at times? Anyway have to go lay down for the afternoon crash.
Thanks again.
Posts: 425 | From NY, United States | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
I think an individual's personality plays the biggest part in deciding how s/he will cope, help, support, etc.
For my husband and I that puts me at the head of research (of anything) and health (anything to do with for the whole family). Mike has always been very supportive of me in the fact that he definitely believes I'm truly sick, and in fact for the most part recognizes that I am sicker than *I* think.
He doesn't do well sorting out information or making a plan of attack, per se, which is unfortunate because for about a year before I got in to a LLMD, one of my biggest problems was doing exactly that. Normally this is MY area of expertise, but I just wasn't able to figure out exactly what to do. My best friend finally had to spell things out for me and give me the name and # of her doc, etc.
We've faced many, many medical issues during our marriage, a lot of which have a social or political side. That's when Mike's strengths start coming into play.
When we found out our son was allergic to peanuts and that most public schools didn't really have a clue about how serious that was or how to handle it, Mike stepped up and made arrangements for materials (info and Epipen trainers) to be delivered to our house. He then drove to all the neighboring cities and dropped off those materials and talked to the administrators about how they could help.
Anytime we have to 'fight the system' in any way, *that's* where he shines.
On a day-to-day basis, he is very easy-going. He complains about the house, but not about ME not doing the cleaning. He doesn't blame me at all. He puts all the blame on himself and the kids (the kids for not doing their chores).
He has had to roll me over, get me out of bed and into the bathroom, drive me to appts, do grocery shopping, fix or get dinner, take kids to dr appts, and hundreds of other things because of this disease.
He's never complained once. He lets me sleep as much as I possibly can, and rarely asks me to get such-and-such done or cleaned.
Could he help out more physically and emotionally? Absolutely, but I feel very blessed that he helps me as much as he does. Just the fact that he believes I'm truly physically sick is a HUGE help!
SmurfyMom
Posts: 155 | From Texas | Registered: Oct 2007
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dmc
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5102
posted
well, Am so sorry I "dismissed" your sorrow with my post of rehashing the past.
Suffering alone without support is truly a hardship.
Unfortunately "we have the marriages we create". That was hard for me to hear too. That was told to me by a counseler.
I now choose to be happy & loving in the moments I'd like to wring my husbands neck.
That immediately changes my perception of what I considered wrong or insult. He does still has to remind me that his voice did NOT have a "tone" when he said it.
There are great online courses that help change perception & I focus on the blessings daily.
I've been listening to Jennifer McLean's "Healing with the Masters" online free seminars.
I enjoy the changing our "vibrations" stuff. Being ill, sad, angry, resentful just lowers our life energy (vibration).
Praying, singing, dancing (I can't walk very well so never mind that),& laughter helps raise the vibration.
I do better praying for others, will send prayers for you amkdiaries.
prayers & hugs Posts: 2675 | From ct, usa | Registered: Jan 2004
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
posted
My hubby has been great, I couldnt have gone thru what I have w/o him. He works 6 days a week. WHen he is home he immediately takes over with the kids. He does clean when he can.
I cant complain. I dont think he has ever looked up Lyme disease once. On the other hand he does go to support meetings here and there. He listens to me rant about this and that.
I dont think he really knows how bad I feel. I dont think anyone can until it happens to them. I definitely dont want him to be like this.
I think it would be better to be sick and alone than sick and miserable with soemone else.
Hang in there. melissa
Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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posted
my relationship sounds a lot like sutherngrl's.
my husband is very supportive in the sense of doing anything that i ask him to do. he runs every single errand and cleans the house for me without ever complaining...
he has no interest in researching lyme though.
and he is a man of few words, so it is hard to have a conversation with him about it, all he really says is "that sucks." plus he's pretty much my only friend besides the ones i talk to online, so it's difficult.
but i am SO thankful to have him... otherwise i'd be forced to live with my parents right now and depend on them for everything.
i feel so badly for those of you who are verbally abused by your spouses for having an illness you can't control. you suffer enough without having someone else make you feel worse on top of everything!
Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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) and he cooks the diet without complaining (he does he housework - I go to work).![[woohoo]](graemlins/woohoo.gif)
Right in our own backyard too! Hubby has an appt with him next Tuesday.
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