cantgiveupyet
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8165
posted
i feel like im all alone tonite.....
i just got off the phone with a friend, and he mentioned he was going to a halloween thing with his work, something i used to do.
he asked how i was doing etc........and you know normies dont get it, but he did try. He said i sound better and not too long ago he feared i was dying, i sounded that bad.
so tonite he will eat , have beers and not even think about his bladder or getting sick from sugars and carbs.
it just seems like in the last few days reminders of my normal life are being brought to my attention....like the job posting, and now this phone call.
Why cant i just get better.
sometimes im so strong, but tonite is not one of those nites.
-------------------- "Say it straight simple and with a smile."
"Thus the task is, not so much to see what no one has seen yet, But to think what nobody has thought yet, About what everybody sees."
-Schopenhauer
pos babs, bart, igenex WB igm/igg Posts: 3156 | From Lyme limbo | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
well, your not alone because you just touched me...
and even though we can still feel alone among a sea
of people, this is the one place where you can rest assured,
we know just how you feel!
I have had a BAD last 24 hours,
and i'm so sorry for your pain... it sucks feeling alone... but i am here if you need to talk...
-------------------- well i know a disease that these doctors can't treat, you contract on the day you accept all you see... Posts: 97 | From nor cal | Registered: Oct 2006
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Andie333
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7370
posted
cant,
Andie
Posts: 2549 | From never never land | Registered: May 2005
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cantgiveupyet
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8165
posted
thanks theviewfromthecurb (i really love your name by the way) sorry you had a bad last 24 hours.
Thanks Andiee for the hug, i felt it all the way over here.
see each time i try to rejoin or interact with normies....i get sad....this is why i dont answer my phone much....it just hurts too much.
it sux and there isnt any other way to put it.
i know everything does happen for a reason and i just dont know what it is yet....but its tough.
-------------------- "Say it straight simple and with a smile."
"Thus the task is, not so much to see what no one has seen yet, But to think what nobody has thought yet, About what everybody sees."
-Schopenhauer
pos babs, bart, igenex WB igm/igg Posts: 3156 | From Lyme limbo | Registered: Oct 2005
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cantgiveupyet
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8165
posted
thanks theviewfromthecurb (i really love your name by the way) sorry you had a bad last 24 hours.
Thanks Andiee for the hug, i felt it all the way over here.
see each time i try to rejoin or interact with normies....i get sad....this is why i dont answer my phone much....it just hurts too much.
it sux and there isnt any other way to put it.
i know everything does happen for a reason and i just dont know what it is yet....but its tough.
-------------------- "Say it straight simple and with a smile."
"Thus the task is, not so much to see what no one has seen yet, But to think what nobody has thought yet, About what everybody sees."
-Schopenhauer
pos babs, bart, igenex WB igm/igg Posts: 3156 | From Lyme limbo | Registered: Oct 2005
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trails
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1620
posted
cant, I dont have words, but i know how you feel and I am often feel the same. I hope you are able to see what a fantastic contribution you are to the world just by BEING alive.
It isnt what you do or even how you do it, it is that you ARE. Something our society does NOT value -- how would our country MAKE $$$?
Anyhow--sometimes I try to remebmer it is really great to NOT be in the RAT RACE.
Oddly, there are some hidden gifts that come with having lyme... you just have to find them, and sometimes there will be long dry spells.
Yes, i agree, talking to "regular" people can become quite depressing...however invaluable in realizing how far you will grow as a person...
and liberating, when after some time you come to realize that not one of the people you used to relate with, was who you thought they were.
Lyme has a way of allowing you to see through fake people, and those "moles" become obvious!
... and with this new keen sense of compation and appreciation for others you might not have met before, you will realize that youve come to like the "new you" more than the old!
I literally did not get around people for 3 years just because i had no desire...(felt to sick)
it's been only recently through divorce, that i am finding a new light to follow.
I wont sugar coat anything, it has been a long
sordid path i still waddle down, but i dont think id choose another
because now i know where im going, and i like who i am.
Amaze yourself.
Never lose focus on what you want from your life,
AND... when it's all way to dark, a strangers hand will lead you to the light...
for what thats worth... i feel it...
-------------------- well i know a disease that these doctors can't treat, you contract on the day you accept all you see... Posts: 97 | From nor cal | Registered: Oct 2006
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
quote:Originally posted by cantgiveupyet: i know everything does happen for a reason and i just dont know what it is yet....but its tough.
Can't; many of us will never know the reason and even when we go to Heaven; God does not have to give any of us an answer for what happened here on earth.
I've used this expression for years, and someone else here on the board does too...can't remember your name here right now; lyme fog.
"I'm dealing with the hand dealt to me the best that I can!"
Can't, it's like being notified that you are dying, and you go through ALL the steps:
shock, denial, anger, and acceptance ***********************************
I'm just thankful for what I CAN STILL DO. It's closing a chapter on my life for what I used to do.
But you found your consolation prize...US 24/7!! Bettyg hang in there
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cantgiveupyet
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8165
posted
thanks everyone.
i think im definently in the ANGER phase of all of this........its tough. but im pushing thru it..the best i can.
heck atleast ive learned to cook thanks to this illness :-) prior to lyme i ate a lot of boxed frozen meals........yuck!!
-------------------- "Say it straight simple and with a smile."
"Thus the task is, not so much to see what no one has seen yet, But to think what nobody has thought yet, About what everybody sees."
-Schopenhauer
pos babs, bart, igenex WB igm/igg Posts: 3156 | From Lyme limbo | Registered: Oct 2005
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HEATHERKISS
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6789
posted
Hi Sweety,
I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I know it's so depressing watching the world go by.
I remember that. Did you find a LLMD you like yet?
You need the right combo of meds. When is it going to happen for you?!!!!
Prayers and love going your way,
-------------------- HEATHER
Posts: 1974 | From ABERDEEN, NJ 07747 | Registered: Jan 2005
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cantgiveupyet
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8165
posted
Hey Heather, i luv your cat by the way. My kitty looks just like your pic.
I have 3 LLMD that I like right now...just got 26 vials of blood taken too see what lyme has affected.
since starting armour in August, the fatigue is lessened my temps are normal too...and i gained a tad of weight...bladder is a bit better too.
Im hoping to be able to try abx again soon.......atleast now i know what herxes are like, my diet is better.....i know what i need to do.
yea, watching the world go by is tough....but tonite i seem to have a better handle on it.
-------------------- "Say it straight simple and with a smile."
"Thus the task is, not so much to see what no one has seen yet, But to think what nobody has thought yet, About what everybody sees."
-Schopenhauer
pos babs, bart, igenex WB igm/igg Posts: 3156 | From Lyme limbo | Registered: Oct 2005
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trails
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1620
posted
yeah---lyme=good cooking! My lyme in 2001 pushed me right into being a really good cook! Without lyme I would be eating the same old american fare. With lyme I learned to cook food from all over the world!
What are you cooking cant? anything you wanna share with us?
Right now south Indian is my fav....but it is labor intensive, so this weekend i went into the city and just ate at a great resturaunt.
I am glad you are angry. without anger you might lose your cheerio power. But dont forget to laugh and be okay with where you are at too. hang in there!
Posts: 1950 | From New Mexico | Registered: Sep 2001
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Such a good question you asked: "Why cant i just get better"? I think we have all wondered this very often. We look around and see the tribe of the healthy and wonder why we aren't one of them like we were before.
Hang in there. I know it hurts and sometimes things seem senseless but your name says it all "Cantgiveupyet". Perfect words for everyone here!
-David
-------------------- Same nightmare, different day! Posts: 401 | From East Coast | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
Trails this is completely off topic And I may get in trouble for hijacking yet another post?
But you like South Indian food. Dosas and idlis perhaps, my favorite. Hard to find others who have even tried dosas yet alond come enjoy them.
I have yet to learn how to make them. They are labor intensive, but hey, I have time these days. If you have good recipies that are wheat and yeast free please pass them along.
Posts: 628 | From the south | Registered: Dec 2005
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Yes it sucks. And you are right, there's no other way to put it. Being isolated away from the world sometimes feels like I'm being punished. But I like what trails said about being happy not to be in the rat race.
When my daughter was growing up and she was sad, she would go through the house saying "I need a puppy". We have three dogs and one of them would have to be sacrificed to go snuggle in bed with her or distract her until she felt better. Do you need a puppy?
Posts: 460 | From Illinois | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
This disease really does suck. Sometimes I get bogged down in the why me? When will I be able to have a glass of wine and not think about every little thing I put in my mouth? Or have to make sure I sleep or pay for days after, when will I not be having this endless juggle of medications and supplements? When will I not know how I will be feeling from hour to hour?
Then I step back and look at the progress I have made and the good I have in my life and feel blessed.
Yesterday I was listening to NPR and there was a story about homeless veternas from the war in Iraq. I was in tears half way into the story but left with a new perspective regarding my own situation.
On TV lately I saw an ad for a show on plastic surgery and then Jon Stewart on the Daily Show had these chocolate chip wrapped sausages on a stick- what is wrong with America?
I can dwell on what could have been, what a better life I could have if any one of the specialists I saw over the last 5 years had known anything about Lyme and started treatment before it spread. It won't help me now. I can pass information to them and I can focus on getting healthy now.
Sometimes it is hard to focus on the positive but I am trying. Sometimes it is hard to not get bogged down in it all.
Ramble, ramble, ramble.
Lucy
-------------------- Lucy Posts: 342 | From Hawaii | Registered: Nov 2005
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAN'TGIVEUP!, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TODAY! Bettyg
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cantgiveupyet
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8165
posted
thanks soooo much betty for that song :-)
-------------------- "Say it straight simple and with a smile."
"Thus the task is, not so much to see what no one has seen yet, But to think what nobody has thought yet, About what everybody sees."
-Schopenhauer
pos babs, bart, igenex WB igm/igg Posts: 3156 | From Lyme limbo | Registered: Oct 2005
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