treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
Beaten down, wore out, over stressed, herxing, etc etc etc I just have about completly had it after 1988 first, fevers, tick infections bitten every year up to 2001 treatment commenced now 2006 late last day october Iam wore out depressed and just plain tired of being the one who takes care of dad, wife, friends, who dont seem to give a crap iam not super anything.
Iam super beat if anything super its iam tired of it all. Including IDSA guidlines bull I have never wished harm to anyone but I now have no problem that these guidline writers would get what i have. iam tired of it all
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
posted
Tree...You're gonna make it. Just hang in there, OK?? Once you get that babs knocked down you'll see a world of difference in how you feel!!
And let your family know you need their support and HELP!
tree
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
quote:Originally posted by Lymetoo: Tree...You're gonna make it. Just hang in there, OK?? Once you get that babs knocked down you'll see a world of difference in how you feel!!
And let your family know you need their support and HELP!
tree
I hope so its just so tireing. Iam a good host apparently god knows what all is in me I mean I have been bitten between 80 and 100 times that i recall and at least 15 or so I had to dig out of me. LLMD wanted me to test igenex i told him whats the use hell iam a walkin menagerie.
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
trails
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1620
posted
I am so sorry treepatrol.
I am glad you are a part of lymenet. without your resources and your help, many others would NOT have gotten better. You deserve better. You desere to GET better. I know many people have not had any movement in their symptoms unti they treat babs or bart. or both.
My thoughts are with you at this time, trails
Posts: 1950 | From New Mexico | Registered: Sep 2001
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trueblue
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7348
posted
I'm sorry Tree. I can't really help but I can hug.
true
-------------------- more light, more love more truth and more innovation Posts: 3783 | From somewhere other than here | Registered: May 2005
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kelmo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8797
posted
Tree...you are loved. You take care of YOU. And, like someone said, ask for help. It's Tree Time!
Posts: 2903 | From AZ | Registered: Feb 2006
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Melanie Reber
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 3707
posted
Oh Tree-Hugger, my friend,
It saddens me so much to know that you are down and out. I am so very sorry. I sure DO understand, completely.
Is there anything that we can do to help? Anything at all? Cause you KNOW we will, right?
You are so cherished here. And so loved by many. I am in awe of your commitment to LymeNet, and of all that you have done to help so many even when you were not at your best.
YOU inspire me...to try harder, to give more freely, to be more tolerable, and to keep going, even when I think that I can not.
If you do need time off to heal, please take that for yourself. We want you to be well. Because we DO care, so very much.
Please know that I am only a click away if ever needed.
Much love to you and yours, Melanie
Posts: 7052 | From Colorado | Registered: Mar 2003
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sending you all the strength i have for you to continue through this day.
As you wake tomorrow, feel the power of unconditional love...
it's your turn to receive!!!
take care...
-------------------- well i know a disease that these doctors can't treat, you contract on the day you accept all you see... Posts: 97 | From nor cal | Registered: Oct 2006
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
You know- I had a lot of those same thoughts today, really depressed, feeling like nobody gets it, what's the point,what if I don't get better,
even the post about "what if the Ducks are right" got to me, a valid suspicion we probably all go through from time to time and wondering if I'm going through all this for nothing.
Then I remembered I am taking Flagyl-not known for its uplifting effects. Decided it was the Flagyl talking in my head and I'll be darned if I am going to let lyme win.
Lyme might mess with my brain, but its got to stop my heartbeat to take me out. I'm not going down without a fight.
Pretend you're a possum right now , and when the danger has passed , get up and continue forward.
Andie333
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7370
posted
Tree,
Just logged in and saw your post...and wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and sending you
you take care!
Andie
Posts: 2549 | From never never land | Registered: May 2005
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
quote:Originally posted by Cobweb:
Pretend you're a possum right now , and when the danger has passed , get up and continue forward. Blessings, Carol
Carol, I loved your thought here; can apply to all of us.
Tree, WE ALL LOVE YOU, and it's time YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU.
DELEGATE to others for caring for your Dad, to your wife's family or her close friends for caring or her,
and someone to help care for YOU, THE CAREGIVER OF ALL plus this lymenet board.
Dad, can you get home care to come daily? personal hygiene & cook a meal?
Yes, I agree with you; IF the IDSA guideline writers were to get CHRONIC LYME; they would change their tune immediately and want to change their guidelines IMMEDIATELY!
Tree, we're here 24/7 for you if you feel up to talking! We CARE ABOUT YOU! You are a real asset and friend to all on this SUPPORT board.
Take it 1 hr. at a time until you get up to a day, then take it a day at a time.
When I told my Dad he was dying of congestive heart and kidney failure since the MD wouldn't, he looked me straight in the eye and said,
"But I don't feel like I'm dying." He thought a little bit and said, "BUT I'VE GOT THE FIGHT STILL LEFT IN ME"!
You do too Tree; punch them out each chance you get ok. Bettyg
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posted
Tree, I hope you can find some help. Sounds like you need a big rest from everything. I have these thoughts sometimes, too.
Yesterday I had a really good day (started Art. for Babs 2 weeks ago)so i did a lot more than normal. Guess how I feel today? But, my mind still seeems clear and mood not bad!
Cindy
-------------------- Cindy Posts: 227 | From VA | Registered: Sep 2005
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lymie tony z
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5130
posted
Hey there Tree,
All the good stuff above!
We all get there from time to time!
I know you won't stay there...take a break!
For what is a man
what has he got
if not himself
then he is not
to say the things he truly feels
and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows you took the blows
And did it your way!
zman
-------------------- I am not a doctor...opinions expressed are from personal experiences only and should never be viewed as coming from a healthcare provider. zman Posts: 2527 | From safety harbor florida(origin Cleve., Ohio | Registered: Jan 2004
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Take a break, get some space, get rested. You will get better - eventually.
- I couldn't find the hug-graemlin, so you get a kiss instead. Hope that's okay.
Posts: 155 | From Norway | Registered: Jan 2006
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JRWagner
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3229
posted
HEY SOLDIER!!!!!!!
What's all this then? Tree...you were bitten HOW MANY TIMES????!!!!!!
Holy **%*!!!!!!
Most of us would have been dead....
I know your pain...I too am sick of being sick...and I am sure MANY others here feel the same.
You have progressed on this board to someone who helps others...and we hope that you can still do your good work.
TuTu is correct...you will get better!
In fact..we ALL will get better...we just have to keep fighting.
My family does not understand me...my cats died, I am in North Carolina at my Sister's house as I can't afford to live where I want to most...NYC...because of all the money I spent on Lyme Meds....
Yes...we all have our stories, and this government should be ashamed of itself for neglecting it's citizens.
But...I am still alive, and I will do what I can to get better.
You are down...it is natural to be down sometimes...just don't let the depression take over your life...get outside and DO SOMETHING PHYSICAL...WALK, RIDE A BIKE, ANYTHING to change your mood. It works for me...
Tree Man...be well buddy.
Peace, Love and Wellness, JRW
Posts: 1414 | From Ny, Ny | Registered: Oct 2002
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treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
Thanks everybody but iam so beaten no place to get away from home stress no relief in pain hurt all over headache comes and goes eyes red joints hurt this has normal herx feelings but worse something new ? cant think just really would like just a break no sanctuary anywhere not in me not at home not at work just really exausted physicaly,spiritualy,mentally.
Trying to work through need prayer
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
trueblue
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7348
posted
I posted a long thing here last night and pulled it down. Maybe I shouldn't have. I feel where you are, Tree, and I am too near there. I am sorry you are in this much pain from every side. I am sending my prayers to you.
May you find some sanctuary and relief. More hugs and prayers coming your way.
-------------------- more light, more love more truth and more innovation Posts: 3783 | From somewhere other than here | Registered: May 2005
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posted
Hi I am new to this site. I feel like you do. I am so tired, frustrated etc. I know what you mean about trying to be everything to everybody. I feel for my children. Ages 14, 9 and 6. My middle child has down syndrome. I need my life back. My children see me cry and break down. I try not to let it show but sometimes I have just had it with this. Everyone I talk to says it will get better. How long does it take
Posts: 151 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Nov 2006
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sometimesdilly
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9982
posted
Tree-
Is there someone you can call to talk to? Or to go see?
Some close friend to sit down on the sofa with you who could hug you?
Sounds like you are sorely in need of some serious in-person comforting.
Do you have a support group nearby,and could someone from that group come help you out for a day?
Wish there was more long distance could do- sending you prayers....
Dilly
Posts: 2507 | From lost in the maze | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Sending a prayer up for you right now, Tree.
Posts: 24 | From MS | Registered: Sep 2006
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Melanie Reber
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 3707
posted
Hey there Tree-hugger,
Is it possible that you could have been reinfected recently?
This sounds a bit too serious for a relapse. Or perhaps you need a med break to clear out the junk in your mind and body?
I'm so sorry, but I haven't been following your protocol recently.
Could we chat a bit? If you will E-me, we can try to talk this out, OK?
Sending nothing but love your way, Melanie
Posts: 7052 | From Colorado | Registered: Mar 2003
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Tree, it really hurts me too my friend to see you this down in deep depression. Above have given you some wonderful, caring suggestions about getting a friend to come over for a good 1 on 1 visit. Sendng more prayers, hugs, & kisses your way Tree! Hang in there; we ALL LOVE YOU big guy! Bettyg
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treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
Thanks Melanie Betty Melanie I start mepron tomorrow morning all hope is this dosent get worse I wont be around a puter all weekend.
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
I am new to this site. I think we all know what your are going through.
Don't ever give up. Stay strong. I have read alot of your posts.
We need you here.
Sending you my love and prayers.
Take a well deserved break.
karen b
Posts: 151 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Nov 2006
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Pocono Lyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5939
posted
Hey Tree,
Hang in there pal. Praying that this will be the answer and you gain much ground. As you know, it may be rough and maybe not as everyone reacts differently.
Either way, ride it out as I believe you're on the right track to wellness.
Hugs and Prayers, Pocono
-------------------- 2 Corinthians 12:9-11
9 But he said to me, �My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.� Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ�s power may rest on me. Posts: 1445 | From Poconos, PA | Registered: Jul 2004
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treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
Thanks everyone.
Friday night was a long one I went to seep at 10 - 10:30pm and I awoke at 11:20 pm and I had that crawley restless legs but its not just my leggs it feels like someone wrapped you in duct tape and you feel like you cant move while being crawley its terrible it lasted all night I never went back to sleep untill 10pm saturdaynight.
I started Mepron&Biaxin XL saturday morning 7am and also Mepron&Biaxin XL 7pm with food and I can tell you this Mepron is wierd lookin stuff looks like yellow floresent radiated liquid!! I thought it tasted neat first dose second dose I noticed it sorta makes tounge a little numb hehehe Other than that I havent felt any different other than and I hope it dosent happen again the crawley trapped inside restless leg feelings ever again!!!
Keep ya posted anyone else useing mepron and biaxin XL??? and Whats the dosage for you? I taking 1teaspoon 7am withfood and 2 teaspoons at 7pm with food.
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
posted
Gee, tree, this thing is really got a deep hold of you; been around 1 month now right? Thanks for the update; praying you'll turn the corner NOW and start getting back to the way you were prior to this episode!
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treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
Thanks Betty Iam so pooped out:(
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
Tree ,
I'm sending you prayers.
You poor thing! I know what it's like to have everyone depending on you regardless of how miserable you feel.
If it's any consolation, I'm sure you "look" terrific.
It really stinks when all you want to do is curl up under the covers and never come out again and everyone expects you to think and do. I think familial inconsideritis is another symptom.
Just as the other symptoms come and go. This too shall pass.
I don't envy you on Biaxin & Mepron. You're in for some nasty herxing. Maybe you should cut the Mepron dose in 1/2 for the first three days. That's what my LLMD had me do.
MAKE SURE YOU GET SLEEP!!! Afternoon naps are IMPERATIVE!!! If I didn't get enough sleep on Mepron, my entire body turned into a quivering, vibrating blob everytime I laid down.
24 gms. of fat and full meal w/Mepron. 2 Tbsp. Peanut Butter, just under 2 Tbsp. Butter, about 2 1/2 Tbsp. creamy salad dressing 12 slices of bacon fried chicken works well as does corned beef
I found out that I normally eat very little fat. Even things I thought were pretty fatty, weren't nearly as bad as I thought.
SLEEP, SLEEP and more SLEEP!!!
Screw them all! They'll still have their problems when you feel better and they WILL survive without you for a month, whether they like it or not!
If you don't do what YOU NEED to do to get well, you'll be 1/2 as able for twice as long.
I wish I could tell you something to do or say to make them understand what you're going through. If there is, I haven't figured it out yet.
I think people relate things like headaches, aches and pains to their own experiences and therefore can not fathom, even if they tried REALLY hard, what you're experiencing.
It's sad, but it's true. I think those who actually have the full support & understanding of their families are few and far between (if they exist at all) and probably would not be here sharing in our misery.
Know that we feel your pain and heartache and you have our deepest sympathy. We appreciate every effort you make here and understand how hard it is to offer the support you do when you feel so lousy yourself.
Hang in there and keep fighting with us Tree , maybe some day they'll come around.
Lots of Hugs & Prayers, Ali
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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I am also on the Mepron for babesia, except I am taking with Zith. Do you know why your LLMD prefers Biaxin XL w/ Mepron instead of the zith? I am just curious.
I felt some stomach issues for a short time when starting Mepron but now am doing ok on it.
I know you are tired of fighting this disease. I hope that this treatment for babesia gets you back on track. Good luck my friend.
-------------------- Some day, this mamma's gonna dance! Posts: 199 | From here | Registered: Apr 2005
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AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
Hi tree... I thought I posted here earlier but you know how that goes.
I can relate I have been sick since 1987... in treatment since 2000... and making progress ..than bam
cant anything and have to start all over again.
I know how hard it can be when things get worse... It takes control of our lives...
People who don't loose control of their lives ... and are not plaqued by the uncertainity of what is to come do not understand how much this all can impact us.
Just remember if you keep fighting you eventually will regain control... and life wont be so hard.
I am sorry your family and friends aren't understanding. Have you tried telling them your just not in a position to do everything that everyone expects.
I know with me some my family doesnt always realize the degree of my limitations....partially because I dont really talk about being sick and the other big thing is cuz I look fine.
hang in there treepatrol
Hopefully your new regimen will get you better soon.
I was on mepron for about 2 months. I herxed really bad on it. Also took it with biaxin and nystatin
Finally my stomach couldn't take it anymore. I was so sick on it. Went back to my lyme doc and he put me on malarone, fluco,and hydrochlorqine.
Did ok with this until lately. Having stomach issues again.
Sometimes it's hard to know if the medicine is making me sick or the lyme. It stinks!! Hang in there.
karenb
Posts: 151 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Nov 2006
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hopeful123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3244
posted
sending healing thoughts your way tree!!
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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Michelle M
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7200
posted
Hi Tree. You poor dear. I'm so sorry you are feeling low. I know how it can get you down. And all the while, of course, you have to keep on as if there's nothing, or PRACTICALLY nothing, wrong. A nice, giant break, to just be allowed to be sick and rest, would be good.
I didn't know you had not done Mepron before. I am going to hope and pray that doing that regimen is going to make a whopper of a difference and help you turn a corner. With all THOSE bites you describe, it seems impossible you WOULDN'T have babesia. Let alone other stuff!
Please come here often, even if only to check in - take a temporary pass at all the help you usually dish out to others and take care of yourself instead.
Hugs,
Michelle
Posts: 3193 | From Northern California | Registered: Apr 2005
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I hope you are feeling a little better today. And if not, maybe the new meds are kicking in?
I'm all for hiding under the covers on days when I just can't function. Be good to yourself. Play some music that makes you smile and lock the door!
Sometimes the only way I can get moving is to say it to myself....trust me, nobody telling me I must, I can, I should even comes into my reality anymore. I just say no.
God bless. I'm sure you know how many people you have touched on this site. You were one of the first people to welcome me. You are an angel, so I hope God hears your prayers faster than most.
Keep us posted on your progress, either good or bad. We'll stand for you and try to lessen your cares and burdens.
AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
More prayers for Tree.
Hope you're OK, no word since yesterday. I'm gonna hope you're sleeping and not hurting.
Ali
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Tree, do you see how much you are missed on the board...not only for your newbie links galore, but for all the other stuff especially SUPPORT when we need it; consider us giving support back to you now and in future when the need arises again; ok big guy!
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AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
Hey Treeeee! Where are you?
Hope you're OK !
I just got myself back on Mepron again so you won't be lonely. Apparently I failed Babs 101.
I hope your family is finally taking care of you instead of the other way around.
Ali
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Hey there Tree! I'm baaaaaack! Neuro gave me a new med forthe "Pricklies"/neuropathy." LYrica. Ok, so I am not 100%serious here. But one side effect of this stuff is it makes me happy and decreases fear/anxiety. Almost like smoking a.....He gave me a 30 pill sample bottle. Takes the sting out of the neuropathy....and since I havent been around here for over 2 years, helps keep me out of the black hole.....Better living through modern pharmaceuticals..............Note...I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. The above is my humorous and experience and hope and possibly some strength to share....by all means laugh at the sh.......eets!
-------------------- Lyme is like the flu. You can get it and recover, but you can always get it again. Posts: 607 | From (deer tick)Heaven! Angeles National Forest | Registered: Oct 2000
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treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
Thanks everybody your all so kind! I have started to feel better since Friday nov 10th worked on stainingfront porch it took 2 days allmost finished it started to rain sat only have one railing to go but its treted wood so not so worried the main support post are not though and now a least there coated with stain protector 2 freakin winters I couldnt let the posts go another winter.
Iam feeling clearer thinking and all over better today but still really sore from the staining geez I think how far I have relapsed hard time even staining from being very strong and powerful to hurting from such meanial tasks {{sucks}} big.
But thats one worry down!! yeah!!
You guys have been so patient and wonderful Thank You!!!
{{{I sure hope this mepron}}} is what is making me better, not all that better but I at least dont feel so beaten down and sweating all the time over little things I didnt even sweat working on the porch I did get damp but none of the sweat rolling down the sides of my head all the time. I actually can make a couple trips up&down steps and no sweat!!!
Thanks all of you
ps After all the mepron horrow stories I havent had one thing bad from it?
I mean I never had upset stomach or terrible headaches,fuzzy it reminds me of ketek all I got was itchy slightly burny eyes for a few days.
Hey and I dont even think it tastes bad it odd tasting and numbs the tounge a little. But hey the most Iam worried about is eating the extra fatty food with it in the morning and evening. Iam fat enough all ready
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
I haven't seen you on in a while and was wondering if you are ok?
How's the mepron treatment going?
I have finished two bottles of mepron and zith combo and need to start my third but have to wait to get over this stomach flu.
I am like the energizer bunny since last Saturday - I keep going... and going.... and going.
-------------------- **Eat Chocolate** Posts: 942 | From USA | Registered: Mar 2005
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
ima, i think it's time for moral support for our precious treepatrol !
he's still been sick off and on, but his Dad is very bad right now. so he hasn't been on in almost 1 month plus!
thoughts and prayers headed to you tree, your dad, and family during this time; it's very emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. may god be there for you all.
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