posted
I am so overwhelmed I don't even know what I am going to say. But I need to get something out.
I have been suffering for so long. So MANY, MANY doctors and tests and medications. I prayed everyday I would die because I felt I could not get through another day.
Alone, scared, confused, sad.... knowing I WAS feeling all the symptoms I told the doctors, even though they did not make sense.
I left some doctors crying because of the way they treated me. I still get anxious today when I think about it.
How could someone so young have SO MANY different medical conditions??? It did not make sense.
Maybe I was crazy! But, my old psychaitrist told me one of the first things she learned in medical school was it is more likely to have one or two things causing all the symptoms I had then ten differnet diagnoses.
I was so outside of the box with symptoms. Some would go with one disease or disorder, but never all of them with one... until one doctor thought Lyme Disease.
I never thought of it! But she did, and the tests came back positive. I began treatment and got worse. But I was told to expect it.
She monitored other things (vitamins, minerals, yeast growth...) while being treated. I slowly had some improvement.
But then, she left the practice and moved away. The last test she did showed I was getting better, but still below the low end of where I needed to be. (if that makes sense)
I had to stop the meds. I am sceduled to see another doctor, but that is over a month away.
I have been sick almost the whole time since I stopped treatment. And some of the old symptoms have been returning.
I am in a fight with my insurance company and they are now taking back the money they paid when on disability.
I am angry and anxious. I don't understand why I have to fight for treatment?
I don't want to be stuck in bed again. I don't want to spend everyday wishing I would die because I can not stand it any more.
I don't want to fight with doctors and insurance companies. I am tired of getting sick from every germ there is because my body can't fight it.
I am so tired from all of this.
I know I will get through it. I am just overwhelmed today.
[ 22. November 2006, 10:07 PM: Message edited by: Lioness ]
Posts: 240 | From MA | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
I know how you feel. I am having one of those days too. I wish I could say something to make it better for you. I hate that any one should have to feel like there is no other option than leaving this earth. Some days it is hard to keep the faith that we will get better. I don't know why we have to fight for treatment either or why other people can't understand this disease. If we are sick then why can't we get help like other people who are sick? I am just glad there is a place (here) that we can vent and find others who DO understand. We just have to keep going forward. My thoughts are with you! Posts: 7 | From Maryland | Registered: Nov 2006
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Aniek
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5374
posted
Lioness,
Welcome to the board. I'm sorry you are dealing with this difficulty in treatment now.
But you've found a whole lot of friends on this board. So when you need support, stop on by and we'll happily give out advice and hugs.
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
lioness, WELCOME!
I'll send you a private message, PM, and OVERWHELM you some more with 20 pages of newbie links/advise
you'll find links, suicide hotline, long list of symptoms, how to file for SSDI, SSI ... social security disability insurance, etc. and other things.
You'll find many walking in YOUR SHOES; and learn their tips on what they are doing to make things better and NOT overwhelming!
There was a disablity rights lawyer who recently signed up but I don't think they have posted anything yet this week! Hang in there.
When you need support, post it on support board. When you have MEDICAL questions, post it on medical.
There is seeking drs., ACTIVISM so please sign BOTH LYME PETITIONS AND GET FAMILY/FRIENDS TOO during the holidays, and OFF TOPIC.
so there is a wide variety of where to post! I'll send you your welcome package before I forget!
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posted
Oh I understand too well that feeing of why do we need to fight to get well. To be understood. To get proper medicatin. Disability payments from companies that we paid into for years with good faith.
You're not alone, many of us including myself can relate.
Disability can be a pain. They are pure evil. My strategy: educate yourself and be a bigger pain to them. There are some good links on the site Bettg has sent you. I used the templates to get letters from my doctors and other sources. And if you don't have the energy, by all means get a good lawyer.
Take care.
Posts: 628 | From the south | Registered: Dec 2005
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AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
I am sorry you are having such a bad time right now.
Within the first 2 years of my illness I had drs make me cry too. It is awful how we are treated.
I am sorry that the dr you trusted to help you abandoned you. That has to be tough. We place our very lives in their hands... talk about trusting someone...
And then for her to just cut you off... that is horrible.
I am glad you have another appointment. With treatment things will improve.
Just take it one minute , hour , day at a time. You will get through it...
And remember you are not alone. We are all here and will listen.
posted
I felt the same way you did when I had only 4 posts-keep coming back-keep posting and see how you feel after 1000 posts ! Writing helps you heal from the inside out.
And misery loves company-so hop on a bus to New York on the 30th for the rally-helps not to be isolated with this disease.
Heck I figure I will hurt no matter where I am, so I might as well hurt in good company. I'm afraid if I don't go to the rally no one will let me whine anymore-and I refuse to give up my whine rights-so I am going to fight for my Lyme Rights.
We all lie in bed and wonder from time to time when and how is this ever going to end. Hold onto the hope you experienced when you did see progress- so you know it's possible.
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