posted
I am a sad and lonely ex-partner of a patient who never knew, and still doesn't know, what Lyme has done to us. We found love at the turn of her disease five years ago. She had been poorly diagnosed as you all seem to be, and when it rebounded in her, it was horrific. My days soon became filled with care and attention for her discomfort and pain, her anxiety, depressions and all of the other seventy odd symptoms that rotate through your body, and mind, and spirit. I had to become aware quickly of what was necessary and thank God for giving me a natural generosity and went full on caring for her. It was full on for three years, as we battled through more than thirty doctors offices, across three countries and costing us both a small fortune. While there was light every now and then, my love seldom had enough energy to open her eyes, so I followed what she research and saw ahead far enough to stay committed to heal her. Eventually the experience of loosing through the medical system, brought us to a cross road, where my marketing and presentation skills from my work kicked in, and we won the right to give her IV antibiotics for three months under a research banner. They discovered the program they were giving us was costing way to much of their budget, and was not within their guidelines for treatment, but by the time they pulled the plug we had frozen enough medication to take us through the necessary time for kicking the disease in the butt. My love was now on the way to wellness, on the other side of the hill and immune system building with awesome nutrition became our new focus. This brief story is just a drop in the bucket of what it really took to get to that place (as you who are on the journey will know well)and one day I may write it all in full, because to share it will help someone I'm sure. But today I want to tell you to stay together. Stay together through the hard times and stay together when you think you've won, because you really haven't. The residual issues after Lyme are almost as intense as the disease itself, and I want to say to everyone, the disease leaves many hurdles in a relationship that need to be overcome, and are as challenging as beating the disease itself. My love saw and awesome lifestyle in my home country of New Zealand on the web, and we travelled here almost in celebration after knocking out the disease, and spent eight weeks looking around for the ideal place to live. She was weak and frail and only really got a small amount of pleasure from the trip but great memories reside in the photos. We came back a year later and did another five weeks picking the Bay of Plenty, Christchurch and Nelson areas as our priorities for living. We then moved lock stock and barrel to Motueka(Nelson) and bought a house. All this time we struggled with what the disease had done to our relationship, and with just a couple of counselling sessions behind us we failed. She returned home to Canada just four months in our new house. It all happened while we were apart, while I was doing a driving tour around the south Island as a guide. Texts from her were wonderful while I was away but I came back home to a locked house, no money in our bank account, and a note on my vehicle that said it was over. It is all to harsh, and the loneliness she had during the disease now belongs to me. The anxiety and grief belongs to me, and all because we didn't take care of our relationship once we saw the light of wellness in the distance. We focused to much on the joy of not having Lyme in our relationship and lost touch with what had happened to us during the course of the disease, which I had contracted twice but was able to knock it out quickly. So, stay strong after you have beaten Lyme, work hard in your new wellness on being a wonderful couple, don't let the devil in and pray everyday together if you must to build yourselves a new life together. Don't take wellness for granted after Lyme. Stay committed, stay caring, and stay focussed on love and care for each other, and look hard at what you still need to do - we didn't, and now we are not an item. My love has gone, I cannot afford to chase her, and what could have been a beautiful story is a sad and dreadful outcome.
-------------------- "Its easy to love those who are most loving, but what about those who need love most" Posts: 10 | From New Zealand | Registered: Feb 2007
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
welcome kiwi to our board! what an outstanding, HEART-FELT story of your relationship of battling lyme disease, being committed to each other, communication along this long road with so many potholes that we wonder if we'll make it or not.
thank you for taking the time to find us and sharing your powerful, loving story with us all.
my wish for you is that your heart will heal in time, but the GOOD memories of what you 2 had together will last a lifetime in your mind.
i'm going to send you my PM, private message, of 45 pages newbie links, advise, symptoms list, disability info, and be sure to look for the SYMPATHY POEM COLLECTION ... you may find something there to sooth your hurting heart/soul!
here's a special for what you are going thru now! keep posting; writing helps release those feelings.
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Michelle M
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7200
posted
Hello, KiwiLife.
You said:
quote:Texts from her were wonderful while I was away but I came back home to a locked house, no money in our bank account, and a note on my vehicle that said it was over.
Considering how much you devoted to her and cared for her throughout her illness (a real rarity!), this is kind of shocking!
One door closes and another opens, though it is hard to see at the moment. I would question whether someone who would clean out your bank account with no notice is the kind of person you really want.
Sounds to me like you deserve better!
Time heals. Be good to yourself and cultivate family and friends' support.
Michelle
Posts: 3193 | From Northern California | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Texts from her were wonderful while I was away but I came back home to a locked house, no money in our bank account, and a note on my vehicle that said it was over. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Move on and take care of yourself. My ex of 3 years cheated and ran off, and my 2 closest friends wives cheated on them, and I started getting married women hitting on me everytime I went out.
And a lot of women where I worked were doing it. No isolated events here. It's a growing epidemic(around here anyways). I have heard that it's just bad here(Tampa), and not necessarily everywhere.
I guess I'm just trying to say, that you have to move on and make your own identity and let the past be the past.
-------------------- Never walk through a cornfield backwards.
just don
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1129
posted
Its hard to let your loved one go,,,It hurts big time. Insert poem about setting it free and if it comes back its meant to be.
Sounds like you were above and beyond any normal persons understanding and support. There is a rainbow's end right around a corner soon,,,with a pot-o-gold of a special person for YOU!!! Seek and ye shall find!!!
You sound like you live in such a wonderful place,,,your a wonderful person,,,just keep your eyes and ears open to a better and more permanent love.
Reminds me of the story of the guy that went with his childhood sweetheart for years and years. They went to different colleges and he fell in love with a special friend there. They were married eventually.
Saw his old girlfriend at a alumni function and introduced his wife of many years now. He thanked GOD that things turned out the way it did and he had the opportunity to meet his NOW wife instead of staying with his childhood sweetie.
Said He couldnt find a reason NOW why he should have even liked her and she didnt hold a candle to his present wife in ANY way!!! Same thing will happen to you!!!
It will, give it time and a chance and it will!!!!
Its hard to see that thru the tears, right now,,but trust the reasons for the way!!!
Hang in there, it will be better in the LONG run!!!mostly--just don--
-------------------- just don Posts: 4548 | From Middle of midwest | Registered: May 2001
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posted
Wow, you lot are awesome... thank you so much for the support, your words create buckets of tears, but they are such healing thoughts. I am totally grateful. God bless you all for helping me with my loss and helping me see forward. My lost love told me about this site, and she used to post here regularly when she was sick... I can see why she did now. I continue to pray for her complete wellness, but I see your advice to me also... yes, I will move on now and look for a more positive future. THANX SO MUCH!
-------------------- "Its easy to love those who are most loving, but what about those who need love most" Posts: 10 | From New Zealand | Registered: Feb 2007
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LisaS
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10581
posted
Wow Kiwi, Its hard to find someone that committed when youre NOT sick! I dont even bother trying to start a relationship.
I wouldnt want to put anyone through this Hell I go through everyday. Plus I dont have any energy to put forth the effort it takes to
contribute to a relationship. Im sorry you went through all this and then didnt end up together in the end. But it is true what someone wrote
above that things happen for a reason! It sounds like you need to learn to live for yourself again and find happiness in yourself.
Then if someone comes along that appreciates you , great, if not, be happy with yourself!
posted
Thanks for sharing. My sickness got worse soon after I was in a new relationship. I was not aware I had Lyme at the time.
He stuck with me, through a lot of crap. And took care of me when I couldn't take care of my self.
A lot of damage was done to our relationship. After 2 1/2 years, we split up and moved apart.
It didn't last long before we realized we really wanted to be together and that there is much healing needed. We are a lot better now than we had been in a long time.
But, when he moved, I was prepared to move on with my life and take care of myself. I loved him and missed him, but needed to take care of me.
You did a wonderful thing for your ex, caring for her. I am not sure why it ended and I am sorry you are hurting. Maybe you were put in eachothers life for a reason, but now it is time to move on to something even better!
I pray you find the same strength you used to help her to now help YOU!
posted
Kiwi I have a love that has been just like you....and I thank God everyday. You are a special soul. Please take care of yourself....Live to Love again. The world needs more like you.
-------------------- Hugz, Tugz and Health to you! Greg/bubbear http://centralfloridaresearch.com Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your good health has vanished.Og Mandino Posts: 109 | From Central Florida | Registered: Mar 2006
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Carol in PA
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5338
posted
Usually there is a reason when someone leaves "under cover of darkness." Such as, fear that the partner will force him/her to stay.
Kiwi, you present yourself as the saint. So you come over to her old support group, tattle on her, and lap up the compliments.
You did well when the relationship was such that she needed you for everything. Once she got better, maybe she felt smothered.
It's really too bad that counseling couldn't save the relationship. But apparently she did get something from it -- the knowledge that she wanted out.
Well, she shouldn't have taken all the money. You don't act very angry about it. How long ago did this happen? Did she have help to escape?
I'm sorry it worked out this way for you, and I hope you continue the counseling.
Carol
Posts: 6956 | From Lancaster, PA | Registered: Feb 2004
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Ann-OH
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2020
posted
I am with you Carol. Far too glib a report. If true, she is better off without you and visa versa.
Also what medicine was this? I have not heard of freezing any antibiotics. Or was it some alternative? [quote] we had frozen enough medication to take us through the necessary time for kicking the disease in the butt. {end quote].
posted
I disagree with Carol and Ann... thats basically justifying using someone to get what you want and then leave them after you get it, doesn't make it right(you can make up a reason to justify it, but it still isn't right).
At the same time, just let her go and don't be a doormat... she's going to be unhappy in life by running off and being with different men her whole life. Maybe you're better off. Don't go posting on websites, and just let it go. Also, there was probably another guy involved, otherwise she wouldn't have left like she did(unless she feared for her life). But these people will also try to justify that also, and she will try to justify it when she leaves the next guy too.
-------------------- Never walk through a cornfield backwards.
MagicAcorn
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8786
posted
kiwi you said We focused to much on the joy of not having Lyme in our relationship and lost touch with what had happened to us during the course of the disease,
Wouldn't that be a good thing kiwi? Focusing on joy after going through a tough bout of lyme is probably very healthy. Shouldn't we be happy to have regained our health? My golly, I think it should be mandatory.
What I take from your story is that maybe what the two of you had in common was lyme, and when that was taken out of the picture there was nothing left to support your frame.
I agree with the others in that someone else will come along. No matter how horrible we might think ourselves to be, someone else just might see in us someone who is very beautiful and special. So keep the faith.
-------------------- Posts: 1279 | From In hiding | Registered: Feb 2006
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I don't mind other opinions like Carol & Ann, but Kendrick does appeal to my reality more. Let me add, that there are another factors that I'll share. She was abused terribly by her father, neglected but her mother(who was afraid to side with her)and has no realtionship but hate among her siblings who were also abused, and she has no communication with any of them what-so-ever, her ex-hubby slept with ever one of her best friends which I only found out about at our recent councillor session, and when we finally got her over Lyme, her father died. I had convinced him to inlude her in the estate, which she was to proud to ask for herself. I got along with the dad because he had nothing on me and so his manipulating character didn't work with me. He left her almost 1.9 mil and because she couldn't think to pay the phone bill, let alone go to the task of creating an investment portfolio, I did all her investing for her and signed off my authority as soon as it was done, in accordance with her request which, I felt was a bit odd at the time. Money became her security and she held fast to the idea that we were a couple in everything but financial. I spent everything I had getting her well and moving her to NZ, and not being able to work during the time as she continually wanted to move from region to region. My lawyer has filed a property claim on our house and belongings(which I helped her buy with her money) and in NZ it will likely be split unlike in Nth America. I had to do this because she had filed a restraining order with over fifty false accusations about me, and I have no money for my defence, and to clear my name - it should be removed by the end of this week, and the judge who looked at it said it is the worst looking statement he had ever read. The policeman who served it jokingly said "you must be an axe murderer when he read it" and said she wouldn't have been able to stop you living in the house without it, after she left. I still thank you ALL for your comments. It is all good healing for me to be able to talk it out with friends and in this forum. God bless you for caring enough to write.
-------------------- "Its easy to love those who are most loving, but what about those who need love most" Posts: 10 | From New Zealand | Registered: Feb 2007
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Carol in PA
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5338
posted
Well, that's what I get for forming an opinion when I don't know the whole story.
I think Kendrick is right, that a person like this will probably continue to be unhappy in life. Even if she has lots of money.
Kiwi, I'm sorry that you invested so much in this relationship that failed.
Carol
Posts: 6956 | From Lancaster, PA | Registered: Feb 2004
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First I want to thank you for the reminder to keep investing in the relationship apart from Lyme. Caring for a loved-one who is ill is very difficult mentally, emotionally, financially. It is draining in every aspect.
I'm sorry you got burned in your relationship. You don't sound angry or bitter about it, though which is more than I can say for how a lot of people would respond.
If your ex-girlfriend still visits here, maybe she will read your post and come back to you.
Take care, Kayda
Posts: 582 | From midwest | Registered: Nov 2006
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Thank you for your comments, you are right in that I'm not at all angry or bitter about my situation. The further I get from the separation the more I am able to look back at what we both did to each other. I have joined a couple of situations that help me understand more about what I have to do in a future relationship and it basically comes down to not letting go of my own oxygen mask and staying the complete person I use dto be. I have given up way to much to be in my past relationship and while I would do it all again for my partner, I will manage my own energy output levels much much better.
I pray for her good health and wish her every bit of success in following her dreams and that her desire joy comes true for her - we all deserve it.
I don't think she will return here, as she was tired of LymeNet because of her perception of negativity within the site. Having looked around in here myself, I find that even the stuff that is negative is coming from peoples troubled hearts, and it all needs to be valued, with a meassure of empathy and love applied. We can learn from every comment, and support folks if our hearts are open.
Bless you, Paul
-------------------- "Its easy to love those who are most loving, but what about those who need love most" Posts: 10 | From New Zealand | Registered: Feb 2007
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LisaS
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10581
posted
Paul, Just out of curiosity, what made you post on here, a Lyme site? Theres alot of sites for broken hearts. I just wonder if part of you wants her to read this? Maybe youre not totally over her yet and are wanting her to read this and come back?
Lol Im no psychiatrist, like I said, just curious.
randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
I am so very sorry you are going through this.
I cannot judge another person but from what I have read this woman is insecure and is a user. I have some experience with this type of person as my husband's daughter is just like this -- only she is spoiled rotten.
I think it is good to vent, let it out, and get over it. It will be hard because it sounds as if she is wanting everything.
Consider yourself lucky that you DID find out. I don't know how many years you have invested but imagine what would happen if you had stayed together until you're in the 60's or 70's.
Lucky you, living in New Zealand. I would love to go there some day but like you said, finances have taken their toll.
Stay strong -- you're special someone IS out there and obviously it was not her.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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I believe you may know my ex-partner, as you have responded to some of her old posts with very wise words and objectivity.
I did not intend this post to become a sad hearts club, and really wanted folks to know that Lyme disease was a hurdle that side tracked us from the reality of where our relationship was going. As well we had issues in our relationship that were heightened by the affects of Lyme.
I do want to emphasis that, and get away from the heartfelt responses that have been posted to this story, even though I have to say, they have been very good for me personally in my healing and planning my own way forward. The responses here have been a small blessing for me.
I actually don't really want her to read this, as it would likely just cause her anger and stress that she doesn't need in her life. With all that happened to her before Nuro-Lyme set in, she has had way to much negativity in her life for a single individual to deal with. My intention was to enlighten others to stay tuned to what's happening to them as a couple.
While I know from first hand experience, it was hard to focus on anything but a cure when we were in the thick of it(especially when I had Lyme on two occasions) but, if folks who read this just pause for a moment and reflect on their own relationship wellness, perhaps my post has been worthwhile???
Thank you for waking me up to the direction this was going - if I respond to any more answers I'll try and stay focussed on the purpose I intended.
Best wishes to you, and while I have not read a lot of your posts to determine your own situation, I do hope you are on a wellness path. God bless you either way.
-------------------- "Its easy to love those who are most loving, but what about those who need love most" Posts: 10 | From New Zealand | Registered: Feb 2007
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LisaS
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10581
posted
Hmmm now you got me curious Paul. Ive only been on here for about 5 months. So if I know her it couldnt be for too long.
But it seems you are keeping track of her. Of her posts and who responds to her. Are you sure you're not looking for some kind or communication with her by being on here?
I was reading her old posts to see what she had contributed, and it was all pretty good stuff, and I'm sure it must have been helpful to folks back then.
I got Lyme twice from her, and was tested positive in the states both times. We had a Dr on Vancouver Island provide the drugs immediately, so I kicked it quickly. I was also very strong and healthy with a good immune system, so I'm sure that helped.
I charted 30 of the most significant symptoms for both her and myself on an Excel chart, over about 6 weeks, which is what got her the IV treatment, as they were prepared to use the charts in giving a clinical diagnosis. The charts also show the immediate decline in symptoms as the IV began to work.
I am not familiar with how we contact each other from this site, but I'd be happy to forward the completed charts to anyone who feels they could utilize them by putting in their own data to convince their own Dr. Of course I would remove our names, but leave the date so that the charts stay in tact until you put your own data in. They were very convincing, and I haven't heard of any other patients doing the same thing.
Please tell me how I can make the charts available to others on this site? It is a simple MS Excel file which I could email to anyone.
Cheers, Paul
-------------------- "Its easy to love those who are most loving, but what about those who need love most" Posts: 10 | From New Zealand | Registered: Feb 2007
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CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
I hope you both live happily ever after*!)*!!!
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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LisaS
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10581
posted
Im not sure Paul, do you have to have some program ike Microsoft Office or Excel to open
them? Iknow there are some websites where you can track your symptoms. Ill have to dig
through some of my old emails to find them. I havent used them but some of my Lymee friends do.
TheCrimeOfLyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4019
posted
I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of her like you did. Some of us have not been lucky enough to have supporting partners at all. I'm not even allowed to herx around my supposed to be supportive partner.
Again, thank you for all you did for her. It was amazing.
-------------------- You want your life back? Take it. Posts: 3169 | From Greensburg, Pennsylvania | Registered: Jun 2003
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LisaS
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10581
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