kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Most everytime I am around this lady in town who has a MD condition, I learn something new.
I was mentioning this to a friend of hers who is healthy. She said that it is the same with her.
What she mostly learns from Rita is to be kind to yourself.
That was it. That is what I mostly learn from her. She is also in a power chair and has limited mobility on her feet.
But, when I am around her she shows me ways to adjust or look out after myself. I keep trying to go back to the normal ways of dealng with life.
Even well, I was not kind to myself. I was mostly looking out after others and trying to help them.
So, I am still learning to be kind to myself. For example: my daughter and her grandkids came to visit.
They were staying at my parents. I was going through one of those episodes where I am flat on my back and can't move or open my eyes.
I told my parents I was not doing well. But, they continued to call and leave messages that I needed to get over there and at a certain time so I could be there when my daughter and the grandkids arrived.
My mom also wanted to get my antigue rocking chair out of her house. (She ended up putting it in the backyard of her house)
She did not like it in her house and did not care whether or not I did not have room for it in my house. She has a bit of the MONK in her with things needing to be a certain way or she only focuses on things being out of order.
I started feeling somewhat better so I got in my indoor power chair and cruised the 40 minutes to my parents house.
By the time I got there, I did not have any strength to do much but sit (recline) and watch my grandson play.
I did push the issue that I needed to sit in the recliner.
But, my power chair and service dog are really not welcome in my parents house. The dog goes in...they do not have a choice there. But, I do leave the power chair out.
My parents have white carpets. I am too take my shoes off when I go in. I usually don't go in. It is too much to take the shoes off and on at this point in the game. I left them on this time too.
Not sure where I am going with this.
But, my friend came from CA a couple of days later. She said she thought it was not right that I went all the way over there. She said they could have come to my house...5 min by car.
I agreed but really was surprised that I had not considered this before she mentioned it.
I had left that day telling myself I would not go back and if they wanted to see me they needed to come see me.
But, it was mostly because my mom got in my face twice when I was there and because my dad does not take no for an answer when I tell him I can not do something.
I don't know if my friend called them or not. But, my daughter did end up calling after being at my parents for 3 days and coming to visit for an hour without my parents which was very nice.
That went well and was about all I could handle.
But, the bottom line...is I could have handle all of this different. I needed to be kind to myself.
I needed to learn how to do that.
Rita was with me when I was waiting for the Angel Flight. I was going to leave the power chair in the hanger and then walk out to the plane the best I could.
She asked one of the guys if they did not mind driving the power chair back to the hanger.
Viola..I ended up being kind to myself. It worked out so much better for me. I stayed in the power chair until I got on the plane and then one of the pilots drove it back to the hanger.
A lot of being kind to yourself is learning to be kind to yourself.
We all could learn this...whether we are struggling or well.
I think Rita has a gift in this area.
At first I thought it was because she had lived with her conditon longer and had learned to make adjustments.
OK I know I am yammering away on the keyboard this am. Hope this makes sense. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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posted
Kam, What you talked about makes perfect sense and is so important. Those of us who are challenged in just about every task we attempt each day NEED TLC and if we aren't getting it somewhere else, we MUST give it to ourselves.
Another way of looking at being good to yourself is that asking for help more often gives someone else the opportunity to be helpful. There is a special grace in that. People truly want to give of themselves but often don't know how or when until they are asked.
When we ask for help, we are giving someone the chance to be better spiritually. It is a gift that doubles...and then exponentially goes on. Example: You ask a person to help you with something. They are glad to do so. They hadn't known you needed help until you asked. Later, they NOTICE someone else who might need help. They OFFER help, without being asked this time.
We teach people how to treat us. There are times when the people making up our family of origin are not comfortable with our needs. Then we ought to either express our needs firmly or just not put ourselves in the position of being hurt by their insensitivities.
Some of the best advice I ever got was from a professor who said that just because people gave birth to us and raised us, does not mean that they understand us or are good for us. And if those people hurt us again and again, it is our responsibility to not allow that to happen anymore. We can CHOOSE our family once we are grown. We can CHOOSE people who are good for us, who love us as we are. Isn't that just a delightful way of seeing things!
You are deserving and you have the capacity for compassion and giving. Give yourself some compassion, Kam. And here, have some from me!
posted
kam, you have a special gift of writng, and it's too bad that all your wonderful messages aren't going into a book about lyme disease and you!
you touch everything in our hearts/souls, and our tears flow freely when reading your comments.
yes, each of us needs to give OURSELVES PERMISSION TO BE KIND TO US; no beatng ourselves up! many other people jump in for the chance to do that merciless to us IF WE ALLOW THEM TOO.
we can ask them to leave and also not to comment about these issues.
KEEP CONTROL OF AS MUCH AS YOU CAN; life will do the rest to us.
sending you kam heaps of love, prayers, thoughts, hugs, and prayers!
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Betty,
I recently realized that I can have some control over this if I keep it to being active until about 10 am and then again not until after 3 pm.
Figuring this thing out is tricky.
I also have figured out that some people I need to not have in my life as much as possible and others are easier to be around.
I guess that would come under the category of being kind to myself too.
Katcon,
The thought of Jesus dying on the cross and saying forgive them for they not know what they do..came to my mind too.
I have to work at it. Because I also have these thoughts that some people are just plain mean and do not have what it takes right now to teach them to treat me differently.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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5dana8
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7935
posted
Kam
-------------------- 5dana8 Posts: 4432 | From some where over the rainbow | Registered: Sep 2005
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hopeful123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3244
posted
i am afraid this doesn't really belong here, but i'll try to make it apply.
i am so very upset because a "new" used car i've had for a little over six months is dying of rust and i probably should not put any more money into it. this is bad enough, but what KILLs is that i use this as a way to beat myself up for not having more money and being so dependent on people for help. my medical bills pre and post lyme have really done me in financially.
so, being kind to yourself when stuff stinks and it's hard to make it all work out, means that you don't beat yourself up for anything of the stuff that goes wrong. you try to see that "wrong stuff" as just unfortunate stuff and not as indicative of you and your character and the flaws you have carried with you for a lifetime.
i think i am making sense and not just griping on your post.
sometimes another person CAN remind us what we're supposed to do and give us some grace to do so.
hope your kids' visit works out and you feel well enough to go, or comfortable enough in your own skin to say, i can't.
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
hopeful 1...
I think I understand what you are trying to say.
I start to feel like less of a person at times with this.
it do not like it that the government is providing my income right now or my insurance or my housing for the most part.
This hurts.
On the other hand, I am very thankful for these things and am glad I do not live in a 3rd World Country.
There are times that I feel a little bit of me is being chipped away at and it is scary.
I really miss not being able to get in the car and go places. There is so much freedom with having ones own transportation.
I just hope we are learning what we are supposed to be learning with these things.
I look back on when I put my value in where I lived, the home I owned, the car I drove...so much that the things were beginning to own me instead of me owning them.
I learned that things did make me more of a person.
When I came down sick, I had to learn that I had value in just being.
Before coming down sick, I put my value in how much I did each day...how productive I was.
Lately, people have helped me to feel so much better about myself because of their caring and help.
I am doing much better since I stopped being around those people who....are like sharks and want to take little bites out of you when you are bleeding or kick you when you are down.
Even if you know it has to do with there feelings about themselves..it still hurts.
OK I am rambling now.
Being Kind to Oneself is something that I do think we learn and is a process.
It can be out of the box thinking too.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Hopeful...
I too may be looking at selling or donating a car that was recently donated to me.
I am hoping it will be an easy fix for whatever reason I can't use it right now.
But, I sure don't like the idea of having the opportunity to drive for a few days after going four years without a car back to not having a car again. OUCH.
That is a tough one. It is so nice to have our own transportation as long as it is reliable and economical.
With gas prices...that might be an oxymoron right now. HA!
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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I read your post and couldn't beleive it. Why would your daughter not come running to help you? I wish I was closer and you would have had a ride.
Your parents sound like very selfish people. I'm sorry if that hurts you and I don't mean ot to but from reading your post the last few months I know you are very special and kind.
When someone mistreats you just remember you are special.
posted
YES, KAM, YOU ARE SPECIAL! and every one of us lymenetters know it!
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Thank you Betty and Sick.
I woke up not knowing if I slept in my recliner last night or in bed. Which ever it was, I got up and went to the bathroom and then opened the blinds and realized I could not recall where I slept last night.
I have been able to do more than usual with my brain lately. Yesterday, I was able to sort through my some of my school supply stuff on a bookshelf I have with the help of another person I just met. I also had blood work, got groceries and stopped by the mechanic to sign my name so he could see what was wrong with my newly donated car.
The husband of the lady who helped me sort through things made the call to AAA towing for me to get the car to the other place.
he also tried to call the housekeeping service but just kept getting the fax instead.
This is much more than I am usually able to do in one day. I also got a call from another lady about helping me today with packing. She talks a lots. She has a sweet personality but I still have trouble taking in what she tells me is going on in her life.
Bottom line is how to be kind to yourself when all of this is going on and still get things done.
I also am having trouble recallnig if I have taken my meds or eaten a meal.
I can go back to the pill box to help me recall if I have taken my meds.
My brain is working better. I just need to figure out how to get through the move and be kind to myself while I am doing it.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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