livinlyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3773
posted
I'm declared totally disabled . but I can't collect a check until after the hearing.. my sons should be on disability as well but they are forced to work to help keep mom in a home.. but they can't ... so we are in foreclosure and ready to move to Sc if my son can get into this house that is only 30,000.00 and if we can get the closing costs together and the money for appliances and a fence for our pups..
but my sons miss appointments for their services because I get in an accident and their case worker tells me it isn't their responsibility to provide for me.. my credit is ruined in the past year alone after closing on this house and finding I can no longer work I tried after being out of work for 3 years.. I failed after 4 months I relapsed big time.. and I have been sinking miserably since..
I am in tears no agency will take care of me; SSA won't pay for me .. county won't help us .. state cuts assistance off.. and they tell me it isn't my sons job to take care of me.. well then I should just lay down and die I guess.
but who will drive my son to work? .. he refuses to drive after seeing me in so many accidents he is paranoid about driving.... another handicap thanks to me..
but I am the only one who will help him with that .. they won't provide him with travel to work.. they threatened not to pay for his drugs and told me that this isn't the program for him if he can't call to let them know he can't make an appointment.. I told her I was in an accident last week ...well on the 24th and I wasn't able to drive I was totally out of it.. she said he should have called.. well he should have called about his meds yesterday too but I had to call today because he probably shouldn't be working but he feels responsible for me and wants to help ..
I have been in tears since the call and I want out I have wanted out of all of this for the past several months I just can't bring myself to end my own life because I believe in God.. but I am starting to lean toward people being better off without me around cause people keep telling me that my boys should not be taking care of me... I should take care of myself..
I have sharp pain if i lean the slightest bit forward or backward.. I can bearly get up anymore.. I hate my life and I hate how I make everyone around me feel... I just wish there were some devine intervention and I could get my health back.. I wish I could live my life again..
I wish I was happy again like I used to be.. I just cry in pain all the time and I can't stop crying any more.. and people in agencies either cut me off or tell me that it is not my children's job to take care of me.. so who's job is it if I can't take care of myself?
-------------------- "Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it." Posts: 1389 | From who knows, who cares, but somewhere over the rainbow | Registered: Mar 2003
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
<<<<< Livinlyme Chere` >>>>>
Oh Sweety,I don't have an answer,except I will pray.
And... Is there a Minister/Priest in the area y'all could talk with? Sometimes they can lead you to a Salvation Army thrift store group,or other simular groups[Goodwill],or check a phone book too.
I don't know,but they might be able to help y'all find some sort of temporary shelter to start with. Maybe even something more permanant?
Part of the hopelessness you are feeling is from the Lyme. I can only imagine how frightened you are honey.
About the housing,I can sure understand that. We found out that the buyer deal didn't go thru on ours. So are hoping and praying that we get a buyer,before foreclosure time July 10th.
I cannot drive,due to a birth defect,that added too many ribs [should have been neck vertebrae],and messed with circulation thru my arteries.
So I can understand being stranded, when you aren't able to drive for concern of having another accident.
Don't give up honey,I know you are in an awful tough place.
A friend of mine on a different board calls these situations Job problems [like the Book of Job in the Bible], and we have been known to call ourselves 'Jobinas'.
[my friend is raisng a severely autisitc child on her own,lost her momma this last year,and has a step dad who isn't in the best of health.]
Maybe, a church organization might could help? Worth a chance?!
Please keep venting honey,and don't be afraid of the emotions. Moses, Jerimiah,and King David are just a few examples from Scripture of folk delaing w/ issues that caused really serious depression.
And if you need to call a 'hot line' please do it. I don't know what may be available,but someone that answers may be able to find y'all some help.
I'll BBL,trying to do some laundry...ia m thinking of you...Love Silverwolf-in Boots today.
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
livinlyme, i'm so sorry for all the pain, suffering, stress that won't ease up for you/son, and the loss of your home.
i know you'v offered your computer expertise in computer qustions, so you have a lot to offer folks.
please do not take the easy way to end your life. it will hurt your son/family.
please DO CALL NATIONWIDE SUICIDE HOTLINE 1.800.784.2433 now please! If you are feeling suicidal, please call the SUICIDE HOTLINE. We care about you
i hope tomorow is a beter day; do as silverwolf suggested ok.
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livinlyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3773
posted
i am moving us back to PA... no sense in worrying about my life it is over need to worry about getting my boys lives back on track... can't down here too costly to live in FL cable bill that is 80.00 in PA is 140.00 in FL they say it is cheaper to livein FL... not IMHO average elctric bill is about 150-200.00 in Fl in PA it was 100.00 pay scale is lower in Fl wage is 7.00 in FL where in PA same job pays 8.25 .. hours in pa you can get most any job will give you 40+ hours .. in Fl they are lucky to get over 30 hours per week.. well at least the area we were in.... I cant see the boys getting any where at this rate and they will not help us .. say they cant help my back problems...' so off we go again what a mistake.. live and learn.. My boys are looking forward to getting back with their friends.. not sure about lyme help.. I am hearing a ton of nightmare stories about all LLMD's not accepting insuance anymore.. does this have to do with the government having it's hand in the control issue???? it sucks and now it sucks worse..
-------------------- "Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it." Posts: 1389 | From who knows, who cares, but somewhere over the rainbow | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Hi Livinlyme, I'm so sorry you and your family are going through so much. People say God doesn't give you more than you can handle. My reply is someone is lying and he can spread it out a little (this comment usually comes from someone who has never experienced anything like this). Just remember YOU ALWAYS HAVE A FRIEND IN PENNSYLVANIA. Send me a private message and I'll look around our area for affordable housing for you.
Posts: 41 | From Warfordsburg,PA | Registered: May 2007
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posted
bsigel...I hope you can help some. livin...I"m so sorry you're in such a bad way...physically and mentally.
Please hang onto that hotline number!
Wish I could do something to help....but I WILL pray for you. Could you tell me your first name??
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
TUTU, I think it's Julie; but i get folks names so screwed around.
I'm glad to see you are still around, and sorry you had to learn the hard way that grass isn't always greener elsewhere.
glad to see you have a PA friend who will do some looking for affordable housing, etc. for you.
you/sons will all be in my thoughts & prayers that you can overcome this major adversity that life has dealt this unfair hand! thanks for posting and updating us all!
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CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
You know what>? Your son SHOULD be taking care of you and you SHOULD be driving your son places-we are interdependent and the ability to help family is important- what he does for you- what you do for him- is important and good-
yes, there is unhealthy enabling but this does not sound like that- this sounds like crisis mode- and you need all the help you can get!!! from anyone who can and will help!!! it is OUR job- and your job- anyones job- I wish I could help- I would make you a cup of tea and enjoy meeting your dogs- my toddler loves dogs-
Many of us have ongoing depression- I was depressed for over two years and became convinced along with my family that I was dying but 6 years later life is great- so don't give up hope!!! one thing Doc F said in lecture once is that Lyme causes gross impairment but not damage- that he has seen so many miracles- and that people recover almost everything- cases where he was convinced it was damage- never to be repaired- but it was-
so don't give up hope!!! we are here with you= and many of us get depressed and have hard times- none of which matter when it is you I know- because you are alone dealing with serious, serious stuff- and it sounds like your boys need you a great deal- and you them-
Hugs to your puppies- and you- Best Wishes, Sarah
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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RoadRunner
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 380
posted
Don't ever give up.
Jimmy V said this along time ago.(ex college basketball coach NC state)
like sarah said there is hope
RR
-------------------- "Beep Beep" Posts: 2630 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2000
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