bejoy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11129
posted
So now that I have enough energy to do the basic things, like make dinner, wash some laundry, and go to work a few hours a week, I start noticing this can 'o worms called my home.
Everything non-essential has gotten swept under the carpet for so long, that it almost puts me in a state of panic to see how things have unraveled.
I climb up on a chair to move a vase that is about to fall off the cupboard, and see the 3/4 inch of dust that I'm not going to wipe off today.
I try to put things away in the cupboard, but can't because everything is piled in haphazardly.
Friends have started to comment that their husbands would never tolerate the kind of disorder they see around my house and yard.
In our family I'm the one who can't tolerate it, but you can only do what you can do.
Cleaning and sorting isn't my hsuband's cup of tea. He'll do a specific task when I ask, but he sticks to major construction, and leaves the cleanup unless I ask specifically for him to finish the no-fun part.
He trims the hedges, but the trimmings will lay on the sidewalk for a week unless I ask him to go out and pick it up "today!" But his home construction projects really are magnificent!
He builds a beautiful fence, and the tools and scraps lay in the yard for weeks unless I go after them or go after him about it.
I could get my husband and kids more involved. But...ever notice that it often takes more energy to delegate tasks than to do them yourself.
As I write, I'm thinking that I need to take a good portion of the energy I have and use it for structuring my family. I think it will benefit all of us if I put everybody to work for a better home environment, even if I actually get less done myself in the process.
I'm also aware that each family member has certain incentives that make them very happy and eager to please, if you know what I mean.
Maybe that's where I need to put my energy, and then we all get to have our jollies.
I want to to the fun creative stuff. I want to have the time and energy left over to do some simple fun projects, like paint the old woden lawn furniture funky colors,
instead of using all the energy I have access to for the stuff that gets undone almost as soon as I do it.
I've been using up my energy to try to take care of my family, out of guilt for how much I hae been unable to do over the years.
I think they'd rather have time and attention from me, than have me all used up. I'm going to try this.
"Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson Posts: 1918 | From Alive and Well! | Registered: Feb 2007
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
joy, go for it! family time is special; each one pick out a fun thing to do and plan it into your weekly events.
but have each of them AT HOME take 2 hours daily to help get the house back in order; 1 room at a time.
friends don't like your home clutter; INVITE THEM OVER to help clean up. best wishes!
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lymeladyinNY
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10235
posted
My husband is the king of doing things half-way and then quitting! And the lawn! It's the worst looking lawn in the neighborhood!
My neighbor is irritated by it. She doesn't say so, but I can guess. I've seen her standing on the edge of my lawn with her hands on her hips looking at it with disgust!
The family who lived here before us was affected by cancer. One time my neighbor told me that at least we keep the yard better than the former owners did! (I think some people have a few more fish to fry than others, neighbor!)
There is no way I can mow the lawn myself so I just have to let it go. There's no extra money for a lawn-boy, either.
And don't get me started on the ten loads of laundry waiting to be folded in my bedroom! Auggh!
- Lymelady
-------------------- I want to be free Posts: 1170 | From Endicott, NY | Registered: Sep 2006
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Carol B
Unregistered
posted
I have been making slow but steady progress with the guidance of Flylady.com. FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself. She also has a book called "Sink Reflections" by Marla Cilley- The FlyLady.
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sizzled
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1357
posted
Let's get the OCD people (people who obsess about cleaning!) with the 'messy' people!!!
Everyone is happy!!
Posts: 4258 | From over there | Registered: Jul 2001
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
Dear Bejoy,
One would think with having only two rooms and a hallway to live in,
My living quartes would be spotless. Yeah right.
I do the best I can as I still live out of plastic boxes for my clothes, husbands clothes and children's clothes.
The seven dogs don't help either.
The house pad is finally done (all 8 feet of it), but outside is dirt, dirt and more dirt.
It has rained hard just about every day this past week.
Mud, mud and more mud.
Inside I have dirt, dirt and more dirt too.
Children and dogs love to play in the mud.
Can't even park my car by the house as I would get stuck in the mud.
I hate it. I am not a "clean freak", but would love to have a place for everything
And have everything in it's place.
I keep telling myself that this is coming.
I too have choices about spending time with my family or cleaning up this
Never ending dirt. I choose my children.
I cleaned the shower out at 9:00pm the other night after they were asleep.
My problem is that I am usually so tired by that time, it is all I can do to brush my teeth.
I know that I would really like a clean house.
I want a clean house.
However, I want my children to benefit from my good energy.
They will appreciate it and remember it.
The laundry won't.
One day, hopefully soon, we will have enough "good" energy to
Be able to do all of these things again (like we did prior to Lyme).
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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bejoy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11129
posted
Thanks you guys! I think mostly I'm venting. I'm waking up after being out of it for a long time (years), and just don't know how things got this out of hand.
It's a bit of a shock to become aware of my environment again, rather than functioning out of mere survival.
I think on a tough day it seems impossible to ever have what my mother considered a clean home. I know that when I get better it won't be that much of a problem.
Then maybe I'll hook up with the fly lady, and let 'er rip.
I have to count my blessings. My husband and kids cleaned up the obvious messes today while I was at work without me even asking.
Geneal, I send you my love. I've got nothing to complain about! I have a teeny enough house to be easy to care for, but big enough to have a place for everything.
When I think of you, Geneal, I wonder what I was ever snuffling about!
Geneal, I see you in a year, with a new beautiful house, with room for everything and everybody, and you feeling great.
My kids never knew me prior to lyme. I've always struggled with pain, fog and fatigue, and even took it for granted. What will that be like?
-------------------- bejoy!
"Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson Posts: 1918 | From Alive and Well! | Registered: Feb 2007
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posted
I have six children ages 7yrs down to 1 year. My two oldest remember me when my Lyme was in remission for the short period it was. I was SUPER MOM!!
Even up to a year ago everyone at church always commented how my house was always clean, even if they stopped by unannounced....NOT NOW!
My Lyme is slowly chipping away at my body, and I have no doctor in sight so far that is willing to dish out the meds needed. And my family is suffering.
I am an absolute CLEAN FREAK! And I have taught my children well. But they are still young and have learn also that mom is just plain pooped!
I feel like I spend more time and energy trying to get them to clean up than if I did it myself (or tried to do it myself....wheeling myself around in a computer chair!)
But it teaches the kids that they can wear me down. And even though they do...I can't let them know.
But for another view. I have learned to let things go. Men are men, and no matter what my husband will never know that the blinds need dusting and the windows need cleaning. My body needs a break and so do my kids.
Kids are only kids once. So today, I left the mess in the den and in the Kitchen and I went outside with my kids in the pool. (I'm hurting now from the swimming, but it was fun).
Tomorrow I might have more energy so things won't be so bad, but I have to remember...my kids will be grown one day. Do I want them to remember me as being in pain, and always cleaning. Or a mom with a disablity who still knows how to play.
Posts: 94 | From Greenville, Tx | Registered: Apr 2007
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
uffda, Allison, 6 kids under 7; wow, you haveyour hands full and diaper duty!
loved your story about spending the day with them and making lifetime memories in their little minds! ATTA GIRL ALLISON! the true meaning of life!
how about some church women coming over to clean the house giving you a break? never hurts to ask for help!
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lymednva
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9098
posted
My kids never knew me healthy, and they are all adults! I don't have a clue what normal feels like, I've been sick so long.
I always thought everyone felt the way I did, until I couldn't keep my eyes open to walk down the halls at school any more.
Shoot, the state still says I can teach school. Fat chance! They just don't want to pay me the retirement I should be getting.
My dogs don't care if the house is clean, but I do! However I don't have energy to keep it clean. We muddle along and will until I feel well enough to do something about it, whenever that may be.
-------------------- Lymednva Posts: 2407 | From over the river and through the woods | Registered: Apr 2006
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MagicAcorn
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8786
posted
I had a friend here with her two kids yesterday and she said my house looked good. I laughed out loud. My house is a wreck since I've been stricken.
My living room, kitchen, and bathroom on main floor are clean. However, my office is a disaster, my bedroom looks like a bargain basement after a big sale, and my laundry room.....well....it's just....well...full of laundry.
I'm trying to do the same thing right now Bejoy and it isn't easy to play catch up while keeping current. I've been making an effort and it is working out.
The Fly Lady is right about the just 15 minutes thing. It is surprising how much you can get done. Just set the timer on the stove and go for it.
Bejoy, don't deny yourself the fun of painting the furniture as tomorrow may never come. Do it today and enjoy it.
Anyway, I understand how you feel. I think we all do better when things are optimal. Now that I'm doing better I am also trying to get a handle on what went to the wayside for a real long time.
Good luck.
-------------------- Posts: 1279 | From In hiding | Registered: Feb 2006
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bejoy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11129
posted
Thanks you guys. Well so far it's working.
I've gotten more structured with the kids. They each have a chore list to do daily, and they have found out that I have the energy not to back down about it.
So they are starting to do the basics on their own. And I'm talking about simple things like brushing their teeth and hanging up their bath towel.
My 15 minutes a day consists of walking through the house and putting every thing that is somebody else's in a pile in the middle of the living room. Then they get to put it away.
I've started taking more time to do some things that I want to do, like personal care. I also started going to the gym for weight lifting (see Dr. B.), which my husband supports by playing with he kids.
In addition, I'm finding that the make them happy and they'll make me happy is pretty powerful medicine.
I've been playing one on one with each member of the family, and they have been cleaning up and doing dishes without me even asking. Especially my husband. I think I am lucky. I think he has missed me.
-------------------- bejoy!
"Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson Posts: 1918 | From Alive and Well! | Registered: Feb 2007
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