Topic: Conversing with Lymies -- why we drive people nuts
minoucat
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5175
posted
The hubby has had a very Lymie week, and I got to experience the full range of Lymie conversation.
There's nothing he did that I have not done myself (I have LD too, and we talk about our symptoms pretty bluntly) so I'm more understanding than a non-lymer. Nonetheless, I found it hard to cope with.
We often complain about how unsympathetic the non-lyme world is towards us, but they actually do have reason to be frustrated. So just be aware, and try to be kind to the people who love you and who may be having a difficult time interacting with you.
Here are some of the things that stood out.
- Loooooong conversational pauses. Sometimes as much as 5 minutes between my question and his response -- and he's mostly unaware of the time lapse.
- Inability to figure out meanings if he missed a word or lost track of the context. We've been married for 20 years, so when we're doing well we can figure out what the other person means from a word or two. Not when we're Lymie, though.
Yesterday the hubby asked me what the temperature differential between the inside and outside of the house was. I said "It's 10 degrees cooler outside". He heard the "10 degrees" but not the rest, and he could not figure out what I meant. I had to stand in front of him and enunciate every word very clearly. This has been happening a lot this week. I'll think "jeez, just think about it for a second", but of course he can't.
- Distractability. If we're having a conversation and anything else catches his attention, the conversation is gone. Sometimes during the long pauses while he's looking for a word he'll start fiddling with something and loses track. Sometimes something will just catch his eye. Either way, I have to recall his attention and summarize what we've been talking about up to that point.
- Irritability. If he's having a hard time tracking anyway, and I try to make a joke or say something out of direct context, he gets very frustrated because it he loses track even more.
Also, he's aware of how poorly his brain is functioning, and it drives him nuts.
- Repetitive conversations. There are two versions of this. One is that he focuses on something relatively simple, and it has to be discussed to the nth degree so he can understand it.
One example is movie plots, which I might have to go over several times. When the movie is dumb anyway, this can get really annoying.
The other is the obsessive sort of monologue about some pet topic -- usually something political that really bugs him. I get to hear the topic bludgeoned to death, yet again, with him getting madder and madder about it.
There are weeks when this happens very little or not at all; and there are days when I get the whole barrage.
A huge part of why this is frustrating is that it is so unlike him, and it scares me. I feel like I'm losing him. We've developed some shortcuts which sometimes work -- like, I'll say "you're obsessing again" and he'll often stop. But it's hard on both of us and I have to work not to get wound up.
-------------------- ********************* RECIDITE, PLEBES! Gero rem imperialem! (Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.)
3greatkids
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3838
posted
Hi Mino,
Have not stopped by in a long time. My family gets frustrated w/ me,I will start a thought and then leave it...........hanging.
MOM,finish your sentence,PLEASE!!!!!How many times have I heard this!
Ah yes, conversation.I have one that goes on and on,one that hardly opens up,another that adds a few choice words,just to get my goat. I hope things will get better.
I remember during intense treatment,speaking was very hard.I did much pointing,getting the words to come out was so hard.
Anyway......I still laugh when I think about your story,the old whaler!
5dana8
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7935
posted
Hi Minoucat
I am so sorry you have to go threw this with your hubby...you sound very patitent & kind with him.
It must be very scarey & frustrating to be on the other end...my hubby goes threw this & I can't imagine what he has to go threw. Your words do say alot.
I hope with further treatment he can get better
If it's any consolation I was like an alzheimers patient all threw 3/4 years of treatments. The herxing made my cog/brain fog symptoms worse.
I hope in time he can gain some brain fucntion back to and you can have your hubby back soon
hang in there Dana
-------------------- 5dana8 Posts: 4432 | From some where over the rainbow | Registered: Sep 2005
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trueblue
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7348
posted
Thank you for posting this Minou.
I know I do these things some more than others. But the person I live with (who suposedly doesn't ahve TDBs is a thousand times worse).
Especially the repetitive conversations.
They don't see anythign wrong. I see everything wrong and I'm supposed to be the one with cognitive issues. I don't know what to be more scareder of.
Anyway, hang in and hopefully Mr Minou will be back to his old self soon.
-------------------- more light, more love more truth and more innovation Posts: 3783 | From somewhere other than here | Registered: May 2005
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
Since both my husband and I have Lyme....well let's just say
There are gaping holes in both of our abilities to effectively communicate now.
I have word finding problems. It drives me crazy.
Here I am a Speech Therapist and can't think of a word.
I can see the object, but can't name it.
So he hears "You know that thing. That thing that goes in there. The thing we use to do things with"
I also forget what I am talking about constantly.
His problem is that he thinks he told me something that he just thought.
Because he thought it, he thinks he verbalized it.
It's the "You know. I told you about that yesterday."
"no you didn't",
"yes I did"
It is frustrating for both of us....I think I am more sensitive to it as I made my career
Out of helping people It sure makes life and marriage interesting.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
No, wander peole and some of our drs think we're nuts. We are (LOL) Posts: 97 | From West Chester ,Pa. | Registered: Aug 2006
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tailz
Unregistered
posted
"The other is the obsessive sort of monologue about some pet topic -- usually something political that really bugs him. I get to hear the topic bludgeoned to death, yet again, with him getting madder and madder about it. "
ha ha I get accused of this one right here on the forum with regard to EMFs;) I feel for you, but I STILL don't think it's my Lyme;)
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
minou, thank you for sharing/contributing your personal story about you/hubby/and our crazy lyme world!
i saw myself in your comments time & again!
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tdtid
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10276
posted
Minoucat,
That's so good that you have been able to step back a little and view this from the eyes of both sides.
I think the part that made me really stop and think, was by the time you got to the repetitive conversations. Sadly, most of us don't know we are even doing so much of what you have mentioned, so it's good for even us lymies to be aware.
My family kept saying I was telling the same story over and over and I would obsess over it and keep wording it differently, when they got the point the FIRST time.
Sadly, they said it was easy to start tuning me out because I would ramble and ramble on the same topic and then I would be frustrated because they claimed I never told them and heck, I just spent the last hour telling them it over and over, so how did they not get it????????
Your post makes a VERY good point to let us realize that we are doing these irritating things when lyme has gone to our brains. And I think seeing you have it in writing made me say "ahhh haaaaa, that's me".
Thank you for the eye opener. I still ramble, even in the notes I write here. For those of us that didn't do this before getting sick, will treatment eventually get rid of this brain fog COMPLETELY??????
Cathy
-------------------- "To Dream The Impossible Dream" Man of La Mancha Posts: 2638 | From New Hampshire | Registered: Oct 2006
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