I also am a mom of 2 - girls - 16 & 10. 10th grade and 5th grade. I struggle with the same things and have for the past 8 yrs.
I have found that I may not be able to do all that other mothers can do but I can still do things - i just have/had to be creative.
I did learning puzzles with my children when they were younger. It was quick and it was fun. And they loved doing something with mom.
they were still learning too!
I put posters of the alphabet up and before bed time we would go over them together. i could rest and they had mommy time.
Instead of volunteering with the school functions, class mom, etc. I would eat lunch with my kids.
I tried to do so once a week but no less than every other week. Most times I didnt plan it I just surprised them.
The truth that I found is it doesnt matter what I do for the "school". It matters what I do for my child.
I may not have been the top of the PTA but I was and am the top to my children.
I may not be able to go out and jump on the trampoline, but I can certainly play a board game or a game of Go Fish.
I look forward to the day that my health is better so I can go out and be more like other moms. But not for my kids, for me.
For the woman inside of me that has dreams to achieve as well.
The main thing our kids need is our love and our time.
And most of those moms you are around this year wont be there next year to see what you do or dont do anyway....
but your child will!
And those moms who are devoting their time to the school are taking some time from their children that you can give to your own child.
Dont get me wrong, I am grateful for them. I just realized, for me, that wasnt my place or calling in life. I was fortunate and so were my children in the long run for it.
Today I have an extremely close relationship with my children. We talk. About EVERYTHING!
And that is because I couldnt give myself in so many ways that it freed me to give myself to my children - my time, my attention.
I promise, your creativity will lead you to that. Look for ways you can do it and it will come to you, especially with your background.
You are a strong woman and you can do it. Look what you have endured already. We survivors are creative, else we wouldnt still be here.
-------------------- Seeking renewed health & vitality. --------------------------------- Do not take anything I say as medical advice - I am NOT a dr! Posts: 830 | From TN | Registered: Aug 2007
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CaliforniaLyme
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posted
Geneal, you are a GREAT Mom!!! I think it sounds like your kids teacher has a very cookie cutter approach to school!!! Your kids are undoubtedly as smart as you are and will do well, I am sure!! I know the feeling of not being good enough though, and being held back by physical limitations. And from my 10 year old, who comes in and sits next to me some mornings after she wakes up and idly reads this with me, commands:
"Tell her not to feel bad- she is SICK!"
!!! from me and Evan, age 10
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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northstar
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posted
Address, phone number, identification of all of the letters of the alphabet, count to 50, etc.
If the schooll system expects the children to know these things when they come into kindergarten, they need to communicate it to the parents within a reasonable time frame prior to the start of school.
Not wait until the children are in school, then say they are deficient.
In this case, the teacher is deficient, and also insensitive to what has gone on in Louisiana.
How she presented these things to you is interesting. If she felt it was important, then she could provide some learning materials. Instead, she chose to imply you and your child were deficient.
Ptooie.
These things are not major learning events. Your children are bright, and they can pick these facts up in no time.
North
Posts: 1331 | From hither and yonder | Registered: Sep 2005
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just don
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Geneal, Let me make a wild guess,,,this teacher got an education into the where's and what's of lyme. AND she had NO idea before you educated her.
I think her list of should be's was just a list and meant in the light of if you knew your child doesnt know one of those,,its something to 'work' on at home,,,not that they are perfect and know everything.
IF she really expected every child to know all that without fail,,,they should have provided that info at roundup time,,,NOT now!!
Dont worry,,your a GREAT mommy,,,who else would have got them to this point with compromised health?? Who else would have caught their probs so soon?? How many kids arent caught and go practically there whole life sick and their parents arent even aware,,,or are in denial??
With great kids and great mommy in question here,,,it will be so soon and YOUR child may bypass the rest of the kids in ALL these skill levels!!
The teachers comments were JUST a measuring stick,,,thats all!! So if there is a learning impaired child that has a hard time functioning,,,where are they gonna be with these expectations??? Are they ever going to meet them??
Each child is different and unique,,,and will progress at their own rate. Bet your second child is going to surpass the guidelines,,,big time,,,its just how it works with first and second kids!!
Dont worry,,,you didnt get a detention from the teach,,did you??? See,life is good again!! When the year gets really going,,see where you are by then.
IF you can,,,ask the teach to give you a few minutes in Science or Living part of class to explain what to look for and how to 'check' for ticks,,,kindergarten style!! themselves AND their brothers sisters etc. ,,,Bet that will be a first and MUCH needed 'exposee',,,for them!!
I have faith in the faithful,,being--just don--
-------------------- just don Posts: 4548 | From Middle of midwest | Registered: May 2001
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
Thanks you guys.
I did educate the teacher on Lyme and her question to me was
"Is it contagious?"
I haven't done as much educational stuff with my kids lately, but
As I pointed out to the teacher, my child can operate a bull dozer and an excavator.
Just different things going on in our lives right now.
I think the people who really weren't affected by Katrina don't understand
That we are still struggling. It kills me to think of my child not
Having a "normal" homelife, having Lyme and continuing to go forward.
I admire her so much for that.
She is a strong little girl, I guess made stronger by all of our challenges.
The good news is she loves kindergarten. When picking her up from her first day,
her response to how was her day was "Fantastic!".
I am so proud.
I think no matter what we want to do better for our children.
This disease has really limited me in some ways.
Katrina has too.
Okay. I am going to dry my eyes, dust off my behind and go get out there,
So that I can do better and likewise do better for my children.
I treasure each of your responses.
Sarah, I especially loved what your precious daughter said.
It brought tears to my eyes.
You all continue to be my Angels and Hero's.
I hope and pray that I can do the same for you one day.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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lymednva
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Member # 9098
posted
Instead of making parents feel bad about having kids who didn't fulfill her list of "shoulds," that teacher should have given suggestions for how to incorporate learning those things into your daily life. like when you are cooking dinner, practice counting, or have her practice her address.
Break it into little bite size bits and she will learn them and you will not feel overwhelmed by the whole list
That teacher sounds like my middle one's K teacher. We knew if he got her it would be a nightmare year. He did and it was.
She was as stubborn as he, and she was very soft-spoken. He has a mild hearing loss, and despite wearing hearing aids I know he never heard half of what she said.
To top it off she decided he needed to eat his snack and if he didn't she kept him out of recess or library, or other times like that.
The saving grace of the year was the assistant in the class. She had gone through similar problems with one of her children with the same teacher. She was very compassionate and helped our son over some of the rough spots.
So, look at the bright side. It could be worse! Cut yourself some slack and concentrate on one thing at a time.
Many of those "requirements" seem to be first grade benchmarks, not kindergarten ones!
-------------------- Lymednva Posts: 2407 | From over the river and through the woods | Registered: Apr 2006
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posted
Geneal, we all do the best we can for our children even if the school system doesn't think we're perfect.
I thought kindergarten was supposed to teach the kids these things. I distinctly remember learning this stuff with my mom to tell my kindergarten teacher!
Here's a lifesaver for the alphabet ... The Letter Factory video. My daughter was a "flunky" because she didn't know the alphabet, all the letter and sounds ... I bought this, and by the time the teacher got my daughter to the "whoever" the following week, my daughter already knew the WHOLE alphabet from this.
If you're doing the best you can and tell your kids you love them each day, you are doing more for them than the mother who jumps through all the hoops that the schools manage to supply.
I also think our children learn so much from us being sick ... I know my kids have learned compassion, independence, how to contribute to the household, etc.
Apparently, I'm a worse mom than you ... I don't even get up with my kids in the morning ... I have older ones to help with the younger ones.
And, even with this, my kids regularly tell me I'm the best mom in the world, and that they don't ever want to grow up. Their opinion is much more important to me than their teacher's.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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Sounds like your child's teacher wants the kids coming to class already taught. The most important thing you can do is read to your kids. If you can't, can you find someone who can?
My son is dyslexic and I read and read and read to him. Even though he couldn't read, he loved books because of me. He is 12 now and reads on his own way above grade level and has a great vocabulary because he was exposed to books.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other like you've been doing. Don't let that teacher's unrealistic expectations get you down. You get a big star from me!
Posts: 984 | From San Diego | Registered: Nov 2006
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Sounds like your child's teacher wants the kids coming to class already taught. The most important thing you can do is read to your kids. If you can't, can you find someone who can?
My son is dyslexic and I read and read and read to him. Even though he couldn't read, he loved books because of me. He is 12 now and reads on his own way above grade level and has a great vocabulary because he was exposed to books.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other like you've been doing. Don't let that teacher's unrealistic expectations get you down. You get a big star from me!
Posts: 984 | From San Diego | Registered: Nov 2006
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
If I may quote: "Kindergarten teacher was stating things that she felt our children should know by now.
Address, phone number, identification of all of the letters of the alphabet, count to 50, etc."
Sounds like she was talking about everyone's child-as in "she felt OUR children should..."
I believe Lyme parents are supersensitive -knowing they (we/us/you/me)have been really really good , in control, energized,organized, able to do it all , there for our children parents.
Then our lives were derailed-not only by lyme, but by other life events. I think your ability to take time out and play with silly string is much more important than learning the alphabet.
Besides I thought the focus of kindergarten was simply to get kids to sit in their chairs for at least ten minutes at a time.
I was thinking about the "interview" we had before my daughter entered kindergarten at the public school-to determine if she was ready.
One of the "tests" was following a three part command. Something like-go to the desk, pick up the pencil, and place it on the chair across the room.
She did fine-although I was a wreck. But I was thinking about this today, before even reading your post, because I don't think I could follow a verbal, 3 part command now. Thank you very much lyme disease.
Bottom line- Lyme Moms tend to 1. cry easily 2. take things too personally 3. do the best they can 4. underestimate themselves 5. cry easily
ps. I hope your child's teacher has as much wisdom as you and knows how to play.
Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
I have read two books every night to them for over three years.
My daughter does know her alphabet and can count to twenty.
She also has a broad vocabulary and uses words like "distracted", "irritating", etc.
Of course she is also learning all the time.
Last week when seeing cows stand in a pond (to cool off) she wanted to know if
They swim would it be called the cow paddle. Too cute!
I do try to make a learning experience out of what I can when I can.
I just haven't really done a lot of that since last September.
She starts homework next week on nights Monday through Thursday.
Shoot. Kindergarten wasn't even mandatory when I was little.
I went in Georgia to a Baptist Church for half a day of "play".
Those were the days, huh?
I don't think children today are any smarter than we were.
I just think more is expected of them at an earlier age, thus putting more
Pressure on us "old schooled" parents.
Remember the days when we had to walk for a mile, barefoot in the snow, just to go to school?
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
the most yummy and enriching thing I did for/with my kids, from infancy on, was read to them every night.
I've kept our favorite books-they are the memories that touch my heart whenever I pick up "Brown Bear Brown Bear" or "PEEKA BOO BABY" a pop up book or "The Very Quiet Cricket' which still chirps when I turn to the last page-although he sounds like "The Very Tired Cricket" now.
I hope to read them to my grandchildren some day.
It takes a very special kind of teacher to teach a love for learning. Usually her name is Mom.
yep, for sure Lyme moms carry along at least a double burden of guilt- the one every mom seems to carry, including the healthiest, PLUS the guilt of failing our own expectations of what we should be as moms but can't because we're sick.
and for some of is, the triple guilt of having infected our children in utero or through brestfeeding and compromising their lives from the very beginning.
I don't think it is possible to avoid feeling guilty here and there, but there is no need to beat up on yourself.
your daughter sounds better than just fine; she sounds bright and happy.
kindgarten now is nothing like it was once upon a time. kids in the school where my 5 year is heading are expected to go into kindgarten being able to READ at least handfuls of small words, not just do letter recognition.
in my son's preschool the 4 year old's are taught all the parts of the body and how the body works, the planets and about space exploration, a fair amount of US history, plus spanish lessons once a week, and all that is just for starters. they also had homework every week.
the expectations for kindergarten are what we experienced in 1st and 2nd grade. Can you imagine here at the best charter school in baltimore that the kids sit at desks all day long except for one recess???? and the day goes from 8 til 2??
i held my son back a year even before we knew he had Lyme. why would anyone be in a hurry to push their kid into a educational world that no longer sees the value of play?
for a fact, kids of 5 and 6 still LEARN more and better from play than from having little bits of factual data drummed into their heads.
i agree with cobby. read books, stock up on silly string, laugh as much as you can together. my son and friend of his and i spent an hour today fingerpainting my car in glorious colors, every surface they could reach.
posted
Geneal....You have some excellent responses here! Hats off to everyone!!
I think Cobbie summed it up pretty well with:
***It takes a very special kind of teacher to teach a love for learning. Usually her name is Mom.****
Your daughter is being taught all the important things at home [like LOVE] and she will do fine!!
PS....When was it that you walked to school barefoot in the snow??
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96223 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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just don
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1129
posted
So EXACTLY what is it that your daughter doesnt know on that list???
Cause it sure SOUNDS like she knows alot!!
I do agree that kids should know there phone numbers and addresses at a relatively early age,,,for obvious reasons.
IF your daughter can count to 20,,,thats pretty darn close to 50 and she HAS already learned the concept,,,she can pick the rest up in 2-3 weeks tops,,as bright as she is,,,maybe 2-3 DAYS!! Its an easy learn from 20-50,,,dont worry on THAT avenue.
I also wish they wouldnt push these little kids QUITE so hard!! And when they do,,,make sure its worth teaching them. NOT global warming or environmental stuff and they get ALOT of that!!
Cant imagine being a kindergarten teacher and being able to teach a varied ability class as much as they do,,,boring to top kids,,,challenging quite hard to less fortunate(mental ability) kids.
HOW many kids are in this class of your daughters?? MY one rule for when birthday parties happened privately, WAS,,,Everybody has to be invited or nobody was!! Not this couple three close friends only,,,sometimes made for BIG sleep overs,,,their birthday celebration. Think we had 38 kids over once for something.
AND I distinctly remember my sons sleep over while in like 4-5 th grade 18 boys stayed up ALL night and played football outside MOST of the night and his birthday is a few days before Christmas,,,it was COLD and snow was deep that year!!
When all else fails,,,take lots of pics and remember the good old days cause this kid is just a hop skip and a jump from graduating from COLLEGE and walking down the aisle at her wedding!! Happens ALL too fast!!!
AND she will have all the required items on the list,,,mastered by THEN!!!LOL,,,
That teacher in her FIRST year??? Or does she have lyme brain too?? Sounds as if she is either 'touched',,,or maybe just a dim bulb.
Just call what your daughter lacks in list knowledge is offset by other good things. My BIGGEST thing I stressed with all my kids is the ability to "THINK" and to "WORK",,,all else falls into place then!!
Common MOM,,,I think YOU deserve a five star rating for the moms department,,,now just give yourself the credit!!from--just don--
-------------------- just don Posts: 4548 | From Middle of midwest | Registered: May 2001
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Carol in PA
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Member # 5338
posted
When my younger son was to go to kindergarten, he told me he didn't know if he was ready.
The teacher told me, "Tell him that kindergarten will be ready for him!"
My children watched Sesame Street as toddlers, and I was amazed at how they just soaked up the numbers and letters.
We were on a very tight budget, but I got lots of books by sending for the (low cost) initial pack of books from children's book clubs, and then canceling.
I was too fatigued and had too many migraines to volunteer regularly, but I did volunteer to help several times with my son's second grade science class.
I was given a table of seven children, and we cut up vegetables and fruits, and counted seeds, and filled out a chart.
I added my own questions to the curriculum by asking who knew what kind of plants these things grew on....a tree, a vine, etc.
There will be ways for you to help in class that won't take tons of time and energy.
Five year old children are at such a great age, aren't they?
Carol
p.s. Another thing that was fun for the boys was a set of colorful letters that were magnetized to stick on the refrigerator.
[ 23. August 2007, 08:57 PM: Message edited by: Carol in PA ]
Posts: 6947 | From Lancaster, PA | Registered: Feb 2004
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Isn't it amazing, how much love and support is out there.
Your fears and concerns are understood and shared by each of us.
I just decided to homeschool one of mine with lyme because I couldn't watch her self-esteem deteriorate any further.
It sounds like you are doing a great job.
So many children don't have parents that love them, yours is very blessed to have you!!!
Patricia
-------------------- Every victory, no matter how small, deserves to be celebrated. Please excuse me while I do a little dance. Posts: 25 | From North Carolina | Registered: Jul 2007
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Geneal
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Member # 10375
posted
You all never fail to amaze and humble me.
The teacher is actually in her 7th year of teaching, but
This is her first year of Kindergarten. She previously taught pre-k.
I did disclose to the teacher about my child's medical condition.
She is having a great time.
I am going to take a deep breath. Encourage as much as I can at home and try to have a great time too.
My Mom always said you should rate people and how important they are to you on the following:
If you knew you were going to die, would you have that person in the room with you?
Well, I'd better rent a hall, cause I couldn't imagine going without the best friends a person could have.
Thank-you.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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lymednva
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posted
Gee, I'm surprised she's moved up from pre-K. Usually the teachers who move UP are the better ones, not those who moved down and try to bring their big kid teaching ideas with them.
I know it made me a better teacher in 6th grade to have taught preschool and second grade for many years first. I learned how to really reach with the young ones and then just used the same teaching style with the older kids.
Maybe some "old hand" at kindergarten got a hold of her and told her all this stuff about what they "should" already know!
-------------------- Lymednva Posts: 2407 | From over the river and through the woods | Registered: Apr 2006
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posted
I have read two books every night to them for over three years...
nuf said, Geneal...this experience alone is probably the best preparation for Kindergarten there is...and frankly, plenty of mothers without Lyme don't even come close to doing this. pat yourself on the back and enjoy your delicious daughter!
hugs Elle
Posts: 217 | From New Jersey | Registered: Apr 2007
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Please don't ever doubt your abilities as a mother, especially just because your children haven't met a set of arbitrary "learning" guidlines.
Of course I don't know you personally, but based on the loving kindness that you show everyone here, I have every confidence that you are a wonderful mother.
It is much more important to teach your children resilience, compassion, strength of spirit, grace under trying circumstances, all which you demonstrate each day just by surviving.
My mother was sick when I was in Kindergarten-- I have very vivid memories of watching Sesame Street alone while she was in bed all day.
Trust me, it didn't hurt me! I always excelled in school when I was young.
Save your strength for getting better.
Posts: 390 | From Oakland, CA | Registered: May 2007
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bettyg
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posted
geneal, everyone has commented so well; i'll just give yu my hugs/kiss instead.
don't let anyone lay a guilt trip on you; YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN! later
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shazdancer
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Geneal, you DID do the most important part. You taught your child to love learning!
Posts: 1558 | From the Berkshires | Registered: Jul 2001
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