merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
posted
Ok I need to vent. This is probably going to be a poor me post and I appologize in advance.
I am just so sick. I am tired of feeling like this. I am sick of being in constant pain and feeling like I just ran 100 miles.
All I do is sleep or sit on the couch. What kind of life is this?
I am going through a herx so I know everything is worse now. '
I just emailed my boss and told her I would not be able to work anytime soon. All I was going to do was some paperwork etc, but I was reviewing the material and it made my head spin.
I realize I am going to have to try for disability next month. I am sure I will be denied at least 2 times.
I am sick of the nausea, sick of pain, sick of being tired and sick of sick.
all I have to do today is go to the petstore to buy food for my frogs. It is only 15 min away and I dont know if I am going to make it, but I HAVE to go.
I do have less support the last few weeks and it is making it really hard.
I wish someone would come up with a miracle cure and soon.
Thanks for letting me vent. I know it could always be worse, but it still sucks.
Melissa Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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posted
It does suck. I'm so sick of lying around and having to go to bed as soon as I get home at night and getting up as late as possible before I have to get ready for work.
I don't even know myself anymore. I don't even like myself anymore, don't know how anyone else can stand to be around me. Hate having to go to work every day because I can't stand to be around people. Every noise goes through me like a knife.
Only comfort is to know that there are others out there like you who know what I mean.
-------------------- Jennifer Posts: 266 | From Ocean County, NJ | Registered: Aug 2007
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Right now I feel very discouraged too. I'm going through a herx/ or maybe I'm not taking enough meds are something. All I know is I feel like death. It SUCKS big time.
I wish none of us had to go through this. It's just not right.
The only positive I can get out of this.. which does make me feel a little better... is maybe I will become a stronger person from going this. This experience will make me more grateful for the simple things I used to take for granted, like going to the grocery store.
I know that doesn't help a ton... and when you are going through a herx it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
You will get better though. One day you will be looking back at this not so great time in your life. It will be behind you.
posted
Well folks, this may or may not be what you want to hear, but I think I am going to say it hoping it may help. My son, Dustin is 11 years old. He was diagnosed w/ Lyme in August 2005. He was extremely ill with Lyme-meningitis when he was admitted to the hospital. He has been through spinal taps, IV antibiotics, he currently takes 18 pills a day. He has not been in school for 3 years, he had to drop out of boy scouts (a long life time dream). Yes, there are some rough days, but he never complains and he never says "why me", he just gets up every day and takes the day as it comes. Honestly, I would have given up a long time ago, but no this child just keeps going taking one day at a time. So folks, when times are tough, just think, hey, if this 11 year old can do it so can I!". I know there are days as a "Mom" of a chronically ill child I think, I can't do this anymore, but if this child can fight then so can I. So keep up the fight, think positive, and know one day you will be feeling better, we all have to believe in that!
Aniek
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5374
posted
I had an appointment this morning with a psychologist who specializes in pain coping techniques.
I've always been nervous about seeing a psychologist. I'm not the type of person to share my emotions. I'm much more cognitive than emotional, and really spend most of my time trying to ignore my emotions.
I was absolutely amazed at the difference one session made. He did a short exercise near the end. It's a meditation that helps diffuse your sensory system so you don't focus on your pain.
I was getting in more and more pain while I was sitting in his office talking about my pain. At the start of the exercise, I could feel my body tightening. And, suddenly, I realized I wasn't feeling the pain so much anymore.
The really interesting thing I picked up on later in the day was that, for me, what worked was focusing on my auditory senses. If I start listening to all the sounds around me, I feel less pain. It's really quite amazing.
I'm not sure how easy it is to find a therapist who specializes in pain coping. But it seems like it could be really helpful.
I hope you are all feeling better.
-A
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
Dear Melissa,
I am sorry you are feeling so ill and in pain.
Wish I could take that away for you.
Would a group hug help?
I am on doxy again and going through an "Oh my goodness, I am dying" herx too.
This is almost one year since diagnosis and one year since the start of antibiotics.
It is rather disconcerting and depressing.
I just keep telling myself that if I feel so bad, I must be hitting or killing something.
We are going to get through this....
We have to!
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
I just found my way to this site one yr after dx. Have been lurking and reading only (no posts) until I read this one. Bingo!
This is right where I am too - have been wondering if I am really dying and Dr is not telling me. Total fatigue, sweaty, and I don't know what happened to the real 'me'.
I was feeling g-r-e-a-t last Feb after 6 mths treatment, but have been going backwards. Not sure if due to 2 tick bites this summer or 'buried' germs coming out.
Good to know I'm not alone -- that I'm not dying even though I feel like I am. This too shall pass, right?
Deb
Posts: 3 | From Reading PA | Registered: Sep 2007
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posted
Sonwithlyme, I just went to the Caring Bridge website for Dustin, how wondeful that something like that is out there for children with illness.
No child should have to go through this, missing 3 years of school, missing out on childhood. If I didn't already have LD I would want to take it from him, or any child.
It's funny, for some reason when I was first treat at the age of 16 (I'm now 35) it wasn't really easier, but it was different becuase I had my parents taking care of me. Now I'm on my own and that feeling of being alone in this is the most upsetting part. Compound that with the fear of losng my job and it's a pretty frightening situation.
But ya, this puts things in perspective, if an 11 year old boy can get through this, I need to suck it up and plow through.
-------------------- Jennifer Posts: 266 | From Ocean County, NJ | Registered: Aug 2007
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
posted
Thanks for everyones replies. I know it could be worse.
Sonwithlyme- you are right. I will think of your son when I feel like this.
This disease just takes a lot out of you and the people around you.
One good thing is that I am starting a support group and I am trying to work on a power point presentation for the first meeting.
It makes me feel like I am making a difference even if only in a small way.
Thanks for your encouragement as usual! Melissa
Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
I am sorry you are feeling so bad.
I know that having to accept that you can't work can be very challenging... I think moreso If one's job had been inculcated into one's identity.
I also think it is harder to accept one can't work when one likes one's job and finds it rewarding. I am sure being a vet tech has held many rewards. You will get your life back it just takes time.
Things will get better. Herxes suck and sometimes they feel like they are never going to end ... but they do. Hang in there
Don't feel bad about having to start your day like this!
After many agonizing, soul-searching mornings, trying to find the strength to hobble out of bed, I came up with a plan:
I set my alarm 30 minutes before I have to get up--
This way I can simply extend my arm, swallow my pain pills (sitting on my bedside table along with a glass of water), before having to actually move.
I refuse to get out of bed before they're actually in my system working!
Posts: 390 | From Oakland, CA | Registered: May 2007
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
posted
Ellie thats a good idea! I get nervous about taking too much pain meds you know.
It did help!
Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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Aniek
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5374
posted
Merry-
Can you do me a favor? Please don't let yourself suffer in pain! Pain actually weakens the immune system. And chronic pain can change the neurological system so you feel more pain.
So take your pain medication when you have pain. It will make such a difference in your life.
Deb - Yes, this too shall pass. Keep at it.
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I'm sorry you are in such pain, and the others who are herxing right now.
One thing that has really helped me in my pain is guided imagery. I got it from my pain psychologist, but there are cd's online as well. They help me meditate, relax my body and actually escape from my pain for a while. Sometimes, they even put me to sleep for a few hours.
I hope that helps, if not hugs are always nice!
Jenn
-------------------- When given lyme make lymeade! A tick check a day keeps lyme away! [email protected] Raising awareness by creating as many lymebassadors as possible! Posts: 158 | From Northern Wisconsin | Registered: Oct 2005
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