posted
I came to this site out of desperation and have had support from many individuals.
But I have been suffering from this disease for a long, long time and I've come to the conclusion. I'm going to die from this. I have now accepted this.
I live in Texas where the only doctor who will treat charges $700 for a doctors visit because there isn't Lyme Disease in Texas. And there is no way I could pay that. And it doesn't matter that I got this darn disease in Pennsylvania!!!
This is the first time I have been out of bed in weeks, and I am in sooooo much pain. I constantly cry from the pain, and wonder how the rest of my life is going to be since I'm only 31years old now. My kids no longer have a mom, and my husband no longer has a wife.
I'm a burden, who has tried everything in my power to do something about his darn disease. But unless your rich, you can't do anything about it, and no one seems to care that you can't walk, talk, think, or even remember if you have eaten.
I've gone the natural route....didn't work. I did the abx thing years ago, it worked but it came back.
I feel my life slipping away, and there is nothing left to do about it.
Posts: 94 | From Greenville, Tx | Registered: Apr 2007
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just don
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1129
posted
Allison,,, PM sent
DONT GIVE UP,,,follow your options!!! It may NOT be easy,,,but it will be grand to look back and see where you were,,,and you have come TOO far to quit NOW!!!
As long as abx is working for you,,,continue the yellow brick road,,,just do it and get-er-done!!!
Treatment isnt ALWAYS available in our front or back yards,,,travel IF you must!! Its rough and it hurts,,but where are your kids and husband without YOU!!!???
Geographic bound??? Move to where treatment IS available,,,if you can???
You have a ton of options,weigh them and excercise your choice!!!mostly--just don--
-------------------- just don Posts: 4548 | From Middle of midwest | Registered: May 2001
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CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
You are not a budren here.
We care that you can't walk, talk, think, or even remember if you have eaten!!
We do. I know I do, I know Just DOn does, I know many people do- and many of us know it is not your fault, that you have done the best you can.
If you kill yourself you greatly increase the chances that your children will also kill themselves one day.
If I was in your position I would self-treat with abx from a feed store or from online rather than decline and be in pain. That is me.
I was in a similar place years back and I am in a great place today- and I would never have believed I would make it so far- but I had money from a second mortgage for my treatment- and I know not having money is a very real issue if you don't- my husband and I took every penny from our house to pay for my treatment- I am sorry if you don't have moeny for treatment-
Locally we had a almost homeless Lymie who self treatd with abx from a feed store and recovered with great success- to being normal again-
The situation IS totally screwed up.
Please don't hurt yourself and please stick around here. Maybe someone has a pocket doctor in Texas they have been protecting but will write you because you posted this and they realize you are desperate. I hope so.
You are usually a very stable person or at least it seems so from your postings- so I am hoping this is a brief despair-
call me if you want-
1-831-662-2895
If I am there I will call you back if you leave your number-
We had a local LYmie kill himself a few years ago and it touched all of us. His fiance still misses him and comes to the group once in a while. I don't know if you are suicidal but you sound as if you may be-
I used to work as a counselor with the mentally ill and suicide increases risk of same among your children- so JUST for that reason none other, please don't!!!!! If not for you, for them!!!
Some days I didn't live for me at all when it was bad. I would have been grateful to be out of pain. But knowing that I kept on.
Now I am so glad I didn't because I have no pain or symptoms-
Please hold on for today- until tomorrow- I like the saying, pithy I know-
"This too shall pass-"
Hugs to you- and pats on the head!!! Sincerely,
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Hi Allison! I'm so sorry to hear this!! You CAN get meds online or from MEXICO. Know anyone going to Mexico soon?? Know a trucker who travels to El Paso or elsewhere along the border?? Ask him to get you some antibiotics.
It's very cheap and you can order a 6 month supply for a little of nothing.
All you need is the DESIRE to get well. Can you go to a local dr for pain management??
Hugs to you.....and YES, we care....VERY MUCH!!!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
Dear Allison,
I am so sorry to hear you are in so much pain-both physically, mentally and emotionally.
Don't give up. Your children and your husband do need you.
Fight for them if not for yourself.
I know I can get flagyl and doxy at our local Walmart for about 12.00 each a month.
I am praying for you and sending you positive thoughts.
Please hang in there.
There is a LLMD in Louisiana who does take health insurance.
He is mine.
Please PM me if you are interested or if you need anything....
You can get better. Hang in there. Please.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
Thanks for all your support...it's always been here on this site.
Sarah, I never considered suicide...so no worries there, but have accepted that I'm not going to get any better.
To all of you, thanks for the advice but it has all been tried and failed. I have a wonderful doctor who used to work under the only Lyme doctor here in Tx but he will only put a bandaid on my symptoms and will not give me the abx I need. He knows how, has done it before, but won't.
My pain is complicated by the fact that I have 18 inches of my spine fused with metal rods and screws, all the while it's twisted like a pretzel. The lyme has really attacked the only vertebrea that isn't fused by the tailbone. It's true it attacks the weakest parts of our body.
Mexico is a no go, and traveling is just near impossible. It hurts so much sitting in the seat in the van. I cry during just the shortest trips.
I was a vet tech at one point and I am very familiar with abx and dosages....just trying to figure out how I can get some without a Rx.
Anyhow, just wanted to let you know that I'm not suicidal....at all. Being here and being in pain is more important than not being here at all. It's just so darn hard when your hands are tied. There's a treatment out there.....yet you can't have it. It's so unjust!
Thanks to all, I must go. I can't sit here much longer. I ventured out of bed twice today, and I'm hurting from it...even loaded up of Darvucet, relafen, and flexeril!
Posts: 94 | From Greenville, Tx | Registered: Apr 2007
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CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
Glad to read that, Allison!!
Our local person who did the feed store route told them she had goats of exactly her weight! ANd asked advice on dosaging that way!!! She bought them in powdered form if I remember right!!!
It has always been My Emergency Back Up Plan rather than to lingeringly die*)*!)! I am glad you are a fighter!(*)!*)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wish you were local because I could help more- maybe local Lymies can help out!!!
Hugs to you- Sincerely,
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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Aniek
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5374
posted
Allison,
Apart from treating Lyme, have you ever worked with a pain specialist to treat your pain? I had good experiences with physiatrists. They are a type of pain specialist that really seem to understand the whole body.
Treating pain correctly should be a combined approach. They should work to find medication that generally reduces the pain, and then have a break through med for when the pain still comes through. Often, things like physical therapy or acupuncture can also help.
It might take a few visits to find the right specialist. But it's worth looking if you are able to.
I have really bad muscle pain. I recently started Zanaflex and I went from taking 3 vicodin a day to taking 1-2 a week.
I also started working with a psychologist who specializes in pain coping techniques. I was dubious at first, but after 2 visits I'm amazed how the mind can actually reduce the pain you feel. He basically teaches meditation techniques that help you stop focusing on the pain.
One technique is so powerful, he made me promise to never use it on new pain I haven't spoken to a doctor about. He said it can actually mask an appendicitis attack when you get good at it.
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
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