posted
I have been suffering from lyme for several months.
I have been to this site before to read posts and get some guidance but did not join because all the log in names I tried were already registered and I got too tired and gave up. guess all the good ones were taken.
this time I kept on trying because I need support from those who understand. I wasn't diagnosed early and have many severe symptoms.
I am in constant pain due to nerve damage and cannot walk well because of neuropathy. my husband thought I was dying and started drinking again a few weeks after I was diagnosed.(he's an alcoholic)
I began iv antibiotics through a pic line about 5 months ago and there is some improvement. I sought treatment from an llmd on advice I saw on this web site.
I know I cannot think straight sometimes but I know I am a good mother and always took great care to raise my 2 kids.
I have been severly depressed over the past few months because of my health and my marraige on the rocks. I told my husband last month I wanted a divorce because he stopped working and drinks all day then gets abusive to me.
he is using my medical condition against me to destroy my life. he went to court to get emergency custody of my kids claiming I'm too sick to care for them and told the court I attempted suicide.
I have been seeing a psycologist for months because I do have had theese thoughts but I never acted on them.
I have been told lyme can make you suicidal and to just make it through and ask for help. this is what I have done but I am so scared he's going to get the courts to believe him and I will lose my kids for good.
I have no money for a lawyer, I haven't worked in a year. now I'm staying with ** and I only have * hrs per week supervised visitation until my court date dec **th.
how can I get any better when all this stress is making my physical symptoms so much worse. my kids were my reason for fighting my way out of this. I miss them so much but I don't know if I am strong enough to make it until the next time I can see them.
I know I want to get better and live but this disease plays tricks on my mind tells me to end the suffering and I am a burden on my family.
[ 01. December 2007, 11:54 AM: Message edited by: lymieliveagain2007 ]
Posts: 36 | From woburn,ma | Registered: Nov 2007
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
welcome to the board!
i just sent you my overwhelming 82 page newbie links, advise, symptoms, testing, disability, and much more including treepatrol's archive of over 1,000 sites...excellent info!
i had to SOB, scroll on by, your post since i'm unable to read solid block text, but sent you directions how you can edit//change that plus your subject title so you GET NEEDED SPECIFIC HELP you need now shortly!
pms can be found on left hand top under HELLO by flashing light and in my profile!
on the 1st page of what i sent you is the 24/7 SUICIDE HOTLINE; please use it when you feel at your lowest. THEY ARE TRAINED PROFESSIONALS; WE ARE NOT.. many here have used their site!
i also want you to be aware of someone who has/still is going thru he courtroom for possession of her kids! she also wrote the book, THE SINGING JOURNEY, by PJ Langhoff. ******************************************
see if your public library has or can order thru intradepartmental LOAN. i could not put this book down; her writing skills re excellent!
from support group info on left hand side.... ***************************************
Name of Support Group: SEWILL (Southeastern Wisconsin & Illinois Lyme Leagues) Contact Person for this Group: PJ Langhoff Contact Person Telephone: Contact Person E-Mail: [email protected] City: Hustisford State or Province: Wisconsin Country: USA Regions of your state / province served by this group (i.e. south-east Pennsylvania): Wisconsin, Illinois, Iowa, Minnesota, though anyone may join Your Name: Your E-Mail Address: Other Information: URL For Support Group: http://www.sewill.org (web site) http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/lyme_league/ (yahoo support group) http://www.lymeleague.com Personal Story Board
Comments:
This web site is dedicated to supporting people dealing with lyme disease, and providing education about lyme and related illnesses. Find informative brochures, links, videos, and personal stories about lyme here.
Support group on-line and regionally, meeting dates to be announced. Join our e-mail mailing list for free newsletter.
Fundraising merchandise for sale, and lyme-related books are recommended. Local and lyme-related activism events are posted.
We care about our site visitors! Sign up for personalized, we-care support---you don't have to deal with Lyme alone. Let's stop the spread of lyme through education and support, one person at a time.
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posted
thank you so much for the information you sent me. I knew this site was helpful but I had no idea of all the resources available.
what a big relief to know where to find info on specific topics. it gives me much hope to see others with lyme doing so much to help the extremely sick.
what an inspiration you have the ability to do so much with the limitations brought on when lyme damages your brain.
I had a spect scan which was not good and my doctor didn't know if the damage can heal.
is it possible for the memory lapses, fogged thinking, chaos involved with getting lost going to the corner store you've gone to for years to improve?
I get so frustrated and scared, I have anxiety attacks where I have actually passed out.
I believe I'm going crazy sometimes and fight the horrible thoughts that creep into my head. I have a good therapist and helplines when I feel I'm in a crisis situation.
my biggest fear is I act impulsively and do something very stupid. I am smart enough to know once something is done it can't be undone.
I know what life has to offer, what I don't want to miss out on. it seems this disease will be a looooooong hard battle.
I'm glad this site is here so I don't have to go through this alone.
thank you so much.
cheryl
Posts: 36 | From woburn,ma | Registered: Nov 2007
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
hi cheryl,
glad you found the info helpful i've sent althought it's going to take a long time to view everything i sent you.
so SKIM it now looking for areas you need help on NOW!
the last 25 pages are devoted to SSDI, ss disability insurance benefits process and how to be APPROVED 1ST TIME-1ST STEP! you need an income coming in.
AFTER you get thru your child care custody hearing, perhaps you can look at that with a friend or family member who will HELP YOU GALOREon this!
i'll let others address the loss of memory problems and panic attacks.
you can however do a SEARCH found at the top under new post.
type in memory loss MEDICAL subject line any date
leave membership no. blank, hit send
it should bring up a lot; so read them. if none, use BACK and change subject line to body text! hit send; read those posts...
yes, you are NO LONGER WALKING ALONE; we are walking right there beside you helping to educate yourself!
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map1131
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2022
posted
lymie07, I'm so sorry that anyone would have to go through what you are living through. I'm really at a loss as to what to write, so I'm going to think on it some more.
Just wanted to say I'm glad you found this site and there will be many people that reach out to try to help you.
May God give you strength.
Pam
-------------------- "Never, never, never, never, never give up" Winston Churchill Posts: 6495 | From Louisville, Ky | Registered: Jan 2002
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just don
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1129
posted
The BEST defense is a overwhelming offense.
YOU need a powerful attorney,,,no matter what!! He HAS to prove that your husband is an alcholic and a lazy non worker. He has to PROVE he would be abbusive and a BAD custody father for your kids.
Your kids need you NOW,,,more than ever. You are on supervised visits with them?? Why? can you get temp custody?? Possesion is 9/10 of the law!!
Its a dirty deal and a horrible experience,,,but you HAVE to play the game as it is played for courts and judges,,,dont go half way,,,,full bore to the end!!
IF it looks like a lost cause then AT LEAST get 'shared' custody,,,better than nothing!!
IF possible sue for support,temp and permanent alimony!!
Get your LLMD to just say you are sick right now but expected to recover!! Tell them its a long road and expensive road to get well again!!
Sorry for your loss,,,it indeed is a HARD thing to endure,,but playing for keeps is the ONLY way!!
Do you 'own' your house?? can you have him take all payments?? Do you owe on cars or cards?? Lots to think about.being--just don--
-------------------- just don Posts: 4548 | From Middle of midwest | Registered: May 2001
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Vermont_Lymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9780
posted
Dear Cheryl,
So sorry for what you are going through. I agree with Don, I hope you can find a strong attorney who will fight for you!
I do want to tell you that you can and will get better with treatment. It takes longer than we wish, but the type of symptoms that you are describing can go away.
I had untreated lyme and other tick borne diseases for years, and started treatment over a year ago. At the time, I had severe memory and neurological issues. Those terrible symptoms are much better with treatment, though it has taken longer than 5 months.
Hang in there! Great that you are seeing a psychologist, that is important for many of us. You will get well again, and your children need you, so please take it easy. This is the time to ask your family and friends for support and help. Be well and keep us posted.
Posts: 2557 | From home | Registered: Aug 2006
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lymednva
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9098
posted
Cheryl,
I know how hard it is to go through divorce when you have Lyme. I had it, just didn't know it at the time of my divorce.
Don gave you great advice. You need to find an attorney. Is there a women's center in your area? They can provide a lot of options for helping you through this time. Look into that.
I can't imagine a judge that would give custody to an out of work father who is abusive and drunk over a woman who is dealing with an illness.
Are you seeing an LLMD? If not, you need to find a way to do that. It is crucial for your health to improve.
Welcome to Lymenet. We're here to help you!
-------------------- Lymednva Posts: 2407 | From over the river and through the woods | Registered: Apr 2006
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sixgoofykids
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11141
posted
I'm sorry you're doing so poorly and things are so tough for you right now.
You've been given good advice here .... you MUST get a good attorney!
It's not a good start that HE has the kids instead of YOU! You need to get them back based on the fact that he's abusive and an alcoholic!
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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lymeladyinNY
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10235
posted
Dear Cheryl, I have little experience in what you're dealing with but my heart goes out to you.
As Betty posted, PJ Langhoff would be a great contact.
I will pray for you and your children. Always keep them in mind no matter what. I have been suicidal in the past and my sister literally shook me and told me to snap out of it for my kids' sakes.
I know that's not easy but at the time it seemed to be a pinpoint of hope and determination and got me past the suicidal thoughts.
I have a son with Down syndrome/autism that I had to give up because of this d***ed disease.
Again, I will pray. Bless you. - Julie
-------------------- I want to be free Posts: 1170 | From Endicott, NY | Registered: Sep 2006
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
posted
Hi there. I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I don't really have much advice, but wanted you to know you are not alone !!!
I live in MA too and we have a support group here on the south shore. I believe there is one north of the city too.
I am home all day and if you ever need to vent or feel like you are about to lose it please email me! [email protected]
You will be in my thoughts.....
Best of luck- Melissa
Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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posted
thanks for all the posts of support. I am doing what's neccessary to stay strong. unfortunately my x lied to get emergency custody before I could get things going to seperate.
he went to court and completely lied to get a restraining order which granted him custody on a temp emergency.
I was completely slammed by a long affadavit he wrote saying I had threatened harm to my family and attempted suicide in front of my kids.
this never happenned but because of my memory problems and confusion/anxiety with this disease. I didn't do well defending myself in court when I was able to give my side to the judge.
I had to read the long list of accusations by my ex and explain them away but I was so stresses and shocked by what I read. I was just horrible.
now I have to go through family court to get them back. I have heard this may take months. I'm afraid the kids will suffer being used to this degree. I spke with my mom who lives in florida.
she was planning to come for xmas in a few weeks but she's coming early to help me get organized and get some legal help.
I can't let this keep me down. I am of no use laying in bed stuck in depression. I have much work to do.
my mom made me feel better. she reminded me I am as important to her as my kids are to me. I showed her this site and she was very impressed.
the kind and supportive comments meant a lot to me. I just can't believe something like this could happen.
I feel like god is watching over me and keeping me strong. he seems to put the right people in my life at the right time. I'm greatful to the people here.
it does make me feel more positive about the steps I need to take to put this all behind me.
what doesn't kill u makes u stronger and I don't wanna die. I really don't. I know I need to stay hopeful and keep negativity oyt of my head.
relief may not come right away but I will do my best to deal with comes at me until then. thank you. thank you.
I'm going to take my moms advice and get some much needed sleep. its funny I need my mommy at 37 yrs old but it actually feels good she's there for me.
just as I will stay for my own kids. I can't give up no matter what. they deserve better.
cheryl
Posts: 36 | From woburn,ma | Registered: Nov 2007
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Michelle M
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7200
posted
Cheryl, welcome to LymeNet. I'm so glad your mother is coming to help out!!! That will be a relief to your spirit to have her in your corner.
If there's any way possible to hire a GOOD lawyer, please do it.
If not, you need to immediately start doing some homework.
In fact, you should start doing it ANYWAY, because your lawyer will WANT IT ASAP.
Get letters from your doctors describing your medical condition and how it affects you.
Have your psychiatrist write a letter stating her opinion concerning whether you are a fit parent.
If your children are in school, get letters from their teachers/caretakers attesting to the fact you have been a good and involved parent.
If others have witnessed your ex's violent and/or drunken, abusive behavior, ask them to sign a declaration so stating. Have them stick to the facts they personally know, not speculation.
Anyone, including friends and family members, who know you to be a loving and nurturing mother to your children, should write a statement to that effect.
Here in California, none of these will be of any effect unless they are signed under penalty of perjury under the laws of the State of California. Your state is likely to be the same, so be sure and have your statements end with such a sentence.
If your ex has any past record of abusive behavior through the courts, or past drinking/DUI records, be certain and get CERTIFIED copies from the courthouse and produce those to document his inability to parent.
Do a declaration of your OWN concerning his abusive behavior, refusal to work, and his alcoholism.
The courts will often award temporary custody on scanty evidence but will frequently reverse their decision if presented GOOD, solid evidence that their initial decision was faulty.
This is best done with an attorney.
However, in family law, not everyone can afford an attorney. You can win without an attorney but you will need a serious advocate to help you, especially if you are really sick. You need to be super-prepared, even OVER- prepared!!! Make yourself a list. Enlist the help of friends. Have them use their own words -- it doesn't have to be fancy. Have them number their paragraphs and double-space so it's easy for the court to read.
Have them avoid sounding judgmental, i.e., "Joe is a low-life dork who shouldn't be raising these kids." Instead, cite to specific incidents, i.e., "Last month, I was at Cheryl's house for dinner, and I witnesed Joe appearing to be very drunk. He was staggering around the house and was short-tempered with Cheryl and the children. He left in his car, although he appeared to be very drunk." (Obviously I've made up this incident but you get the idea -- they want specifics, not judgment.)
You CAN do it and you CAN get your kids back. He might win the first round but he does not have to win the war!!! Fight!!
Michelle
Posts: 3193 | From Northern California | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
"is it possible for the memory lapses, fogged thinking, chaos involved with getting lost going to the corner store you've gone to for years to improve?"
YES!!!!!!!!!
Welcome to Lymenet! You've been given wonderful advice! I'll be praying for you!!!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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posted
I have an ex that I have been dealing with for the past 12 years. He has tried every mind game in the book, and he even had me investaged by Children and Family Services. In my opinion have DCF or CFS come in and do a in house study at the home you are staying at and ask the case worker what you can do in her opinion to get your children back and then do it. I know how hard it is dealing with an ex while dealing with Nurolyme - its not that hard to play mind games with you when your own body is doing it for you. So, keep the faith and relize sooner then later the truth will come out. Also you can contact legal services in your area and ask if they have any Family Law Attorneys that have any pro bono slots available. Because here in florida the lawyers have to perfome x amount of free legal services per year. Its like giving something back to the community.
Good Luck and Best Wishes.
Our thoughts are with you and welcome aboard.
-------------------- OK...I'll play your silly games.
Finding my happy place.
Brenda-Lee Posts: 126 | From Florida | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
hey. today was a good day. good enough to keep me focused on the welfare of my kids and not get stuck in the story of what's going on.
luckily my kids got their father to see how much they miss me and need more time with me. he "allowed" me to pick them up from school and have them stay for dinner.
theese poor kids are so confused. they don't understand and I can't tell them what their dad did to me. I'm not one to bash him to them. I've always tried to keep our disagreements private.
they don't want to talk about anything and I can't really blame them. who knows what my x has said about me. all I can do is be there for them whenever they reach out to me.
they are so loving and precious to me. it takes all my strength to stay strong and not have any meltdowns in front of them. but I did it.
I'm hoping I can be my best when I'm with them. I can't tell you how much it hurts to have your children taken away, but I have a new appreciation for every moment.
I believe this will work itself out and I know it will take some time. meanwhile I'm going to be the best mom I can be.
my mom has talked to me a lot and she's helpin me through this. reminding me years of being a great mom can't be erased. the truth will come out.
I never thought in a million years this could happen to me. first I get lyme and sick as hell. marriage crumbles, and I lose my kids. worse than my most terrifying nightmare.
I'm feeling like I can handle it though. I didn't feel as depressed today. one day at a time, baby steps even. whatever it takes.
my kids are smarter than I thought. they did what I could not. he got my x to see they NEED their mother and our issues should not influence their relationship with either of us.
I'm praying to god I get more and more time with them. hopefully he won't use his new "power/controll" to keep me from them any more.
I'm working on getting a good lawyer. actually I need 2. family law and disability law. I was denied my first try with disability but I sucked at the paperwork and think I left out some information/doctors I've seen.
I never should have attempted this myself. I was very naive and assumed I would be approved right away because I got so sick. after reading many posts on this site, I saw how things really are. I was shocked the system works like it does.
anyway, I feel I have a whole new plan and new direction. I have read A LOT of the information Betty sent and I feel I am way more informed.
I want to be like you all someday and pass along my experiences and knowledge to help others suffering. What AMAZING people you are. I already feel I have friends here. I'm so thankful. Whoever created this site must be very proud of all of you who made it what it is.
I feel like I got an early christmas present. HOPE!!!!! thank you all
[ 01. December 2007, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: lymieliveagain2007 ]
Posts: 36 | From woburn,ma | Registered: Nov 2007
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
live again,
wonderful that you had a good day, and ALL THE INFO you got on your post you have found helpful and inspiring to FIGHT THE FIGHT for your kids.
i do hope you hook up with PJ in my note above; she can tell you ins/outs of what you are going thru 1st hand! she's a very wise/giving woman who i have a lot of respect for!
glad your kids are older: 10 and 11; they see what is going on, and don't like being puppets either.
do they have counselors at school for this age group? i have no idea.. also, what about church with your pastor if you go?
WOW, you have made it thru most of my 82 page package; girl, have you ever been reading then!!
you mentioned family law lawyer? is that for marriage//divorces, etc? if YES, one of OUR MEMBERS is one of them!!!! just thought i'd throw that in! later, just happy you had a BETTER day, and felt ALL OF THE SUPPORT and education we are offering you on your big problems!
IP: Logged |
bettyg
Unregistered
posted
one more thought!! you might try these 2 spots for advise on disability and family law lawyers!
Please go to SUPPORT GROUPS, left-hand side column by state. CALL the nearest group leader for advise. Do NOT email; many are too sick to reply; thanks!
People seeking doctors in certain states might be able to get help from their state online information and support group. Over 1200 people belong to these state groups. Many of the groups are small but quite a few have 20 or more people on them.
posted
Please call the Disability Law Center in Boston. I do not know their number but you should be able to find it through Google.
They do nothing but pro-bono law for cases involving illness and disability, so if they take your case you will not have to pay.
Posts: 929 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Oct 2007
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posted
the disability law group was also reccomended by my rheumatologist. I was at her office yesterday. I'm overwhelmed cuz I have 2 serios legal issues now.
according to my sister in law who was marriwd to my ex's brother. he found out he can get disability benefits for the kids when I get approved because he got custody. how sick is he? ttrying to benefit monetarily from my illness and using our kids to do it. I just posted a new thread about the other crap he's up to.
anyone know any relaxation techniques that work for us lymies? nothing I've tried is working. I'm just heartbroken. feel just plain yucky!!!!!
Posts: 36 | From woburn,ma | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
My heart goes out to you. I am glad your mom is coming to help you.
Be strong for your children.
Post photos of your childrn around your house, on your mirror, on the fridge, and remember you are going to get better.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Posts: 38 | From Lincoln, CA | Registered: Nov 2007
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shazdancer
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1436
posted
Document, document, document.
Has your husband ever been in rehab? or seen a psychologist? Has anyone ever seen him drunk? Has he ever driven drunk, with or without the kids in the car? Do you have any witnesses to him abusing you (neighbors who heard things, police reports, doctor's reports)? Has he ever abused the kids?
All these things have documents or witness statements that can assist you. Keep a log from now on, and create a record of past incidents. Have a lawyer put him on the stand and ask about these incidents.
When the court begins to examine both of you, you will be asked to sign papers opening up your medical and psychological records -- in other words, you will give up your right to confidentiality. Be ready to tell them about his contacts, because he will conveniently "forget" to list anything that can incriminate him. Don't omit anything of yours.
If you have a schedule of visits with the children, make every single one of them, on time, no matter what. It will help you in court. That he has already given you liberal visitation outside of a schedule is huge.
Be sure that the court assigns a lawyer to the children, so their interests are protected.
This is war -- treat it as such.
Posts: 1558 | From the Berkshires | Registered: Jul 2001
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
shaz, outstanding advance for her/others on the board! thanks so much!
IP: Logged |
posted
5 days ago I felt like I was dying inside. I reread my first post and was amazed by what support, lots of information, and a new attitude can do.
to anyone who needs help, please ASK. it could save you a lot of unneccessary panic. I visited this site many times over the past year. I never asked for help until now. I was so down at times. I didn't want to take up space here.
lymenet is a lifesaver. when you ask for help here, you really get it!!!! I can't thank all of you enough.
--cheryl
Posts: 36 | From woburn,ma | Registered: Nov 2007
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
cheryl, you are welcome even though on yours here, i didn't contribute as everyone else had the replies i would have said!
but isn't it amazing ... ask or help and yea shall receive plus the change of negative attitude of one of HOPE! I CAN DO IT USING THESE COMMENTS! GLAD YOU FEEL SO MUCH BETTER CHERYL!
IP: Logged |
I know a lot about how the Child Protection and legal systems can destroy families due to ignorance over Lyme issues. Please don't ask me why I know so much about it, as I am legally banned from saying.
My knowledge mostly relates to the system in the UK , but from what I have gathered, there are many parallels with the system in the States and other countries too.
You have come to the right place in coming here , as there are many good and caring people on this forum who can also give you accurate information about Lyme disease.
However, people whilst well-meaning, may not necessarily be aware of some of the special dangers and pitfalls that entrap mothers with Lyme issues caught up in these situations.
I would like to suggest a few things. First, I would suggest that you, as soon as you possibly can, ***delete the post*** in which you gave your children's firstnames , and be careful in future to write nothing that can personally identify either you or your family.
At some future point your ex, his lawyers, or others involved in a hostile way against you may find your messages via search engines, and use the things you have said against you in court. If you have any problem deleting messages I am sure the moderators will be happy to help you. Remember, it might not be apparent to you that something you have said could be twisted for use against you, but it might be apparent to your ex's legal team.
As a person with disabilities due to chronic Lyme disease, you have rights and these include your right to a proper family life with your children. Likewise, your children have the right to be raised by their mother, and her illness should not extinguish that right.
However, because for the moment you are ill, you do need some help in caring for your kids. You will need to demonstrate to the courts that you are capable of rounding up enough help so that the children can continue to be cared for safely and properly even if, for example, you feel too weak at times to cook the dinner, or you faint while home alone with them.
It is very good that you have a loving mother who cares about you. She is a very precious resource at this time in your life. If she is able to declare to the courts that she (and any other friends, relatives, neighbours etc that you can muster) are able to commit a certain amount of time each week to help you manage, then in theory, you will have an excellent case for retaining custody of your children.
If some friends or relatives can't commit time, but can promise to phone you periodically during the day just to make certain you are ok, that is something too.
Your oldest child is old enough now to learn an emergency number to dial if Mum faints , or a friend to call when Mum is too weak to stand up.
If you don't have enough people who can promise to spend some time helping you each week, perhaps someone may be willing to lend you some money so that you could hire some help , at least when you are at your very worst? Also if you have not already, please seek advice about any benefits you might be entitled to in that regard, or ask your mother to, if you don't feel able to cope with all the red tape.
The issue of you having contemplated suicide is a very important one and you will have to tread with extreme care here.
All you have been through is enough to make anyone suicidal. Also Lyme itself can cause depression and suicidal thoughts just simply by messing with your brain chemistry. We here on LymeNet understand how it is possible to feel so low, but I am sorry to have to say that you cannot - should not - think that a judge or social services will necessarily have empathy with your plight.
I am so sorry to be so harsh, but unfortunately this is the truth. Many of these institutions operate on a very shallow level when they examine each case. They may have very little time to examine the facts, and social services, child psychology centres etc often employ people fresh out of university with little or no experience of children, or of life.
They think mechanically - " Mum has been suicidal - suicidal depression is a serious mental illness- this can't be good for the children, so let's take them off her. " They don't stop to think "Mum is suicidal because of the lack of support she is receiving while ill, perhaps we need to step in and provide some." Nor of the harm done to Mum and kids by the separation.
They don't think, "Mum is suicidal because she has neurological Lyme, we need to ensure this woman gets prompt and expert treatment so her family is not broken up." That is what social services ***should do***, but from what I have heard that happens very very rarely in Lyme cases.
My advice to you is that whenever you feel suicidal, yes, you must ask for help from whomever makes you feel better - whether it's people on this board, your mother, a friend, a professional ***who can be trusted to keep the matter confidential***, or all of those people.
I would tend to disagree with the person who felt that only a trained professional can help a suicidal person. I have worked as a nurse in the past and have seen a whole team of trained professionals fail to save a suicidal person. I have also known suicidal people to have their spirits restored by a totally untrained person, who just happened to be able to be there to listen and say the right things at the right time.
So, please do seek help the moment you feel suicidal thoughts. You should also discuss this issue in depth with your LLMD. There are Lyme-literate doctors who sre trained psychiatrists - perhaps you can visit one. There is also the possibility of medication for depression but that is a decision for you and your LLMD.
Now, having said all that, I would like to suggest you do NOT discuss the fact that you have felt suicidal anymore with anyone involved with your case - ie your ex, social services, the judge etc.. This is because as I said before, they are unlikely to help you, and very likely to use that as a justification for separating you from your children. Tragic, but true. As I say, I am sorry to be brutal about this, but I feel that if you're not aware of this, you will fall headlong into a trap.
I suggest that you discuss this issue with your LLMD. Tell him that you are struggling to cope with your feelings, and that suicidal ideation that you had in the past can be used against your having custody of your children. He may feel that because you have coped so far, you are all right in this regard. Tell him you are not, and that you urgently need help to deal with your depression, anxiety etc.. I am sure he will understand.
Another harsh truth you need to be 100% aware of is that the mainstream medical profession is ignorant about chronic Lyme disease. This impacts very seriously on mothers in your situation. One person suggested you call on social services for help. I would respectfully suggest that you don't. For every case of social services helping a mother where Lyme issues are involved, I have heard of ten cases where they did exactly the opposite.
Unless social services are willing to take complete guidance from your LLMD on medical issues, they will treat you very badly. This is because they generally take guidance from mainstream doctos, who are likely to subscribe to the guidelines of the IDSA Lyme committee. This committee is corrupt and plagued by massive conflicts of interest.
The IDSA guidelines more or less say that the disease you have, chronic Lyme, does not actually exist(!) The IDSA Lyme committee is currently being investigated by the Ct Attorney general for fraud related to the insurance industry. However, until the day that we manage to expose the corruption of such mainstream Lyme "experts", we will have to cope with the fact that they are likely to use their enormous influence and power to testify against you and sway the judge.
This means that before agreeing to see any doctor for the courts, you must research that doctor's background in full and find out if he is part of the "Steere camp" , follows the IDSA approach etc.. If the doctor is not a follower of the ILADS approach (www.ilads.org), or at least open to their ideas, I would suggest you do not agree to be assessed by that doctor at all.
Likewise, research the background of any doctor called as Expert witness to testify against you by your ex or by social services . People in your local Lyme support group , or here can help you with that, but you should email them back-channel. Seach engines may help too.
Your lawyer will need to object to you being assessed for chronic Lyme by any doctor who disbelieves in the existence of chronic Lyme! You can help him by finding out who is who, or ask your mother or a friend to make enquiries if you are feeling too ill.
A number of people here have felt that if you can only establish before the courts that your husband is alcoholic and abusive, then the judge will automatically see that your children are better off with you. I am very very sorry to have to say that this is NOT necessarily the case.
The courts have a third choice - if they felt that neither you nor your ex were fit to care for the children, they could put them into foster care or a care home, especially if your mother or another relative is not able to come forward as an alternative.
Please understand that I am not trying to frighten you with this, it's just so important that you understand all the ramifications of what you do. You may successfully prove that your ex is unfit, only to end up with your children placed with strangers.
Alternatively, your ex may be able to charm the judge with the help of good lawyer and a corrupt but co-operative psychiatrist who agrees to testify, on a very flimsy basis, that your ex has stopped drinking. Even if your ex had a police record for violence against you, this might be overlooked by the judge. I know of cases where all these things have happened.
Please don't despair because of what I have said, you may be fortunate and things may not turn out as grim as this. I am simply mentioning it because I feel you need to be aware of all the issues or else you may end up with an even more negative outcome than you feared.
Well, I hope I have not tired you with this long letter, or upset you with the harsh truths I have said. But I feel it is better that you know the reality, rather than imagine that judges and social services are necessarily people of great empathy, or that doctors will necessarily be truthful about your condition. In Lyme, all the rules get broken.
You may find some support on the discussion board at www.msbp.com . Although your case is not one of Munchausens by Proxy, which is what this board focuses on, nevertheless there are a lot of people there with general experience of cases like yours and they will definitely be able to give you emotional support and perhaps practical help too.
You are welcome to email me back-channel anytime and I will try and help you if I can. My email is [email protected]. My heart goes out to you. I wish you the very best outcome ,as soon as possible, for your sake, and for the sake of your children. And remember too, that many people DO get better under the guidance of a Lyme-literate medical doctor. Do not give up - keep on fighting, and one day your kids will look back and feel proud that their mother fought so hard for them.
Take care.
Elena
-------------------- Justice will be ours. Posts: 786 | From UK | Registered: Oct 2007
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MagicAcorn
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8786
posted
It seems you want an ear to listen. We are here for that if you need.
I feel very strongly that you need to get offline and sit down with your sister and formulate a plan.
No more talk of suicidal tendencies. That could be why you are in this predicament in the first place.
Ending a marriage when one person is sick is not a very smart thing to do for either parties.
Comes December 14th you had better look rested and healthy as possible and have an attorney to speak for you.
I would suggest not having a pro bono attorney either. Since this is a case that will involve time and effort and pro bono is for run of the mill stuff like DWI's not custody cases. You need to pay someone so they have the interest necessary.
I would borrow from my retirement, cash in bonds, borrow from relatives, or take an advance on a inheritance to have an attorney that has the interest to give you half a shot.
I would look very long and hard at the custody rights site I have posted. Make contacts with people that have a name in the state and influence with the judge.
It matters much more whether your attorney knows the judge and has a positive rapport with that judge, than how much the attorney costs.
quote:Originally posted by MagicAcorn: ....No more talk of suicidal tendencies. That could be why you are in this predicament in the first place. ...
Acorn, suicidal feelings are not something a person can switch on and off like a tap. Even if this lady's suicidal feelings are not a direct result of Lyme's depressive effects, until she has enough support to cope with the enormous stress she is under, it is no surprise she has had these feelings. If Lymenetters can help in any way, we should, and therefore please do not tell this lady to stop letting people know of her feelings.
I do believe, however, that she should edit or delete some of her posts so as to better **anonymise** them, and take care that those hostile to her , such as her ex-husband, cannot read these very private postings and use them against her.
quote:Originally posted by MagicAcorn: ....
Ending a marriage when one person is sick is not a very smart thing to do for either parties.
...
With respect, trying to remain in a marriage with a man who is hostile to you and a danger to your children because of his alcoholism is not a great idea either. Please let this lady decide this very private matter for herself.
quote:Originally posted by MagicAcorn: .... Comes December 14th you had better look rested and healthy as possible and have an attorney to speak for you. ...
As I guess you know, when you have chronic Lyme, it's not easy to command yourself to look "rested and healthy". How rested and how healthy this lady will look in court, will depend on her getting timely and appropriate treatment for her Lyme, and enough emotional support for the nightmare she is going through.
Elena
-------------------- Justice will be ours. Posts: 786 | From UK | Registered: Oct 2007
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MagicAcorn
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8786
posted
Bad - I stand by my sound advice.
Don't let the squirrels fool you I am not an idiot.
-------------------- Posts: 1279 | From In hiding | Registered: Feb 2006
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Caryn
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 366
posted
Hi Cheryl,
i'm so sorry for what you are going thru. i think you have gotten a lot of good advice from people here so i will not repeat.
as far as a good lawyer, there is a lyme literate pschiatrist in Holland, PA whose son is an attourney and i am pretty sure lives and practices in Mass. i tried to look her up in the phone book and thru the internet, but could not locate her phone no.
she is elderly, and was quite sick with lyme herself, and i fear may not be practicing anymore, or worse has passed away. we are not allowed to post llmd's full names here. i'm not sure if i can make an exception in this case, but maybe others here will know the dr i am talking about and know contact info
her name is Dr Virginia S., Holland, PA. anyone here have her contact info.?
also, the lawfirm Sheller, Ludwig and Badey in Phila. is an excellent law firm, they were the ones who won the class action case for the LymeriX vaccine. perhaps they can reccommend a good lawyer in MA for you.
Posts: 1093 | Registered: Nov 2000
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lymednva
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9098
posted
With all due respect, I went through a divorce when I was ill and my then husband had been telling me for years that I was faking all my symptoms to get back at him.
His subtle verbal abuse throughout our 24 year marriage had severely damaged my self esteem and his constant comments convinced me I would never be able to support myself without him.
When it became necessary I learned that I could support myself and that he would also need to pay me alimony.
If I had realized I was ill at the time I would have taken it for the rest of my life. But I am surviving and so much happier and at peace with my life now.
Remaining in a marriage where there is any type of abuse is not healthy for the woman or the kids. It teaches the kids it's OK to put up with all the cr** he's dishing out, and it's not!
My now adult kids will vouch for the fact that I am much happier and better off now than I was when I was married to him.
While I didn't have a formal dx at the time of our divorce, my symptoms flared throughout the period and I was even hospitalized for "depression."
Turns out it was Lyme, and I was not depressed. The antidepressants didn't do a bit of good, even after over 6 months.
Sometimes we are not given a choice of our circumstances, but we have to lift ourselves out of our holes and bring ourselves up despite all the odds.
Hang in there and do heed the advice about deleting personal info. You never know what they may come up with.
-------------------- Lymednva Posts: 2407 | From over the river and through the woods | Registered: Apr 2006
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
lymeagain,
here's how to EDIT your posts where you posted PERSONAL INFO about your self that others addressed above.
to the right of your NICKNAME, 3rd icon is PENCIL/PAPER ICON; click it.
this opens up subject line and ALSO BODY TEXT.
read each post of yours, and then DELETE personal stuff. click EDIT SEND when done.
do this on every post here you have.
also to check other posts you made, go to your PROFILE top left box.
click on VIEW POSTS on left side of yoru profile; good luck! lots of advise from many sources.
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MagicAcorn
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8786
posted
Massachusetts Child Custody Cases
By Law Offices of Sharyn T. Sooho
Published: July 17, 2004
1) Do my children choose where they live after divorce? No. Judges do not base custody solely on a pre-teen's stated preference. We pay more attention to teen-agers, but adults make the final decision.
2) If both parents share custody, does that mean no one pays child support? No. If one parent has a higher income, expect a transfer of some funds to the other parent. The support, however, should be lower than an order determined by the child support guidelines.
3) At what age can a child be cut off from support? Eighteen is the usual age of emancipation, but Massachusetts courts may order support for full time students up to the age of twenty-three.
4) Can I stop my spouse from seeing the children if I don't get my child support payments? No. File a contempt action to collect child support.
5) Can I stop paying child support if my spouse won't let me see the children? Not in Massachusetts. File a contempt action to enforce your visitation rights.
6) My spouse has a lover. Can I get the court to stop my spouse from visiting the children in the presence of the lover? Sometimes courts restrict the presence of a lover until a divorce is final. After a suitable period of adjustment, most courts lift the restriction.
7) My spouse physically abused me during marriage. Should I be worried about the children having unsupervised visitation? Some experts believe a person who abuses a spouse may abuse the children. Generally, courts require some evidence that unsupervised visitation goes against the children's best interests.
8) What's the difference between joint legal custody and sole legal custody? Joint legal custody confers authority on both parents to make major decisions about the children. It does not mean the children spend half the year with Dad and the other half with Mom. Sole legal custody means that one parent makes all of the big d ecisions, but can't take the children from Massachusetts permanently without the prior permission of the other parent or court.
--------------------------------------------------------------- Here is another website that would be very useful if you were to try and do this alone. It may give you a quick idea of what to expect. I hope you do get an attorney, because being sick makes it more likely to make decisions you'll regret later on if you are not careful.
-------------------- Posts: 1279 | From In hiding | Registered: Feb 2006
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shazdancer
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1436
posted
Nice stuff in the FAQ post, Acorn!
The legal phrase to keep in mind is, "in the best interest of the children."
Lymieliveagain, this quote from your original post got me, "my husband thought I was dying and started drinking again a few weeks after I was diagnosed.(he's an alcoholic)"
I hope you understand that he drinks because he wants to drink. Your disease did not MAKE him drink. (Nor does your health keep him sober, for that matter.) Rather, a rational person would want to be sober to help the family in a crisis, not make a bad situation worse by abusing alcohol.
I will agree with 8Legs in this: keep anything identifiable or incriminating off the board, because it can be used against you. And if you need support to be able to care for your children, get it in place before you go to court, in the best interest of the children.
Posts: 1558 | From the Berkshires | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
thank you for all your support and all opinions. I understand all too well how facts can be twisted and used against someone.
I can't afford to make any mistakes. I need to see all possible scenerios.
at this time no matter what symptoms I have, I must show my complete ability to care for my children.
I know all this will continue to be a struggle but if I don't succeed the outcome could be horrendous.
on the bright side, ny mom came up from florida and my ex allowed the kids to stay with me with her for the weekend.
I have spoken with an attorney and my family is going to try to get some money together to retain her.
my friends cousin is in real estate and found a furnished apt that is rented week to week without a lease or security deposit.
my parents are trying to help all they can for me financially but they are both retired and have a strict budget.
my sister has done a lot for me as well but she has her own financial struggles. she also had lyme back in 2002 but got better much quicker than most I have seen.
we have a plan and I have my family really backing me up. my brother who lives in another state suggested we try a fundraiser to help my legal fight.
I'm embarrassed by this situation though and wonder how I approach my former employer and community.
although the allegations used to get custody were completely FALSE, they were serious and downright scary.
I understand the court system can only do so much and they must be cautious to protect children but I am completely innocent of the statements my ex made.
all I want for christmas is my family back. minus one lying, cheating, heartless husband
Posts: 36 | From woburn,ma | Registered: Nov 2007
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