kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Copied and pasted this from the lyme blog web site.
LymeBlog News Lexington, KY USA By Glenroy Wolfsen, LymeBlog Staff
Second Thoughts is a column on LymeBlog News featuring poetry by Glenroy Wolfsen.
Knowing the holidays were coming and that no one would be visiting me, and I was too sick with Lyme to visit anyone else, I walked over to the famous old red mill where all the artifacts of this historical museum were there for all to see.
How it reminded me of just how I felt. My life had no future, and I was nothing now. My only solace was to look back at who I used to be.
Old Mill
People visit the old red mill, Now a museum -
Old grinding stones Set in the grass That once turned to make the powered goods For sale.
All the works silent, still. Now without a sound -
Reminding me how I also Keep these memories of myself To visit
With the same reverence and fascination As if looking at An Old Red Mill.
Glenroy Wolfsen
Second Thoughts: A column featuring poetry by Glenroy Wolfsen
Glenroy Wolfsen has lived a life filled with pain: of Lyme disease and the illnesses and losses of loved ones. But he has also experienced the profound pleasures of learning, teaching, music and academics.
Raised on a farm, yet schooled in music and religion (Master of Divinity) and with interests in religions, psychology, mind-body healing and Eastern Sacred Texts, Glenroy's spirit shines through in his works of fine poetry and wise prose.
After regaining much of his health, Glenroy remains busy teaching, studying and writing several books: one about his life story, others with poetry. He is pleased to share some of his works with you in an ongoing basis here at Lymeblog.
My wife had died earlier in the year; my son was with my daughter. It was only my dog and I.
The sky was darkening before a storm.
I went then on this Christmas Eve afternoon to sit by the river. I was alone with the season and the mystery about to be commemorated.
I had nothing but the afternoon, the sky, the water, a few trees and my pain .
Christmas Eve Afternoon
Fading hours of the day Up against dark skyline Where setting sun And rising storm meet
All is still On the water is reflected A faint smile As the tree tops bid goodbye
One last memory
Attaches itself here Before the new beginning Shapes a mighty future
Turning on a single morning When God Came To meet man
This afternoon when I went to write by the river, again - this time the town had been decorated. The bridge just above me was ...
all decked out in green and red and toy soldiers.
But it was getting cold and the wind was blowing. I took my little pad and pen to capture this scene and to search out what this all meant.
For me, one alone and solitary, I needed to know that all this was not just to make the little town pretty and bright, but that it would somehow give me something to look forward to with hope and offer my darkness some light.
Emanuel
Wooden soldiers in bright red vests With tall black hats on the bridge Strings of evergreens Decorated wreaths Giant red bows on windowsills Colored lights around all the sidewalk trees - So that all is dressed in festive attire And waiting.
Waiting also in the north Is the cold wind and pure white snow About to join the scene Along with the darkening slanted light From a sun whose visit is less and less Each day.
But He too is waiting Where, because the sky is our mirror - On that certain day His glory will begin to cast more light.
Waiting will come to an end - The visitor will come to dwell among us. From the High heavens And all the Angelic Hosts To this little town
Down even to the country of our own hearts Where all is set in expectation, Waiting for Emanuel.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
The star seems to be my theme this Christmas.
I first was reminded of it in a movie I was watching in the middle of the night because I could not sleep.
The part where the star showed the shephards and the wiseman where to find Jesus brought tears to my eyes.
Can't imagine what it was like for Joseph and Mary during that time.
Then a friend asked me if I had decorated for Christmas.
My response was no. I had a burst of energy where I pulled the boxes out of storage and looked for my Christmas decorations.
I was able to hang up the kitchen towels and bathroom towels for Christmas.
That was the end of my burst of energy. The boxes are still on my patio and in my front room and need to be sorted through and returned.
I was also looking for my ice scraper for the car...donated it I guess since I had gone almost 6 years without a car due to lyme disease.
So, my friend suggested I at least hang a star. It brought back visions of the movie in my head.
Good idea I told her. Got in my power chair and went to the store across the street.
Asked the owner if he had a star. I was too low functioning to look around the store myself...his shop is also not very power chair friendly.
He came back with a small star, but one that would do.
It is now hanging from the ceiling fall and light in the front room.
Then a friend brought over a very nice basket of fresh fruit and vegatables.
it meant a lot because I know they are struggling too. They are in real estate and the market is very slow and has been for quite some time. She went to work for Walmart for Christmas.
It also meant a lot because I had been out of fresh veggies and fruit for quite some time and it looked like I would not be able to get to the market until teh end of the week as the senior van was not running for a while and I was too weak to drive myself and use the store scooters.
Don't like the store scooters. I do so much better in my power chair.
Back to the star. There was a beautiful star on the card she included in the basket.
She left it outside my door and sent me an email to let me know it was there. She knew I was struggling and did not want to wear me out.
I appreciated that.
Then there was the 3rd phone call from my parents asking almost demanding when bring Rosie's Christmas gift.
Since they are very difficult to be around...like a bull in a china shop...I decided to ask them to do what my friend had done.
Just drop the gift for my service dog Rosie outside the door as I was too weak to have company.
WEll, they came. But, they did not just drop the gift off and leave.
They kept knocking on the door and trying to turn the handle to get in the door. Glad I had locked it.
I did get up out of bed and opened the door. I was very weak and it took all I had to stand at the door and hold Rosie back from running out the door.
I didn't have enough stenght to use my voice commands with her.
I know my parents were there. But, i was not well enough to ask how they were nor process what the answer was.
They wanted to know what to do with Rosie's present. I asked them to set it down in the kitchen which is right inside the door.
As usual, my mom is verbal and not an independent thinking. Where do I set it down she askes.
AT least I am functioning well enough to tell her to put it on top of the frigerator.
I know they are there but the vision is blurred and my heart is pounding. I am just too weak to be on my feet at that time.
Glad it was short and I was able to go lay back down.
My parents are not very compassionate and have boundary issues. And if it has anything to do with negativity they will fill the air with it.
My mom talks non stop whether or not you want to hear her or can even process what she is saying.
I had her get up and come across the room last time I was at her house. I was having a rough day of it and it actually hurt to try and process what people were saying...especially if they go on and on.
I had told her it hurt and had turned my head while reclining in an easy boy. Well, she got up and came across the room and got right in my face and continued to talk.
I turned myself the other way and you guessed it...she went to the other side of the chair and continued to shove something in my face she wanted me to see although my vision was nto working well at that point.
I hae tried so many times to get it across to her she needs to wait until I am doing well enough to listen to her.
Now, I just make sure I am in teh position I can physically remove myself from teh situation as she continues to talk as I leave and after I have given her warnings I am leaving. STrange momma.
VEry rude. So rude, I no longer care to be around them adding that to other behaviors that have made me worse instead of better when around them.
Told them I had plans when they asked me to come over for Christmas.
I did. I have plans for a nice quiet Christmas at home in a safe environment.
Better to sit at table in peace than at a feast in strife.
Another friend dropped off a package for me to. The good news is both packages that were dropped off lyme friendly in that they were very easy to unwrap.
I recall the previous years, that opening packages at Christmas were not an option.
I waited. Not sure how many days past Christmas it took for me to get my strenght to open a package or two.
I do recall how exhausted I was and that I had to try a litttle and then rest and then try again later until I got the package open.
The other gift was a bag of goodies. Things from the local health food store that I can crunch on that are gluten free and sugar free.
Very nice. A rare treat as I usually think twice about getting myself snack food when I am out shopping. I have a problem spending the money on it.
None of this is empty calorie food. It is all good food with nutrition. Looking forward to having snacks in the evening as I watch a movie.
Speaking of movies. Saw a very good one on TBN last night.
It had Linda Townsend in it. (Hope I have the name right) The lady who was in the TV show called the Beauty and the BEast many years ago.
This time she played the part of a german woman close to the front lines. She had taken her son to a cabin in the woods to prevent him from being part of the war.
While there she became the host to a few American Soldiers and a few German Soldiers on Christmas.
They arrived bitter enemey's but left as friends. The war ended shortly afterwards. Very well done movie.
There have been several very well done movies about Christmas for me to watch on the Hallmark Channel and other channels. It has been good.
Tried to listen to Christmas programs but the singing part is still not something I can listen to for long. Music is still not part of my life yet again due to lyme disease.
WEll, that is it for now. It is now 6 am Christmas morning.
Don't know if I will be able to get outdoors and come up with something to write about as the above writer did or not.
I do know i am not able to sit and write. When I am outdoors, I need to keep moving either in my power chair and lately on my feet if I keep it to about 10 or 15 minutes.
There are times I would just enjoy sitting the forrest and just being there or being able to read..but that part of my heatlh has not returned yet.
Hoping I will see the Canadian Geese fly over again today. Saw lots of them yesterday at sunrise as I was out with Rosie to allow her to toilet.
It also was not as cold yesterday.
I'd like to take pictures today. Another skill that has not returned since coming down with lyme.
I am hoping to try again today. Perhaps I will succeed.
Went to find the two houses in the paper that won awards for their Christmas decorations last night.
Too dark. Could not see the street signs although I did print out mapquest instructions on how to get there.
Hoping I am doing well enough today to look for them in the daylight so I can go back at night and see the lights.
It has been a week or two since I have wanted to do this. Just waiting for the health to be working well enough to do it.
First Christmas I have been well enough to go look at the lights since I came down with this 6 years ago.
I also was able to get a few Christmas cards out this year either via snail male or email.
I had more I would have liked to have mailed. But, the good news is I got more out this year than before.
I am still not in the position to give gifts yet.
I have gone without food in the past in order to do this. Food was more important to me this year.
I am beginning to get in the habit of eating and I like it.
Also able to get a few dishes down last night.
Hoping to be able to do more today and finally get the kitchen caught up and clean.
It would be nice to have clean sheets on the bed and take a shower too. But, not realistic.
And it would be nice to put the laudry away that has been sitting there for about a month now.
That too is not realistic but it does happen at times. I do have times when I am able to fold and put laundry away.
I hope today is one of those days.
Lyme has really slowed me down.
I can only look to the star and pray and hope I am learning what I need to learn by all of this.
The blessings have been many. Teh goodness of others has been awesome and hard for this once independent woman to comprehend.
How about you for those who like to write or for those who writing helps.
How is your Christmas with lyme?
It helped me to read about the writer above who also spent Christmas alone due to lyme.
I hope my ramblings have helped someone else.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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Kam Thanks for sharing your Christmas thoughts. I know many here can relate to them. I can.
I will be going to a friends house this afternoon since I wont be driving home. They are having crabcakes - a favorite of mine. I will only stay for a few hours. My friends are pretty cool at understanding I cant hang out for long. I hope you can get out and find those Christmas lights.
-------------------- Nori Posts: 109 | From Virginia | Registered: Mar 2006
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MagicAcorn
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8786
posted
Kam, look at my post on the Wiseman.
Maybe the STAR will lead you to better things in 2008.
Merry Christmas, Kam.
Posts: 1279 | From In hiding | Registered: Feb 2006
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kgg
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5867
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Thanks for sharing, KAM. It sounds like you are going to have a peaceful day. That is what we are having today.
Even though we are back near family, we are not getting into the Christmas scene this year. And I am very grateful that we are not.
Mark is in his room on the couch, playing on his game cube with the light out. Content to be there and not bothered.
I am in bed, with the lap top. TV on with no sound. Miss Priss on the floor beside me.
Bob is expending energy that both Mark and I don't have putting his new weather station up.
We did not decorate. We did not do gifts. And I am completely OK with that. Because to me the reason for celebration is to focus on Jesus' birth. That does not have to involve all that our culture does.
I love the your focus on the star. That is nice.
It sounds like you have some wonderful friends there. Enjoy your snacks.
Hugs, Karen
Posts: 1681 | From Maine | Registered: Jun 2004
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MagicAcorn
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Posts: 1279 | From In hiding | Registered: Feb 2006
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kgg
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5867
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Very nice! Thank you, Magic Acorn.
Posts: 1681 | From Maine | Registered: Jun 2004
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
Dear Kam,
Had two wild Indians who tore through the presents Santa had left.
I have had a hard time today. Air hunger and pounding heart.
I really dislike the way they bundle children's toys with all of those wires.
It takes forever to get into and is frustrating for me.
Then it's on to the battery operated things with these little bitty screws.
The children had a great day. My Mom came over.
We are going next door to our wonderful neighbor's for dinner.
I love Christmas, but I am just worn out.
Did make it to a Christmas Eve service last night.
They had an orchestra. It was lovely to listen to.
Hope Rosie enjoyed her gift from your parents.
Hang in there. You were in my thoughts all day.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
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Hi Kam,
This will be short as I am having a real difficult time today.
It looks like a toy store exploded i my house.
Even though this is my first "sick" christmas it has been one of the best ever. Not sure why.
Will have to type more when better. I wish you and Rosie a merry Christmas!
Melissa
Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
Merry Merry Christmas*!
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
It was fun reading the other posts.
Karen, peace is good. Sounds like you had a very peaceful day.
Geneal, those indians sound like they were happy campers
Glad to hear it was the best Christmas ever Melissa even though your health was south and not at the north pole. Sounds like the north pole came to your house.
Merry Christmas to you too California
Nori..those crab cakes sound good. I don't beleive I have every had any. Time to give some a try.
I did find the one house during day time that won an award. But, am waiting until the brain is working better again before I go out at night looking at the lights either on houses or in the sky.
Acorn...i liked your picture.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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Hi kam, Sorry I didn't see this sooner. I haven't had much time on LymeNet because family was visiting for Christmas. Enjoyed my children and grandchildren, but sure did miss my LymeNet family.
Makes me sad to know that you were alone on Christmas. Wish you lived near me. We could have found something to do that was quiet and required little exertion....like watching another one of those wonderful movies.
I saw a couple that were very special, but I can't remember the names of them right now.
Or you could have visited with my family. We had a low-key kind of day. You could have just watched and listened. No need to talk.
So glad that some special gifts were brought to you and Rosie. It's wonderful when friends understand your situation and they're so thoughtful about what's best for you. Hope you'll be feeling better soon and you can enjoy a visit with them.
Will be thinking about you and hoping you're improving. Posts: 4638 | From South Carolina | Registered: Mar 2001
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sizzled
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1357
posted
Hoping you get good rest and renewed energy.
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