posted
It's been a while... but I missed you guys.
My hubby said to me after a particularly hard week, "Why don't you talk to your lyme buddies?"
So why didn't I? Because you guys got enough on your plates without me whining about how everything seems like it's wrong with me!
I finished my ceftin and since we were short on money, I couldn't get the zith since it was $400 so I got the Flagyl instead.
I'm starting baby doses but still it's so hard! I spoke with the doc on the phone and he called in Klonopin to help with the jerking/twitching and insomnia.
I didn't sleep for 2 days straigh5t even taking all my regular sleep aids - OTC sleep aid, valerian, hops, skull cap, chamomile...nothng worked.
I even tried it all again around 3am. The pain in my legs was horrible and I was just at the point of screaming or dying, I don'tknow which.
I finally did rest after taking the meds. It has helped.
But my hubby called and talked to the doc about trying the IV thing because I still have struggles with vomitting.
It's a hit or miss on keeping my antibiotics down and my hubby thought IV sounded smarter. Well, ofcourse IV's are WAY out of our budget.
Just gettig me to see Dr C and paying for all that plus the meds is really a strain and now I see the look on my husband's face of more stress and defeat too since he feels he's not able to take care of me like he should.
I feel so bad. He finally got me to walmart today and I used the wheelchair. I've had to use it before but it's like all the neurological symptoms are back but worse.... like I am stumbling, bumping can't speak clearly, almost falling and have actually fallen.
I would say it was the new meds but it started a few days prior to that. Our pastor and his wife saw us at walmart and were shocked.
We haven't made it to church the last couple of times (Sunday or Weds) because I've been so bad. Of course hubby told them that but they just thouht I was not feeling well.
They don't understand. Don't take me wrong. They are good people but they don't understand. They ask questions but then they look at me sorta blank.
A few weeks ago, the wife said to me "Are you sure you need to be taking antibiotics that long?" I wanted to say "NO, I'm just doing it because I like vomitting and staying on a strict diet" but I diddn't and really that is not l ike me either.
Some days I just want t give up. I am so tired of being sick. It's just me and James and our son Zachary who is 16.
I have a daughter that is 14 who left us 2 years ago to live with her birthdad who is a real piece of crap...he walked out on us when she was 12 days old but she wants all the good things he's promised her and none of the rules that we have in our home.
It near killed me...still does rip my heart out when I think of it. James (my hubby) has a daughter that we've raised up until a year and a half ago when she was 16 1/2 and then she up and left to go live with her birth mom with no warning.
The other day when I was trying to cook dinner and trying to be "normal", I thought, where are my girtls?
Why couldn't they be here to help me? To help m ake our family be more normal and working while I am going thru all this?
But they don't care. My own daughter won't return my letters. I haven't heard from her in over a year. They don't care. Or I should say they care more about what fun they can have then anything else.
It has really crushed me and I believe that it has had a major impact on why the lyme came back with a vengence this last year.
I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I probably should like a real nut case but we are a "normal" christian family who have loved and sacrificed for our children, and tried to raise them right.
Now other people look at us and say we must have done something wrong to make them leave us. Our oldest Camille (james' daughter) her mother was too busy partying and all that to be bothered with mothering her daughter and she gave her to us but now Camille is old enough to do "fun" things with.
I'm sorry. I am so drpessed and crying right now and I don't have anyone ele to talk to. I've never been depressed before in my life but these last 2 years, I'd say I qualify for that if not certifiably crazy.
I check email more than I can get to the board so if you need t reaach me, it's [email protected]
bless you for reading this, Kimberly
Posts: 41 | From Brookfield, MO | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
I have teens and it is really tough sometimes. Your girls will see the light, I am sure. Teens do have the tendancy to live only for the here and now. In a few years you will see a big difference in them.
I am sure that your girls love you, and I know the stress of having a chronic illness. This stress is sometimes too much for us adults, just imagine the stress for a teenager. All they want is to fit in. I know it has been difficult for my daughters - their mom is just not like everyone else.
I will pray for you and your family. I am not quite sure if I understand what meds you are on right now. If they are new could you be herxing?
best wishes....
-------------------- This is NOT medical advice - and should NOT be used to replace your MD's advice. Info is only the opinion of those who publish the site.
The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at a time.
cb Posts: 669 | From somewherebetweentherocks | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
Yes CB, I just started Flagyl. I have had to take baby doses due to herxing. think that was what broght all this on. I'm just feeling bad, morose really. Blah blah...everyone has their own troubles. I hate to dump on you all but no one else understands.
Bless you, Kimberly In MO
Posts: 41 | From Brookfield, MO | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
I don't know what hpppened to what all I typed. I guess it got lost but no, no antidepressent.
the doc gave me Klonopin for sleep and jerking and I noticed too it's good for seizures which I thougt was good since lasd year I had some TIA which really scared me alot.
I keep falling, very clumspy, can't type takes forever to fix it and so I've given up. My bubby says i't attrociaous. lol.
He's afraid it's meds but this was happening days before I started the klonopin and now is just worse. I fell 3 times today just hanging up laundry and sevrall other times for no reason. My balance is so off and my feet and legs don't worl righjt. It' very scary but i'm also afraid he's gonna take me off me meds
He said t me that he was gonna call doc and and see what he said. I'M scared, look at how long iot took me to get on meds; I am relly sorry aoupt te typig; I am really trying this is how it'ws beeh or daywsl Mabe it's my keybaord, hahah
As far as ouyr girls, you know when hte goiing grts tough,=...evertbody kleaves, I;ve ajsed James repeatedly if he's gonna leave too.l Who wants to b sddled witha wife loike this> I can't hardly cok, I barely keep the house clean. I'm doing good if I make the bed. We used to have company over ....not much anymore becasue I never know how I;m going be. WE hd some over lst Friday. I had toleavce. WEnt to bed. Rolled in pain for hours. This was what this really started, sat nighrt. Never ot b\etter . I ended up in a wheler chair andn olw wnder if I shou.ld fdind one for at lhme to I'm a m,ess guys/ Do you thnk it's flagyl or the med? n add if I can't tyupe soj I'd rathern callor snail mailp.
bleswsings Kimberly
[ 06. April 2008, 09:26 AM: Message edited by: KLewis ]
Posts: 41 | From Brookfield, MO | Registered: Jan 2008
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