posted
in 2001 I was sick with lyme and the doctors did not know what to do..I was in the hospital with very serious problems that the doctors thought were psyciatric in nature..the hosiptal thought that I was making all my symptoms up and if I kept it up i would be in the ward. so I was told the next time it would be involentary..now I told my wife to stay on my side and fight the battle as I was to sick to fight..she went on the side of the doctors and made it so that I would have to ignore it or be comitted. the other person was my mother who stood right in the way of me getting antibiotics for lyme and harrased dr b office at the time telling them my son is just anxious he does not have lyme...because of what they did and the betrayal of my wife and my family I am stuck with severe neuro problems..I got ten times worse by ignoring it..at the end they said eric were coming to pick you up and bring you in that was the words of my phsyciatrist..so I did not go home for two days and went for the spec scan wich showed the problem all along ..at that point the doctors stopped but the damage was done..deep down in my heart i gave an order to my wife to take my side and too this day she does not get why I am angry..I keep telling her she broke our trust and damaged me at the same time..so in a sense she is the reason I got worse..I could of been normal! eric
Posts: 593 | From long island ny | Registered: Apr 2006
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charlie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 25
posted
Eric...just figuring all this out makes you pretty normal...and you can still fix refrigeration units while talking to me on the phone.
Be glad for what you have and hit the delete key on the resentment....most people think ANY doctor is God.
sad but true
Charlie
Posts: 2804 | From Texas | Registered: Oct 2000
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posted
I am ok charlie, remember were I was..the babs is gone from the blood and the bart is also gone and now the lyme is bieng hit..yes I do go to work..I am blessed but I cant help but being angry..it just is not right..she thought doctors new everything? go figure eric
Posts: 593 | From long island ny | Registered: Apr 2006
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I'm sorry you didn't have support when you needed it the most. But I'm glad you had the strength to keep on fighting.
Posts: 984 | From San Diego | Registered: Nov 2006
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shazdancer
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1436
posted
Hi Eric,
Sounds like you have every right to be angry. You were not believed by those who should have believed you.
Posts: 1558 | From the Berkshires | Registered: Jul 2001
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aklnwlf
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5960
posted
Hi there Polar Blast,
It hurts when those we love don't support us through this hell.
But, I believe that what goes around comes around.
I'm one of the folks on this board that's pretty much had to tough it out on my own.
I've learned just coming here to Lymenet helps me to cope and vent.
I'm glad you're here at Lymenet.
Anything I can do or say to help, let me know.
-------------------- Do not take this as medical advice. This comment is based on opinion and personal experience only.
Alaska Lone Wolf Posts: 6918 | From Columbus, GA | Registered: Jul 2004
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sixgoofykids
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11141
posted
Yes, you have a right to feel angry. BUT, you also need to talk it over with her and let go of that anger. You need to tell her you feel betrayed. BUT, you also need to understand that she was doing what she felt was right at the time.
Your starting out the conversation with, "I understand you did what you thought was right, but do you see why I feel that you betrayed me?" might open the doors to some real, heartfelt discussion between the two of you.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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posted
I have learned that forgiveness is powerful not just for the one who is forgiven, but also for the one that forgives.
When you hold on to anger and don't forgive, it really hurts you more than the other person or people you don't forgive.
I do understand why you feel the way you feel, but you will help yourself more than you know if you just forgive.
I don't have lyme, but my daughter does and I still deal with everyone's ignorance over the diseae. I also have experience in holding on to a wrong that someone did to me.
When I finally decided to forgive him, it was for my benefit, not his.
Posts: 177 | From God's Grace | Registered: Apr 2007
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lymemomtooo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5396
posted
Eric, YES, you have a right to be angry but if you let it continue it will consume you the way Lyme has and you may loose your family.
So my suggestion is as others have said, try to forgive. Perhaps write your thoughts and re do them a few times. Put it away for a month or so and revisit it when you are calmer and perhaps you will word it better...But I think on paper it will offer a better read for all to understand.
Many in our family and some friends have even suggested we institutionalize our daughter. She would never get well..I have been very angry over this for awhile and have finally realized that they were just illiterate regarding the Hell of these diseases...As are most ducks, some of which I hope to never meet in a dark alley..
I still have trouble letting that anger go...
Good luck..lymemomtooo
Posts: 2360 | From SE PA | Registered: Mar 2004
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I had a very sick child. I thought that her problems were psychiatric. When she complained about pain, I thought she was hypocondriacal. When she told me she wanted to die, I thought she's suicidal/depressed. When she complained that her socks hurt, I didn't believe her. When I had to walk on eggshells every minute of every day around her, I felt angry at her.
You know what. Her symptoms were real. All of them. Her socks really did hurt her feet. The sound of her brother crying really did hurt her head. She really did feel so bad that she wanted to die. Once I learned that she was sick with lyme and babesia I BEGAN to understand.
But until I got sick with lyme myself did I really and truely understand. Sometimes I think that I became ill so that I could be a better mother to this sick child.
It is so hard to understand what someone is going through or feeling with lyme especially since so many of the symptoms (at least for my family) are psychiatric. And then when you're trying to help the patient and really understand what's going on, you're told by doctors-trained medical professionals- that your loved one is fine, not sick or making it up. It's easier to believe that then to believe that our healthcares system is really so barbaric.
Just trying to give you another perspective.
Posts: 524 | From Hudson Valley, NY | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
I am just feeling that the people who were there to take care of me and execute my will decided that there version was reality leaving me with incomprehensible damage that only us lymies know..I am not angry just realized who is really on my side..it is certainly not my family..but I am not angry just wize to it...I am now starting to feel normal and what I have now may not be what I really wanted and that is the sad truth..its like bieng set free once the lyme is under control and right now I can see very very clearly..I got screwed..but theres the light at the end that is what I am happy about.. and for all family that go against there loved ones and listened to stupid ignorant untrained egotistical doctors that is a crime.. the victim bieng the inocent patient..thank god for my llmd that nurse me thru hell herxes and never for a minute let me down that is the person that I owe thanks.. eric
Posts: 593 | From long island ny | Registered: Apr 2006
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Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
Anyone who can forgive those who have done them so much harm for so many years...
And who continue to do it when they know better...
Well, those who can are a much better person that I am. My hats off to them. But... on the other hand....
I am angry. I can't let it go. I'm not even sure I want to let it go.
Does it hurt me? Probably.
But it also gives me the push I need to do things to try to change the situation whenever I can.
To be able to forgive and forget I would have to totally remove myself from the Lyme world.... and then I am not sure that would even work, because each morning when I wake in pain.. and I can't leave the house or go to work and do what I loved doing... it is a reminder.
I wish I could loose the anger (folks say you should do it and you are suppose to).. but it isn't easy when you see destruction happening to others over and over and over... every single day.
Good luck to you. I hope you can be happy... anger or not. But if you can't... just know you aren't alone.
posted
Catskillmamala: I could have written every word of your post. Ours is the same story. We didn't really understand our daughter until my husband and I got Lyme. Now we get it.
Posts: 79 | From Rhode Island | Registered: Jun 2008
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
i know this is not the same thing, but after my mom's death, my one sister became someone i didn't know at all. she has done tremendous damage to the relationships in our family, and i no longer have any contact with her. she violated mom's will, took the major of things, lied and just caused so many problems.
for me, i prefer to just not go there and not have any contact. my other sisters are willing to just let it go, but i know, deep in my heart, that she will continue to act this way.
i wish i could tell you that i think you should forgive and forget, but some things you just can't. talk to her and if she still feels she was right, then maybe counseling.
this is a very tough decision but for me, if my husband did that, i would be gone...
it all depends on how she reacts to your bringing this up and trying to talk to her.
also consider, what would happen if this happened again? what would she do? and i hate to say this, but my heavens, what would she do if you uh, had an accident or something?
at one time, in my marriage, i changed all my insurance policies, that's how bad it was. but things have worked out and i got treatment....
you have a lot to consider.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
because of the way I was treated and the stess I was under, I had no choice but to deal, and get better...now that I am better I feel that I most persue other relationships..I mean come on my wife has never mentioned by name the word lyme disease in the past 20 years of dealing..I had to take care of myself and there was absolutly no help..and her siding with everyone else made me not like her...so I am onto a new life..things are changing very rapidly but for the good.. eric
Posts: 593 | From long island ny | Registered: Apr 2006
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
oh eric, i am so sorry....i was hoping for the best...
but you know there are some things that people just cannot get over. we move on but the pain still lingers. you can say you forgive but in the back of your mind, it's still there, quietly sitting until some small thing, maybe a word, a glance, raised eyebrows, something, triggers it, and then it all comes back. believe me, that's no way to live.
i think you should go forward and if you decide to look for another relationship, be right up front and make sure your future partner understands all about lyme....
i think you're doing the right thing and i support you 100 percent. i had to do tough love with my family because it was right for me.
you'll get through this, hon, and it's going to hurt like hell, but you'll be stronger. plus without all that pain and stress, it will help with your lyme symptoms.
i'm with you all the way....been there done that...
(oh to give you more background -- my first husband got his secretary, who was married to someone else, pregnant. he left me, she left her husband, and he married her 5 days after our divorce. talk about bitter....it took years for me to get over that. 5 years to be exact. so i've sort of had situations like yours too).
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
Breaking up to read:
quote:Originally posted by polar blast: in 2001 I was sick with lyme and the doctors did not know what to do..
I was in the hospital with very serious problems that the doctors thought were psyciatric in nature..
the hosiptal thought that I was making all my symptoms up and if I kept it up i would be in the ward.
so I was told the next time it would be involentary..
now I told my wife to stay on my side and fight the battle as I was to sick to fight..
she went on the side of the doctors and made it so that I would have to ignore it or be comitted.
the other person was my mother who stood right in the way of me getting antibiotics for lyme and harrased dr b office at the time telling them my son is just anxious he does not have lyme...
because of what they did and the betrayal of my wife and my family I am stuck with severe neuro problems..I got ten times worse by ignoring it..
at the end they said eric were coming to pick you up and bring you in that was the words of my phsyciatrist..
so I did not go home for two days and went for the spec scan wich showed the problem all along ..
at that point the doctors stopped but the damage was done..
deep down in my heart i gave an order to my wife to take my side and too this day she does not get why I am angry..
I keep telling her she broke our trust and damaged me at the same time..
so in a sense she is the reason I got worse..I could of been normal!
eric
Well that stinks.
You must be a pretty gutsy guy to give an "order" to your wife.
I'll bet she's not happy about being repeatedly blamed for your illness either, though I DO understand what it's like to have a spouse who doesn't take these TBDs seriously.
It's really hard for someone who doesn't experience this first-hand to comprehend what it does & how it feels.
quote: I am just feeling that the people who were there to take care of me and execute my will decided that there version was reality leaving me with incomprehensible damage that only us lymies know..
I am not angry just realized who is really on my side..it is certainly not my family..but I am not angry just wize to it...
I am now starting to feel normal and what I have now may not be what I really wanted and that is the sad truth..
its like bieng set free once the lyme is under control and right now I can see very very clearly..I got screwed..
but theres the light at the end that is what I am happy about..
and for all family that go against there loved ones and listened to stupid ignorant untrained egotistical doctors that is a crime..the victim bieng the inocent patient..
thank god for my llmd that nurse me thru hell herxes and never for a minute let me down that is the person that I owe thanks.. eric
Have you given any thought to counseling?
It might be helpful for both YOU and your wife to have someone help you talk through the anger & resentment.
Or maybe you'll have a relapse & forget all about it. (sorry, REALLY bad joke) It would be nice if that could happen though. It would make life so much easier.
Is she supportive of you now that your SPECT has proven that it's not "imaginary"?
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
eric wrote "deep down in my heart" he gave an order to his wife, not that he verbally told her...
and mentally i do the same thing to my husband all the time. he doesn't believe i have lyme at all so i understand what he is saying....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
well no I told her directly and firmly that I would die from this that they are not correct. something is really really wrong. it is not a phsyciatric problem..103 fevers are not psyciatric..so the doctors thought that I was delusional and wanted to be sick...also I am not angry per se but wised up to the matter.. eric
Posts: 593 | From long island ny | Registered: Apr 2006
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
opps, sorry ali, i took the meaning literally....
but i understand your point. guess nobody wants it thrown up in her face...
still it would be very very hard to live with...i don't think i could forgive my husband if he did that to me...
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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