posted
I have never run a marathon, but my friends who have say that the first 20 miles are only the first half of it, and the last 6 miles are the second half.
So I'm definitely in the second half of this marathon (not sure where the finish line is, exactly), but surprisingly I have noticed I'm getting into somewhat of a funk.
My LLMD and I have discussed my getting of abx soon -- maybe as early as next month.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful or wimpy or insensitive, because I know I am very lucky (great LLMD, supportive family, responding well to abx), it's just that I feel kind of spent, emotionally. And a bit sad and tired of dealing with this.
I was hoping that someone out there could give some sage advice or inspiration as to how to set aside my weariness, and how to draw on my last reserves to see this thing to the end. Thanks.
Posts: 67 | From SF Bay Area | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
I think someone posted not too long ago that frustration can actually be a sign of healing. When you are really sick, you don't have the energy to deal with your frustration and anger. Then, when you are doing better you have to deal with all the emotions you shoved aside just to survive.
Posts: 984 | From San Diego | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
I'm not sure if it helps to hear that someone is in the same boat but just in case...
I have been feeling the same way lately. Just this morning I was thinking about how when I am really feeling sick I can push through. I don't complain because I know the herx reaction is a sign that I'm on the right track.
But like you, now that I am feeling better I start to feel lost in a way.
That is when I start to feel like I don't know where the old me went and I'm not sure who the new me is.
I sometimes think my confidence has taken a hit. I'm not as confident in my physical self any more.
Its a strange place to be. Not thinking too much and simply moving forward is probably the way to go.
Hang in there.
-------------------- unsure445 Posts: 824 | From northeast | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
I have completed 13 Marathons and yes the last 6 miles can be gruesome. I had to walk the last six miles of a couple of them but I didn't drop out and either will you. So just take it one day at a time. When I was at my worst and hit the "wall", I almost wished a 16 wheeler would take me out. Just like during those last couple of marathon miles I just repeated my matra, " I can do this. I can do this". Sometimes I said this mile is for this person, the next will be for that person but the last mile will be for me. Your family and friends will be waiting for you at the finish line and you know what, I got better and I bet you will too!
Posts: 228 | From Wassaic NY. USA | Registered: Aug 2002
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sutherngrl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16270
posted
Getting meds out of your system may also help with some of those feelings. Your body will need a little time to adjust to that; and who knows then you may feel wonderful.
Posts: 4035 | From Mississippi | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
I like this analagy - I have been running "the last 6 miles" for over a year now, and definitely feel weary of all this stuff at this point in my life
the first 4 years of the illness I had much more of a "fighting spirit"
but this past year I am having trouble believing I will ever "finish" the race
yet somehow, I have managed to pick myself up over and over again - I guess what other choice do I have?
But I am really really sick of it
-------------------- "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us" - e.m. forster Posts: 921 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2004
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