Topic: Do You Ever Feel You Just Don't Belong Anywhere?
Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
I am having one of those days, new meds because of the diabetes causing IBS issues etc.
TxCoord and I cannot seem to find our niche in life,he is working the two part time jobs but so weary.
I cannot help much, seems I spend 3/4ths my life in the bathroom lately.
Going thru an identy crisis at this stage of my life is really odd... but here I am.
I am wondering...Creator...who am I really? who am I supposed to be... will I ever have real joy in my life again?
I'm sure much of this is from grieving for my mom,our job and housing,and our health...
Just feel weird,out of sorts and displaced...anyone else?
Meds are Diovan,Metformin, supplements:Una da Gato, Oregano, occasionally nutmeg, Virgin Coconut Oil,and a small bit of tonic water [not close to Metformin time wise].
Jus' Silverwolf venting again!
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
Silverwolf,
You are not alone. I feel the same way because I have been dealing with this since I collapsed in 1983. It took me on a spiritual journey far and wide.
I was asking the same questions of myself today. What is this nightmare I have been in? What's the point?
I do know we are Spiritual Beings Having a Human Experience. I just have a hard time believing I signed up for this. Hope things lighten up for you,
Peace & Light,
Gael
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
<<<<< glm1111/Gael >>>>>,
Helloo there,
Thank you for the reply, I do sometimes wonder,if this is a test? I'm not sure I'm passing if it is.
But at the same time I keep on going,and feel that Creator is watching. I just wish i knew if I was going in the proper direction at this point.
It sorta feels like this really bumpy road,and maybe I missed a turn somehow.
There have been times when TxCoord and I have been happily anticipatory of what was coming around the next bend.
Now,I just want to make it around the next bend,and know that he will too.
I'd love to be able to go for a nice long walk,w/o fear of falling down. I am grateful I can walk at all tho'. I know there are folk who cannot get out of bed at all.
Here's to hoping,the next part of our journey is easier,and things make more sense!
Jus' the Silverwolf somewhat disoreinted warrior!
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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posted
Silverwolf yeah... I feel disconnected to the rest of the world. They do not know what it feels like to be us. Just have to "muddle through" until we get completely well. When you are well, will you still post here - or will you bury it with the disease? -p
Posts: 641 | From So. CA | Registered: May 2008
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
silver,
you/hubby have been dealt a bad hand and lemons this year, but you both are doing as well as can be expected with this MUCH back to back.
mother teresa had a saying, God never gives you anything you can't handle, but does he have to give me this much or something to that effect.
praying that god answers your prayers and gets you 2 on the road to REMISSION and help!
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posted
Well, you belong HERE!!! I know what you mean though. When you're very ill it's so isolating....then the job thing, etc has taken its toll on you.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
<<<<< Peedie, bettyg, Lymetoo, and glm1111 >>>>>,
Thank You for the kind replies and thot's!
Still fighting my blood glucose issues, even w/ meds it was 211 this morning. That is making me feel tired and cruddy.
ANd the computer was acting up lastnight, so when TxCoord is awake he'll run it thru its Ad-aware/Spybot[?] paces.
I wanted to look at some Lyme photo info lastnight,and couldn't get into it 'til early this am.
The various info' on bacterium, germs, parasites and so on...are really making me wonder,just what do we have to do to really get well??
Not giving up,but I feel so odd and out of sorts still! I feel displaced, dioriented, and disjointed.
ANd then my heart pounding and wakening me at odd hours,with nightmares too,isn't helping me either.
I will keep on muddling my way thru, don't know what else to do...
Love Silverwolf
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
You just reminded me about my first 6 years or so with this.
I kept saying to myself...I want to go home.
But, I didn't know where home was.
I still want to go home and I still don't know where home is. HA!
at least here on earth.
I consider going back to my old stomping grounds, but someone else owns my home now.
And I wonder if it would not make me more sad as it would remind me of what my life was like before this hit.
I loved exploring the county I lived in and walking on the beach twice a day.
To go back on a power chair...that would be tough and impossible to go on the beach.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
<<<<< Kam >>>>> Hi there,
I am sorry that you've had to feel this oddness too.Are you able to walk at all right now?
Does the power chair help? I wish sometimes TxCoord and I had one. If we stayed on sidewalk maybe we could get around better,than on foot.
But I know that it is very limiting, there are not so many trails,and places that have been fixed so that anyone in powerchairs/wheel chairs can use them.
In these times It'd be nice if more places were adapted to those of us w/ special needs.
It is painful to walk for both of us,and for TxCoord,if his arthritis flares much more,again,we'll need to find the crutches we have stored.
We are going to check seriously,into VA diability for him,and prolly Social Security for both of us.
I love both the beach /coastal areas and the mountains,that I camped in as a child.
We moved from Oregon to Washington when I was a child, dad still lives where I grew up.The grandparents lived in Oregon.
Grandma Em's house burned back in the early 80's,she was staying w/ my uncle. The couple that had bought her home,got out safely,but lost everything they owned.
We went by Gramma D's home,when I went for Moms funeral,gramma was murdered in the early 80's [ an' Angel of Mercy' serial killing among several].
Her home had been sold and used for all sorts of things,including a sports clinic.
It no longer even looks the same,and I don't think we'd be welcomed If I went back. I have an AUnt in area,still in the home of my cousins chidhood.
But when we were there the area was so changed I'd have had trouble finding it. Everything changes.
Part of it for me,is that we've moved 26 times now since I got married in Nov.'78... The early stomon' grounds of my marriage, were all much changed after Hurricane Katrina.
TxCoords Aunt lived in New Orleans,and lost her home,and she's in Alabama now.
My childhood home in Washington,remains the same,but the area has grown even more,and is very very crowded.
The area is beautiful,but the big city, and crime aspect bothers me. ANd the traffic,for me having IC problems the traffic is a nightmare.
With us losing the Ministry job we had,and the housing,I really am sorta dispalaced.
Maybe I should add nomad to my list of names... [TxC' has had a number of jobs where promotion/pay raise meant willingnes to move.].
Jus' Silverwolf Nomadic Warrioress [who is ready to settle somewhere...]
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
Hi <<<<< Peedie >>>>>,
You ask me a question,and my soupy brainfog addled mind just realized I didn't answer yet.
If I am able to begin feeling better and 'get well'. As long as I'm allowed to post here,I would.
Many folk have been kind and helpful to me, since I was directed here the spring of 2006. I'd like to be able to be an encourager,as others have been to me.
I don't know if I'll be able to 'get well' before Creator calls me home.
And sadly, I am not sure what 'well' feels like. I don't know how long I have had all this LD mess,but from medical clinical tracking I was prolly between 12 and 15 years of age.
There is also a possiblity that Momma had it and passed it on to us in the womb [my siblings have had some very difficult medical issues,as have my folks , and we lost Momma in May].
I try to have some hope,that I'll find the right combination of meds/abx/herbs and so on,and that it will work for me.
I had pneumonia as a child, 4th grade?,and allergy breathing problems before that. Then Strepthroat and Mono,left me w/ a weakness in my legs at 14 and it has never gone away.
So yes,knowing what it is like to feel so unwell,if I get to feel what 'well and healthy ' is like at some point. I'd like to be an encouraging voice.
If you check most of my recent posts,you'll see that my husband and I have been going thru a very dark and difficult time.
Sometimes I don't handle it very well,and it is all I can do to get out of bed/couch. Sooo...I come here,and ask questions,and try things to see if I can get out of the Mullygrub swamp.
Lately I've felt like I was in a deep pit,w/ slick dampish clay sides and couldn't see the top or the bottom. I'm just sort of sliding uncomfortably and getting no where.
Okay,I'm jabbering along...so I'll BBL
Love from Silverwolf
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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posted
You're so wonderful!!! Thank you for being you, and you're words of encouragement, even though you are feeling at odds with your situation.
proudmom
-------------------- "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence"--Carl Sagan Posts: 317 | From Kansas and New Jersey | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Hey Silverwolf I have had this for more that 10 years - apparently - my daughter also. I only found out last June for sure. I've got to believe you, and all of us will get well one day! Meanwhile - I guess we just do what we can and prop each other up when necessary - right? I had a good week-end - healthwise. I hope you will have better days soon too. Love and Best Wishes, Peedie
Posts: 641 | From So. CA | Registered: May 2008
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
Still having Blood Glucose issues, and tired but I feel a bit better today. Yesterday I had like a stomach 'flu'. I had chills,stomach cramps,and had to use a bit of generic Immodium.
I tested blood Wednesday,and it was up to 316 at 2 hours after breakfast. Somewhat irritating,as I am being cautious.
Ah well, gotta keep going! As to Lyme and Co. I've prolly had it since about age 12? maybe before that I am not sure... I wonder if Momma might have had it since her teens?
I'm gonna sign off and get a bite to eat...BBL! Love from Silverwolf
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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