randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
ya'll know that i lost mom in may and well, my sisters too.
i just don't want to even do thanksgiving so we're going out to a buffet. i may make a small turkey breast and pie but nothing big.
and as for christmas, arghh, perish the thought. i don't even want to put up a tree but mike says we should. he feels mom would not want me to be acting this way, but i can't help it.
i've started practically crying every day. i think "well till i tell mom about this". cause ya'll know that i called her every single day long distance, i mean, every day.
i'm just thinking about asking for antidepressants but i don't know if you can call this depression can you? i mean do peole go on those after a loss?
i just want to go away for a long time and come back after the holidays.....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
Dear Randi,
I am so sorry for your loss.
I think an anti-depressant may help.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
I know your Mom is around you.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
Hi Randibear,
Sorry you are having such a hard time . I know it can be very painful. It took me about a year to get over my mother.
Grieving is of course a natural process that we have to go thru. Someone once told me that when someone passes on it is hard for them to move on because they see us in so much pain.
The thought of my mother hurting because I was grieving helped me to let go sooner so she wouldn't suffer and so she could move on.
I know she wanted me to focus on only the happy times. Just remember we do see them again.
Try and enjoy your holiday if you can. I am sure your husband would appreciate it.
Take Care, Gael
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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joalo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12752
posted
I'd love to just just 'fast forward' to January!! We're going out to eat on Thanksgiving too.
My llmd wouldn't give me antidepressants two years ago when my mom passed away. He said it was important to go through all the steps of greiving.
-------------------- Sick since January 1985. Misdiagnosed for 20 years. Tested CDC positive October 2005. Treating since April 2006. Posts: 3228 | From Somewhere west of the Mississippi | Registered: Aug 2007
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Ocean
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3496
posted
I'm so sorry Randi, I don't have any advice for you, but will pray for you.
posted
The thought of Christmas - and all the trappings of shopping, cooking etc now fill me with dismay, and even more so knowing I cant get half swacked on wine as I tend the bloody turkey. Will the Christmas spirit not visit me this year? Will my attitude improve? Will I not be snarky and short tempered? All I can say it wake me up when its over ! Liz D.
Posts: 234 | From BC Canada | Registered: Aug 2008
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ajisuun
Unregistered
posted
While I have exactly ignored Christmas the last
few years, I have taken the outward celebration
down to almost nothing. I stopped putting up a
Christmas tree because I was afraid that it would
because a permanent part of my decor. Even if I
had the energy to put it up, I figured that with
the post-Christmas crash it might be July before I
took it down. I am single, so it doesn't directly
affect anyone but me. My African friends missed
seeing it when they came to visit (and ask for
their "Christmas"), but it's not a necessary part
of Christmas. One year I didn't do anything
except get together with the other missionaries on
Christmas day and have a small celebration with
the African believers on Christmas Eve. That may
have been the year that I didn't get any packages
from family until January. Low key was taken to a
new level that year.
This year--I know I'm not putting up a tree. I
already bought some gifts for my African friends,
but I don't really know what else I'll do.
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ajisuun
Unregistered
posted
While I have exactly ignored Christmas the last
few years, I have taken the outward celebration
down to almost nothing. I stopped putting up a
Christmas tree because I was afraid that it would
because a permanent part of my decor. Even if I
had the energy to put it up, I figured that with
the post-Christmas crash it might be July before I
took it down. I am single, so it doesn't directly
affect anyone but me. My African friends missed
seeing it when they came to visit (and ask for
their "Christmas"), but it's not a necessary part
of Christmas. One year I didn't do anything
except get together with the other missionaries on
Christmas day and have a small celebration with
the African believers on Christmas Eve. That may
have been the year that I didn't get any packages
from family until January. Low key was taken to a
new level that year.
This year--I know I'm not putting up a tree. I
already bought some gifts for my African friends,
but I don't really know what else I'll do.
IP: Logged |
posted
You know its hard to get together with a bunch of people that dont understand your illness.
Or dont believe you are sick-I thing i will just stay home by myself.
You know family really sucks sometime-you think they would believe me with the open heart surgery and all!
Posts: 303 | From Jekyll Island, GA | Registered: Sep 2008
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posted
Randibear and 1Bitten2XShy, I'm so sorry for your losses. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be (and for anyone else who has lost someone very close to them.)
I took the pressure off myself about holidays several years ago. I only do what I really want to do.
Last year, on Christmas Day, I didn't go anywhere, didn't see anyone, just lounged around and rested and watched movies.
It did help that different family members were going to different locations, so there wasn't any big external pressure, but even if there had been, I think it's okay to check out.
And I found that it's more effective to say "I don't want to" rather than "I can't" because when you say "I can't", people can come up with a million reasons why you can (and "should").
But when you say, "I don't want to, okay? Can you be just be okay with that, even if you can't understand it?" That usually puts an end to any objections.
Good luck! I pray that your families and friends are supportive of whatever you decide.
-------------------- Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love Posts: 61 | From Atlanta, GA | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
squeezing the hole - move over all !! who's next??
Posts: 234 | From BC Canada | Registered: Aug 2008
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joalo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12752
posted
Me, I'm jumpin' in!!!
-------------------- Sick since January 1985. Misdiagnosed for 20 years. Tested CDC positive October 2005. Treating since April 2006. Posts: 3228 | From Somewhere west of the Mississippi | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
I think it would be a good idea for you to see your doctor about anti-depressants.
It's hard to lose your parents. My mom & dad died during the this Lyme journey. My mom died on December 13, 2002 and we still had our family celebration. I know my parents would have wanted us to that.
Peggy
-------------------- Peggy
~ ~ Hope is a powerful medicine. ~ ~ Posts: 2775 | From MN | Registered: Apr 2001
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sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13952
posted
Dear Randibear, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. I pray that God will comfort you and bless you in this difficult time.
I doubt your mom would care whether you put up a tree or cooked a fancy dinner. She would just want to see you happy. If that means going out to dinner with you husband than that's what you should do.
This is your first holiday season without your mother and sisters so I think that it would be abnormal if you didn't grieve for your loss. That doesn't mean that you are depressed.
Instead of focusing on your loss try to think of your blessings. Thank God for the memories and the time that you had with your family. Thank God for your loving husband that stands by your side even during the toughest of times. Thank God for your friends (us!). Thank God for providing for your basic needs like food and shelter. Thank God is it is sunny outside. Thank God for another day of life.
It would be easier if we could just ignore the holidays or run away. But I don't think that it would work even if we try it. Best we can do is to be grateful for what we have and try to remember the real reason for the holiday not just the expectations placed on us by society (trees, gifts, parties, etc).
Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
Hello <<<<< Randibear and All Those who Are Grieving, and Lymer family >>>>>>,
Having lost my Mother May 10th this year I can relate. I miss her so very much...my heart aches.
I am torn between hiding away somewhere,and starting to decorate this minute...because I wont get anything done if I don't.
Our Christnmas tree [ a fake tree ] was up until we moved it in August . I never got it al put away. Now it is in the front closet waiting...
Don't know tho' what I'll do yet. Gotta get over the respritory bug... It's made me spaced cadet material.
I tried to throw out the dryer lint a bit ago,and opened the cupboard where the garbage basket it,,,stuck my hand in and everything...but the lint wad was still sitting on the dryer... and I haven't even had my evening meds yet.
Oh but I can see it now...waht did I do w/ the dryer lint? And then TxC' looking at me all puzzled... 'Honey Bear...waht are those strange wads of stuff on the Christmas tree???'.
Better hold off on the decorating for a bit longer I guess...
Jus' Silverwolf thinkin'
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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posted
Dear Randi, I am so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to lose a parent no matter how old you are! What happened to your sisters?
My mom & dad died exactly 6 weeks apart from each other about 6 weeks before thanksgiving. There was horrible fighting between my brother and two sisters and me. We were all hurting and looking for something to yell at so we chose eachother. My brother was the most hurtful to the girls. We are all fine now.
When the holidays came, we always had so much expectation. Mom put the "thanks" in thanksgiving and the "C" in Christmas. Like you, I talked with my mom every day on the phone as she was in Michigan and me here in San Diego.
A friend suggested getting two candles, one to represent each parent, and light it everday during the Holiday season, to remind me of their light and love while they were here on earth.
I still do that during the holidays as it is a comfort to me.
I think it's a WONDERFUL IDEA to go out for dinner on thanksgiving! Take the stress off youself. Why add to you grieving with more greif?!
I pray that you have a wonderful holiday season...ONE HOLIDAY AT A TIME, PLEASE!
-------------------- The Lord is my strength and my song
CDC/Igenex- Positive IGG 31+/- 34+/- 41++ IGM 23-25+++ 31+ 34+/- 39+/- 41+ Posts: 50 | From San Diego | Registered: Nov 2008
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toby67
Unregistered
posted
so sorry... i'm with you though... i also lost my dad this year, and my kids will be spending this one with their dad - my first ever without them.
if it helps at all, i keep telling myself it's just a day, just a thursday...
it will come and go and no matter what, friday will follow... good luck, hugs and prayers!!!
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posted
Randi, I am so sorry for your loss and I know that these holidays are going to be hard, well, even harder than usual.
I am with you guys - make that hole bigger because I want to jump in there as well. My DH's family doesn't believe in lyme. Or, at least, in chronic lyme.
Every holiday I am sick at least now I know that I have lyme and that the stress of the holiday season doesn't do me any favors. But at least I use to be able to stand his "loving" sister because wine has miraculous powers that made her somewhat bearable.
Well now that I am on tindamax those days of wine are gone. How in the world can I put up the wicked witch of the south if I don't have wine? Ha! I am whining about the lack of wine.
Jan
Posts: 90 | From Knoxville, TN | Registered: Jun 2008
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JillF
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5553
posted
it is extremely hard to go around family who don't believe you're sick
my family is extremely self absorbant. not only do they not believe i'm ill (they say i have too much time on my hands, am a hypercondriac, etc, etc) but the fact i've been extremely lacking in money the past years (with this year the absolute worst), they don't care or want to know
i can't even bring up my lyme. they change the subject, roll their eyes, leave the room, bluntly tell me they don't want to hear me complain, etc. now i don't say a word about how i feel or how i'm doing or anything. and they never ask
the selfishness of my family is just amazing. for example: $25 is alot to me these days. i spent that on my neice for her bday and when my son's bday came along my sister got my son nothing - not even a card, even though she is the one who made the rule we would spent $25 on each kid for bdays/christmas (and I have told her several times over the past 3 yrs that $25 is too expensive for me). my sister has absolutely no money troubles and was able to spend $500 on my neices bday party, whereas i couldn't afford to have a bday party for my son this year or last year and that $25 i spent on my neice would have been a second bday gift i could have gotten my son. it wouldn't be a big deal if i wasn't so lacking in money that the $25 would have made a difference for my son
now christmas is coming up and i'm expected to spend $25 i don't have on my neice again and who knows if my sister will get my son anything in return. i'm tempted to not buy anything and use it to buy my son a power ranger instead. but then my sister and father will think it was horrible of me not to buy my neice something, which is ridiculous because it's ok for my sister to treat my family that way but i'm not allowed to
it is so hard going to her house and seeing all the presents that my neice has gotten at christmas between her parents and my sister's inlaws (who are extremely wealthy) for me who can't provide that kind of christmas to my son and it's hard for my 6 yr old to see how much his cousin gets when he's lucky to get a present or two. hell, it's sometimes hard for me to hear about the $2000 cash my sister got from her inlaws and the new $2500 fridge and the diamond earrings they gave her and the vacation they are going to send them on, and the $3000 swing set etc, etc for christmas per the inlaws. lol. so i'm sure it's hard for a 6 yr old to deal with
my sister wants me to get the ham for thanksgiving dinner. not only do i not have the money but i could be standing an hour in line. an hour in line standing is just too long for me... my family just doesn't understand, they don't want to and they just don't care. my illness has fallen on deaf ears for years now. and now my financial situation has taken the same route
it's just hard when family doesn't care about you or your child
i'm ready for january
Posts: 1485 | From USA | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Happy thanksgiving to our American neighbours ! Have officially retired from the Christmas season. Last night was an office 'do' and one of the girls was prattling on about Lyme, how good and healthy I look, could it not just be aging ( I am 54), how it could be menopause, how could I prove its lyme, and to the assembled company "Liz looks really good doesnt she?". I quit the season and am grumpy with it.
Posts: 234 | From BC Canada | Registered: Aug 2008
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
well no call from my family and i wasn't expecting any.
jill, hon, i totally understand. my stepkids are the same way....his daughter is the pits....
i wish there was a way for you to go somewhere or something to get away from them....
sounds like they have wayyy too much money and not enough compassion. yep, 25 is alot of money these days...i watch every penny.
i feel for you and wish i could help....
hubs is getting ss in march and now says he's going to send some of it to help his money who is a raving _itch....we never sent my mom a bloody dime even tho she could have used it...so i'm pretty angry about this right now.
family is the pits, absolute pits sometimes....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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. I never got it al put away. Now it is in the front closet waiting...![[Smile]](smile.gif)
to go out for dinner on thanksgiving! Take the stress off youself. Why add to you grieving with more greif?!
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