Topic: figure of speech -- is "hon" offensive to you?
randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
ok, here's the deal. i'm a southerner, born and bred. my friend, ann, and many of my friends use this term when talking.
we use dear, hon, i call their husbands by their last names, etc., and i've been called a "_itch" very jokingly.
i write as i speak. only without the drawl, you understand?
so i got and post on this other site, ain't gonna mention where. so i said something and said "well, hon, here's my point", er. something to that affect...
this woman wrote back in ALL CAPS, paragraph after paragraph, telling me i was condescending, rude, offensive, how dare I do this...i mean, on and on and on, and on...
i simply replied "well, i'll certainly remember that."
my mom called people that, many people i know do...
so do ya'll truly find that offensive? and worth putting paragraph after paragraph in very large bold capital letters on a board.....
sorry, i'm tired today....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Leelee
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19112
posted
Well, in Baltimore, "hon" is a very common word. One hears it everywhere.
To be honest with you, I have never given it a thought one way or the other. It just seems like part of life.
-------------------- The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King,Jr Posts: 1573 | From Maryland | Registered: Feb 2009
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Ocean
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3496
posted
Randi,
I just called someone hon in a post. If someone truly takes offense to that, then that is just crazy.
Wasn't there some big issue with another phrase somewhat recently too, it was regoinal (oh my goodness spelling is awful tonight). Like Take Care or something, someone 'important' got really offended or something.
Everyone needs to just chill out...it's all very silly.
feelfit
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12770
posted
My Mom calls everyone "hon" I do not find it condensending, or rude...I see it as more of an endearment. Nothing offensive. I do find it offensive when men call waitresses "honey" though....bleck! That is condensending.
Posts: 3975 | From usa | Registered: Aug 2007
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sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13952
posted
I've never been offended by anyone calling me "hon". Generally, those people are offering some sort of comforting/encouraging/uplifting word or advice. Makes me think of grandmothers or the super sweet church ladies. People you want to hug.
So hugs to you Randibear:)
Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
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I have been offended by being called "hon" because, often, it is in a condescending tone by someone trying to put me in my place or trying to pull a fast one.
And, I've also been warmed by others who called me that. But, usually they would not be strangers.
The problem with the internet is that people can't hear the vocal inflection and, without that, endearing terms can often be used at put-downs.
It's an understandable reaction, her possibly feeling put-down (or connecting past experiences from that term) and your not understanding why her reaction was so strong. It was too familial to her and the vocal tone she "heard" was not that which you had on your end of the web.
However, for her to reply at length in all caps seems to be over-reacting and bullying on her part. She might have just said something like she prefers endearments not be used as it's hard for her to distinguish the tone.
Too bad a web page can't be color coded like a mood ring to show the sender's demeanor or come with a white flag of peace.
Wasn't there some big issue with another phrase somewhat recently too, it was regoinal (oh my goodness spelling is awful tonight). Like Take Care or something, someone 'important' got really offended or something.
YES! It was on American Idol auditions. I knew immediately that it was a regional thing as the phrase is used here.
Paula Abdul took it as a THREAT when in reality it is a sign of caring for someone!!
It was simply "Be careful" .. My husband and I say that to each other all the time when we part. He'll tell me to be careful when HE is leaving, even if I'm not going anywhere.
It made me laugh when Paula got all bent out of shape about it..but she's been stalked before and I could understand her view also.
American Idol had to officially apologize as they made the guy look like HE was nuts or a stalker or something!
RAndi... I wouldn't worry about it. YOu meant well and that is all that matters!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
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Oh, yeah, that guy on the American Idol audition said: "Be Careful" I distinctly remember that term as I'd never heard it used that way, either. But I knew what he meant.
When they all freaked and called him on it, he said it again a couple of times, perplexed at their alarm. He said it's what they say where he comes from, meaning to "take care" but he never quite got that "take care" term out - it was always "be careful" and "be careful out there" as I think he was nervous, the poor guy.
And, true, considering that a long-time stalker of Paula's wound up dead at her doorstep, I can understand her being a bit freaked but it sure blew up way out of proprortion and I felt really sorry for the poor guy.
Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
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Randi,
It just occurred to me that the woman you called "hon" may have thought you were a man. I don't know what your web name is for that other site, but a guy called a woman "hon" if there is any disagreement or correction to a post . . . well . . . that could be misinterpreted more so than if she thought you were a woman.
posted
True, Keebler. Maybe they thought Randi was a man. I could see how they might be offended then. It would be a sexist thing.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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charlie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 25
posted
....I never pay any attention to any pet names or whatever...this area is so cosmopilitan I don't think people can afford to get offended by regional colloquialisms.
Posts: 2804 | From Texas | Registered: Oct 2000
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Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
i'd also inform the person posting in all caps was being rude "shouting" in all caps.
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
I've been hon, chere, sweetie, ma'am, and some other unmentionables.
Never have been offended.
I knew you were from the South due to your way of writing.
Usually a person writes the way they speak,
And I swear I can hear the drawl in yours.
Some people are just overly sensitive.
Worried too much about being "too politically" correct.
I think you are great, hon!
Let it go and don't waste energy on it.
Think of how much energy was wasted in the all "caps" reply.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
well it's funny, i never thought of being a man!!! but this site is very uh, geared for women only. but there could have been a few men, but i seriously doubt it.
things are so crazy now aren't they?
yep, drawl, big time. i was talking one day about my car and said "tire". now the people swear it came out "tie-uh" and not "tar" like i've heard also....
i'm all about pecan pie, sweet potatoes, grits and red eye gravy.......
thanks for your support.
oh yeah, i do agree that a man calling a waitress something is totally different...ugh...
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
Being male I would find it rather strange, but if they bought me dinner they could call me anything they wanted.
Posts: 743 | From New York | Registered: Apr 2009
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LisaS
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10581
posted
If you work at a nursing home you are not allowed to call anyone honey or any terms of endearment because it is considered condescending and could even lead to a sexual harrassment suit. YOu can only address people by there name.
I ignored it and got written up for it. So I have learned that people are just looking for any reason to start problems, so I just don't say these terms anymore unless I truly know the person and know it won't cause any problems.
posted
I guess I'm alone here, but I HATE it when someone calls me hon. It does usually come from someone very young, or very "southern". I am not offended by it, just annoyed.
However, I would never jump all over somebody who said it.
I have one lady in town, younger than me, who calls me "sweetie". I think she can't remember my name
-------------------- "Few of us can do great things, but all of us can do small things with great love". Mother Theresa
randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
i agree if it's a much younger person, i think....
but i'm up there in age, so i certainly don't mean any offense.
and here, i figure, we are all family. we travel a tough road and we do it together. we support each other through some pretty rough times, so any figure of speech, whether it's "dear" "honey" or just plain ole "hey you", is coming from the heart.
and isn't that what's important -- that we care for each other and can talk to one another as friends and family...
and that includes you wolfie, dear.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Ocean
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3496
posted
Lisa,
Yup, in nursing school they said never to call anyone but their name. In clinicals, hardly an RN's adhered to it. Fortunately I've only worked with babies, so I didn't have to worry about someone being offended =)
posted
Well, sorta. I know poke salad is found around here in Missouri. Comes from the poke plant, right? Have never tasted it!
Sweetie is a Southern thing too.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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tickled1
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 14257
posted
They must have thought you were trying to be condescending and took it the wrong way. You know what they say "It's not what you say but how you say it". But when reading it, it's kinda hard to interpret how someone meant it.
A good example would be someone saying "Hey, Buddy". You could imagine that coming across a couple different ways, right?
Oh well, you know how you meant it and that's all that matters....
Posts: 2541 | From Northeast | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
I wouldn't want to be called hon by a stranger, mere acquaintance or superior. All of the above would be even worse from a man. A good friend or someone I'm comfortable with would be fine.
Posts: 984 | From San Diego | Registered: Nov 2006
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Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
"now i bet people on this board don't know what poke is either....
do you????"
I do! I do!
Poke salad, Annie.
It grows free and is one of the first foods that pops up in the spring.
Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
Wow, <<<<< Randibear >>>>>,
Sorry somebody got ornery w/ you about the term 'Hon'.
I've used Hon',honey, sweety [sweetie], and so on w/ my friends,and on-line for many a year now.
I don't use those terms if it is a fella, unless I know them super well and they are younger than I .
TxCs dad was born and raised in Louisiana, and my dad has relatives there somewhere. Perhaps that is why I use it.
Just don't leave the -n- off of -hon'- when typing in on-line...it can be really embarrassing!!!
Silverwolfy
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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Ann-OH
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2020
posted
Awwww, I think we should forgive the person who was so offended. It could have been due to Lyme disease. I was sometimes very touchy and irrational when I was so sick.
treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
I am a hun,honey, sweety, beautiful,doll,gorgeous,sugarplum,Kinda guy thats me take it or leave it.
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
And I may have on occasions used the word Pop instead of soda or soda pop.
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
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Yes, it really can be a "loaded" term. It's important to hear from people like grandmother to understand just how insulting it can be and all the connotations involved. And that carries over for some.
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