Topic: How do I tell My Church ,that after 15 years on the worship team I can't do it anymor
jt345
Unregistered
posted
Hi Kids
For the past 15 years(longer really). I have been the main guitar player and co leader,on the worship team. I just can't keep going anymore. Every Sunday morning I get up at 5:00 AM,and take enough pain meds too kill a horse,so I can play guitar,and co lead the worship team.
My Pastor calls Me only when He thinks,I am going to guit. I am stsrting too feel that is all I am worth.
If I was too say, just the amount of heavy drugs I take every week just to play on Sunday morning. Everyone here would go nuts,and tell Me that if I keep this up I will kill my liver in one year.(and I know it is true).
Do I have too leave the church ,My wife Nan and I founded? No one hears e ,I am feeling that's all I am kept around for.
This afternoon ,We practiced with a new graduate from Moody. This kid had not picked out any music.and He wanted too play each song about 10 times. After 3 hours I had too leave,I told Him just pick out the songs and I could play them. But my hands could do no more today. He just looked at Me like I was second rate.
He is here for one Sunday I guess He is here practicing too be a whorship leader.
I know the meds are killing Me faster than the lyme. Pray someone will listen,and not make Me feel like I am not pulling My share.
posted
Hi appleseed. I am sorry that you have to make this decision. I am sure it just breaks your heart. This disease is hard in so many ways. It does sound like you can't keep going on how you have been. Please know that you are in my prayers. Hang in there.
Posts: 146 | From Midwest | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
Blessings to you Appleseed. We are sorry to hear of your situation, but can relate as we are scaling down our involvment as well. Our friend and pastor wasn't getting it until we showed him the UnderOurSkin documentary - you can order a copy at UnderOurSkin.com. Have your pastor to dinner and show the dvd after - its amazing how people respond when they understand. Praying for you & yours.
Posts: 6 | From Peoria, IL | Registered: May 2009
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
appleseed,
just tell them, you're done; you need to take care of your health to fight your lyme into remission.
i learned once at an educational class, no one has the power to do anything to us, UNLESS WE GIVE THEM PERMISSION.
so don't give them or anyone else any power over you.
SAY NO. it's appleseed's turn. i feel for you; been there done that.
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Can you just take a break from it for now?...or at least spend not as much time....do they know you are ill...?
I believe in honesty...just tell them what you have told us...
And educate them a bit... the film Under Our skin is very helpful.... You could also set up a small screening for your church to see the film...or even the band..
I'm sure they don't keep you around to just play the guitar for them...maybe they feel that by playing it is keeping you connected.....
My husband played for a while in our church's folk band...(piano)...he had to give that up to care for me...it was hard...he enjoyed it...... it does take a lot of sacrifice to do what you do...but sacrificing your health is no good...
You have to do what's good for you..... You don't have to quit...just take sometime off...
mtree
-------------------- worrying about tomorrow takes its strength away from today Posts: 970 | From Point PLeasant , NJ | Registered: Jan 2008
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-------------------- worrying about tomorrow takes its strength away from today Posts: 970 | From Point PLeasant , NJ | Registered: Jan 2008
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Try to surround yourself with people who give you support not bring you down.
I believe honesty is the best policy. I would just tell them straight out that you can't and won't continue on like this and that you need a break. Tell them that your health is a stake and you are very sorry for them if they can't understand.
I agree with mtree that you can also try to educate them by emailing them the trailers to "under our skin" or donating the book "Under Our Skin"...
Many people are ignorant when it comes to the ramifications of Lyme Disease. I call it the "But You Look So Good Illness", which puts us at a huge disadvantage.
Good Luck and Prayers your way!
-------------------- aka: Lyme Warrior
In order to do "real" science, you have to have a "real" conversation with nature.
Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History!
"Just Demand your Rights" Posts: 869 | From nor - cal | Registered: Apr 2008
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kelmo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8797
posted
I remember when my husband and I got very ill with Epstein Barre virus back in 1990 (could've have been more than that).
My husband and I were VERY involved in church activities, I was down there four nights a week, singing on Sunday, and caring for two toddlers.
I had to go to our pastor and tell him that we couldn't function beyond just surviving and needed to drop our commitments. I knew he would say it was okay, but for myself, I need to hear him say, "stop and take care of you and your family".
You HAVE to do what's right for you. Your absence will bless another guitar player who may want to play.
When you are ready, God will open a door for you.
No guilt! It's more important to BE with God, than DO for God.
Posts: 2903 | From AZ | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
Yikes. I feel your pain. Since I was in the hospital, I had to miss church today. I'm one of two song leaders. Life goes on without me!
Maybe you could join a church where you're just a parishioner? I would really miss not being able to participate in the service, but if you can't you can't.
We just lost our two guitar players to our more contemporary evening service, but my husband is playing "guitars" on his fancy keyboard. It works.
So maybe a keyboardist can you replace you. Don't you hate that!!!!! My husband's sax playing has been replaced by a keyboard before! We know how that feels!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Just read the subject line. But, tell them just like that.
ONly I wouldn't say anymore. I would say while I am healing.
Here is looking to the day when you are able to.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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jt345
Unregistered
posted
Hey Kids
Last night I was up most of thr time(it's been like that latly) So I called Our Keyboard player and told Her I would not be there.
She was very understanding and told Me not too think twice about it.
This afternoon My Pastor called too see how I was doing.
Thanks for the prayers they do work. The last month has been the most painful in all my years of treatment.
Spring has always been a hard time for Me but year is the worst it has ever been.
Thank You all so much for prayers and kind words They mean alot too Me.
be as well as You can be today appleseed
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sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13952
posted
Hi appleseed,
I'm glad to hear that things worked out well today. Others have given you good advice.
I've never been in such a full time leadership position as you are in now, but before I got sick I was heavily involved in several of my church's children and inner-city ministries. Having to give up those positions was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I loved the work but I couldn't physically continue. I miss serving now but it gives me something to look forward to starting again when I get better.
I feel for you appleseed, this is a hard decision to make. Is there someone you can recommend to gradually take your place on the worship team? Can you help that person grow to take on the leadership role?
Maybe that would ease the transition for you and the church. Maybe when you are feeling better you could play at special occasions, or every couple months to give the other leader a break.
Take care my friend, you are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.
Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
appleseed, so glad you called this person!! and they were kind and considerate of you. best wishes...
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linky123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19974
posted
Hi Appleseed,
I know a little bit about how you feel. Our church has a school also, where I have been very involved as a volunteer.
I loved it, as it gave me a place to serve and the opportunity to be with my kids too. Now that both my son and I have been diagnosed with lyme, that has all changed.
We have had to take time off for both of us to get better. Our church members have been very supportive, and basically have said, 'when you are better we'll put you back to work, don't worry.'
Sometimes I think God wants us to slow down a bit. As a result of this, I have become closer to and more dependent on Him. God will lead you through this difficult time.
He is faithful. Take care and God bless.
Linky
Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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posted
Just do what you want to do. Tell them honestly I have a disease and this is what I can do or can't do.
Posts: 743 | From New York | Registered: Apr 2009
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i totally get it. Most churches have 10% of the people doing 100% of the work.I was very active and in fact was the church President for 2 years....one of those years while i was i sick.
Wheni became actuley ill i told my Pastor plainly and honestly. i also had my name added to the prayer list. I have helped on many things since but all short term committments.
It is the committments that Lymies have issues with as we never know how we are going to feel. So there are many ways to still help without that 5am duty which is not healthy for you.
Be to the point and stick to your guns...church dynamics are strange...if you say yes often you will continue to get asked.
Dave
-------------------- On my journey to wellness - One day at a time. Posts: 989 | From NJ | Registered: Sep 2008
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