susank
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 22150
posted
My eyes are the worst - sun/light/glare sensitive. Also painful - and dry. In addition to that:
I am sensitive to everything now and have a roommate that is insensitive ie doesn't understand and doesn't want to understand.
Another typical day - she comes home from work with some smelly hair spray or perfume on and I am about to gag. Immediately turns on the TV to The Food Channel or old movie channel - always the choice is something where folks scream or are high pitched.
Then of course she has to eat something - which means all "h" breaks loose in the kitchen. It is banging drawers, cabinets and chopping whatever. I feel like I am going to go insane.
Saying anything to her does no good. It makes her mad. It is my house - and I have to find somewhere in my house to hide from her. Ridiculous; how I feel and how she has no feelings. Effectively I am being bullied in my own house. I would hope that if I were the healthy one I would have the grace to say, "whatever I can do/not do to help you please tell me". Instead I am told to "go in my hole" etc.
I have always been quiet. I never have - sick or not - slammed doors, drawers etc. I never have banged spoons on dishes after stirring/whatever. Weird, I have always placed a dish towel on the counter before placing dishes there - ie somehow always cushioning/muffling the sounds - avoiding dishes banging on the counter - same thing when cutting/chopping things.
Now I cringe when she is in the kitchen. Her cutting an apple on the cutting board sends me out of my skin. She uses a knife that is about a foot long - blade and handle - and it is bang, bang, bang. I cut things up and no one could hear it.
I know I am being ridiculous. I know she is louder than the average person and I am more sensitive. I have to figure out what to do. I don't want her here anymore. But, she gets my groceries, meds, and if need be - give me my injections - and would be here in case of emergency.
I am sure it is difficult to live with a sick person. I have asked her to try to be more quiet - etc etc - but she forgets daily.
I don't know what to do. How do others deal with the sensitivities and uncaring people - that unfortunately we rely on?
-------------------- Pos.Bb culture 2012 Labcorp - no bands ever Igenex - Neg. 4 times With overall bands: IGM 18,28,41,66 IND: 23-25,34,39 IGG 41,58 IND: 39 Bart H IGG 40 Posts: 1613 | From Texas | Registered: Aug 2009
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WildCondor
Unregistered
posted
Hmmm...maybe invest in the noise canceling headphones from Bose. They really are great. Kick her out! Get earplugs...hmmm....must find a caring and quiet roommate.
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posted
I think everything in life boils down to match. and you hit it on the head - she's a noisy person, you're a quiet one. You need to find someone more your style.
If you gave her plenty of time to find another place, you could look for another roommate who's more in sync with you and end things amicably.
Also, you might think about another way to set up the situation - instead of being roommates, maybe you could advertise for someone to "help out" in return for their room. That way it's kind of a job for them and they'll feel responsible for making sure things are ok for you (and they could still contribute to food costs etc).
Posts: 34 | From Saratoga Springs, NY | Registered: Jun 2008
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
quoting susan,
Effectively I am being bullied in my own house.
I would hope that if I were the healthy one I would have the grace to say, "whatever I can do/not do to help you please tell me". Instead I am told to "go in my hole" etc. -----------------------------------
susan,
1 thing i have learned over the years is NO ONE CAN BULLY OR TAKE ADVANCTAGE OF US, unless WE alow them to do this.
it took a long time; so it's time for you to take control of the situation, and you were given good ideas above.
i'd write down the things that bother you, and have copies in the areas where she does them.
again, look for another person, and give her time to get out but to OBEY YOUR RULES while she is still there.
AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
Since oit is your house I would find a new roomate.
earplugs or something like wildcondor suggested might be a good idea. there have been days I have worn dark sunglasses in the house too.
You mentioned about the hairspray and smells. I have multiple chemical sensitvities and this makes me very sick. I just couldnt live in that situation for that reason alone.
We have a group at lymefirends for multple chemical sensitivities (the link is right below this post) if you want to check it out.
Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- I have the noise canceling headphones from Bose - they will not work for all sounds in a home (mainly for when the vacuum or dishwasher are on). Mainly good for use on airplanes and public transportation. They do not soften all sounds at all.
But, those as one option, with construction style ear muffs for other times, and ear plugs for others - and communcation.
However, who ever is watching TV, can use regular headphones. Get a pair with a really long chord. That could be a new "house courtesy list" for anyone watching - unless you are both watching the same program together.
Can you two decide on scent free grooming products that work with out the smell?
---
Still, all things consider, it appears you need to change your roommate. You can find other roommates who will be a better fit. Making it no one's fault, you need a better fit.
Many people are looking for roommates who are quiet and scent-free.
If you give here extra time, that would be nice, like 60 day's notice instead of the usual 30 - be sure to check the contract she signed when she moved in.
Even if she gets your grocery, meds, etc. - if you don't want her there, that is not fair to her or to you.
And, in fairness, ANY noise for my ears is too much. I know I can't live with anyone else. When I have helpers come around, I do hide in the other room, door closed, with construction ear mufffs on.
When you see her start to cutting food, it is best that you hide away. Still, unless the two of you can see a neutral (but LL) counselor who might help with communication skills and a plan - it may be time to change your domestic arrangement. Two people should not have to live with such tensions. -
[ 10-05-2009, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
Maybe she is working out her frustrations with all the banging.
I bet if you sat down with her and tell her that if
She is unable to "tone" down things a bit,
As much as you like and appreciate what she does for you,
That you will have to find a new roommate.
Maybe ask around and see if there is someone else
Like a friend at church or such that can help you get your meds, etc.
Then you will feel more enpowered to do what you need to do
In order to stay sane and not aggravate your illness.
I think that if you stopped needing her, you would be
More likely to find a new and improved roommate.
Not everybody is able to respect other people.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- For anyone new to the study of lyme, sounds and scents can be especially hard on some patients. This often gets better with treatment, however, it can take a while and there are also many other things that contribute. In the meantime, managing a life brings challenges, even at home.
I swear that all if all the kind and religious figureheads of all time plus Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy and the Good Witch of the North were rolled into one - I still would not be able to live with them - or maybe even share a meal.
For sure, I cannot be present in the kitchen with one other being, even a pet. The unpredictable nature of sound is just not safe for my ears. Ear plugs increase vertigo and disorientation. Covering with music is just too distracting and that brings its own surprises.
It took me a while to even stop going out once a month to others' homes. Many people in my song-circle group had been kind and welcoming (even with a couch or bed in the back room for me to lie down) . . . but I realized it took a toll on the harmony of the group - and it always set me back.
Any sound another human can make alone, or with a spoon and a mug, even just putting it on the kitchen counter - well, my ears and head would just contort - usually sending me flying or flopping or grunting in some embarrassing trance.
================
I couldn't believe what I was reading here - I never realized a doctor had noticed this in other lyme patients - he seemed to really understand. And that odd sensation of being easily irritated can be, in part, due to inner ear / sensory dysfunction that goes with lyme, but also with so many other things lyme creates with nervous system overload, literally irritating nerve fibers:
The When To Suspect Lyme Disease essay - by John D. Bleiweiss, M.D.
Excerpts:
(1/3 down page): . . . Lyme patients can be easily irritated by anyone just walking into the same room even though eye contact is never made or words exchanged. . . .
(1/2 down page): . . . Incidentally, hyperaccusis (sound sensitivity) can be a feature of VII neuritis. . . .
===================
Now, you may not be that sensitive, however, what is very loud to us may not be loud to anyone else.
These links and the video offer some insight on what you may be experiencing and how others may be perceiving that.
There are some suggestions for tools to be able to be around others more but it is also very helpful for me not to think it's the other person's fault but it sure helps if they are aware and can take measures to help (like wearing headphones when watching TV, etc.) and then we can get out of their way in the kitchen.
-------------------------
THE HYPERACUSIS NETWORK
. . . consists of individuals who have a collapsed tolerance to sound.
From ABC News, 2008. Nine-minute video. This explains how eating a carrot - or walking - sounds in MY ears. Even for those without SCD but perhaps with "just" hyperacusis or lyme hyperacusis, this still can be a great teaching tool.
============ ============
Regarding scents - if someone even used a dryer sheet two weeks ago, I can nearly pass out when I greet them at my door.
For anyone needing a roommate who is scent-free, there are groups that may have communication tools for those with MCS - MULTIPLE CHEMICAL SENSITIVITY.
A list of products that can be mutually tolerated and agreed upon, etc . . . you might try this group for a start:
The aim of this site is to bring together information on every aspect of environmental illnesses. . . . -
[ 10-06-2009, 11:06 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- You also said: " . . My eyes are the worst - sun/light/glare sensitive . . ." ------
I find the REVEAL full spectrum light bulbs to be kinder on my eyes. I can't be around any kind of fluorescent - another reason I had to stop going to others' home at night.
Energy-saving light bulbs could trigger migraines, say campaigners.
The Migraine Action Association says members have told them how fluorescent bulbs have led to attacks.
. . . . -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- This might be a very good book to have two copies of - one for yourself and one to loan to prospective roommates as a way to start the discussion of creating a harmonious home environment for all parties.
Your library probably has a copy, too. A very easy book to read and very current. I saw him interviewed just last month on a TV program.
Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct - by P.M. Forni (2002)
You can look inside the book and see reviews, too. - ========
There may not be a section on kitchen etiquette but you could work up your own chapter on that. I can't be in my own kitchen if my apt. neighbors are in theirs, so here's what I'd add:
1. Holding onto doors AND cabinet doors, seeing them to the closed position rather than letting them go to bounce around . . . . -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- Good idea about the credit report.
It would also be good to do a reference check, calling both professional references (verify employment) and at least one personal reference.
You might need to check legality of that, though. If you have a law school near you, they often have free clinics for such questions. You local Bar Association may also be able to provide with a checklist. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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