Hoosiers51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15759
posted
I'm not going to go into detail, but has anyone else here "had it" with their inlaws?
I try to be nice....but there is always some kind of blatantly rude, biting, jealousy-ridden comment that comes out during a nice dinner, when everyone is trying to be polite and civil.
Want to pick on someone for being unemployed? Pick on someone for getting help from their parents? Ask sarcastic questions that you know the answer to, just to rub things in? FINE! You will never see your future grandchildren, because their parents (me) can't stand to be around you.
I am SO sick of people that just want to bring me down to make themselves feel better. I have really never encountered that kind of behavior in my own family, because (thank God) they are very supportive and loving.
But I refuse to be around people that constantly put me down. Does that make me a bad person? Am I wrong for letting it affect me? I just feel like the one thing I can control is what kind of vibes I surround myself with. The people putting out negative vibes aren't welcome here. Is that wrong?
My husband is fine with his parents not being around. He has been dealing with the put-downs his whole life and is sick of it too. There is only so much hurt one person can take. The only thing he is still failing to see is that his brother does the exact same thing as his parents, but it's only directed at me, not hubby too.
I'm hoping to cut the brother out of my life too. I can't handle the negativity. I am not negative towards others....why should I put up with people doing this to me?
Posts: 4590 | From Midwest | Registered: Jun 2008
| IP: Logged |
randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
i understand completely. mike's mom is the worst.
she told him when we were getting married that "i would bring him down". duh, he was a carpenter then and i would bring him down.
one year we stopped by and it was cold and i had forgotten a coat. she is so skinny and prides herself on it. she offered me a coat and in front of the whole family said "oh no, you cna't wear anything of mine, you're so huge."....ok.....
she constantly puts me down. he finally had enough and only calls her maybe once a year and if we go to ohio he'll go by himself to see her.
she's a vicious bitter old woman and i cna't stand her, so i'm outtie...
get rid of them. they'll only make you sick and they'll enjoy your misery. don't satisfy them!!!
and the brother too -- kick 'em to the curb.
i had to get rid of two sisters after mom died and it ain't easy but it sure is peaceful.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
| IP: Logged |
lymednva
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9098
posted
My dil takes the cake!
-------------------- Lymednva Posts: 2407 | From over the river and through the woods | Registered: Apr 2006
| IP: Logged |
Hoosiers51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15759
posted
Sorry you have to deal with this too, Randi. Some people!
I try to be nice...I REALLY do. But there is a point where I just can't keep letting other people put me, my husband, and my family down.
Lymed,
But you seem like such a cool mother-in-law! I wish I had you for an MIL over what I'm dealing with over here.
To me personally, my brother in law is the worst. But of course my husband just can't see the bad in him. His parents are actually much much worse to hubby than they are to me.
One of my "things" is I just can't handle people that come into my house as a guest, then insult me. If you are going to insult me, don't do it while I am being kind and hospitable to you. Do it in a restaurant or something. Not in my home, at my dinner table, when I have been kind enough to have you over.
I can't keep talking about this....I'll go nuts.
Someday when I have kids, I don't want my kids to be around this kind of stuff and think it's okay. You know how kids often idolize their grandparents or uncles. At that point, I'm just simply not going to allow them to come over.
Posts: 4590 | From Midwest | Registered: Jun 2008
| IP: Logged |
Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
Put an attitude tree outside your front door.... and tell everyone to use it. It is kind of like the story of the trouble tree...
A young and ambitious man named John hired a carpenter to restore an old house. The carpenter had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup refused to start.
While John drove him home, the carpenter sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited John in to meet his family. As they walked toward the front door, the carpenter paused briefly at a small tree, touching tips of the branches with both hands.
When opening the door, he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss. Afterward he walked John to the car. They passed the tree and curiosity got the better of John. He asked him about what he'd seen him do earlier.
"Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children.
So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick 'em up, and there ain't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."
posted
Best response: "You're just saying that because you are jealous that I am so...(Insert any number of positive attributes that you have just as all people do). This takes the focus off the negative jab and forces them to look at your positive attributes, many of which, they probably do not possess themselves.
Posts: 20 | From Manitoba, Canada | Registered: Nov 2009
| IP: Logged |
kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Printing out the attitude tree now and going to post it outside my door. Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged |
kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Not able to read what you all wrote. Just know due to health I am not able to be around most people including family.
it took me a long time to realize this.
I kept thinking there must be a way but just couldn't find a way.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged |
map1131
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2022
posted
Hoosiers, no wonder you were so worried about what to buy these people for Christmas. I think you should of put that on hubby list of things to do.
Please learn to not stress over things you cannot change or people. Not worth it.
Pam
-------------------- "Never, never, never, never, never give up" Winston Churchill Posts: 6478 | From Louisville, Ky | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged |
2roads
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4409
posted
Oh Hoosiers.....you had to get me going.
I cannot stand my mother-in-law.
She is so self-centered, self-righteous, opiniated with nothing to show for her life but a divorce and breakup of three children....excuse me three divorces. My husband was separated from his sister while he and his brother stayed with the Dad. She had cheated on the Dad's best friend.
...and the sister said she never had a Mom even though she lefty with her at 10 yrs old....all this women kept doing was chasing her own needs.
To this day it's giving to her....money, time. She even said she thinks becasue she's old she deserves respect. She totalled a college kids car in town by pulling out in front of her (blowing through a stop sign) and weeks later was saying the young girl wasn't paying attention. She totalled this girls car and her own. Her kids had to buy her a new one, and I pay the insurance so she's fully covered.
She wants said to my sister-in-law who told me this a thanksgiving that "how nice it must be for my sister-in-law and I not to have to worry about what we look like".
Oh my gosh Hoosiers!!!!!I've got to stop......I,m gonna freak thinking about it.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I know it doesn't make it any easier. I'm sorry. We should switch in-laws for a few days, and then we can just sit around feeling sorry for each other.
HUGS
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
Starfall1969
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 17353
posted
So sorry you're dealing with toxic people.
No, you're not wrong for wantin them out of your life.
No one deserves to be treated like dirt, and I think it's in your best interests and in the interests of your future children to have them out of your life.
Lol, as for the "tree" outside the door, can you just hang some of the relatives on that tree?
Posts: 1682 | From Dillsburg, PA | Registered: Sep 2008
| IP: Logged |
ping
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6974
posted
quote:Originally posted by Starfall1969: So sorry you're dealing with toxic people.
No, you're not wrong for wantin them out of your life.
No one deserves to be treated like dirt, and I think it's in your best interests and in the interests of your future children to have them out of your life.
Lol, as for the "tree" outside the door, can you just hang some of the relatives on that tree?
"Well, what shall we hang, the holly, or each other?" Peter O'Toole as Henry II, The Lion In Winter
Hoosiers - I have no answers for you, except possibly to physically get up and leave the table (or whatever area) without saying a word. Sometimes, silence is very, very golden.
Sorry you're having to deal with this.
-------------------- ping "We are more than containers for Lyme" Posts: 1302 | From Back in TX again | Registered: Mar 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
UGH... I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. My MIL tries to be subtle when she puts me down. Sometimes it takes me back so that I have no response. Then later I steam.
She said something nasty to me last year and it was so bad (disguised as a story about someone else) that I didn't even tell my husband about it.
He didn't need to hear such garbage.
Thankfully, I can pass her off as an old woman who knows not what she is doing. ( well, yeah.. she does know!! ) I'm the one who is delusional!!
Hang in there, Hoosiers. I know you can rise above it and continue being the good person you are. They deserve whatever you hand them though!!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96223 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
I had to cut several family ties during Lyme treatment ... not inlaws, these people were on MY side of the family and I did grow up with it. Do what you need to do and don't feel bad about it.
If you don't cut ties, when they come to visit, have them stay in a hotel and eat out with them.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
| IP: Logged |
Hoosiers51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15759
posted
Just wanted to say thanks for all the support.
I really didn't expect to get this many responses, and it has been nice. I really needed to get my feelings out there. So thank you. You guys are so supportive.
Some very good ideas here. It's sad that there are people out there that choose to be like this. I'm choosing not to make my disappointment in them too obvious, because I feel like that will just come back to bite me, and cause more drama that I am not willing to deal with.
So I think avoidance is best. I like your idea, Six.
Posts: 4590 | From Midwest | Registered: Jun 2008
| IP: Logged |
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[lol]](graemlins/lol.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic