I am having some real concerns about how my disease gets taken out on my partner. I am dealing with tons of anxiety and brain fog-just a constant feeling of disconnect with my life in general. This is always how I get with this disease and unfortunately its causing some real relationship problems. My fiance is very supportive and loves me dearly, but my confusion and almost inability to feel anything but fear and self pity is making me anxious around him which leads to feelings of doubt as in "do I love this person?"
Its very scary because the feelings came out of nowhere which is why the rational part of my brain thats left tells me to be quiet but being around him sends me into an anxious fit a lot of the time and I fear destroying things is inevitable. I have tons of oher symptoms which I won't get into now, the emotional distress of this illness is always the worst for me.
Has anyone ever gone through anything like this before in their relationships while being sick and actually come out of it still with the person? I apologize if this all sounds like crazy psycho babble but Im scared and would really like some people to relate to and hopefully some people who know its not hopeless. Posts: 594 | From NJ/NY | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
All I can say is with or without lyme,the intensity of many GOOD, LOVING relationships waxes and wanes. Psychological issues including depression and anxiety can surely play havoc on our reasoning as well as our ability to differentiate between justifiable doubts and paranoia.
I'm not sure anyone here can tell you if your doubts are valid or illness-induced. My suggestion is to not do anything with haste. In the end, only you can determine if your life is better with him in it than it would be with another---or with no one (which for some people is the better choice).
I wish you peace with this journey. Try not to let this situation overcome you. What you do today, or tomorrow, or the next day does not necessarily dictate the rest of your life. Sit on it a while. Relax and just let the chips fall where they may.
Posts: 212 | From Pennsylvania, USA | Registered: Jul 2009
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julielynne4
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posted
Oh wow....yes, I have had MANY of these thoughts on many an occasion. I do not think you are alone in this at all.
I have been married for 8 years and I have had lyme for many years...but only diagnosed one year ago.
Before the lyme diagnosis, I wondered how he could possibly deal with me. I wondered how he could understand me, since I couldn't even understand myself. I have battled with this issue for our 8 years of marriage.
I am plagued with brain fog, memory loss, confusion, major irritability, an inability to complete a simple task, etc.....I have issues with anxiety, depression. I sometimes take things so personally that the tiniest little thing becomes such a mountain to me that I cannot even function for the rest of the day.
I have become paranoid to a point of obsession. Thankfully I do not have all of this all the time...but nonetheless, it is brutal.
Sometimes I wonder why he is still with me and when will it be too much?
Thankfully, he is generally a patient man who loves me despite all of this. I have also worried about my own feelings, because honestly I don't always trust them.
Ultimately, I married him because I love him, and he did the same...and all the rest falls within the "through sickness and health" part, so... I have to do the best I can.
I can relate with those feelings that 'come out of nowhere'...they are scary because it's hard to differentiate between the disease-causing these "feelings" and the true feelings of our heart. When it comes to the major life issues, I think it's really important to not make any decisions impulsively because chances are, we would regret it later. In other words, if you are finding yourself wondering "Do I really love my fiance?" Then obviously you should think about that, but leave it alone for a while and see if the same question keeps coming back. I find that these thoughts come and go for me...and often, when they go, they go forever or for a long time, which tells me they are not something I should act on.
I was just thinking recently about how horrible it is that I cannot really even trust my own feelings all the time...this disease is so evil, it even steals our thoughts and emotions. Makes me wonder what my "real" personality is sometimes.
I don't think I answered your question at all, now that I re-read your post, but I will post it anyway, lol....
I assure you, you are not alone. Are you taking supplements? I know there are certain ones that are good for the emotional things. I know others could help more with that.
posted
Hi. I am writing from the other side. I was very sick and many of my symptoms were neuro and psych related. I was extremely paranoid.
At one point when I was in bed herxing with major light, sound and touch sensitivity my honey came in to ask if I wanted chicken or pasta for dinner (we have 4 kids). What I heard him say- not really, but what I thought he meant was "get out of bed you lazy f$%&ing b!#*$ and cook me dinner" That is not what he said!!!!
Also, my overwhelming obsession with all things lyme was not great either. I only read about, studied ane researched lyme. I only left the house for doctors appointments and the occaisional support group meeting.
But Here We Are. I am MUCH better. Working full-time. Tons of energy. Stayed up till midnight watching a movie last night. Able to engage on politics and arts and subjects other than lyme. He's able to forgive me and see the better parts, and I am trying to forgive myself.
We've made it and are probably stronger for it.
Posts: 524 | From Hudson Valley, NY | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
Yeah my emotions can change on an hourly basis and it all started literally overnight and out of nowhere. I hate this so much.
I am going to try and do art work and hopefully that will help with my overall self worth, but these constant mood and emotion shifts are the absolute pits.
Posts: 594 | From NJ/NY | Registered: Jun 2006
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Unfortunately, your health will always effect your significant other for better or worse. I have similar feelings as you on a regular basis, I feel alienated from my parter, my friends and my family. Shortly after diagnosis I was left by my boyfriend of 4 years. After that I dated people I never could connect to even on the best of days, coping mechanism I guess. I started dating my current boyfriend shortly before a flare up, and have been intermittently ill throughout our relationship. We make sure to discuss the anxiety or depression and alienation. I feel like there isnt a way to prevent those feelings in a flare up but good communication and self realization that it is the illness are key.
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