posted
Hi everybody! This is my first day on lymenet, and I am so impressed by everybody's willingness to help one another, and the wealth of knowledge that you all have. It gives me hope, for the first time in years. I am 30, and I have had Lyme for almost 14 years. (The better part of my life.) I have seen countless doctors, healers, naturopaths...I sort of gave up looking for help, a couple years ago, and decided I would simply have to live with this disease, like it or not.
I was naive to assume I wouldn't get any worse. I have. In fact, the past few moths, it has occurred to me that I am actually DYING, rapidly, and I am in desperate need of help, right away.
For two years, I turned to drugs. Not Augmentin and Motrin, but heroin, cocaine, crystal meth. That is a secret that I feel I should share, in case anyone else out there has done or is doing the same. Not only do these things not work, they speed up the decline, and mask your symptoms so you don't notice. Sure, I had energy, felt less pain, could alter my moods accordingly. I could sleep at night, and wake up in the morning. It cost about the same, or less maybe, and I didn't have to visit doctors, or tell anyone my symptoms, or act like a sick person. But while all this was happening, my body was failing.
And then I got arrested. And now I am on Supervised Probation, and drug tested twice weekly, randomly. And here I sit; in bed, at three in the afternoon, sick and sober for over six months now, and awash with regret and a realization that I need medical help.
I hope you all won't judge me, I do that thoroughly all by myself. I also hope that anyone who has a similar experience might say hello...I'm really out of time at this point - I need to start the fight against this bacteria, before it kills me. If you have any advice, doctor referrals, or just want to talk, here I am.
I'm a nice girl. I love horses and books. I have red hair and freckles. I also have this relentless disease. It won't be ignored any longer. Thanks, guys. Lots of love. -NP
[ 02-04-2010, 08:23 PM: Message edited by: sixgoofykids ]
Posts: 6 | From Denver, CO | Registered: Feb 2010
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Pinelady
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 18524
posted
Bless your heart. I am sorry you felt the need to turn to drugs for relief. Don't be ashamed. I have
not been there, but I do see how easy it could happen to any of us. You can be helped. While the
road may be a little longer than others, I believe it can be done. I hope you find the best LLMD to
help you get there. Hold your head up, be strong and you can do it.
Someone who has the list will be along shortly to help. Prayers.
-------------------- Suspected Lyme 07 Test neg One band migrating in IgG region unable to identify.Igenex Jan.09IFA titer 1:40 IND IgM neg pos 31 +++ 34 IND 39 IND 41 IND 83-93 + DX:Neuroborreliosis Posts: 5850 | From Kentucky | Registered: Dec 2008
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posted
Thank you, Pinelady, for your kind and hopeful words. You are the first to reply to this post, which I was nervous to publish, and you have put me at ease. xo
Posts: 6 | From Denver, CO | Registered: Feb 2010
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Pinelady
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 18524
posted
Don't worry about it. Trust me. I did think about
it before I got my diagnosis. For over 2 yrs. I
had a doc. tell me I was not sick. I had to work,
and when I could not do anything else but that, I
thought about something to keep me going. But by
that time I knew if I didn't get help I was going
to die. 3 doctors told me there was
nothing wrong with me. And I almost believed
them. Thats Lyme. Has someone sent you a list of doctors to treat?
-------------------- Suspected Lyme 07 Test neg One band migrating in IgG region unable to identify.Igenex Jan.09IFA titer 1:40 IND IgM neg pos 31 +++ 34 IND 39 IND 41 IND 83-93 + DX:Neuroborreliosis Posts: 5850 | From Kentucky | Registered: Dec 2008
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posted
I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. I am putting a copy of this post in General Support so you can get more support answers. I am also leaving it open in seeking a doctor so they can help you find a doc.
Don't feel ashamed. It's a bad, bad disease. With treatment you can get better. Hang in there. It sounds like you're getting on the right track.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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joalo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12752
posted
Welcome to lymenet! I'm so sorry you need to be here.
I don't think many people here would judge you. We all understand.
-------------------- Sick since January 1985. Misdiagnosed for 20 years. Tested CDC positive October 2005. Treating since April 2006. Posts: 3228 | From Somewhere west of the Mississippi | Registered: Aug 2007
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This is a really great place. I am pretty new here too. Everyone just seems to want to share their knowledge and experiences in hope of helping one another. You will find support.
I grew up in southwest Denver, my mom is still there. it has really changed in the 25 years since I came to Calofirnia. It is a beautiful place.
So sorry to hear you have gone through so much with the drugs, - I went through a lot with my oldest - very happpy to hear you are on a path to wellness - and that is what is important now.
There is another site - I think lots of people from here go to - I went looking for recipes, it loovery social and fun (which Lyme people really need) - maybe check it out. http://lymefriends.ning.com/
All the best on your journey..here you are on a good path.
CalMom
Posts: 29 | From California | Registered: Jan 2010
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It took a lot of guts to open up the way you did and I commend you. We all have to deal with situations and learn life lessons in our own ways.
It sounds like you have and are now on the road to recovery.
Good luck finding a lyme doc and beginning your new journey.
We're here for you!
Posts: 423 | From Upstate NY | Registered: May 2009
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map1131
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2022
posted
I truly believe many people need to resort to recreational drugs just to get through life, pain and illness. I wish you the best.
Pam
-------------------- "Never, never, never, never, never give up" Winston Churchill Posts: 6478 | From Louisville, Ky | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
I think that reference was meant to be ILADS.org. Do find an LLMD right away.
I am so sorry to hear that you've had to go through all of that.
I was lucky to figure out my illness after a few months, to have mild symptoms, and to get myself to an LLMD within a short time. Now I have started good treatment and am hopeful that I will recover and will not progress to worse symptoms, but who knows?
So I have been lucky not to be in your situation, though I could find myself there in the future.
What I want to say is, people have beat Lyme, and people have beat drugs, and you are going to do both. (Even though you have quit the drugs, it sounds like you are still coping with the stigma and the effect they have had on your life.)
You will find supportive Lyme friends here. I had a friend who met her husband when they were both in Narcotics Anonymous--if you haven't found NA yet, you might find other supportive friends there, too.
Good luck to you, and hang in there! You can get better and get your life back.
-------------------- Don't forget to laugh! And when you're going through hell, keep going!
Bitten 5/25/2009 in Perry County, Indiana. Diagnosed by LLMD 12/2/2009. Posts: 756 | From Inside the tunnel | Registered: Jan 2010
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